L
Live4Yeshua
Guest
A few months ago I was living in a southern part of tx. My inlaws came into town and prayed for me so strongly that God convicted me to quit my job and move to another city. I was angry. I was angry at God cause His word in my life was inevitable but too much as well.I had to obey and without love in my heart, I obeyed. Not because I was glad to obey but because I knew if I didn't obey things would go very bad for me. I could have nightmares and I've even almost crashed and died for disobedience. But God spares my life and made it very clear. That's another story.
This is a very hard thing for me to say but many times I feel bullied by God. I feel He's constantly asks me to give more more and more. I know it's a very selfish thing to say because I know we all have our share but that's honestly how I feel sometimes. When I pray I am very blunt and I express my anger to God. I am honest and I'm sure He already knows how upset I am at times but He's my friend and I talk to Him as honestly as I can talk to a friend.
i remember getting extra upset at my in laws when I told them I was quitting cause God asked me to. I remember a smirk on their face like they already knew. That just angered me and I felt, at the time, they just wanted to control me. That night when I came home I could hear my father in law praying for me. I could hear his spiritual coughs. I remember laying in bed feeling like crying and just holding back my tears cause I was resisting the Holy Spirit from touching me. The next day I went to work and was still very upset.
Then I heard a voice and it said "Remember, they serve me. I don't serve them." Immediately I wept. I just knew it was God explaining that they pray not in their own account cause they wanted me to leave my job but because God knows what's ahead and He asks them to intercede for me.
I've dealt with this rebellious spirit for such a long time now. God spoke and told me he can take my anointing and put it over someone else who really does want it cause He's not looking for ability but availability. I said "take it! It's been more of a burden than a blessing." Very stupid thing to say I know. Sometimes I've wondered where is it coming from ? I used to love God with all my heart. Where is all this anger coming from?
Ive been in a roller coaster of days full of the Holy Spirit speaking very strongly to me. I can weep all day and the next day I will fall back down. Before my father in law left that weekend He wept in front of my face. I was so angry I couldn't look at him in the face. He said "My daughter, I love you. You need to know God is good! One day we will be together." I cried for a moment and once He walked out I wiped my tears and went to eat.
I came on this website just for a simple prayer. It's unraveled so much in me in. Good way. A brother said I should read the bible and use the bible in prayer. I took it into great consideration cause I was tired of being torn between being angry at God and loving Him and release myself from this rebellious spirit. I didn't know I was under a a rebellious spirit cause I was blind to see it. I would pray for others and I could preach a little cause I do know some bible and it'll pop into my head in others time of need. So I read the bible.
This is what happened.
1. God will pull out anything that is not of His. It will be painful. It will take definite adjustments and deep truths.
“Every plant which my Father in heaven did not plant will be pulled up,” answered Jesus. Matthew 15:13
2.Repentence.
Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. James 4:8
3.Why was I angry? Because "I" made some wrong choices and mistakes along the way.
A person’s own folly leads to their ruin, yet their heart rages against the Lord . Proverbs 19:3
4. You need to know why God corrects you. You are from Him, you are His child , you are His. He loves you.
Have you forgotten the encouraging words which God speaks to you as his children? “My child, pay attention when the Lord corrects you, and do not be discouraged when he rebukes you. Because the Lord corrects everyone he loves, and punishes everyone he accepts as a child.” Endure what you suffer as being a father's punishment; your suffering shows that God is treating you as his children. Was there ever a child who was not punished by his father? If you are not punished, as all his children are, it means you are not real children, but bastards. In the case of our human fathers, they punished us and we respected them. How much more, then, should we submit to our spiritual Father and live! Our human fathers punished us for a short time, as it seemed right to them; but God does it for our own good, so that we may share his holiness. When we are punished, it seems to us at the time something to make us sad, not glad. Later, however, those who have been disciplined by such punishment reap the peaceful reward of a righteous life. Hebrews 12:5-11
I knew I just wasn't understanding and I kind of gave up on understanding. But thank God for your prayers and for your suggestions cause I can see it now. I'm not afraid to testify and be honest of my deepest ugliest feelings cause I know there are some people who think the same things and you just need to KNOW. Cause sometimes we fall just cause we lack understand and just don't know....My people perish from lack of knowledge. Hosea 4:6...We say over and over again how we need to trust God and He knows what He's doing. Many do get it all right off the bat but there others that are very stubborn like myself and don't get it all. Unfortunately I had to go through some roads to learn some lessons! But know this...in the end....And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
This is a very hard thing for me to say but many times I feel bullied by God. I feel He's constantly asks me to give more more and more. I know it's a very selfish thing to say because I know we all have our share but that's honestly how I feel sometimes. When I pray I am very blunt and I express my anger to God. I am honest and I'm sure He already knows how upset I am at times but He's my friend and I talk to Him as honestly as I can talk to a friend.
