stickers on cars, celebrating family, soapboxing

[SeatBelt]

I started typing this up in response to something and realized that it was either a grand derailer or would go somewhat unnoticed, and am therefore giving it its own thread to live (& thrive or wither) in.

Everyone around here has those little window decals that indicate their family with stick figures or whatever on the rear window (not a Hitchcock reference) of their vehicle. The cooler ones are possibly the Star Wars or zombie themed ones.

I've toyed with getting some and putting up just me and the kids or doing up a small tasteful logo that says "Proud Single Christian Dad."

My motivation is that a) I AM Proud. Proud of my kids. Proud to be able to do this on my own. Proud of the opportunity. And most important of all Proud of the Lord God without whom I could do none of this. and b) I like the idea of doing anything that indicates to my kids a sense of family connection.

I guess what's stopping me is the potential for unwanted attention this might bring. In particular from single moms desperately lookin for a new daddy for their kid(s).
I get a little bit of that already, and a little is More than enough thankyouverymuch.
I may be, oh what's that word... Gun-shy... but I am inclined to think that the day may eventually come that I want some dedicated personal companionship and achieve the ability to trust someone sufficiently (this must be scared guy talk for "a date"???). The Man-Hungry women out there do nothing to further the cause of the single parents. For now, I just wish I could find more ways to celebrate & focus on my kids other than getting a tattoo (yeah, people suggest that to me a lot).

As long as I'm soapboxing... anyone else notice that all the divorce books and single parenting books use only (though sometimes primarily) feminine pronouns and target a decidedly female audience. Look, just because there's a lot (metric tons) of scumbag "here, now You raise em" dads out there, doesn't mean that there isn't a market for this stuff. I would pay Extra for a decent Christian book on single parenting that doesn't require me to go through and black out all the S's on the pronouns to make it readable. I'd say that I am going to sit down and write one, but really, most nights I don't even sit down and sleep more than 4-6 hours. (yeah, I know, stay off CC and I'll sleep more, right? Yeah, right.)

There. It's a thread. Whatever.

 

[zaoman32]

Well, thank you, you're officially the only other single dad I know of that actually want's their kid(s). I was beginning to think I was the only one, but now I know there are at least two of us! Somebody made a thread here a bit ago about kids with divorced parents, and I was hoping for some closure on how kids turn out when both parents are involved, unfortunately every person who posted had no father figure, so it was no help. I'm just worried to death about my kind emotional well-being from their mom and I getting divorced. That's really my main concern

Anyway, I got a bit off track, but it does make me feel better knowing I'm not the only dad out there who cares about his kids. Thanks for posting

 

[Ugly]

First, derailing a thread means to change the topic from its original intent, so how the first, original post can derail the thread, when its the very post that defines the thread is beyond me.

Second, if you did put this 'single christian dad' sticker up, how exactly would these women be flocking to you? Are they going to pull up beside you and hand you their number at a red light, or leave it on your windshield while you're in the grocery store? Or will they just sit at your car waiting for you to come out? I think there's a bit of over-exaggeration in your mind, when it comes to the responses you will get from this sticker. As a single guy myself, i have seen my fair share of desperate single women, but i don't see how feasible it is in your car, to think its going to effect much.

 

[DuchessAimee]

First, derailing a thread means to change the topic from its original intent, so how the first, original post can derail the thread, when its the very post that defines the thread is beyond me.

Second, if you did put this 'single christian dad' sticker up, how exactly would these women be flocking to you? Are they going to pull up beside you and hand you their number at a red light, or leave it on your windshield while you're in the grocery store? Or will they just sit at your car waiting for you to come out? I think there's a bit of over-exaggeration in your mind, when it comes to the responses you will get from this sticker. As a single guy myself, i have seen my fair share of desperate single women, but i don't see how feasible it is in your car, to think its going to effect much.

He's being sarcastic, and I know of a couple of females who basically stalk single Christian men. He may very well be stopped at a light! To quote Soulja, "Womenz be crazy".

 

[DuchessAimee]

Seatbelt, Zaoman, it is refreshing and healing for me to know that there are men who actually WANT their children. Keep up the good work gents!

 

[arwen83]

When the father is absent (physically or emotionally) in a child's life, it has serious consequences. Children need their dads. I agree with Aimee, it is great and refreshing to hear that men want to be a part of their child's life.

