Still praying for a miracle

[draven439]

I'm praying to God for a huge miracle, I had been an alcoholic for many years and it has destroyed my marriage, my wife stop caring and has started a relationship with someone else so now she wants to leave me, I've stopped drinking I'm going to church, praying and been fasting half days, I don't expect things to change overnight but it really breaks my heart when she leaves to see him and doesn't come home until the next day, our daughter is also suffering because of this, I know is my fault, I'm asking God to heal my wife's heart and help me restore my marriage, I really think there's still hope for us to work things out and raise our daughter together in Christ

 

[Ugly]

First off,don't be so quick to take all the blame. Yes, you do shoulder some blame, i'm not trying to say you're fully off the hook. But to say its all your fault that she is cheating, just is not true. She had to make that choice. She had the option to remain faithful, regardless of what you were doing. She had the option (right or wrong) to divorce you before engaging in another relationship. I understand the guilt of addiction, but don't let that guilt let other people off the hook for their wrong doings.
Being a bad spouse is not an excuse to cheat. Does not lay the blame on the 'bad' spouse. Basically she had non right, whatsoever, to do what she did. She is wrong in HER choices and HER actions and is actually putting herself in your role. You were the 'bad' spouse before, but now you're changing and trying to become a good spouse, but now SHE'S the bad spouse because she is acting selfishly. Not being considerate of her child, her marriage vows. She is now the one with an addiction. She took your place as the family addict.
Its quite a sad situation and i hope you can get some kind of positive resolution. I commend you for getting sober, and staying sober, even through the stress of your continued marital problems. Its awesome that you haven't fallen back into drinking to cope with your wife's choices. I hope you continue to stay strong and on the right path, regardless of the outcome.

 

[shemaiah]

Its cool that the you are taking the effort to change, may God guide you through that walk. I will pray for you and your family. God bless

 

[anonymous04]

Rough, I'll say a prayer for you

 

[dmdave17]

Dear friend,

Here are some important truths to keep with you always as you seek to put your life back together.

" If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9) You have taken the important first step toward redemption. Try to build on that as you go forward.

God loves you unconditionally and stands ready to answer your prayers that are in alignment with His will. Since He hates divorce (see Jesus' pronouncements in several of the gospels), it would seem that putting your marriage back together would be something which would be in agreement with His will.

It's not going to be easy. As much as He loved us (enough to die in our place and suffer the wrath of His Father), Christ warned us, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33, emphasis added) But He has promised to be with you every step of the way; "I will never leave you nor forsake you." (Joshua 1:5)

If I were you, I would totally humble myself before my wife, and God. Ask for her forgiveness just as you asked for God's, but accept the fact that she might not be as forgiving, at first, as God has been. Tell her how much you love her, and how you regret the things which you did because of your addiction to alcohol, and how you have vowed that they will not happen again.

And most of all, "walk the walk". Treat her with the utmost kindness and respect. Show her the new side of your character in both word and deed. And give her some space to work things out in her own way, in her own time. I believe that you will get nowhere by pressuring her to take you back until she has seen that you are, indeed, a new person in Christ.

And don't stop praying. I truly believe that God wants to see your marriage healed. But you must be patient and let Him work out the details. Just trust that His solution will be the best for all concerned.

May God answer your prayers, and may you find peace in knowing that Jesus walks by your side.

 

[joshhuntnm]

so sorry to hear. I pray God comes through for you.

 

[BarlyGurl]

I am going to use Ugly's very good counsel as a springboard here... IMO you would be doing a righteous thing regarding headship in marriage to file for a separation. I realize many people would not encourage this for an assortment of reasons... however... your marriage/family does not consist of just you and your wife... there is a child involved and it is your job to be a Godly FATHER to your daughter in protecting her from the damage of your wife's adultery is causing. Adultery is a violation of the marriage covenant... knowingly allowing your wife the freedom to come and go to her lovers bed at will is 1) not giving her freedom to cause her to experience the consequences of her sin 2) not taking action is a passivity that will never cause her to respect YOU, and will ultimately pollute your child the same way. I am not saying to divorce her... I am saying go to the courthouse and file a legal seperation paper... sit her down and tell her that you desire to reconcille and restore the marriage and wish to transform your home into a God honoring home and the TERMS of continuing to live in your house, under your roof, and recieving your provision do not include practicing adultery and she has two choices,1) to stop immediately and begin showing herself accountable for her whereabouts at all times until she demonstrates satisfactory trustworthiness OR 2) move out immediately (as in pack your bags and go) and serve her the seperation paper. Keep her bathed in prayer, study the word, surround yourself with accountability partners and be sensitive to God's leading... YOU be faithful with your part as a husband and father and let God do the rest.

