(Repost)Lonely, dissapointed, scared..in other words, opposite to Saved by His grace.

[MamaKrii]

Me and my husband, we got married too fast.. Slowly day by day I am starting to feel I made a mistake. Some things he did, dissapointed me. I dont know maybe I have problem to forgive.. I seriously dont know anymore. I just dont trust him anymore. Everything he says sounds like a lie. I had one child before him..through which I was saved, and we have daughter together. My God she is a GIFT! I mean I love her so much, she is beautiful, amazing..I mean the fruit of love.. And dont get me wrong, I love my husband.. Maybe that is why I hurt so much...
The thing is he is Nigerian.. and I know all the stereotypes..I know. I believed we are special, exclusive, beacuse of the things that were going on in our life since we met, so many testimonies.. I had trust issues, but in spite all I married him, I tried very hard to trust him... I even hated mysefl for not trusting him, I prayed so hard for God to take away all the doubt and if not then to reveal the truth..
The feeling, the Gut...It never left me..Maybe because there was some lies from the beginning, maybe because all my friends turned their back on me, because I maaried him, cause they believed he is using me for papers..
The thing is almost right after we got together I found out first lie, that the picture of a baby on his profile in whatsapp, wasnt his sisters baby, but his own.. He told me that his girlfriend got pregnant right after he left Nigeria to come to Europe..
..and after one year in marriage I found out that she as his wife (or is, cause I am not sure what to believe anymore). The got married in Catholic church, they are Catholics...
But we..we just married in court.. Yeah, as suspicious as it it...
I always thought I am not so easy...but this is.. I dont know.. where I am dissapointed the most, in my marriage, in him, or in myself..
There were signs which made me think our marriage is blessed..we went through so much...God knows.. I mean for the papers someone could go an easier way.. (I guess there is still a part of me that wants to believe)..
There were "small lies" all the time... I dont know if its the kind of need to lie all the time or its the culture or, desperation. I just dont know what to do anymore..
If I could I would just close my eyes and dedicate myself to my kids and live with him, but I guess my ego is just too big, I suffer every day, thinking, guessing,wondering, what else is goingon, what else I dont know..
I found out his family dont approve of me, after learning about all his cultural background I realize, whether he really loves me, or he really uses me..
Anyway, he got his papers, he is still with me..but soon he will go to visit his family in Nigeria, after almost two and half years.. and I am, I mean I dont even know, scared, worried? One moment I think after what we went through he would be absolutely stupid to make some mistake...
I'm sorry the way I write is chaotic, but that is how my mind is through all thi marriage. I am slowly destroying myself. On one hand I realize it's between him and God and I should leave it like that but on the other hand should I hate my life and my choice for the rest of my life?
Obviously I cant even live with the thoughts I have now. Alcohol has become my best friend, cause the reality is just too hard to accept.. And I am angry all the time and nervous. Everytime he talks on the phone, and he does it a lot, in his language , my mind is just going to the worst places and having the worst scenarios .
I dont know what to do. We have so much together, to quit just like that..
I am not even sure anymore whether its a choice between marriage and divorce, children and him (cause I have to admit I make them suffer, cause I suffer), God and my ego...
My mind is full and I am lost in it.
Please help me any way, any how...
I dont know what to do.
Thank You.

 

[secularhermit]

I´m sorry!

Are u sure u dont love him? :=(

 

[atwhatcost]

The good news is I'm American, so the only "stereotype" I can make out of "Nigerian" is the stereotypical scammer's e-mail promising the person they won millions so send money to get the money. I've never been convinced the scammers are really from Nigeria, nor am I convinced, even if they are, that means all Nigerians are like that. At best, maybe 10 are like that? At worse, maybe 1000? Not much of a stereotype there, so I don't come in with preconceived notions.

Then again, I'm blank on what "Nigerian" means to you too.

As for him lying to you, well, yeah, saying you're an uncle to your child is a whopper. And, I think you said he really is an uncle to his own child, so those are huge lies. Did he every explain either to your satisfaction? Personally, finding out my hubby has a baby with his sister would make him not-my-hubby in a hurry, but that's me. I'm not you. Did he ever straighten that whole lie out, and, if he did, do you believe him?

If not, and if no, especially given he might still be married to his sister, what marriage? You don't have a marriage, and never did, unless the laws in your country include bigamy and with siblings! (I don't think any country allows or those two things.) Do you really want your daughter to grow up with him? Do you want to hang around to see what that does to her?

