Teenagers, God's gift of sobriety and instablity

[HollyW]

I have a daughter of a very confused age, 13. She's been doing the usual teenage rebellion type things. Defiance is her middle name lol. Just recently, I've noticed something about one of her friends and their family that I don't particularly think is Godly.
She's been friends with this girl from down the street ever since we moved here three years ago. I always thought this girl was responsible and very sensible. Her behavior was respectable or as least I thought so. But, recently, I've seen another side of this girl. On facebook, this young lady who is younger than my daughter, has a profile picture of herself in the arms of a teenage boy, lip locking full throttle tongue and all! My daughter and I discussed this the other night and she told me that this girls parents are tolerating this type of behavior, which I find highly disturbing. Not only that, the way these kids communicate with one another is deplorable. Constant cursing, swearing, and use of such words as ''nigga'' etc etc. Even my daughter is succumbing to this sinful nature of verbal misconduct. I try to instill good Christian values in her, but every time I try to talk about God or Jesus, I get a violent angry reaction that is uncontrolable and I have to wonder why, if she loves God, she would behave like that.
Long, long, loooong story short, I'm trying to decide whether or not to let her keep seeing this friend, or to cut all ties from them to her. I don't want ungodly people influencing my daughter and her behavior. I always try to instill and tell her how God would want her to be. What should I do about this promicuous friend issue?

 

[FSUBoy966]

No disrespect meant, but open your eyes. Your daughter and her friends are young teens. This is the time they SHOULD make mistakes, so they don't make them later in life. Your daughter will always have God on her side no matter what. But, who are you, or me or anyone to judge your daughter's friend? Kissing someone in a picture doesn't make you "promiscuous." In fact, it probably means you're committed and NOT going around sleeping with random people.

The one thing I told off my parents for was telling me who and to hang out with and not hang out with. At that age, religion is the LAST thing you think about. At least everything your daughter is doing is on myspace. Would you rather her being out in the streets doing crack and having sex? B/c that is VERY common in girls her age. And making your daughter cut ties with her friends will make her resent you. A LOT. If you think she wants nothing to do with God now, make her stop being their friend and watch. At that age, children equate their parent's religion directly to their parents. If you do, not only could your relationship with her be hurt, but her relationship with God might be severed completely.

Be wise on this. Talk to your daughter. Let her hang out with whomever she wants, but try to instill in her that, while she can hang out with these people, she shouldn't copy everything they do.

 

[Protection_Retribution]

Try it lady. See how she reacts.

 

[dmdave17]

While I agree with the basic premise of the above posts, that young people have to make their own mistakes, I'm not sure I buy the idea that you should take a completely "hands off" approach. Teenagers are very much influenced by their peers. And since we are all born into sin (thanks to Adam), the wrong influences tend to gain the upper hand, particularly at this age, before they have truly established their own identities.

If you don't intervene directly (which of course is your parental prerogative), I would be very vigilant for signs that your daughter is escalating her behavior beyond the internet. And as far as her young friend is concerned, if you find her behavior offensive you have every right to restrict her contact with that friend. Just because "this is the 21st century", doesn't make something right that wasn't right in biblical times. God hasn't changed, even if the times have. While your daughter's friend's behavior may be the norm today, there are teenagers out there who have been raised in Godly homes, and do not exhibit the sinful trends of today's society.

The bottom line; while only you, and God, can decide the right course of action with respect to your daughter, you shouldn't restrict your choices just because it "might make her feel bad". The young fellows who posted before me won't like this but there was wisdom in the Book of Proverbs concerning discipline. "Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish them with the rod, they will not die." (Proverbs 23:13) And, "Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far away." (Proverbs 29:15) It's funny how God is usually right (99.9% of the time) about these things.

And finally, as I recall, the commandment does not say "Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you,..." if you agree with what they are saying. You know your daughter best, and you know best what is right for her. I urge you to prayerfully consider all the alternatives, but keep all your options on the table.

God be with you in your struggle.

 

[FSUBoy966]

Devil's advocate here.

Okay so let's say that, yes, your daughter SHOULD do everything you tell her. If you force your will on her now, she might even listen and be completely obedient. But somewhere in the deepest part of her mind, she's going to remember that you didn't trust her. And when she's goes off to college, she might go straight back to what she was doing but far worse (as so many people do.)

