S
Greeting Saints
this is my first chat room experience. i'm old-fashion, i like face to face encounters. desperation motivates me. i've been a Christian for many years with much experience. i've known many victories and have been on countless exhilarating, thrilling, soul-tingling experiences with the Lord. my journey is winding down, i do believe. months ago i had an awesome dream. actually, it is a dream that i've had for probably 25 years. briefly, in these dreams i am on the surface of this planet and see very huge flying objects in the sky. they are absolutely huge. they are not planes. they are different aircrafts. in the last couple years they have been taking on a more ominous character; i am always in awe of them but sense danger with them.
in the last 3 dreams they come perilously close to the surface of our planet. then in the last dream, three of the aircrafts crashed. for the first time i observed the four occupants. three of them were Satan's top demons and the last one was Satan. they crashed right near, but not on the property of my workplace. the building i work in is located in the middle of our parking lot. the parking lot is next to train tracks and separated by a fence. to the north of the building the 3 top demons were sitting on a communication tower. to the south of the building satan himself was hanging onto a big tower. strangely, when satan came into view the "camera" in my mind ever so slowly scanned him from his head to his feet. it was as if the "camera" wanted me to get a real good look at him. neither satan nor the 3 demons would come onto the property. (I have taken it upon myself to anoint the entrances of the building with oil and i pray every morning - part of the prayer is the casting out of demons and the sanctification of the property).
the four were there exclusively for me; they wanted me in the worst way. in the dream i'm standing in the parking lot observing this incredible sight. satan was huge, maybe 30 feet tall, tombstone gray, muscular with shark-like eyes and two rather small horns protruding from his schull. all four were intently observing me. satan lowered his hand and touched the ground and suddenly there was a flood coming at me, more like a tsumnami. I retreated into the building because i had to put on different clothes - warrior clothes. the building i worked in began to crumble, people scattering everywhere. i was in a rush to find the clothes because i really, really wanted to go back outside to fight the four of them. but because of the collapse of the building, people were stark raving scared and scattering everywhere. I knew I had to try to save them. i somehow knew that nothing would harm me. strangely, a woman colleague who despises me had fallen to the floor totally scared. i covered her with my body because the building was collapsing and i knew if i covered her with my body she would be safe, which she was. there was another small group of people listening intently to a false teacher and i knew i could do nothing for them - they were doomed. then i found my warrior clothes. the dream ended and i awoke in a cold sweat.
i instantly knew that the dream was, in part, a warning. the major warning was that the greatest spiritual struggle of my life would soon begin. although in the dream i was extremely excited and anxious to engage the four in battle, in real life i was quite troubled by this. many in my office look to me as a leader. i also have many enemies. i have been in many battles but God gave me victory in all of them. but somehow i knew this battle would be unlike all previous battles, as if Satan would go all out to put me down. i'm not one to shrink from warfare; indeed, it rather excites me especially when the Lord is doing most of the fighting. can't lose with the Lord. but this dream left me feeling vulnerable. i sense that this battle would be my greatest challenge. i know that there is more to the dream; there is more to come.
i have become somewhat of a lone ranger. this is not my desire. i do not have a home church and i do not drive. for most of my Christian life i have been a vibrant member of a church. after i stopped driviing, i just haven't really been going to church. my christian friends are pretty much all gone. but i'm extremely familar with all of scriptures and God has used me over 3 decades to lead about 250 souls to Christ, all one on one encounters. Many seek out my counsel. i am totally use to walking alone with God; my faith is strong. but i am at a point in my life where i feel weak. i feel i'm slipping.
my wife left me after a 20 year marriage. i deeply loved her. i dated one woman for a while but stopped. i have been celibate for the last 7 years. i have been blessed with a strong, athletic body and look much younger than my years. in fact, i receive entirely too much female attention but i am quite strong in that area. but in the last year i found my heart began to be quite lonely but i dismissed it. just grin and bear it. don't really like to date. i really wanted to spend the rest of my life alone, just doing the Lord's work.