 

[BarlyGurl]

I felt the need to add that...
It seems like... your marriage was previously based on the alcoholic/addict dynamic and that perhaps you should not be so quick to blame yourself for the marriage being ruined... it is possible the REAL reason your wife has gone looking elsewhere is because you have gotten serious about GOD and that just isn't in her agenda... do you understand? Be strengthened in Christ,

 

[Ariel82]

how old is your daughter?

 

[isaria]

Agree, itz wonderful you have made such a change.
I hope you will find the support you need for you and your family.

Maybe you can seek advice and help to open up to eachother honestly ,talk things out.
what next step for you is to live good life 2gether and raise your daughter in christ as you will and to heal.

Maybe simply planning some positive thingz could help.
Many have said when they quit an addiction they spent that money on something good for them instead, like plan a holiday 2gether.
Communicate and seek help communicate if needed and make good plans.
Plant seeds and may they be good.

 

[draven439]

Thank you for your prayers and your advice, my daughter is nine

 

[Shilo]

Draven,
I do not know you or your wife but look to Yeshua for your answer. Why did people come to Yeshua it was because of his kindness. It is hard to step back and let God have control but that is what you need to do. You have been fasting and that always helps quiet the flesh before the LORD. When you pray and read the Bible take time to just sit before the LORD and listen. Take time to listen with your heart and mind and see what he is saying to you. It is possible to do too much and drive a person father away, but when you give love you get love. When Eleazar went to get Rebecca for a wife for Isaac he did not come without gifts. Think about all the doubts that could be going through her mind on this journey to meet her husband. Eleazar was there for her he gave her kind words and gifts so by the time she saw Isaac she could not wait to goto him. Moses met his would be wife at a well. He helped her and his kindness to her also warmed her fathers heart and she was give to him as a wife. Jacob loved Rachel and he worked very hard to show his love for her, but he never came to the point that he made himself beneath her. Jacob’s love was strong and firm she knew where she stood and could find great comfort in that. Boaz did little thing for Ruth to make her life easier. He made sure that when she had to go out and gather food that she would find a surprise of it just some waiting to be picked up. Boaz did not do all the work for Ruth but just made her days a little easier. God is like a husband to each of us and when we are not in right relationship with him he woos us back through his forgiveness and kindness. Just some thoughts to think on.
Praying for you and your family

 

[draven439]

It's getting really hard, is very painful to see her indifference and to see her get ready and walk out the house, don't know how much longer I can hold on

 

[hellopeople]

I will pray, God's will be done.

 

[hellopeople]

Psalm 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Psalm 34:18
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”

Matthew 11:28-30
28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

 

[seekingg]

BarlyGurl 's advice may not be perfect. if you go to the court and file for separation then what says you will keep the kids. The worse case sanario could be that your wife takes the kids and your money and continues to live in sin with this other man and she will begin the prosses of erasing your existence from the mind of your child. If you end up in court all she will say is you are a drunk and your done for.

if she is doing this then she is probably doing drugs and drinking also, you have to wait till she gets busted before you make that kind of move.

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS THAT YOU STAY WITH THE CHILD AND BE A GOOD ROLL MODEL.

 

[Matt37777]

And you stand for that? Are you nuts? Tell her if she leaves she needs to leave for good. Or if she leaves then plan it so when she's gone you take all the essencial things you need like pack a suitcase and leave on her. Just leave a note wishing her all the best and that you're moving on with your lives. And just take the daughter. I can't believe you'd put up with that. You're the man of the house, what's wrong with you.

 

[chuinchoy]

I am not a judge so i would not act like 1. i think your problem need someone to talk to you personally, to be in contact with you and your wife physically to help you both resolve your problem. Do you have anyone in mind? perhaps your church pastor?

 

[draven439]

She doesn't want to go to church at all or to seek any help

 

[beyondbroken]

I pray that God softens your wifes heart towards you and towards God and that healing will begin