The madness of sin

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
D

Damascus12

Guest
#1
Hey all,

Well how to start this, well guys I need help for real, well i have two great problems that are Related to each other that I must confess.
One is that unfortunaly I am suffering from addiction to pornography, I tried to use every tool I could but now I do not know what to do( Try blocker but my instict and my knowledge of computer just outakes the blockers)

My Second problem Iis that I am suffering fromchronicle depression because of the guilt that cames after satisfing the sin. This is driving me mad to the point that it seems that I have a double face which one is my soul crying for not sin and the other to follow the insticts.

Please Pray for me and help if possible, i do not know what to do.

att.

Damascus12
 
Dec 19, 2009
2,723
7
0
#2
Hey all,

Well how to start this, well guys I need help for real, well i have two great problems that are Related to each other that I must confess.
One is that unfortunaly I am suffering from addiction to pornography, I tried to use every tool I could but now I do not know what to do( Try blocker but my instict and my knowledge of computer just outakes the blockers)

My Second problem Iis that I am suffering fromchronicle depression because of the guilt that cames after satisfing the sin. This is driving me mad to the point that it seems that I have a double face which one is my soul crying for not sin and the other to follow the insticts.

Please Pray for me and help if possible, i do not know what to do.






I have sent you a private message. If your problem started shortly after becoming a Christian, please let me know. And what is the basis for your Christianity. Is it faith in Jesus who died for your sins? Or in your heart do you believe you have to live a good enough life to be a Christian?

If it is the latter and your problem started shortly after becoming a Christian, please let me know
 
W

Wug

Guest
#3
Stop your Internet service. If you're able to hack your neighbor's Internet, give your computer away. If no one wants your computer, smash it. Christ said that if our right hand causes us to sin, we should cut it off and cast it into the fire. Cutting off your Internet is a lot less painfull. I used to gain the satisfaction you were talking about from TV. I've been without TV since June, and it's been awesome. To check email, and chat on here, etc. I would suggest that you use your library's computer, or a family member's computer, with them present. Just some suggestions.
 
Dec 19, 2009
2,723
7
0
#4
Hey all,

Well how to start this, well guys I need help for real, well i have two great problems that are Related to each other that I must confess.
One is that unfortunaly I am suffering from addiction to pornography, I tried to use every tool I could but now I do not know what to do( Try blocker but my instict and my knowledge of computer just outakes the blockers)

My Second problem Iis that I am suffering fromchronicle depression because of the guilt that cames after satisfing the sin. This is driving me mad to the point that it seems that I have a double face which one is my soul crying for not sin and the other to follow the insticts.

Please Pray for me and help if possible, i do not know what to do.

att.

Damascus12
OK. Firstly I want you to know I have been were you are at. And I know in my own mind what caused it. I pray that as I explain you may search your heart and see if it makes sense to you. I do not want to go too far too quickly, so please let me know if I am.

I didn't think much about God until I was ten. At that age I moved church with my parents. We went to a Pentecostal church. I became a Christian four weeks aftewr joining this church. That was when my problems started looking back. I was immediately convicted of my sin, and felt that to be a Christian I had to obey God's good laws and live a good life. I tried so hard to do so, but the harder I tried to live as I should the less I found I was able to. I started doing wrong things that I had never considered doing before. And every time I did something wrong I felt terrible guilt. I kept asking God to forgive me for my sins, but it wasn't long before I found myself repeating them and steadily getting worse.
Everytime I focused on something I should not do, I found myself doing the wrong I knew was sin.
In church we were continuaslly taught how we should live as Christians, and I saw people behaving so spiritual and good on a Sunday. It just made me feel dirty and rotten.
Before I go on, does this make any sense to you?
 
D

Damascus12

Guest
#5
It surely is very similar to my situation of my life, very very similar.
 
Dec 19, 2009
2,723
7
0
#6
It surely is very similar to my situation of my life, very very similar.
Good

Basically when I became a Christian I thought it meant I had to live a virtually perfect life in order to be a Christian. That could be done by not doing what God said was wrong. I knew instinctively things were wrong, but also God's good lws showed me what was sin in His eyes.

Now, what is the worst thing to God(apart from murder) as we see it? Lust probably. As I grew slightly older I started to have lustful thoughts for girls(hardly suprising due to being a teenager) but I felt terrible guilt. I was a Christian, I should not have these thoughts. The worse I felt, the stronger the allure of lust. In the end it was out of control. I felt dirty, useless and a terrible sinner. You could say that God's good laws had condmned me.

And all the time I saw people behaving so spiritual in church. My mind was consumed with lust. However hard I tried to curb the lust it just got worse. And of course the church preached every week about how we should live as Christians. Now I am going to quote a few scripture verses and I want you to think hard about them
 
Dec 19, 2009
2,723
7
0
#7
Good

Basically when I became a Christian I thought it meant I had to live a virtually perfect life in order to be a Christian. That could be done by not doing what God said was wrong. I knew instinctively things were wrong, but also God's good lws showed me what was sin in His eyes.

Now, what is the worst thing to God(apart from murder) as we see it? Lust probably. As I grew slightly older I started to have lustful thoughts for girls(hardly suprising due to being a teenager) but I felt terrible guilt. I was a Christian, I should not have these thoughts. The worse I felt, the stronger the allure of lust. In the end it was out of control. I felt dirty, useless and a terrible sinner. You could say that God's good laws had condmned me.