i remember getting extra upset at my in laws when I told them I was quitting cause God asked me to. I remember a smirk on their face like they already knew. That just angered me and I felt, at the time, they just wanted to control me. That night when I came home I could hear my father in law praying for me. I could hear his spiritual coughs. I remember laying in bed feeling like crying and just holding back my tears cause I was resisting the Holy Spirit from touching me. The next day I went to work and was still very upset.
Then I heard a voice and it said "Remember, they serve me. I don't serve them." Immediately I wept. I just knew it was God explaining that they pray not in their own account cause they wanted me to leave my job but because God knows what's ahead and He asks them to intercede for me.
I've dealt with this rebellious spirit for such a long time now. God spoke and told me he can take my anointing and put it over someone else who really does want it cause He's not looking for ability but availability. I said "take it! It's been more of a burden than a blessing." Very stupid thing to say I know. Sometimes I've wondered where is it coming from ? I used to love God with all my heart. Where is all this anger coming from?
Ive been in a roller coaster of days full of the Holy Spirit speaking very strongly to me. I can weep all day and the next day I will fall back down. Before my father in law left that weekend He wept in front of my face. I was so angry I couldn't look at him in the face. He said "My daughter, I love you. You need to know God is good! One day we will be together." I cried for a moment and once He walked out I wiped my tears and went to eat.
I came on this website just for a simple prayer. It's unraveled so much in me in. Good way. A brother said I should read the bible and use the bible in prayer. I took it into great consideration cause I was tired of being torn between being angry at God and loving Him and release myself from this rebellious spirit. I didn't know I was under a a rebellious spirit cause I was blind to see it. I would pray for others and I could preach a little cause I do know some bible and it'll pop into my head in others time of need. So I read the bible.
This is what happened.
1. God will pull out anything that is not of His. It will be painful. It will take definite adjustments and deep truths.
“Every plant which my Father in heaven did not plant will be pulled up,” answered Jesus. Matthew 15:13
2.Repentence.
Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. James 4:8
3.Why was I angry? Because "I" made some wrong choices and mistakes along the way.
A person’s own folly leads to their ruin, yet their heart rages against the Lord . Proverbs 19:3
4. You need to know why God corrects you. You are from Him, you are His child , you are His. He loves you.
Have you forgotten the encouraging words which God speaks to you as his children? “My child, pay attention when the Lord corrects you, and do not be discouraged when he rebukes you. Because the Lord corrects everyone he loves, and punishes everyone he accepts as a child.” Endure what you suffer as being a father's punishment; your suffering shows that God is treating you as his children. Was there ever a child who was not punished by his father? If you are not punished, as all his children are, it means you are not real children, but bastards. In the case of our human fathers, they punished us and we respected them. How much more, then, should we submit to our spiritual Father and live! Our human fathers punished us for a short time, as it seemed right to them; but God does it for our own good, so that we may share his holiness. When we are punished, it seems to us at the time something to make us sad, not glad. Later, however, those who have been disciplined by such punishment reap the peaceful reward of a righteous life. Hebrews 12:5-11
I knew I just wasn't understanding and I kind of gave up on understanding. But thank God for your prayers and for your suggestions cause I can see it now. I'm not afraid to testify and be honest of my deepest ugliest feelings cause I know there are some people who think the same things and you just need to KNOW. Cause sometimes we fall just cause we lack understand and just don't know....My people perish from lack of knowledge. Hosea 4:6...We say over and over again how we need to trust God and He knows what He's doing. Many do get it all right off the bat but there others that are very stubborn like myself and don't get it all. Unfortunately I had to go through some roads to learn some lessons! But know this...in the end....And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28