Relationships - when is enough enough?

[Beccabun]

Just wanting to find some answers / opinions on whether relationships should continue when there are issues that seem to be unable to be resolved. How do you know when it is time to end a relationship, when it is best to 'cut your losses' and move on? How do you know that there isn't someone out there who is better -- a man who is more 'right' for you? Is it possible for two people in a relationship to really change?

I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years, and we fight nearly every day over trivial issues. When we met and started dating, we seemed perfect for each other, but now, after months of fighting and trying to sort out our issues, it all seems too hard. We both have seen sides of each other that we hate and that makes us feel like we got into something that neither of us wanted. What seems so ironic though is that we never fight over important matters - we both hold the same values and etc, but we just complain about little things that the other person does and small disagreements. We both really love and care about each other and have seriously considered breaking up, but I just can't seem to go through with it. I won't only be losing him but his whole family who I have grown really close to. Yet, some days I feel as though I am still hoping for my Prince Charming to come and whisk me away out of this life. I have prayed etc, but I have found nothing to tell me what is right to do.

After talking to some of my (older, divorced) colleagues, I was convinced that its better to have someone thats not perfect than to have no one at all. But, at the same time, I wonder whether I would prefer to take the chance of possibly having no one in order to see if there is someone else. My dad once told me that if he had known what my mum was like when he met her, he probably wouldn't have married her... But is it just romance movies that make us feel that life has to be like a fairytale, or is there something that I'm missing out on? Or am I just being unrealistic?

Married people I would love to hear what you think about this especcially.

 

[zavok]

all i say is if i dont feel love for the person i would end it not just for myself but for her aswell as it wont be right to lead her on if one of you is not happy the other knows it. relationships have their downfalls nobodys perfect and you feel tired and ****ed of at times but if u love each other ull get through it

 

[PRAIASEmyGOD]

have you had little break up's that had lasted a week or so? if so you just like one my really close friend girls she eventually broke up with her boyfriend because she was sick of all of the fighting

 

[sportygirl]

Honestly listen to God, if you feel God is leading you out of the relationship. Follow that, its hard to do (believe me I know) but God does give you signs that you need to move on you just have to be willing to listen as hard as it is. I failed to do this in my only relationship up till this point and now that its over I can see things werent great, and still wouldnt be great if we were together. Even if we were doing the steps we had to work things out. Sometimes you get to a point where you can't back track anymore.

 

[Texas_Christian]

Sometimes people just fight and bicker with one another. The question you need to ask yourself is "Do I love them?" and search deep down in your heart, pray about it. Sometimes you just hit a patch in your life where things just don't seem to go right, but if you're truly unhappy with the person and don't think you can get along you should not stay with them, it would only make the two of you unhappy. I think you should sit down and have a serious talk with your boyfriend. Discuss what is going on and seeing what he thinks. Maybe something is bothering him at work or with his family and he is just having a short fuse right now. I have had this happen before with my boyfriend, some days we just bicker and bicker and bicker, but it's because we're both having a bad day and the other just happened to draw the short straw. Everyone has tough times. I have had to end a relationship because the guy and I just fought all the time and couldn't see eye to eye on what seemed like the most trivial things. Relationships are meant to be fun and a chance to explore yourself and others, getting know new people and hopefully finding that right person. As for movies, they are fiction, you can't believe everything you see. My parents have been married for over 30 years and sometimes they just bicker over the dumbest things, like turning on lights in the living room or the volume of the tv and other things like that. Dig to find the root of the problem and try to fix it. You'll know in your heart if there is nothing you can do, if that relationship has reached the end of its road. I hope this helps you out some.

 

[kiwi_OT]

Ive so been here before. I suspect what you're worried about is "is this the best that there is?" Your 17 and Im pretty sure God is leading you out of this one. When I broke up with my ex I was still very much in love with him, but he wasnt helping me spiritually grow and the idea of marrying him gave me a bad feeling in my gut.
So ask yourself, do you see yourself marrying this guy? If so, can you imagine arguing the way you do in front of children?
It a;lso sounds to me like your both a bit immature for each other if your only arguing over little things. I mean come on! Those little things are what make up the main things when you think about it.
I say break up. dont be terrified of being single. Gods got the one for you and this guy doesnt sound like it

 

[BeauBLESSED]

Wow Bec, I had no idea you would worry about this sort of thing, but all the same though, it's a good topic to raise every once in a while! It can be quite refreshing to have a serious topic like this.

Personally, I haven't had too much relationship experience (surprised much) but I believe that these fights, no matter how trivial they may be, are a test of the relationship at hand. If you can work them out then it shows that yours is one that is built to last... but sadly, in this case it seems as if maybe this relationship is one that is better laid to rest. I'm sorry that it hasn't worked out for you both, but if you choose to persevere in finding your Prince Charming then he will surely come before too long.

God bless.

 

[BeauBLESSED]

Woooh, you're American now?

 

[OreoSoleil]

This mindset seems odd to me -- what if there are children involved. This seems to be how the world thinks -- we are not to be like the world. Maybe you and your boyfriend need God to search your hearts -- if you are both arguing over small little things -- there is something within u.

I encourage you to ask God to help u change for the better. Breaking up isn't going to fix anything -- and arguing isn't going to fix anything. The problem always begins with us -- ourselves. Check out Psalm 139 -- that really is the answer -- have God change u. Humble yourself.

 

[PARADOX_1]

I agree with Oreo..
im kinda goin thru the same thing..nd i hav this sick feeling inside me i dnt kno whut it is but its bothering me..we fight a looot, but we always end up getn over it..

iunno, whut ive been feelin lately is that it is us that needs to change..no one will change unless they want to..nd the only way, i think, to stop that or prevent it, is too fix urself..its the only thing u hav control over..

ill pray for u, plz pray for me..lol

 

[Kelseybear]

I think you both should sit down and do some serious talking and if you can't
talk with out fighting over the topic have a friend or loved one help.Make sure it is someone who
will not take sides and have them not let any thing but a well needed heart to heart.
If there is a large number of things it may take more then a day.if in the end it's still not working
then you may need to end it so it won't hurt worse later. I'll be praying for you with love your sister in Christ!

 

[youngartist]

you say that your close to his family...if your close with his mother as well, try talking to her, getting some input from a female on his side sure does help!

 

[Tisha]

First of all I agree that you need to do 2 things pray about it and sit down and talk to him if it is bothering you that bad. Second I'm going to answer your question about the whole fairytale thing. I think I've always known this but didn't really figure it out until I had been with my husband for a while. I have been married to an amazing guy for almost 2 years and with him for almost 5 years and I can tell you right now what you see in the movies about a fairytale is not how it's always going to be. A relationship requires work and patience and the Lord. You have to give something to get something. Your not always going to agree on everything and get along all of the time. Most days I love my husband to death and some days I think he is just being a thorn in my side. But all in all I love him at the end of the day no matter what. That is a question you have to ask yourself is if you love this person or not. Do you think that the relationship is worth fighting for or do you think you should just cut the ties and count your losses. I would pray really hard about it and ask the Lord to reveal to you what you should do. Another quick thing your never going to find someone who is completely perfect all of the time and never argues with you about anything. Maybe something is going on in his life that you don't know about and thats causing him to argue with you. Maybe you might be having a bad day and you snap at him and your not realizing it. I have to apoligize to my husband sometimes when I snap at him because I'm in a bad mood because I realize he didn't do anything.