Sermon at my church about husbands and wives

[JFSurvivor]

So at my church there was a sermon about marraige and the stance that the pastor took was this: husbands love your wives; wives RESPECT your husbands. He explained it like this: women are wired to be loved, men are wired to be respected. Women need respect and men need love but women need love more than respect and men need respect more than love.

This really set my mind at ease about the whole submission controversy. It also helped me understand my boyfriend a little better.

I can only see good come from this kind of mindset.

Oh and he talked about this thing called the tornado slide but I'll tell you about that later.

Anyway for now what are your thoughts?

Oh and can we all try to be respectful of both genders and of our fellow CC members on this thread please?

 

[MarcR]

I think his basic premise is sound with this caveat:

The entire line of thought is based on a generalization. Generalizations are useful if we do NOT build them into stereotypes. As long as we are alert to the exception to the generality; the generality remains useful.

 

[MadParrotWoman]

So at my church there was a sermon about marraige and the stance that the pastor took was this: husbands love your wives; wives RESPECT your husbands. He explained it like this: women are wired to be loved, men are wired to be respected. Women need respect and men need love but women need love more than respect and men need respect more than love.

This really set my mind at ease about the whole submission controversy. It also helped me understand my boyfriend a little better.

I can only see good come from this kind of mindset.

Oh and he talked about this thing called the tornado slide but I'll tell you about that later.

Anyway for now what are your thoughts?

Oh and can we all try to be respectful of both genders and of our fellow CC members on this thread please?

I think your pastor pretty much summed it up, for sure men are wired differently and respect means a great deal to them. Women are emotional beings and need to feel loved. men are more practical and have more practical requirements. I think both sides need to understand this in a relationship.

 

[just-me]

So at my church there was a sermon about marraige and the stance that the pastor took was this: husbands love your wives; wives RESPECT your husbands. He explained it like this: women are wired to be loved, men are wired to be respected. Women need respect and men need love but women need love more than respect and men need respect more than love.

This really set my mind at ease about the whole submission controversy. It also helped me understand my boyfriend a little better.

I can only see good come from this kind of mindset.

Oh and he talked about this thing called the tornado slide but I'll tell you about that later.

Anyway for now what are your thoughts?

Oh and can we all try to be respectful of both genders and of our fellow CC members on this thread please?

Marriage is a parallel to Christ and the church. That's why it is a sacrifice thing unto God. Your pastor obviously used this verse as a format.

Ephesians 5:24-40
[SUP]24 [/SUP]Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
[SUP]25 [/SUP]Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
[SUP]26 [/SUP]That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
[SUP]27 [/SUP]That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
[SUP]28 [/SUP]So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
[SUP]29 [/SUP]For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
[SUP]30 [/SUP]For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
[SUP]31 [/SUP]For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
[SUP]32 [/SUP]This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
[SUP]33 [/SUP]Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

It impossible to be submissive to husbands God's way if the husband doesn't love the wife as Jesus loves the church. It is also impossible for the husband to love the wife God's way if the wife isn't submissive God's way to her husband. It works both ways or not at all. Then it's just being tolerant of each other, and the love continues to wane as the years pass. We've been married going on 44 years at the end of this month. It wasn't easy, but it worked because God was/is in the middle.

 

[atwhatcost]

So at my church there was a sermon about marraige and the stance that the pastor took was this: husbands love your wives; wives RESPECT your husbands. He explained it like this: women are wired to be loved, men are wired to be respected. Women need respect and men need love but women need love more than respect and men need respect more than love.

This really set my mind at ease about the whole submission controversy. It also helped me understand my boyfriend a little better.

I can only see good come from this kind of mindset.

Oh and he talked about this thing called the tornado slide but I'll tell you about that later.

Anyway for now what are your thoughts?

Oh and can we all try to be respectful of both genders and of our fellow CC members on this thread please?

I disagree with your pastor. If both sides don't respect each other, why would they marry in first place? Submit, really does mean submit, but since he respects me and I respect him, we both talk it out and decide together. If we can't decide together (which I can only remember happening once in our 35 years), he decides for us.

I figure it as we each get a vote, but he gets the final vote if there is a tie. The goal is no need for a tie vote.