If I'm hearing this right, (because there is a possible typo, so I could be wrong), and he really is both married to his sister and has a child with her, get out! Get out quickly. Get out any which way you can! That's not a marriage. That is a scam.

And once out, I think you can save on the divorce cost by turning him in to the authorities as a fraud. I'm not sure about that, because I don't know what country you're from either. (At least you know I don't have any established preconceived stereotype about you either. )

 

[atwhatcost]

I´m sorry!

Are u sure u dont love him? :=(

Are you sure she should?

 

[MamaKrii]

Ok I must have been too emotional to notice mistake. Its not his sister he was married to..God, I hope so... Its that girlfriend he lied to me is his gilfriend..turned out to be his wife...ex? I dont know...
Anyway, You, people do realize I was just like any Christian woman, maybe a lit bit more stupid (obviously) hoping I will marry a man of God... And he thinks he is..
God...I just dont know what to say anymore. Who am I to judge him??

 

[BS]

Me and my husband, we got married too fast.. Slowly day by day I am starting to feel I made a mistake. Some things he did, dissapointed me. I dont know maybe I have problem to forgive.. I seriously dont know anymore. I just dont trust him anymore. Everything he says sounds like a lie. I had one child before him..through which I was saved, and we have daughter together. My God she is a GIFT! I mean I love her so much, she is beautiful, amazing..I mean the fruit of love.. And dont get me wrong,I love my husband.. Maybe that is why I hurt so much...
The thing is he is Nigerian.. and I know all the stereotypes..I know. I believed we are special, exclusive, beacuse of the things that were going on in our life since we met, so many testimonies.. I had trust issues, but in spite all I married him, I tried very hard to trust him... I even hated mysefl for not trusting him, I prayed so hard for God to take away all the doubt and if not then to reveal the truth..
The feeling, the Gut...It never left me..Maybe because there was some lies from the beginning, maybe because all my friends turned their back on me, because I maaried him, cause they believed he is using me for papers..
The thing is almost right after we got together I found out first lie, that the picture of a baby on his profile in whatsapp, wasnt his sisters baby, but his own.. He told me that his girlfriend got pregnant right after he left Nigeria to come to Europe..
..and after one year in marriage I found out that she as his wife (or is, cause I am not sure what to believe anymore). The got married in Catholic church, they are Catholics...
But we..we just married in court.. Yeah, as suspicious as it it...
I always thought I am not so easy...but this is.. I dont know.. where I am dissapointed the most, in my marriage, in him, or in myself..
There were signs which made me think our marriage is blessed..we went through so much...God knows.. I mean for the papers someone could go an easier way.. (I guess there is still a part of me that wants to believe)..
There were "small lies" all the time... I dont know if its the kind of need to lie all the time or its the culture or, desperation. I just dont know what to do anymore..
If I could I would just close my eyes and dedicate myself to my kids and live with him, but I guess my ego is just too big, I suffer every day, thinking, guessing,wondering, what else is goingon, what else I dont know..
I found out his family dont approve of me, after learning about all his cultural background I realize, whether he really loves me, or he really uses me..
Anyway, he got his papers, he is still with me..but soon he will go to visit his family in Nigeria, after almost two and half years.. and I am, I mean I dont even know, scared, worried? One moment I think after what we went through he would be absolutely stupid to make some mistake...
I'm sorry the way I write is chaotic, but that is how my mind is through all thi marriage. I am slowly destroying myself. On one hand I realize it's between him and God and I should leave it like that but on the other hand should I hate my life and my choice for the rest of my life?
Obviously I cant even live with the thoughts I have now.Alcohol has become my best friend, cause the reality is just too hard to accept.. And I am angry all the time and nervous. Everytime he talks on the phone, and he does it a lot, in his language , my mind is just going to the worst places and having the worst scenarios .
I dont know what to do. We have so much together, to quit just like that..
I am not even sure anymore whether its a choice between marriage and divorce, children and him (cause I have to admit I make them suffer, cause I suffer), God and my ego...
My mind is full and I am lost in it.
Please help me any way, any how...
I dont know what to do.
Thank You.

