Im praying for you that you meet Lord Jesus Christ, in the most privat "room" and that is your heart! Jesus loves you and He wants close relationship with you, with me, with every person that is seeking Him.. We only have to ask for forgiveness and for the new heart.. And Im sure He will give you his great joy as He gives to everyone who ask Him with an honest heart! Rejoice cause all this trouble will pass when He comes for us! And that will be soon! Seek His face, get close to Him and he will get close to you <3