 

[DuchessAimee]

When the father is absent (physically or emotionally) in a child's life, it has serious consequences. Children need their dads. I agree with Aimee, it is great and refreshing to hear that men want to be a part of their child's life.

Yep, Arwen, you're right. I didn't grow up with a father. My first memory and my only memory of my father is of him leaving. That has had a such an impact on me that I can't fully form the words to describe it. Love your babies, y'all. Be there for them. They need it.

 

[SeatBelt]

First, derailing a thread means to change the topic from its original intent, so how the first, original post can derail the thread, when its the very post that defines the thread is beyond me.

Slow down, boss. I started this thread Rather than posting it on something else risking derailment.

Second, if you did put this 'single christian dad' sticker up, how exactly would these women be flocking to you? Are they going to pull up beside you and hand you their number at a red light, or leave it on your windshield while you're in the grocery store? Or will they just sit at your car waiting for you to come out? I think there's a bit of over-exaggeration in your mind, when it comes to the responses you will get from this sticker. As a single guy myself, i have seen my fair share of desperate single women, but i don't see how feasible it is in your car, to think its going to effect much.

As for that, well... maybe I do think too highly of myself...or maybe it's that I'm still in run and hide mode and already I have mom's with kids in their walmart cart hit on me, have coworkers trying to set me up with their niece even though they know my divorce isn't final, and get the dinner invitations that turn into "Oh, and you've met my cousin before, right?"
I work on the opposite side of town from where I live and people are scandalous on both sides of the tracks. I have had ghetto mommas tryin ta holler at me at stoplights before & cougars make eyes at me in the public library.
I am NOT that handsome, so unless there's some billboard out there that says to tease the short nerdy dude, I don't get it. I do know, however, that more than one source has told me that seeing a guy being a good dad makes some women think about him being a good dad for their kids and others think more in terms of their own "daddy issues," and that either of those can result in some of this unwanted attention I get.

Maybe you should take your neighbor's kids to the park sometime this spring and see what it gets you. No promises, just suggesting.

 

[Jullianna]

Amen, arwen. Although my stepdad will always be my hero, a part of me still hurts when I hear songs like these and wonder what it must be like to have such a relationship with your father:

Cinderella - Steven Curtis Chapman w.lyrics - YouTube

Bob Carlisle - Butterfly Kisses (Country Version) - YouTube

 

[SeatBelt]

Amen, arwen. Although my stepdad will always be my hero, a part of me still hurts when I hear songs like these and wonder what it must be like to have such a relationship with your father:

I didn't even watch the vid & shed a tear.

 

[SeatBelt]

When the father is absent (physically or emotionally) in a child's life, it has serious consequences. Children need their dads. I agree with Aimee, it is great and refreshing to hear that men want to be a part of their child's life.

...and perplexing when a mother only wants her kids to avoid child support, or for lesser reasons that even that.

Special hugs out to my Sisters in Christ and any Brothers in Christ who had a void in the family pictures (physically or emotionally).
I learned a few years back that my Heavenly Father can fill in the holes my own parenting left in me. Much of this has been filled by Christian Mentors that I sought out for myself (using the guidance of the Spirit). One of the things I pray for regularly (esp when leading a prayer @ CR) is Thanking my Heavenly Father for letting me call him Father, for filling these holes, and for being the perfect example of a father to look to in areas where my own father may have fallen short, but also I pray (admitting my own humanity) that God help me to raise my kids such that they will look to Him as that perfect example of a father when my own fathering falls short or in ways that I have previously failed.
I'm no great student of The Word, but I hope those words hold some small comfort for you.

 

[arwen83]

My father is in my life- my parents aren't divorced- but emotionally distant. He doesn't like conflict and is a big avoider. He doesn't ask about my life much, when he does, he doesn't listen, tells me his opinion and changes the subject. He helps me out with if I am having problems with my car and things like that. But he isn't emotionally there, but I know that he didn't grow up in the greatest home. There is a lot of hurt there that is stuff deep down inside, not dealt with but shows its ugly face through other ways~ and as a result, it is being passed down. I once was told that to let God be that father in the ways your father wasn't. That way I can find a way to forgive my father for not being the father that I needed him to be. I know I was in some bad situations early on in my life, as a result of not having a protective father. I can only pray that my husband would be a good dad.

