speak up or not?

[Jullianna]

If you see a good friend becoming involved with someone you know is wrong for them or would hurt them, do you speak up or keep quiet until they figure it out?

Let's take it a step further. Suppose you know something awful about someone a friend is dating, do you tell them? Not tell them?

Where is the line?

 

[Matthew]

This question reminds me of a conversation I once had with my Grandfather before he passed.....he asked me what I would do if I found out someone I cared about was having an affair, his answer was that you do nothing and stay out of peoples lives, regardless of what they may mean to you.

I could see his logic as I always could, but the policy of non-interference is good only for ourselves, it may be valid but it's ultimately self-serving, and that's not what we ought to aspire too.

I would tell the person in question, but that is all I would do, I would not interfere by way of telling them they should walk away or slow things down etc....I would simply provide them with the information they have a right too and that they need so they are able to guard their heart in the way everyone should always be able too.

In my opinion I wouldn't be much of a friend if I let someone I cared for go into a relationship missing a serious piece of information, or simply my honest opinion about what they are getting into, true relationships can survive that kind of thing.

 

[princessbella]

Julianna i had a situation a while back, my friend had got involved with someone on the internet from a christian dating website, she was totally in love with the guy everything she wanted in a guy even before meeting him, he promised her marriage and children.. However to me there were alot of red flags from the things that she was telling me, while i advised her to cautious i kept out of it because i had no prooof that what i was feeling in my spirit was right.. id never met this guy all i knew is that he was promising her things and talking her into having sex with him.. Anyway to cut a long story short,i by accident i found his profile on a dating website hed turned up again on the same website what hed told her he,d taken his profile off..

Many people here might disagree with what i did as interfering but i needed proof he couldnt talk his way out of so as he didnt know he i emailied him to find out what he was about and without any encouragement in various messenger conversations telling me i was the one and wanted to meet me.. So i had the job of telling my friend he was a player , which she was grateful that i had and didnt see it as interfering as i was not only concerned about her but my goddaughter (her daugher aswell).. i just told her and let her make the decision about whether she beleived what i was saying from the proof i provided and what she was going to do about it

 

[christiancollegegirl]

I would tell them.

I've gotten involved with some guys that weren't the best for me. My friends tried to warn me about them, but I didn't listen and ended up regretting it.

 

[kayem77]

I would tell them but the decission is up to them. I would try not to sound pushy, just to express my concern and observations.

 

[Ugly]

I'm a direct person. I not only tell them what i know, but explain how its bad, and how it could hurt them in the future. I make it clear what size a risk it is to continue with this person. And yes, i will even make a recommendation on my opinion on how to handle it. But, of course, it's their final decision. But at least i feel good knowing i did my part, no matter what they choose.

 

[Hommer]

If you do speak up I think you need to be careful what is said............in other words you might say something like ..........."hey I know this guy or girl did this, BUT the could have changed...but I wanted to be aware in case they are still doing it.........." I mean I dont think you should slander them but might give them a heads up.........

 

[zeroturbulence]

If you see a good friend becoming involved with someone you know is wrong for them or would hurt them, do you speak up or keep quiet until they figure it out?

Let's take it a step further. Suppose you know something awful about someone a friend is dating, do you tell them? Not tell them?

Where is the line?

I would tell them as gently as possible because they will eventually figure it out and ask you if you knew, then you would have to say yes and then they'd be all "THEN WHY DIDN"T YOU SAY SOMETHING!!"

 

[babarainbowsheep]

I would tell them but in that keeping a open mind that things are not always as they seem.
it could be a missunderstanding.
Had one friend who was on a dating site and they kept using her picture as if she was still a member there even though she was not and had never had any contact with anyone there.She emailed the datingsite telling them she did not want a part of it but she never got any replies.
After many atempts she "gave up" and ignored it.
But had her partner not known about it (she told him) he may of misinterpreted it as if she was "playing" for others while with him.

To have a honest communication is good.
Her partner and her knew eachother on a very deep soulful level and there was no dramas but had it been someone else or didnt know her etc.

Dating someone who is married and using another identity is no fun and that does seem to happen.
Its not right cheat someone with pure will, love and intent like that.

I would tell them what I know.
But also keep a open mind that its possible Im wrong and things are not as they seem....
Maybe there is a good and actually true explanation...

 

[niceguyJ]

If you see a good friend becoming involved with someone you know is wrong for them or would hurt them, do you speak up or keep quiet until they figure it out?

Let's take it a step further. Suppose you know something awful about someone a friend is dating, do you tell them? Not tell them?

Where is the line?

Would you want to be told?

I'd speak up. Then it's up to them what they do with it.

 

[Jullianna]

I would tell them as gently as possible because they will eventually figure it out and ask you if you knew, then you would have to say yes and then they'd be all "THEN WHY DIDN"T YOU SAY SOMETHING!!"

Exactly what I was thinking.... If I discovered that someone I considered to be a friend knew something and didn't trust my heart for them enough to tell me, I would be very upset with them. But we do need to approach wisely, huh?

 

[el]

I would tell them.. I dont mind telling them what I honestly think of that person (whether its just somjething I know for sure or even a simple impression or feeling I have about them...of course explaining to my friend that it is MY opinion and try to be as objective as possible about it...and all at the same time assuring my friend that I care about her and her life/heart deeply and that I don't wanna see her get hurt)..

 

[Bridget_in_China]

I've always been the unpopular one who has told her friends the truth.. Sometimes it's not wanted but other times it has been appreciated. I would want the same kind of frank honesty in return.. Even if it hurt..

 

[el]

I've always been the unpopular one who has told her friends the truth.. Sometimes it's not wanted but other times it has been appreciated. I would want the same kind of frank honesty in return.. Even if it hurt..

Yes..exactly! I totally agree. Same here...