I met them on Christian websites that's what I was trying to say oops
Scared to date
- Thread starter Hini
- Start date
-
Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.
If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!
To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
That's a real test of trust. Thank you for sharing your experience.
I sometimes wonder if my inability to date after being saved was mostly due to my excessive suspicion of those that have come on to me (namely men come on to me, and my dating experience has been 90% women) and that I was unfair to do so. Perhaps it was, but self-preservation is very important too. I pray that the Lord guides us both respectively to partners that can help restore our trust again.
Bless you!
Idk how to respond. I'm just patient now. I feel uncomfortable all the time. I was hard case for Christ to win.. I'm 6'2 200 solid muscle and tattoos galore. The good ones run and I'm judged. The bad ones like me and I push them away but didn't in the past so it's not impossible for God. But a sleeved out Christian chick feels unreal or one not so quick to make judgement. I pray for one who judged by the heart and character. Not the outward thug looking dude. Sister hang in there. He will come. I suggest pray specifically about who you want. Take care. I gotta go I'm being harassed by a scholar and theologian on this place.
Hi Hini, sorry I've had a crazy few days and tomorrow is shaping up the same
.I'm still going to answer your question, but in the meantime I thought you might want to check out this thread I started 2 years ago? Just in case there is any crossover in our issues lol. I'm guessing there probably is
. Here ya go:
Sooooo...... no idea what kind of responses I will get, but I feel like I need some outside perspectives. So please be patient with me while a I bare my soul. 
It has recently come to my attention that I have a fear of attraction, and I feel like God is telling me it's time to deal with it. It mostly manifests as me avoiding any guy I might feel attracted to (and to some extent any guy who might be attracted to me).
I've been vaguely aware of it for a while, but since I thought I was only hurting myself I didn't think much about getting rid of it. However, recent life situations...
It has recently come to my attention that I have a fear of attraction, and I feel like God is telling me it's time to deal with it. It mostly manifests as me avoiding any guy I might feel attracted to (and to some extent any guy who might be attracted to me).
I've been vaguely aware of it for a while, but since I thought I was only hurting myself I didn't think much about getting rid of it. However, recent life situations...
I found the responses in the thread to be really helpful. Let me know if anything in it hits deep for you, I can give you an update on what I've sorted through since then. Not completely over it but made a LOT of headway!
I think you talked to the wrong person. This is Michaelarc. But since your here sister I'm opposite of your post. Thing is I'm a Godly man. I was a JESUS hard case of hard knocks to bring me to my knees and accept salvation and a Christian like life. Now I'm judged by women in churches. A strong man with a lot of tattoos and Jesus in my heart. I long for something pure and good. But my looks make them go away. Preacher was preaching song of Solomon once and I got noticed and BOOM. I hear 2 women talking saying next week sitting in a different spot. I didn't gaze or stare. Didn't even act like I heard. Cried out the door. Bad ones holla. Good ones judge. Only one did not. But this is my best friends daughter in the Church. It's just not right to try. May God open your heart to men,the right one. And may the Lord open up ones who judged by the heart. They should know.. out of the heart the mouth speak.. and you will know them by their fruit. They don't check theHi Hini, sorry I've had a crazy few days and tomorrow is shaping up the same
I'm still going to answer your question, but in the meantime I thought you might want to check out this thread I started 2 years ago? Just in case there is any crossover in our issues lol. I'm guessing there probably is
Sooooo...... no idea what kind of responses I will get, but I feel like I need some outside perspectives. So please be patient with me while a I bare my soul.
It has recently come to my attention that I have a fear of attraction, and I feel like God is telling me it's time to deal with it. It mostly manifests as me avoiding any guy I might feel attracted to (and to some extent any guy who might be attracted to me).
I've been vaguely aware of it for a while, but since I thought I was only hurting myself I didn't think much about getting rid of it. However, recent life situations...
I found the responses in the thread to be really helpful. Let me know if anything in it hits deep for you, I can give you an update on what I've sorted through since then. Not completely over it but made a LOT of headway!
or the character. So you will know who is good by what I just said from the good book. Me too. Be .