Dear MamaKrii,
please get together yourself of the pieces you are falling apart!I think that it is a test in your life which you must pass unless you wanna live miserable in the future.
I am not the best adviser of the world but let see what you can do. Think! You are woman - you can`t leave him unless he is doing adultery. So:
At first place -- stop alcohol whatever may happens around you.That is the way Satan make you useless and you can not fix your life and life of the children. What example you are giving to them - to drink instead fixing the problems? If you were them would you be happy to see your mum falling apart because of drinking?
Second - Forgive him immediately! Do not mess emotion inside you and the feelings you have - just say you are forgiving him all he has done! It is not about him - it is about YOU! If you wanna God listen to your pray you must clean all negative and to forgive to all who harm you. If you say " How could I do that -he destroyed last two years of my life" I will answer you "Do you wanna next 20 years on the same way?"
Third: Left all problems into the God`s hand - say all you feel and all your hopes and ask Him to solve it on the better way for all of you!!! Will repeat - for ALL OF YOU! You may not like the result at the beginning but believe me - God is unique and His help is for our best even we do not understand it right now /imagine a bitter medicine which you force your kid to take/. Pray God and OBEY His will not yours!
Forth:Take care about yourself - do something about your body - it is a gift by the God and you have responsibility to keep it healthy and beautiful. So - make yourself beautiful.
Fifth: Be honest to yourself and to your husband. Tell him all that you have been written above in that chat. These things are private and it is no pleasure you to read in the public chat what your husband/wife has written about you. Hopefully here is not you name ... Just talk to him how you are feeling. Do not accuse him! DO NOT even if he has made something wrong! Just tell him that all your fears and be prepared for the truth. What that means - only you to accept the worst scenario which can happen before conversation. In that matter everything better will make you happy. Just say him you will understand if he has used you like "green card" and try to understand.
Sixth: Answer to yourself-Are you sure you love your husband or you love the person of your imagination /the person you have imagine he will be if you change him/?
All the time keep the connection with God and be stable! You have the best rock you may step on! Do not forget it!

God bless you!

 

[Angela53510]

I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you are not married.

Your husband is a bigamist, but legally, his first wife is the legal wife. You need to leave this man. You are basically living in sin. Take your daughter and go. If he loses his papers, that is for him to straighten out.

He lied to you about the most important thing of all - the he was already married!

He is not yours, and the position he puts you in makes you an adulteress. Seriously!

 

[Shannon50]

I believe that you cannot afford to trust this man at the detriment of yourself and child-- if he is married to this other woman he is not legally married to you.

 

[BS]

I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you are not married.

Your husband is a bigamist, but legally, his first wife is the legal wife. You need to leave this man. You are basically living in sin. Take your daughter and go. If he loses his papers, that is for him to straighten out.

He lied to you about the most important thing of all - the he was already married!

He is not yours, and the position he puts you in makes you an adulteress. Seriously!

I must confirm what Angela said - IF he HAS SIGNED marriage papers - it does not matter which procedure of law - Nigerian of Namibian etc. OR IF He has pass religious one - it does not depend on the legislation and if he has no divorced then He is married to the first one and your marriage is not valid. But if he has had relationship but no marriage - your marriage is valid. In that case he only made a sin but we are not who may judge him.
So check if he has got previous marriage and if he is married you are not. So forgive him and start again without him.

 

[atwhatcost]

Ok I must have been too emotional to notice mistake. Its not his sister he was married to..God, I hope so... Its that girlfriend he lied to me is his gilfriend..turned out to be his wife...ex? I dont know...
Anyway, You, people do realize I was just like any Christian woman, maybe a lit bit more stupid (obviously) hoping I will marry a man of God... And he thinks he is..
God...I just dont know what to say anymore. Who am I to judge him??

Well, there were two levels of lies he gave. The one where I thought it was his sister, but it was just a typo, whew! Really glad he's not that much of a creep. So, dismiss that part. BUT, he still has a baby with another woman, he didn't tell you until after you were married, actually, he lied to you about the baby, and you don't even know if they're still married. Well, if you don't trust him, ask her.

I know that's all kinds of awkward, but you need the truth to know what you're dealing with. Call her and ask.

As for who are you to judge him? Um, his wife! If you don't know what you got yourself into, it's definitely time to find out. If they are still married, the answer is obvious. You aren't even married to him.

If they really aren't, then it's time for you to get to know the man you married and work it out from there. You are married to him. That means either the two of you have to build on the lousy foundation of lack-of-trust that started this marriage and work your way up to trusting each other, or figure out what to do if there still is no trust.

