Should I date if I won't be able to consummate a marriage?

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Benoriel

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Apr 24, 2022
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I'm a few short years away from my 40's and I live with my family still. I have never been in a relationship before partially because I miss cues or the women I've been interested in just don't see me the same way. Due to some psychological reasons I've been placed on a small array of medications and I'm not sure if it's the medicine or something else but I'm no longer functional in a certain way.

Should I even try to date if I can't have children?
 
Benoriel said:
I'm a few short years away from my 40's and I live with my family still. I have never been in a relationship before partially because I miss cues or the women I've been interested in just don't see me the same way. Due to some psychological reasons I've been placed on a small array of medications and I'm not sure if it's the medicine or something else but I'm no longer functional in a certain way.

Should I even try to date if I can't have children?
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Yes! Just be truthful with your partner before you get too serious. There are people in wheelchairs that are unable to have children and yet they are married. Don't let age stop you either. All kinds of people who would have no issues with not having children.
 
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Benoriel said:
Due to some psychological reasons I've been placed on a small array of medications and I'm not sure if it's the medicine or something else but I'm no longer functional in a certain way.

Should I even try to date if I can't have children?
Click to expand...
This reminds me of the author of xkcd, a webcomic I follow. He got engaged and later married to his wife while she was taking treatments for breast cancer.
Ten years later he posted a comic about it:

HER: When they showed me the ten year survival graph I never thought I'd make it this far. I don't know why you married me when things looked so bad, but it was very sweet of you.

HIM: You make it sound like an act of grace, instead of something I desperately wanted to do but was afraid I would never get to do. You're the coolest person I've ever met. I just wanted whatever time we could have together.

This is a handy litmus test you got here though. If she rejects you because y'all can't have kids, she doesn't really love you. She just wants to start a family while she has time... And frankly at that age she's probably desperate. Real love will love for you, not for kids you may or may not produce.
 
Lynx said:
This reminds me of the author of xkcd, a webcomic I follow. He got engaged and later married to his wife while she was taking treatments for breast cancer.
Ten years later he posted a comic about it:

HER: When they showed me the ten year survival graph I never thought I'd make it this far. I don't know why you married me when things looked so bad, but it was very sweet of you.

HIM: You make it sound like an act of grace, instead of something I desperately wanted to do but was afraid I would never get to do. You're the coolest person I've ever met. I just wanted whatever time we could have together.

This is a handy litmus test you got here though. If she rejects you because y'all can't have kids, she doesn't really love you. She just wants to start a family while she has time... And frankly at that age she's probably desperate. Real love will love for you, not for kids you may or may not produce.
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I knew a woman who was a missionary all of her life. Her parents were on the mission field and she continued. Everyone assumed she would never marry. She was a very independent and capable woman. She had a wonderful singing voice and spoke on all her travels. She led a very interesting life. She decided to come home for several years and she had a pastor and wife that she was close friends with. The wife took cancer and died. After a decent amount of time we heard there was to be a wedding. She married the pastor and they took a church. He was at her bedside when she passed a few years ago. You never know who God may send your way.
 
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Benoriel said:
I'm a few short years away from my 40's and I live with my family still. I have never been in a relationship before partially because I miss cues or the women I've been interested in just don't see me the same way. Due to some psychological reasons I've been placed on a small array of medications and I'm not sure if it's the medicine or something else but I'm no longer functional in a certain way.

Should I even try to date if I can't have children?
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sure! you may meet someone else in that category which already sets in place many concerns in a relationship. 1 is that there is a mutual sort of understanding. meaning that a lot of pre-relationship ?'s are already answered.
 
what you never been on a date
do you know how to behave on one just wondering, all it is really is spending one on one time out with someone and making them feel special and then go home afterwards. It can just be for at most two hours.

you dont have to marry anyone or kiss them or whatever just be friendly. if they want to see you again the will. If they dont thats ok. No big deal. Talk about whatver you like. If you ask someone out though you need to provide the activity and pay for it, if it costs thats the rule. Dont make the lady pay or expect her to do any favours.
 
There is also the sexual gratification issue. Your prospective spouse would likely take that into consideration as well.

I cannot believe that there isn't some kind of workaround for this, though.
 
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