I think you talked to the wrong person. This is Michaelarc. But since your here sister I'm opposite of your post. Thing is I'm a Godly man. I was a JESUS hard case of hard knocks to bring me to my knees and accept salvation and a Christian like life. Now I'm judged by women in churches. A strong man with a lot of tattoos and Jesus in my heart. I long for something pure and good. But my looks make them go away. Preacher was preaching song of Solomon once and I got noticed and BOOM. I hear 2 women talking saying next week sitting in a different spot. I didn't gaze or stare. Didn't even act like I heard. Cried out the door. Bad ones holla. Good ones judge. Only one did not. But this is my best friends daughter in the Church. It's just not right to try. May God open your heart to men,the right one. And may the Lord open up ones who judged by the heart. They should know.. out of the heart the mouth speak.. and you will know them by their fruit. They don't check the
Hi @Michaelarc , I didn't mean to be confusing, sorry about that! I was replying to @Hini.
I'm sorry you're having trouble finding the right lady, but hang in there! You remind me of a friend of mine, he wants a "good girl" but seems to attract the bad ones. No tattoos but he does work out a lot, so maybe there is a connection there
Please be really careful of any women who ask for money. Unfortunately, scammers masquerading as both males and females tend to frequent platforms that are identified as "Christian", because the members are sincere and want to help others. So please guard your heart AND your wallet!
That said, you'd be surprised how many good ladies are ok with some tattoos. Just keep growing in The Lord and see what happens, He knows what He is doing
. Would love to hear your testimony sometime if you feel comfortable sharing it, maybe in another thread so this one can stay on track.Best!
In my country..a lot of women, in fact most DO have tattoos.
They might have got them before they knew Jesus, but its actually a cultural tradition esp for Maori and Samoan people.
Even Christians get tattoos. I don't have any but I don't judge people by their tattoos.
If they were wearing a gang patch, maybe, but the current govt has banned them, so...? Although they can't ban tattoos, cos it would put the tattoo parlours out of business, and the govt needs the money.
My friend who goes to a catholic church, got a lion with crown on thorns on it on her arm. It's meant to represent Jesus, but it just looked like a lion to me. However it means something to her and she got it AFTER she was born again.
They might have got them before they knew Jesus, but its actually a cultural tradition esp for Maori and Samoan people.
Even Christians get tattoos. I don't have any but I don't judge people by their tattoos.
If they were wearing a gang patch, maybe, but the current govt has banned them, so...? Although they can't ban tattoos, cos it would put the tattoo parlours out of business, and the govt needs the money.
My friend who goes to a catholic church, got a lion with crown on thorns on it on her arm. It's meant to represent Jesus, but it just looked like a lion to me. However it means something to her and she got it AFTER she was born again.
Hi Hini, I am back with some answers! Well I hope they are answers.... I'll just type and hope it makes sense lol.
As far as easier to accept the hard things than the easy things... i find it helpful to realize how the mindset started. It can be a self-protection mechanism that goes back to childhood. Maybe your living situation was unpredictable, maybe you moved a lot, maybe it never felt like what you wanted mattered so you stopped wanting things.
For a friend of mine, he was never able to know if he could actually go to a gathering, event, school trip, etc. Because his parents worked unpredictable schedules and had unreliable transportation, so no matter how hard he hoped or well he planned, nothing was a sure thing until it happened.
