Teens and Lying

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adtcake

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I need help! My 15 year old son has become the worlds biggest liar. I know its the enemy but he is not mature enough in the Lord to recognize it. He has been called to the ministry and Satan is MADDDD and is trying to destroy his character. What can I do or say. I have begged, talked to, pleaded with him and to no avail Any suggestions!!!!!
 
If you ask me there are two things to do. Pray ofcourse. The second thing be there for him, be supportive, correct him when you find he is lieing, and overall just help guide him through this. I have a past with addiction that i still fight with and i learned to become very good at lieing and what it took was an ex girlfriend of mine praying for me and just really working with me and getting me to talk things out to overcome it. Now it's rare that i lie. I'm not gonna say i ain't told a lie since her but it's cut way back to almost non existant. I will say from my viewpoint which being 19 i can somewhat remember being your sons age(i've had memory problems for a long time and i'm on multiple medications so my memory ain't the best). Anyways what i was saying is don't condemn him or make him feel bad for it. Shaming him will not do any good. If anything it would probably do the opposite of what you want. My dad when i was younger about 8 or 9 was gonna "break" me of this supposed lieing habit which i didn't have. I did lie some but what kid doesn't. Anyways he used the shame card and that was the start of the wedge being drive between us and to this day that wedge is still there and it's not going away quickly. So just really be there for him and support him and try to correct him in a way that teaches him without shaming him. Hope that helps you. I really hope he can overcome this because i'll tell you from what i can remember if you become a habitual liar it's a nightmare to break and overcome.
 
He says He doesnt want to disappoint me and I try to tell him Im more disappointed from his lying than from the thing he is lying about.
 
Hi adcake. Hope you're well.
I feel every teenager's mind, as well as their body, continues through stages of development, maturity & evolving. I would interpret what you consider, at this time, "lying" to be an indication of this development by imagining, expanding & painting his road to potential.
If without doubt your son tells a blatant lie, then correct him, using the chance to show him where he's going wrong & point him in the right direction.
I see no profit in rebuking, scolding or giving out to him & I wouldn't paint everything with the same brush but treat each individual incident as exactly that.
If it gets worse for you then chat to your Pastor for advice.
At the end of the day, Oscar Wilde was a heck of a 'liar' & it didn't do him any harm!
J+
 
adtcake said:
He says He doesnt want to disappoint me and I try to tell him Im more disappointed from his lying than from the thing he is lying about.
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Yes, I know EXACTLY what you mean. I raised my children with the teaching that lying is wrong. And no, it isn't the parents fault that children choose to lie. God says lying is wrong...parents are teaching what God commands. Some people ask 'why do you think your son feels like he has to lie?', like your expectations for him are too high. Poppycock. It's God's expectations that we're teaching. It's like trying to blame someone else when you sin. How logical is that?

My son declared to me with the utmost pride a year ago that he was an expert liar. That's probably the only thing I've believed from him for awhile.

It seems that lying is socially acceptable these days, 'everybody does it'....and that people who are horrified about other people lying is just plain weird. Well they'll have to talk to God about that when they get the chance.

Lying destroys relationships because it destroys trust. It's that simple.

I don't have any advice for you about your son. He's 15 and he knows it's wrong and does it anyway. I can't really understand why people who lie don't realize that these lies will catch up with them eventually. It's like they can't think past the moment.

My advice to you is simply don't believe anything he tells you. Sad I know but it's safer. Don't challenge him on things...this will just make him lie more. But when it comes to trusting him with the car or any other large responsibilities....be careful. Give him consequences when he's caught in a lie but lectures probably won't help any.

Maybe your son will different than mine. Maybe when he sees that your trust in him is diminishing, that will have a positive effect.

Praying for strength and guidance for you and your family :)
 
Seems like someone took my question the wrong way.....in asking "why you suppose he lies" I was really wanting to know what you think, (as his mother) is going on with him. No blame intended whatsoever.
Anyhow, raising teens is hard enough on a regular day, apart from the "extras" that the enemy inflicts on top. I pray that he will overcome this stronghold in his life, and may God grant you the patience and wisdom to help him through. :)
 
Strong1 said:
Seems like someone took my question the wrong way.....in asking "why you suppose he lies" I was really wanting to know what you think, (as his mother) is going on with him. No blame intended whatsoever.
Anyhow, raising teens is hard enough on a regular day, apart from the "extras" that the enemy inflicts on top. I pray that he will overcome this stronghold in his life, and may God grant you the patience and wisdom to help him through. :)
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Yes, sorry, but that was the way it sounded. Though, I have really heard people say that the parents expectations were too high so it was their fault that the poor child was FORCED to lie.
 