If her behavior is getting WAY too out of hand, obviously you need to jump in. But hanging out with people doesn't always make you do things. At her age, a large majority of my friends were stoners, had sex, etc. I was very close to them all but I didn't do any of that. The respect has to work both ways. You have to learn to trust her. When she breaks that trust, stop her. But if she has done nothing to break that trust, you shouldn't preemptively discipline her.

 

[EverlastingChange]

I agree with dmdave17 and FSUBOY966's last comment. Looking back on my early teenage life, and knowing what I know now... I wish my parents would have set boundaries like that for me. I lived with my mum till I was 15 and she is a Christian along with my step dad. Funnily enough things slowly went downhill after I moved into my Dad's (he and his wife is not Christian). I eventually got to a stage where God was merciful enough to intervene, and now here I am. While I lived with my Dad, my Mum knew I was usually up to no good, but she would never begin to try and control my life (maybe cause I never lived with her anymore), but she was always really concerned. She would always tell me "Nathan I believe The Lord has his hand over your life" And I would always be like "yeaaaaaah... ok mum whatever, got to go now." lol. But without a doubt if she had began to try and control me it would have made me worse, which I agree with fsuboy about.

However your daughter is only 13, so you can get a lot more involved, as where I was about 16-17 even bordering 18 and not living with my Mum, so I think she knew she couldn't do much about it. I wouldn't force a load of things upon your daughter, but I would sit her down and make it very clear to her where the boundary is and if she oversteps it and breaks the trust, action will be taken. Whether it be removing contact with this friend of her's, or whatever you feel necessary... But at least you will have made it very plain to her there was a line early on with, and if she breaks it, it's nobody's wrong doing but her own.

I would pray about it a lot to if I was you. I really believe the only reason I'm a Christian today is cause my own Mum was so faithful to God and prayed over me all the time. If she hadn't done that I have no idea what I'd be out doing now. I'll pray also for God to guide you in this situation.

 

[phil36]

Hi HollyW,

I can sympathize with you there with teen kids. As some know on here I became a christian not that long agao, my kids were wtarting to move into their teens by that point. anyhow, Ive been struggling with teaching my kids about God.. and the simple reason is they jsuyt say they don't want to hear it. which is disheartening and saddening for a parent, so Id efinatly sympathize..

Please don't take the hands of approach, even thpough kids rebel Im sure they still sense when their parents care or not, or it is a comfort for them to knoew you care enough to set rules and boundaries.

I honestly don't have an answer but I just keep praying for them, talking about Jesus to them (I'm sure deep down they are taking note).

Just as a side note, I actually made a thread about it, I watched Pamelas prayer, its about a young girl who grows into a teen and wants to do all the teen things, but it goes a bit pear shaped for her and with prayer and scriptural teaching from her dad she see the errors of living the worldly life even though the lure is appealing. I'm giving a copy to my own daughter in the hope that she might see it herself. worth a try.

Sorry I have no real answers except, love them even more and keep a hands on approach.. and pray like mad for them.

 

[Ballyduff]

All I can say is that I wish my parents, (Father, specifically, Mom passed away when I was young) had taken the trouble to set some firm guidelines for me as a teenager. I began with small rebellions, and became absolutely lost throughout much of my younger adult life, with poor life choices, poor "friendships", and perhaps the worst outcome of all, a very poor relationship with Christ, which had been good before I hit my teenage years. It has taken me many years to overcome a very turbulent start, and I still suffer the occasional set-back.

 

[zeroturbulence]

I wuold stop her from seeing that friend. She's at an age where she is very very susceptible to outside influences. Your responsiblity is to protect her, and that includes her young mind too. It will be an uphill battle but in time she will get over it.

 

[Stuey]

For your daughters sake, consider everything that would keep her near to Christ. This may mean moving away from your neighbourhood. Hard to keep in contact with a girl who's 200 km away... That's not always a wise option or the best solution though.

Perhaps take her to the red light district or seedy part of town and show her where things can end up...

This is horrible advice, don't listen to a word of it.

But I think she's 13, intervene while you still can. And pray for her.