The only way you find out what next is to find out who the ex is. If Ex is still married to him, she's no ex. She's his wife. You're the one who got scammed. If she is really ex like he says she is, then it's time for you to do the obvious and start laying the foundation of honesty in the marriage.

One more thing, do NOT drink before that phone call or after, because drinking just foggys the mind and you have to do a lot of clear-headed thinking. (That and your daughter doesn't deserve a mother who is drunk. Either which way, your daughter needs a strong mom.) That strength is where you need to lean on God, not a bottle.

 

[atwhatcost]

I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you are not married.

Your husband is a bigamist, but legally, his first wife is the legal wife. You need to leave this man. You are basically living in sin. Take your daughter and go. If he loses his papers, that is for him to straighten out.

He lied to you about the most important thing of all - the he was already married!

He is not yours, and the position he puts you in makes you an adulteress. Seriously!

Her hubby may or may not be a bigamist. She doesn't trust him when he says he isn't. You're jumping the gun on this, since she doesn't yet know, for sure, if he is still married to ex or not.

 

[MamaKrii]

First of all, thank you all for your thoughts and time, mostly for your prayers..
Yeah.. I don't know what to do anymore. You know, at first I thought let me try to accept it accept him the way he is. I try every day and every day I fail, this feeling of insecurity is eating me.. The feeling I can't trust him at the same time he supposed to be my closest person.. And the truth is there is no one else so close, at least not here where I live. And now I think maybe I actually can't live with it, or maybe this is the process of accepting, You know, painful.. Because it means giving up on what I expect from him, giving up on my understanding what marriage supposed to be.. And to tell You the truth I don't know what will be left after I do give up on those things.. Is it going to be good or bad..
Maybe it's better to really do everything I can do in saving our family. At least no matter the result I will know I did everything..
It's easy to say this, but to live day by day is not.. I need to help myself somehow, I don't know how though. Cause I have a tendency to self destruction and depression..
For example, I sometimes think, let me get some wine and just relax, and I end up finishing the whole bottle and cultivating anger and disappointment.
When reality becomes too hard to handle and I start to hate myself for not being able to just leave him and free myself from all this I just want to drink and I don't know, punish him?
Yeah.. Just when I think I have to accept him the way he is.. I haven't even forgiven him what kind of acceptance there can be.. Yeah I guess I haven't even got over the anger and disappointment.. And I already want to deal with my idealism about marriage and partnership..
What is wrong with me? Why can't I be gentle and loving, forgiving and humble.. I'm just pushing and pushing myself and end up sinking in the bottle..
God, help me, please..
I don't know what and how anymore.. I just want to close my eyes, relax my mind and let go of everything..
I want to learn to love myself instead of pushing myself to my limits and ending up empty and exhausted, hating myself for having limits and realizing again and again Wrong! Wrong!
I have lost something very important over these past, almost two years.. Passion for God.. Now I'm just whining and whining for help swallowed by my life and problems and worries.. Sinking. There is so much to it so much to consider before making any steps.. And all those things are in my head constantly circulating, once one thing is on the surface it starts to dominate my mind and there I go doing things, saying words that most of the time I regret after..
I am sorry for all this coming out.. Sometimes it sounds like a lot of nonsense, but some things come out that help me understand what's going on with me.
People are the way they are, only God knows their intentions. From my perspective I may see something may not or choose to see or not and then according to my understanding and experience interpret, but it may be very far from what it really was meant to be..
My husband may be knowingly lies, but also maybe unknowingly. Not everyone is like me trying to be as honest to themselves as I am. Some people try to become better than they are and denial is their way.
Why I say this is because before I found out truth I had a feeling something is being hidden from me, there were times it was eating me so much I would tell him every day "If there is something, tell me. Better bitter truth than sweet lie. I will try to understand and we will deal with it, but please never lie. No matter how ugly the truth may be, say it"
I begged.. So many times..
He swore there's nothing.. But I see hiding and doing things behind my back..
If I wouldn't find things out myself I wouldn't know till this very day that he has a child and wife or ex wife there..
And the truth is this feeling haven't left me. It's still there eating me. I am pretty sure there's so much more.
I used to try to contact his sisters when I didn't know about wife, I asked them if there is something I need to know about him before I get married to him, if he was married in any shape or from.. They denied.. Well only one of them responded. And over these two years I noticed they are covering for each other so much, without any conscience. Unbelievably "loyal" to their people.. And they are strong Christians! Well in their lifestyles and efforts, but as You can see some things just don't go together with what they should do as Christians. I mean honesty is being adjusted.. And not just that.
Like my husband when I found out and confronted him about these things he regretted, well from what I could see.. He begged for forgiveness, he swore there's nothing more and he will never lie. But the reality is it happened only because of confrontation and lasted only for that moment. Everything continues. Once I asked him how does he put it all together, God and all those things that he does that are against God, he didn't answer and I think he never even though of it. Cause he's just not me, you or any type of person who does those things.. Searching himself and submitting things that are not from God to Him.
I fell in love with him also because of his passion for God, but as You can see the way he believes and lives with God is so much different.
I remember some missionary once said that the church in Africa is as big as shallow, but at the same time look at them, they are raising people from dead and healing from so many deadly sicknesses..
What is it? Are we doing something wrong or they are? Maybe we are concentrated too much on ourselves and getting ourselves clean and right instead of just believing, going and doing things. Is God considering our cultures and accordingly dealing with us?
In my case as a Christian wife I should just submit to my husband and accept him as he is. God knows his intentions and He knows mine. He knows where our hearts was when we got married and where they are now. He knows more than we know about ourselves.. And I don't think he will judge accordingly to our culture but his own wisdom which is available to us in His word.
But considering all this why can't I still find peace? Why do I feel tricked in to this marriage.. I was doing it because of love and the things I knew about him. Maybe this mistake is now my punishment, because I didn't wait to know him better.. In some way it is..
So how do I precede? Accept punishment and live with it or accept it and go try better..
And You know, after all these things I have been very hard on him. I have been trying to leave him, but he wouldn't let me. If he did it for the paper then why not let me go? But he is accepting all these consequences of his lies, he doesn't like it but he suffers through it. Accepts everything I drop on him in my anger and despair.. What do You make of it??
I am lost. I just don't know. And my mind keeps going round and round...
God, help me...

