Regarding marriage

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M

MusicalMe

Guest
#1
I have a few questions for those of you who are married:

1. I know there is compromise in every marriage - what are some examples of acceptable compromises and unacceptable ones?

2. What keeps you working at it when it gets really tough and especially when the romantic feelings are gone?

3. What are some things you wish you had known before you got married?

4. How did you know your spouse was the right person for you?

Just some facts about me, so you know where I'm coming from: I'm 25 and I've never been married, but I have dated quite a bit. My parents have been married for 32 years. Divorce rates are soaring and I'm finding myself becoming more and more afraid of it, so I think it's especially important that I marry someone I can stick with through thick and thin. I'd just like the advice of some people who have found that. Thanks!
 
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NoahsMom

Guest
#2
1. acceptable compromise is made together, and something both can deal with , with no hard feelings
un-acceptable is when only one spouces feelings are taken into consideration.
2. what has kept me goin thru hard times is my love of God, and the love of my family.
romance-isnt really necessary , your spouce is your best friend, plus ppl have diffeent views on whats romantic anyways.
3. If there was one thing I wish I would have known, it would be just to RELAX...it is what it is.
4. I prayed long and hard about it.
 
M

missy2shoes

Guest
#3
*takes notes*
 
M

mcap

Guest
#4
First I would like to say kudos for being one of the few who actually think before they say "I do".When my wife and I first got married she was a Christian and I was not.In order for our marriage to last I knew I had to stop drinking,BIG compromise.
I knew she was the one because no matter what I did I could not get her out of my head.I could not wait to see her the next day and be in her company.
I don't really think about a time when romance won't be important,but I know it's a possibility.We both love each other very much and would sacrifice anything just to be with each other.
There isn't anything I wish I knew,well maybe one thing;her need for speed.She scares the heck out of me when she drives on the interstate.
Just take your time and don't rush things.One day you will meet someone and you will know it's him.
God bless
 
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nanabean

Guest
#5
I have a few questions for those of you who are married:

1. I know there is compromise in every marriage - what are some examples of acceptable compromises and unacceptable ones?
Not to just quote everyone else's posts....but I completely agree with Noah's mom on this one!!! acceptable compromise is made together, and something both can deal with , with no hard feelings
un-acceptable is when only one spouces feelings are taken into consideration.


2. What keeps you working at it when it gets really tough and especially when the romantic feelings are gone?
I've never considered that we have had all that much of "tough times", I mean we have seen such things as losing parents, a few disagreements here or there, trying to raise two daughters with different views on some things.......but truly "tough times"...?? hmmm I guess I am just very blessed. But the biggest thing I think you need, is to remember when either of you are upset or hurting, is what brought you together in the first place, think about why you love each other. As for the romantic feelings being gone....since when??? hahaha Romance (for me anyway) is not always flowers and cards and candy......(thank God, cuz I'd be 650 pounds by now!!!!!) it is Papabean telling me when a craft fair is coming up, or taking the time to pull out the sale ads on Sundays and putting them where I will see them, or reading a book on tape on his way to work at the same time I am reading it at home, so we can go over it together. It's more the normal everyday things that keep things strong and fresh.
3. What are some things you wish you had known before you got married?
Nothing really...it was fun to learn as we went!
4. How did you know your spouse was the right person for you?
I didn't hear God's voice...but I did feel God's presence, and His blessing. I am unsure as to how to word it, but I knew..because it was right. Papabean and I have been married for 23+ years now (known each other for 25 yrs) and have never wanted anything/anyone else!
 
C

carpetmanswife

Guest
#6
Hmmm lemme see..

1. i agree totally with Noahs mom on number 1 ,couldnt have said it better myself.

2. i agree with nana romance is different things for different people for me ,its washing dishes or picking wildflowers off the side of the road other than buyin roses.

3. welp there are alot of thorns with those roses and alot of bugs with those wildflowers.The people closest to us seem to hurt us the worst.

4. i didnt , only by Gods grace have we made it these 20 plus years.
 
D

deadguy83

Guest
#7
1. I know there is compromise in every marriage - what are some examples of acceptable compromises and unacceptable ones? I believe acceptable compromises are ones that do not hurt the spouse in any form. My wife eats meat, but it makes me ill. I cook meat for her, but I dont eat it. She eats meat but cook's veg for me. I watch horror films, so i don't around her. etc.

2. What keeps you working at it when it gets really tough and especially when the romantic feelings are gone? Love, and selflessness, Jesus command is love, not romanticism.

3. What are some things you wish you had known before you got married? That adorable children can still be goblins. That spouses are still God's children, not your personal property.

4. How did you know your spouse was the right person for you? The right one will always try to work things out, and not give up on you. Romance is not as important as true love.
 
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CristenJ

Guest
#8
I've only been married for 3-oops, just about 4- years (don't any of you tell him I wasn't sure!). This is what I've learned:


Compromise is what happens when the two of you hit a snag; one or both people need to re-think how they are doing things or what direction the marriage is going, and then they need to support each other through finding an acceptable solution.

I would say that there isn't acceptable and unacceptable compromise...but more like, compromise and sacrifice. Because if it's truly a compromise, then both spouses should be working together to solve the issue. Whereas a sacrifice means only one person is giving up something and/or changing something for the sake of the marriage...and it takes two to tango.

What keeps me going when things are rough...well...I admit I've lost my focus a couple times and run home to my mom. But what keeps me coming back to keep trying? A belief that God will guide us through whatever it is. That, and I kinda like my husband...

I'm actually glad I didn't know more about marriage before I got married...because it's fun to figure it out. Ok, not ALWAYS fun, but it's still a learning process, and one that we go through together, so it's definitely worth it.

The only thing I wish I'd known before getting married is that running home to mom doesn't solve anything.

I knew he was the right one for me in a lot of different ways...he never got upset with me for things from my past. Meaning, he learned things about me that would make a lesser man at least cringe, but he just held my hand and listened. Also, my family didn't scare him off, my sense of humor wasn't too out there for him, and none of the crazy stunts I've pulled have shaken his desire to be with me.

It's different for everyone, though. And when you find the right one, you'll just know. Just...keep God in the equation, because when you forget about Him, that's when things get rough.