this brings me to my desperation. a month or so after having the dream things began to happen. i seemed to be engaged in battles on several fronts. after a day in the world i'd come home very spent. i then had a stroke and miraculously recovered totally, returned to work in 2 days. then a month after that i had two heart attacks - and went to work the next day. all the saints at work were worried and gathered around me and covered me with their prayers. i'm so use to ministering to others, i guess i never think of receiving mintering. i did not seek medical attention. then the Lord allowed me to have another heart attack at the job. this forced me to seek medical attention. the job was insistent. Satan was pulling out all stops to crush me. indeed, it got too intense and i was all ready to give up the "Ghost." and i began to feel so utterly alone.
now the big problem. there is an Indian girl (let's call her Boo) at my job whom i am very close to. she is only 28 and quite possibly the most beautiful woman i've ever seen. i'm a Christian, she's hindu. i'm single, she's married in an arranged marriage. she's indian, i'm of another race. she's 28, i'm 56. i've known her since she was 20 and we have always been very close. I find it rather easy to keep myself pure. but Boo is quite different from any woman i've met. i feel quite weak around her. so weak that years ago i said to the Lord "please, don't let her ever become attracted to me because i don't think i can resist her. i can resist any woman on the planet, but not her." satan has sent many women to tempt me and i not only resist but end up leading them to Christ. I asked the Lord many years ago, especially after my failed marriage, that whoever satan sends to tempt me, allow me to lead that person to Christ. and the Lord has honored this petition. perhaps i got too confident. but boo's hours changed and we found ourselves alone at the job (i'm one of the last to leave). we spent more and more time together. we fell in love. she is a hindu - open but resistant to the gospel. and she's married. i just can't seem to resist the girl and i am in way over my head. i pray about this situation every day. but i'm getting no where. i feel the anointing has left me. i tried quiting her 6 times but she has a way with me and draws me back into her world. that dream was a real harbinger. indeed, it seems like all around me is collapsing since i had that dream. i am totally grieved that boo is not saved - this bothers me tremendously. i have never grieved over a soul as i do her's.
i've lived by four rules when it comes to women: never get involved with a married woman, never get involved with a woman who lives with a guy, never get involved with a woman who is in love with someone and never, ever get involved with a woman who does not belong to Jesus. i never broke any one of those rules. never even came close; i am strong in this area. but with boo i'm totally messing up and quite frankly it scares the heck out of me. our involvement has become an issue at the job. i have an important position with authority so folks don't say anything openly. but her indian friends have turned against her and the saints, though polite and respectful, keep their distance from me. and though i have pleaded with the Lord to take her out of my heart, she's still strongly there. you might say i'm at wit's end. even a little scared. boo is acting way out of character for her. she has a strong moral base. many guys have tried to entice her but she has proven herself umovable. in fact, i never thought she would give expression to her feelings for me. our relationship is total taboo in her culture. but she has turned her back on everything to be with me; so, it seems, have i. but to be honest, boo is more Christ-like than most Christian women i've met. there is no justification for us being together. it's downright wrong.
i come to this chat room for one reason: saints i need serious prayer from many mature saints. pray that the Lord separate our hearts but leave intact a friendship, if possible. PRAY FOR BOO'S SAVATION.
the worst thing about this whole drama is the missinig intimacy with Jesus. my life-long request, the thing that i desire most of the Lord is to love him way beyond my human capacity to love him. He has gloriously answered this. but siince this sinful relationship my Lord seems so distant. yes, i am still his child but the intimacy is gone. i miss His wonderful voice, our chats, our adventures. now it's more of me just talking. but i don't hear his reply. i have studied the bible diligently for over 2 decades but lately i've been avoiding it. Please pray for the both of us. Please pray that i overcome this battle iin my life.