 

[BS]

Sister, see it:

[video=youtube;Sjv-oVuOEeA]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sjv-oVuOEeA[/video]

 

[atwhatcost]

First of all, thank you all for your thoughts and time, mostly for your prayers..
Yeah.. I don't know what to do anymore. You know, at first I thought let me try to accept it accept him the way he is. I try every day and every day I fail, this feeling of insecurity is eating me.. The feeling I can't trust him at the same time he supposed to be my closest person.. And the truth is there is no one else so close, at least not here where I live. And now I think maybe I actually can't live with it, or maybe this is the process of accepting, You know, painful.. Because it means giving up on what I expect from him, giving up on my understanding what marriage supposed to be.. And to tell You the truth I don't know what will be left after I do give up on those things.. Is it going to be good or bad..
Maybe it's better to really do everything I can do in saving our family. At least no matter the result I will know I did everything..
It's easy to say this, but to live day by day is not.. I need to help myself somehow, I don't know how though. Cause I have a tendency to self destruction and depression..
For example, I sometimes think, let me get some wine and just relax, and I end up finishing the whole bottle and cultivating anger and disappointment.
When reality becomes too hard to handle and I start to hate myself for not being able to just leave him and free myself from all this I just want to drink and I don't know, punish him?
Yeah.. Just when I think I have to accept him the way he is.. I haven't even forgiven him what kind of acceptance there can be.. Yeah I guess I haven't even got over the anger and disappointment.. And I already want to deal with my idealism about marriage and partnership..
What is wrong with me? Why can't I be gentle and loving, forgiving and humble.. I'm just pushing and pushing myself and end up sinking in the bottle..
God, help me, please..
I don't know what and how anymore.. I just want to close my eyes, relax my mind and let go of everything..
I want to learn to love myself instead of pushing myself to my limits and ending up empty and exhausted, hating myself for having limits and realizing again and again Wrong! Wrong!
I have lost something very important over these past, almost two years.. Passion for God.. Now I'm just whining and whining for help swallowed by my life and problems and worries.. Sinking. There is so much to it so much to consider before making any steps.. And all those things are in my head constantly circulating, once one thing is on the surface it starts to dominate my mind and there I go doing things, saying words that most of the time I regret after..
I am sorry for all this coming out.. Sometimes it sounds like a lot of nonsense, but some things come out that help me understand what's going on with me.
People are the way they are, only God knows their intentions. From my perspective I may see something may not or choose to see or not and then according to my understanding and experience interpret, but it may be very far from what it really was meant to be..
My husband may be knowingly lies, but also maybe unknowingly. Not everyone is like me trying to be as honest to themselves as I am. Some people try to become better than they are and denial is their way.
Why I say this is because before I found out truth I had a feeling something is being hidden from me, there were times it was eating me so much I would tell him every day "If there is something, tell me. Better bitter truth than sweet lie. I will try to understand and we will deal with it, but please never lie. No matter how ugly the truth may be, say it"
I begged.. So many times..
He swore there's nothing.. But I see hiding and doing things behind my back..
If I wouldn't find things out myself I wouldn't know till this very day that he has a child and wife or ex wife there..
And the truth is this feeling haven't left me. It's still there eating me. I am pretty sure there's so much more.