I do agree God did take what comes natural to us, and flipped it on its ear to make us realize he needs to be in the marriage too. It is more natural for women to tell others what to do. Thus, he made us the ones who have to learn how to hear. It's also more natural for a guy to let someone else make the decisions, therefore, he has to love.

Oh, and that one decision? He wanted to move to Philly. I'm strictly a suburbs kind of gal. He talked me into it, we did, and the best decision we ever made (besides marrying each other.) Little did we know, years later we'd both be disabled, so we can still get to the bank, the supermarket and doctor's office on foot or public transportation, if out car breaks down or a blizzard hits. Had we still lived in the burbs, we couldn't even get to a convenience store without a car. lol

So, "Yo, Adrienne!" Ya know?

 

[MarcR]

I disagree with your pastor. If both sides don't respect each other, why would they marry in first place? Submit, really does mean submit, but since he respects me and I respect him, we both talk it out and decide together. If we can't decide together (which I can only remember happening once in our 35 years), he decides for us.

I figure it as we each get a vote, but he gets the final vote if there is a tie. The goal is no need for a tie vote.

I do agree God did take what comes natural to us, and flipped it on its ear to make us realize he needs to be in the marriage too. It is more natural for women to tell others what to do. Thus, he made us the ones who have to learn how to hear. It's also more natural for a guy to let someone else make the decisions, therefore, he has to love.

Oh, and that one decision? He wanted to move to Philly. I'm strictly a suburbs kind of gal. He talked me into it, we did, and the best decision we ever made (besides marrying each other.) Little did we know, years later we'd both be disabled, so we can still get to the bank, the supermarket and doctor's office on foot or public transportation, if out car breaks down or a blizzard hits. Had we still lived in the burbs, we couldn't even get to a convenience store without a car. lol

So, "Yo, Adrienne!" Ya know?

I can imagine respect without love; in fact I have seen it in many college classrooms; but I can't imagine love without respect. How can a husband claim to love his wife if he disrespects her? IMO true love assumes, presumes, and subsumes respect.

 

[notuptome]

Well lacking the full context of the message it is only speculative to comment directly on the message. The passage in question is very interesting when set in the historical context in which it was given. Women were property when the passage was written. Men were not obligated to love their wives as they were property obtained through deals made between families. Women were to honor their husbands because honor was due the husband.

Christ loves the church which He has purchased with His own blood. The church honors Christ because He is due honor in that He has died for us that we might live in Him. We cannot love Christ unless we are first purchased by Him and then we learn to love Him because He is worthy and due the honor we devote to Him.

This passage is quite foreign to our modern concept of love and marriage. Probably why many have a skewed view of our relationship with Christ.

For the cause of Christ
Roger

 

[crossnote]

I get squeamish when Church becomes a marriage seminar.
IOW I hope that sort of thing isn't the weekly diet.

 

[JFSurvivor]

I can imagine respect without love; in fact I have seen it in many college classrooms; but I can't imagine love without respect. How can a husband claim to love his wife if he disrespects her? IMO true love assumes, presumes, and subsumes respect.

the pastor didn't say wives ONLY respect your husbands and he didn't say husbands ONLY love your wives. He said there has to be both. However a wife should show more respct to her husband and the husband should show more love to his wife.

 

[atwhatcost]

Well lacking the full context of the message it is only speculative to comment directly on the message. The passage in question is very interesting when set in the historical context in which it was given. Women were property when the passage was written. Men were not obligated to love their wives as they were property obtained through deals made between families. Women were to honor their husbands because honor was due the husband.

Christ loves the church which He has purchased with His own blood. The church honors Christ because He is due honor in that He has died for us that we might live in Him. We cannot love Christ unless we are first purchased by Him and then we learn to love Him because He is worthy and due the honor we devote to Him.

This passage is quite foreign to our modern concept of love and marriage. Probably why many have a skewed view of our relationship with Christ.

For the cause of Christ
Roger

If this is true, how do you explain Lydia, the seller of purple cloth? She invited Paul, Timothy, Silas, and possibly others to stay in her house. Not her husband's house. Not her son's house. Not her master's house. Her house. If she were a servant/slave she couldn't do that. It was her household that was baptized together, not her husband's, her son's, nor her master's household.

She sold purple cloth. Purple cloth was high-status material, the things only the rich would buy, so she was no lowly lady.