God's grace be with all,
soulhunter
this is my first chat room experience. i'm old-fashion, i like face to face encounters. desperation motivates me. i've been a Christian for many years with much experience. i've known many victories and have been on countless exhilarating, thrilling, soul-tingling experiences with the Lord. my journey is winding down, i do believe. months ago i had an awesome dream. actually, it is a dream that i've had for probably 25 years. briefly, in these dreams i am on the surface of this planet and see very huge flying objects in the sky. they are absolutely huge. they are not planes. they are different aircrafts. in the last couple years they have been taking on a more ominous character; i am always in awe of them but sense danger with them.
in the last 3 dreams they come perilously close to the surface of our planet. then in the last dream, three of the aircrafts crashed. for the first time i observed the four occupants. three of them were Satan's top demons and the last one was Satan. they crashed right near, but not on the property of my workplace. the building i work in is located in the middle of our parking lot. the parking lot is next to train tracks and separated by a fence. to the north of the building the 3 top demons were sitting on a communication tower. to the south of the building satan himself was hanging onto a big tower. strangely, when satan came into view the "camera" in my mind ever so slowly scanned him from his head to his feet. it was as if the "camera" wanted me to get a real good look at him. neither satan nor the 3 demons would come onto the property. (I have taken it upon myself to anoint the entrances of the building with oil and i pray every morning - part of the prayer is the casting out of demons and the sanctification of the property).
the four were there exclusively for me; they wanted me in the worst way. in the dream i'm standing in the parking lot observing this incredible sight. satan was huge, maybe 30 feet tall, tombstone gray, muscular with shark-like eyes and two rather small horns protruding from his schull. all four were intently observing me. satan lowered his hand and touched the ground and suddenly there was a flood coming at me, more like a tsumnami. I retreated into the building because i had to put on different clothes - warrior clothes. the building i worked in began to crumble, people scattering everywhere. i was in a rush to find the clothes because i really, really wanted to go back outside to fight the four of them. but because of the collapse of the building, people were stark raving scared and scattering everywhere. I knew I had to try to save them. i somehow knew that nothing would harm me. strangely, a woman colleague who despises me had fallen to the floor totally scared. i covered her with my body because the building was collapsing and i knew if i covered her with my body she would be safe, which she was. there was another small group of people listening intently to a false teacher and i knew i could do nothing for them - they were doomed. then i found my warrior clothes. the dream ended and i awoke in a cold sweat.
i instantly knew that the dream was, in part, a warning. the major warning was that the greatest spiritual struggle of my life would soon begin. although in the dream i was extremely excited and anxious to engage the four in battle, in real life i was quite troubled by this. many in my office look to me as a leader. i also have many enemies. i have been in many battles but God gave me victory in all of them. but somehow i knew this battle would be unlike all previous battles, as if Satan would go all out to put me down. i'm not one to shrink from warfare; indeed, it rather excites me especially when the Lord is doing most of the fighting. can't lose with the Lord. but this dream left me feeling vulnerable. i sense that this battle would be my greatest challenge. i know that there is more to the dream; there is more to come.
i have become somewhat of a lone ranger. this is not my desire. i do not have a home church and i do not drive. for most of my Christian life i have been a vibrant member of a church. after i stopped driviing, i just haven't really been going to church. my christian friends are pretty much all gone. but i'm extremely familar with all of scriptures and God has used me over 3 decades to lead about 250 souls to Christ, all one on one encounters. Many seek out my counsel. i am totally use to walking alone with God; my faith is strong. but i am at a point in my life where i feel weak. i feel i'm slipping.
my wife left me after a 20 year marriage. i deeply loved her. i dated one woman for a while but stopped. i have been celibate for the last 7 years. i have been blessed with a strong, athletic body and look much younger than my years. in fact, i receive entirely too much female attention but i am quite strong in that area. but in the last year i found my heart began to be quite lonely but i dismissed it. just grin and bear it. don't really like to date. i really wanted to spend the rest of my life alone, just doing the Lord's work.