Lucy68 said:
Some people ask 'why do you think your son feels like he has to lie?', like your expectations for him are too high. Poppycock. It's God's expectations that we're teaching. It's like trying to blame someone else when you sin. How logical is that?
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I somewhat disagree there. Sure, a good Christian parent is trying to teach their child Gods ways, but people are imperfect, they can bring in their own baggage without ever knowing it. They can put expectations on their children that are too high. Just because they're a Christian parent and well intended doesn't mean they aren't doing something wrong in the process. All parents, even the best, make mistakes.
I don't know if thats the case here or not, thats not what i'm saying. Just that it can be true in some cases.
 
adtcake said:
I need help! My 15 year old son has become the worlds biggest liar. I know its the enemy but he is not mature enough in the Lord to recognize it. He has been called to the ministry and Satan is MADDDD and is trying to destroy his character. What can I do or say. I have begged, talked to, pleaded with him and to no avail Any suggestions!!!!!
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You said your son is called to ministry. Did he surrender, or do you feel that he is called. Just want clarification on this.

As for your son lying, he maybe lying now, but in a few months to a few years, he will feel convicted and stop. Unless he has some type of disease, aka compulsive lying disorder, then chances are, this will not ruin his testimony forever. And Strong has a good point about trying to understand why he feels like he has to lie. Try and find out if he feels like his peers are pressuring him to lie, or if he's trying to make himself look better to his friends. Often, these are reasons teens tend to lie or do things they later regret. Once you understand his reasons for lying, you'll have a better idea of how to help him.
 
My son came to me and said he doesn't know why he keeps lying initially he didn't want to disappoint me. he says he knows that I am more disappointed when he lie about something than the thing that he has done in other words he knows that for me the lie is worst than the act. I'd rather he admit to his wrongdoing than lie about it.
 
Your being very vague about what your son is lying about, which is ok (I'm assuming its something personal), but it makes it hard for us to help you...

It may seem like a difficult pill to swallow, and maybe I am being to extreme (because, I don't know, at all, what he is lying about), but have you ever considered the thought that he may not be saved, and that he is lying because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings? It seems like he is involved in activity that he is not repenting of and is just lying to you because he loves you, but not God. This is just a thought.

Don't get me wrong though, Christians can sin and struggle with sin and still be saved. But maybe your son if finding out the truth of the verse "your sins will find you out." (Numbers 32:23).

Also, have you considered that he is not really called to ministry? Maybe he is just "mom-called" and not "God-called"? Maybe you didn't force him into ministry, or tell him he was called, but maybe you (or someone else) have expressed a great admiration for a certain ministry and have caused him to desire it (either for his own pride or a desire to make you happy or proud). Or perhaps you (or some other person/s) have expressed a joy you would have if, hypothetically, he were involved in this certain ministry he is now in. Any of these reasons are not sufficient and are bad reasons for someone to enter into any ministry, if he is truly called he will be spiritually able to fulfill it, either now or later on.

I know these two possibilities are not the most glamorous...but things involving sin never are, anyways I hope this helps. God bless.
 
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adtcake said:
I need help! My 15 year old son has become the worlds biggest liar. I know its the enemy but he is not mature enough in the Lord to recognize it. He has been called to the ministry and Satan is MADDDD and is trying to destroy his character. What can I do or say. I have begged, talked to, pleaded with him and to no avail Any suggestions!!!!!
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He who spares the rod hates his son,
but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. Prov 13:24 RSV
 
I may be taking this the wrong way, however, i remember being your sons age and lying to my parents about everything. With me, I wenrt to church and thought I was saved, but I was only doing it to please my mother. I felt like she was forcing her beliefs on me and I really didn't enjoy going to church. I would rebel by going out to parties and drinking, but tell her I was going to a sleep-over or something. I think you should pray for your son, and also sit down with him. Speak to him in a calm manner and ask him if he really, is saved(because I believe being saved it a personal thing) and if he actually wants to be in ministry or even attend church. You need to try and see things through his eyes, but also tell him that lying is wrong and it's destroying the trust in your relationship.
 
meld27 said:
I may be taking this the wrong way, however, i remember being your sons age and lying to my parents about everything. With me, I wenrt to church and thought I was saved, but I was only doing it to please my mother. I felt like she was forcing her beliefs on me and I really didn't enjoy going to church. I would rebel by going out to parties and drinking, but tell her I was going to a sleep-over or something. I think you should pray for your son, and also sit down with him. Speak to him in a calm manner and ask him if he really, is saved(because I believe being saved it a personal thing) and if he actually wants to be in ministry or even attend church. You need to try and see things through his eyes, but also tell him that lying is wrong and it's destroying the trust in your relationship.
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I'm gonna take a stab at this and say, if you do sit down to talk with him, ask him what the truth is. Let him know you won't judge/condemn him for it. I have things I won't tell my parents because I know they will immediately make a judgmental statement about it. Or at least, I feel they will. Let him say what he needs to say, speak only to help him clarify his words. Maybe he's confused and you can help him understand what's going on in his mind and heart.
 
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