In my case, I grew up on a farm, which is basically gambling for a living lol
. Always a lot of unpredictability with animals and crops, never knew when a critter would get sick and need nursing, or extreme whether would require unexpected hours, fun plans get scrapped, etc. I handle it ok now as an adult but as a kid it was a lot to process. But anyway.... might want to think back and see if anything similar happened for you. But in a nutshell, your brain becomes so accustomed to disappointment that it stops hoping for anything in order to protect itself.Add to that the common Christianese mindsets that selflessness is always virtuous, and deprivation is always holier than indulgence, coupled with my overly conscientious mindset and voila.... you now have a recipe for some serious issues to develop! (I'm really good at giving myself issues but I'm working on it
)So. How am I working on banishing it.... good question. One thing sticks out in my head, I was asking God to help me understand His love and how He really sees and feels about us humans. And immediately I thought of/heard "I am the Good Shepherd, and you are a chicken shepherd" (we had a large flock of chickens at the time and I was responsible for their care, which was great because I truly liked the little scuffle-butts). Anyways.... I thought of how I felt towards the chickens, how I enjoyed seeing them calm and happy, just running around being chickens..... how much I enjoyed taking them an occasional treat I knew they would love...... and suddenly I realized that I did not think of God loving me as much as I loved my chickens. CHICKENS. Sheepish....... they're great and all but they're kinda the lowliest of the farm animals, very replaceable as they only live 6 or 7 years and only produce well for about 3. But anyway.... that kinda shook me and helped with dislodging the mindset.
Another thing that helped was I was struggling with my first relationship, and like you I didn't see myself as worthy of happiness. Everyone else, but not me. Really having a rough go (my boyfriend was a total saint), I knew it was my issues surfacing but I didn't know what to do. I just COULD NOT calm down and enjoy the relationship. I was kinda hitting a breaking point when I had a dream... in it I was at a relationship counselor and I knew he would be able to tell me the thing I needed to know. So I waited through a whole long dream group therapy session but nothing was really hitting. I mean, it was good advice and all but nothing I didn't know already. Finally at the end of it the counselor said he needed to talk to me privately, so I figured he'd tell me whatever it was that I needed to hear. Nope, just small talk....I was about to start throwing things lol
. Finally I was like "Just tell me the thing I need to know, dangit!". He stopped talking, looked me dead in the eyes and said "Depriving yourself of something God wants you to have is a type of false morality". And I was kinda stunned... and offend lol. My first thought was "Don't call my morality false!" 
Yup, humans be crazy.....Anyways...... it does take a conscious renewing of your mind to get over improper thought patterns like these, but prayer helps! Also just knowing that it's not actually healthy/proper, that helped me a lot in fighting it... it's hard to fight something we think is virtuous lol but truly it was not. So. Yeah. Where was I? That was a LOT of typing.....
Guess I'll leave that for now? I'll drop you a pm too in case you want to talk more. Hope it helps!
Alarm bells ring when a guy asked me if I'd ever been tied up.
Jesus said he set me free, so I wasn't sure what he was getting at. Who was doing the tying? Would they set me free after it?
I just said, I escaped jail, so I wasn't keen on being tied up. Also, I replaced my shoelaces with rubber bands. Cos I was tired of tying them up all the time when they came loose.
I couldn't figure out why someone would want to do that (tie me up) Maybe I was taking it the wrong way, and he wanted to tie me up with a ribbon and make a bow. I don't know. Or maybe he meant had I ever been married (as in tied the knot)
He then asked me if I'd ever seen 'The great train robbery' and I still didn't really get it. In it, a woman meets a stranger, is tied to the railway track cries for help and another man rescues her. But why would someone tie someone else to a railway track? He said to kill them. OK but why would someone want to kill me???
Anyway, it didn't make sense. I'm still puzzling over it.
Jesus said he set me free, so I wasn't sure what he was getting at. Who was doing the tying? Would they set me free after it?
I just said, I escaped jail, so I wasn't keen on being tied up. Also, I replaced my shoelaces with rubber bands. Cos I was tired of tying them up all the time when they came loose.
I couldn't figure out why someone would want to do that (tie me up) Maybe I was taking it the wrong way, and he wanted to tie me up with a ribbon and make a bow. I don't know. Or maybe he meant had I ever been married (as in tied the knot)
He then asked me if I'd ever seen 'The great train robbery' and I still didn't really get it. In it, a woman meets a stranger, is tied to the railway track cries for help and another man rescues her. But why would someone tie someone else to a railway track? He said to kill them. OK but why would someone want to kill me???
Anyway, it didn't make sense. I'm still puzzling over it.