this brings me to my desperation. a month or so after having the dream things began to happen. i seemed to be engaged in battles on several fronts. after a day in the world i'd come home very spent. i then had a stroke and miraculously recovered totally, returned to work in 2 days. then a month after that i had two heart attacks - and went to work the next day. all the saints at work were worried and gathered around me and covered me with their prayers. i'm so use to ministering to others, i guess i never think of receiving mintering. i did not seek medical attention. then the Lord allowed me to have another heart attack at the job. this forced me to seek medical attention. the job was insistent. Satan was pulling out all stops to crush me. indeed, it got too intense and i was all ready to give up the "Ghost." and i began to feel so utterly alone.
now the big problem. there is an Indian girl (let's call her Boo) at my job whom i am very close to. she is only 28 and quite possibly the most beautiful woman i've ever seen. i'm a Christian, she's hindu. i'm single, she's married in an arranged marriage. she's indian, i'm of another race. she's 28, i'm 56. i've known her since she was 20 and we have always been very close. I find it rather easy to keep myself pure. but Boo is quite different from any woman i've met. i feel quite weak around her. so weak that years ago i said to the Lord "please, don't let her ever become attracted to me because i don't think i can resist her. i can resist any woman on the planet, but not her." satan has sent many women to tempt me and i not only resist but end up leading them to Christ. I asked the Lord many years ago, especially after my failed marriage, that whoever satan sends to tempt me, allow me to lead that person to Christ. and the Lord has honored this petition. perhaps i got too confident. but boo's hours changed and we found ourselves alone at the job (i'm one of the last to leave). we spent more and more time together. we fell in love. she is a hindu - open but resistant to the gospel. and she's married. i just can't seem to resist the girl and i am in way over my head. i pray about this situation every day. but i'm getting no where. i feel the anointing has left me. i tried quiting her 6 times but she has a way with me and draws me back into her world. that dream was a real harbinger. indeed, it seems like all around me is collapsing since i had that dream. i am totally grieved that boo is not saved - this bothers me tremendously. i have never grieved over a soul as i do her's.
i've lived by four rules when it comes to women: never get involved with a married woman, never get involved with a woman who lives with a guy, never get involved with a woman who is in love with someone and never, ever get involved with a woman who does not belong to Jesus. i never broke any one of those rules. never even came close; i am strong in this area. but with boo i'm totally messing up and quite frankly it scares the heck out of me. our involvement has become an issue at the job. i have an important position with authority so folks don't say anything openly. but her indian friends have turned against her and the saints, though polite and respectful, keep their distance from me. and though i have pleaded with the Lord to take her out of my heart, she's still strongly there. you might say i'm at wit's end. even a little scared. boo is acting way out of character for her. she has a strong moral base. many guys have tried to entice her but she has proven herself umovable. in fact, i never thought she would give expression to her feelings for me. our relationship is total taboo in her culture. but she has turned her back on everything to be with me; so, it seems, have i. but to be honest, boo is more Christ-like than most Christian women i've met. there is no justification for us being together. it's downright wrong.
i come to this chat room for one reason: saints i need serious prayer from many mature saints. pray that the Lord separate our hearts but leave intact a friendship, if possible. PRAY FOR BOO'S SAVATION.
the worst thing about this whole drama is the missinig intimacy with Jesus. my life-long request, the thing that i desire most of the Lord is to love him way beyond my human capacity to love him. He has gloriously answered this. but siince this sinful relationship my Lord seems so distant. yes, i am still his child but the intimacy is gone. i miss His wonderful voice, our chats, our adventures. now it's more of me just talking. but i don't hear his reply. i have studied the bible diligently for over 2 decades but lately i've been avoiding it. Please pray for the both of us. Please pray that i overcome this battle iin my life.
God's grace be with all,
soulhunter