I used to try to contact his sisters when I didn't know about wife, I asked them if there is something I need to know about him before I get married to him, if he was married in any shape or from.. They denied.. Well only one of them responded. And over these two years I noticed they are covering for each other so much, without any conscience. Unbelievably "loyal" to their people.. And they are strong Christians! Well in their lifestyles and efforts, but as You can see some things just don't go together with what they should do as Christians. I mean honesty is being adjusted.. And not just that.
Like my husband when I found out and confronted him about these things he regretted, well from what I could see.. He begged for forgiveness, he swore there's nothing more and he will never lie. But the reality is it happened only because of confrontation and lasted only for that moment. Everything continues. Once I asked him how does he put it all together, God and all those things that he does that are against God, he didn't answer and I think he never even though of it. Cause he's just not me, you or any type of person who does those things.. Searching himself and submitting things that are not from God to Him.
I fell in love with him also because of his passion for God, but as You can see the way he believes and lives with God is so much different.
I remember some missionary once said that the church in Africa is as big as shallow, but at the same time look at them, they are raising people from dead and healing from so many deadly sicknesses..
What is it? Are we doing something wrong or they are? Maybe we are concentrated too much on ourselves and getting ourselves clean and right instead of just believing, going and doing things. Is God considering our cultures and accordingly dealing with us?
In my case as a Christian wife I should just submit to my husband and accept him as he is. God knows his intentions and He knows mine. He knows where our hearts was when we got married and where they are now. He knows more than we know about ourselves.. And I don't think he will judge accordingly to our culture but his own wisdom which is available to us in His word.
But considering all this why can't I still find peace? Why do I feel tricked in to this marriage.. I was doing it because of love and the things I knew about him. Maybe this mistake is now my punishment, because I didn't wait to know him better.. In some way it is..
So how do I precede? Accept punishment and live with it or accept it and go try better..
And You know, after all these things I have been very hard on him. I have been trying to leave him, but he wouldn't let me. If he did it for the paper then why not let me go? But he is accepting all these consequences of his lies, he doesn't like it but he suffers through it. Accepts everything I drop on him in my anger and despair.. What do You make of it??
I am lost. I just don't know. And my mind keeps going round and round...
God, help me...

Maybe you should accept him for who he is. That may well be the answer to your problem, but here's a thought. How do you accept someone for who they are if you have no idea who they are? To accept someone, you have to first know that person.

So here's your real problem. Are you going to sit back and hem and haw over what you should or shouldn't do, or are you going to go learn the whole story so you can make a decision based in reality? I get the appeal of both sides, but this is now on you, not him.

To me this is the same thing I went through when a mammogram result came back that said they spotted something in my breast. I didn't want to find out what it was for the obvious reason -- what if it's cancer? BUT, if I didn't find out, I'd never know what I was dealing with. If it was cancer, I was left with the next decision -- to get treatment or not. If it wasn't cancer, than what was it and do I need to worry over that?

So, I went back so they could look harder, and viola! I got all the facts to deal with the what-next. (And, yowie! Now I get those jokes about mammograms feeling like a vice. Never had that much pressure to cause that much pain before this last time. So, yes, getting your answer will be painful, but so will not getting your answer.)

I'm not telling you what was my next. It doesn't matter. What mattered was I had the facts to deal with. You don't. So are you going to sit there, keep getting drunk and feel as confused as always for the rest of your life, or are you going to face this head on to find out what this even is?

If the former, then find a good home for your daughter, because she needs a real life, not this.

This isn't his problem. This is yours.