(Acts 16:11-15 for reference sake.)

 

[Agricola]

I think your pastor pretty much summed it up, for sure men are wired differently and respect means a great deal to them. Women are emotional beings and need to feel loved. men are more practical and have more practical requirements. I think both sides need to understand this in a relationship.

Well that makes me a woman then. I disagree, I crave to be loved, we all do, its men do not show it as its "sissy", but we all crave to be loved. I do, I want to be loved, I want to love.

 

[mattp0625]

So at my church there was a sermon about marraige and the stance that the pastor took was this: husbands love your wives; wives RESPECT your husbands. He explained it like this: women are wired to be loved, men are wired to be respected. Women need respect and men need love but women need love more than respect and men need respect more than love.

This really set my mind at ease about the whole submission controversy. It also helped me understand my boyfriend a little better.

I can only see good come from this kind of mindset.

Oh and he talked about this thing called the tornado slide but I'll tell you about that later.

Anyway for now what are your thoughts?

Oh and can we all try to be respectful of both genders and of our fellow CC members on this thread please?

The gospel basically tells both husbands AND wives to be submissive to each other and love one another. In other words, be giving and caring instead of selfish.

Don't buy the progressive political, or feminist, mischaracterizations.

 

[Tintin]

Women need respect and men need love but women need love more than respect and men need respect more than love.

I don't know about, it's more that women generally feel respected when they're loved and men generally feel loved when they're respected. There's a lot of truth to it.

 

[JFSurvivor]

So I said I would talk about the tornado slide right. So here I am talking about the Tornado slide. It goes like this:

no love --> she reacts --> no respect --> he reacts and then it goes back to no love. It's supposed to be in a circle. Anyway when you are on the tornado slide you have to realize first that you are on it. Then you need to repent then you need to re- do. So recognize, repent and re-do.

Also he based his sermon off of Ephesians 5:33. That was the grand finale after Paul's teaching on marriage.

So there's that.

 

[Joshua_Generation]

I think the term honor could be applied in this dialogue somewhere, but I may be wrong.

 

[atwhatcost]

So I said I would talk about the tornado slide right. So here I am talking about the Tornado slide. It goes like this:

no love --> she reacts --> no respect --> he reacts and then it goes back to no love. It's supposed to be in a circle. Anyway when you are on the tornado slide you have to realize first that you are on it. Then you need to repent then you need to re- do. So recognize, repent and re-do.

Also he based his sermon off of Ephesians 5:33. That was the grand finale after Paul's teaching on marriage.

So there's that.

It is in human nature that we're going to put a scale on this. "I give him X amount of something, and I expect X amount returned." Especially given the tornado slide.

Since we tend to give less than we think we give, and then tend to under-estimate what we receive, I tend to think a 90/90 split works. I give 90%, he gives 90%, and then the law of average for what we humans are really like (versus what we think were like) averages it out to about a 50/50 split. I'd go with a "give 100%" rah-rah cry, but let's face it. No one will do that or even will be able to do that for more than 5 minutes, unless you're a professional football player, then you can give it once a week for one hour split into 3.5 hours time. lol

(In truth, I learned we're not supposed to keep score, but I'm a serious game player. Either I'm keeping score, or I'm not playing. lol Because of that, it's best to assume I'm underscoring him, and overscoring myself, which means handicaps, and I don't know how to handicap a marriage. I just know he takes good care of me.)

 

[oldthennew]

Joshua,

we loved your term 'HONOR'.
it is the crux of an honorable relationship.

how our Father honors us is beyond our imagination,
for we are but brute beasts.

Christ gives us the power to over-come the 'brute-beast' -
our carnal nature drives us to dominate and take, but
our Spiritual Nature drives us to submit and to give our all.

a man and a woman 'both' have power and the husband IS
the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the Church -
so the challenge for the husband is to use his position of authority
with (grace-dignity-and righteousness)!
otherwise, he is null and void as far as Christ's qualifications are concerned
for, 'he that is faithful in little, will be faithful in much'.
like--wise,
the woman cannot use her 'unspoken power' and put herself first.

my wife, after my Christ, is my whole compass, my reminder to crucify
my old self and to put her as Christ has put His Church, giving Himself
over to death that He may give us life.