 

[arwen83]

Wow, this is such an emotional subject, I think, for a lot of us

 

[SeatBelt]

Well, thank you, you're officially the only other single dad I know of that actually want's their kid(s). I was beginning to think I was the only one, but now I know there are at least two of us! Somebody made a thread here a bit ago about kids with divorced parents, and I was hoping for some closure on how kids turn out when both parents are involved, unfortunately every person who posted had no father figure, so it was no help. I'm just worried to death about my kind emotional well-being from their mom and I getting divorced. That's really my main concern

Anyway, I got a bit off track, but it does make me feel better knowing I'm not the only dad out there who cares about his kids. Thanks for posting

Maybe you & me need to start some special interest group or somesuch. I'd be cool with more time around the likes of you anyway.
As for getting off track, I'd no idea where I was going or wanted others to go with this thread (hence the hat trick of titles) so as far as I am concerned the thread has not wandered.
I try to keep other positive women involved with my kids, but I know that can only partially fill the hole that she created. The sad reality is that the hole was there long before she packed her things to go.

 

[zaoman32]

Amen, arwen. Although my stepdad will always be my hero, a part of me still hurts when I hear songs like these and wonder what it must be like to have such a relationship with your father:

Cinderella - Steven Curtis Chapman w.lyrics - YouTube

Bob Carlisle - Butterfly Kisses (Country Version) - YouTube

I can't listen to this first song...ever.

My father is in my life- my parents aren't divorced- but emotionally distant. He doesn't like conflict and is a big avoider. He doesn't ask about my life much, when he does, he doesn't listen, tells me his opinion and changes the subject. He helps me out with if I am having problems with my car and things like that. But he isn't emotionally there, but I know that he didn't grow up in the greatest home. There is a lot of hurt there that is stuff deep down inside, not dealt with but shows its ugly face through other ways~ and as a result, it is being passed down. I once was told that to let God be that father in the ways your father wasn't. That way I can find a way to forgive my father for not being the father that I needed him to be. I know I was in some bad situations early on in my life, as a result of not having a protective father. I can only pray that my husband would be a good dad.

I would "like" this post just to show my support and let you know how bad I feel for you, but for some reason "like" seems to be an unreasonable action. So just know that

 

[SeatBelt]

arwen83 (& anyone else that this may apply to),
from what I know of psychology, we tend to pick as a spouse what we had as a parent - usually moving up or down the ladder a few rungs. I can hear between your words that maybe your father did a little better than his dad. Maybe so? In any case, I know that you Can and Will do better for your own children someday. I can say that not because I claim to be a modern prophet or some other un-Biblical lunacy, but because I hear so much determination in your words that I know you will choose to not settle (not a Volvo thread reference) for someone less than what you feel is right.
You can do more than pray about your future husband, my dear friend. You can prepare yourself for him. The more healing you can do before you wed, the better the man you wed will be.
As for those bad situations, there is hope and healing offered for that too. Forgiveness is powerful medicine, and not the only thing in The Great Physician's first aid kit.
God Loves you, sister. And I think yer mighty nifty, too.
Please forgive my public but personal response, arwen83. I wanted these words to be out there on the odd chance they meant something to more than just you. I hope that does not smack of hubris. i simply know God has used other people's posts on here like that for me - an observer to the conversation who found hope, strength, and healing in something that wasn't even mine or intended for me by the one who penned the words.

 

[Donkeyfish07]

You might get some attention from single women if you put at sticker like that on your car, but it's not like they are going to honk their horns...flash their lights, pull you over, and harass you. I don't see it being a big deal

 

[SeatBelt]

I can't listen to this first song...ever.

C'mon just because it's Steven Curtis Chapman by Cinderella? You got something against hairbands?
Seriously, tho, as a man who buys Kleenex in the jumbo box multi-packs, I get that.

I would "like" this post just to show my support and let you know how bad I feel for you, but for some reason "like" seems to be an unreasonable action. So just know that

I second that. Twould be nice to have another button that is labeled something like "surprise with a brownie," "take to Tim Horton's," or "Hug"

 

[DuchessAimee]

Wow, this is such an emotional subject, I think, for a lot of us

Oh yeah. I've cried more than once reading and responding to this thread. I can't even watch the vids Jullianna posted.

 

[Ugly]

He's being sarcastic, and I know of a couple of females who basically stalk single Christian men. He may very well be stopped at a light! To quote Soulja, "Womenz be crazy".

I didn't say they weren't out there. What i said was are there really so many out there that he's really at all at such risk sitting at a light.