I just want to encourage you that there is victory over this. I find it interesting that you posted in testimonies, but I believe God had a purpose for that. This will become your testimony! It's a promise. Seek God above and beyond, abstaining from your sin. The best thing you can do when desire comes, and in between times, is to call out to Jesus. I do not claim to understand fully your struggle as a man. I am not one, but I have struggled with similar temptations, and I can attest that God is faithful to lead us all through our sins no matter what they are. There were three things that greatly helped me. One, I confessed it to a same sex friend. Two, I prayed and paid attention to the whole cycle of this sin. I had to uncover it earlier on before it uncovered me. I had to determine how to recognize it before I was past the point of no return. And eventually I did. I learned what thoughts and feelings came before a decision and an act. At the point if thought and early feeling, you have the strength to cry out and make a good choice. If you fall further into that pit, it becomes harder and harder to get out. Actually, take a look at a diagram of the addictive cycle. Regardless of whether its truly a clinical addiction, our flesh is addicted to sin, so the diagram Amy help you make sense of it all. Third, I learned to avoid the very practical things that led to my sin. For me, there were certain places I had to avoid if I started feeling or thinking down that path.
Above all, brother, choose God. When you fall, rise again. Kelp getting up and walking forward. Forsake shame. Forsake defeat. Look ahead.