And all the time I saw people behaving so spiritual in church. My mind was consumed with lust. However hard I tried to curb the lust it just got worse. And of course the church preached every week about how we should live as Christians. Now I am going to quote a few scripture verses and I want you to think hard about them

Indeed I what not have known what sin was except through the law. For I would not have known what coveting reallyb was if the law had not said. "Do not covet". But sin, seizing the oppurturtunity afforded by the commandment PRODUCED IN ME EVERY KIND OF COVETOUS DESIRE for apart from law sin is dead.
Once I was alive apart from law, BUT WHEN THE COMMANDMENT CAME SIN SPRANG TO LIFE AND i DIED. i FOUND THAT THE VERY COMMANDMENT THAT WAS INTENDED TO BRING LIFE ACTUALLY BROUGHT DEATH.
For sin seizing the oppurtunity afforded by the commandment deceived me and through the commandment put me to death. Rom7:7-11

For when we were controlled by the sinful nature the sinful passions AROUSED BY THE LAW were at work in our bodies. Rom7:5

Paul is saying that when he realised what was wrong in God's eyes(by the commandments) sin used that to condemn him. The good laws of God were used by sin to condemn Paul. He would never have known what coveting really was if the commandment had not said. Do not covet.
So I guess it is fair to say that when Paul committed himself to God, by trying to live a good life to please Goid and be with him, he was condemned by God's good laws(knowing what he shouldn't do)

What you like time to think about this or shall I go on?
 
Dec 19, 2009
2,723
7
0
#8
Indeed I what not have known what sin was except through the law. For I would not have known what coveting reallyb was if the law had not said. "Do not covet". But sin, seizing the oppurturtunity afforded by the commandment PRODUCED IN ME EVERY KIND OF COVETOUS DESIRE for apart from law sin is dead.
Once I was alive apart from law, BUT WHEN THE COMMANDMENT CAME SIN SPRANG TO LIFE AND i DIED. i FOUND THAT THE VERY COMMANDMENT THAT WAS INTENDED TO BRING LIFE ACTUALLY BROUGHT DEATH.
For sin seizing the oppurtunity afforded by the commandment deceived me and through the commandment put me to death. Rom7:7-11

For when we were controlled by the sinful nature the sinful passions AROUSED BY THE LAW were at work in our bodies. Rom7:5

Paul is saying that when he realised what was wrong in God's eyes(by the commandments) sin used that to condemn him. The good laws of God were used by sin to condemn Paul. He would never have known what coveting really was if the commandment had not said. Do not covet.
So I guess it is fair to say that when Paul committed himself to God, by trying to live a good life to please Goid and be with him, he was condemned by God's good laws(knowing what he shouldn't do)

What you like time to think about this or shall I go on?
Sin used the good laws of God to condemn Paul. By trying to live a good life to be with God, Paul in effect just became worse
 
D

Damascus12

Guest
#9
I am getting it,
 
Dec 19, 2009
2,723
7
0
#10
I have written a 6000 word documewnt if you would ever like to read it I could email it to you. I am thrilled you are getting it.

You see Paul says. For if vthose who live by LAW are heirs faith has no value and the promise is worthless, BECAUSE LAW BRINGS WRATH. Rom4:14

The Old Covenant was baseds on law. The Mosaic law and the Ten Commandments. That was a persons righteousness according to Moses, if they kept those laws. But the people didn't keep them. Every year everyone without exception had to give guiolt offerings for their sin.
I have a nephew. There are 6 things he must not touch in my computer room. He is 2. When he comes round he goes straight vfor them. There is an allure in doing what is wrong. Sin uses what we know is wrong to condemn us.
When Jesus came he died on the cross to bring in a New cCovenant. It WAS NOT BASED ON LAW.

For God so loved the world he gave his only begotten son that WHOSOEVER BELIEVETH ON hIM SHOULD NOT PERISH BUT HAVE ETERNAL LIFE
Jesus did not add a long list to that statement. Whosoever believeth on him should not perish burt have eternal life.
Now most churchges accept that. But where they go wrong is not telling people how they are to have victory over sin in their lives.

Have you read Galations? Paul went mad at them. They becameChristians by faith, but turned back to law to live their Christian lives. They tried to be good enough to get to Heaven. This is ignoring Jesus death on the cross. That is why Paul said law brings wrath
Satan is desperate to get you to live by law 'being good enough' rather than by faith in Jesu

I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law Christ died for nothing Gal2:21
 
Dec 19, 2009
2,723
7
0
#11
I have written a 6000 word documewnt if you would ever like to read it I could email it to you. I am thrilled you are getting it.

You see Paul says. For if vthose who live by LAW are heirs faith has no value and the promise is worthless, BECAUSE LAW BRINGS WRATH. Rom4:14

The Old Covenant was baseds on law. The Mosaic law and the Ten Commandments. That was a persons righteousness according to Moses, if they kept those laws. But the people didn't keep them. Every year everyone without exception had to give guiolt offerings for their sin.
I have a nephew. There are 6 things he must not touch in my computer room. He is 2. When he comes round he goes straight vfor them. There is an allure in doing what is wrong. Sin uses what we know is wrong to condemn us.
When Jesus came he died on the cross to bring in a New cCovenant. It WAS NOT BASED ON LAW.

For God so loved the world he gave his only begotten son that WHOSOEVER BELIEVETH ON hIM SHOULD NOT PERISH BUT HAVE ETERNAL LIFE
Jesus did not add a long list to that statement. Whosoever believeth on him should not perish burt have eternal life.
Now most churchges accept that. But where they go wrong is not telling people how they are to have victory over sin in their lives.

Have you read Galations? Paul went mad at them. They becameChristians by faith, but turned back to law to live their Christian lives. They tried to be good enough to get to Heaven. This is ignoring Jesus death on the cross. That is why Paul said law brings wrath
Satan is desperate to get you to live by law 'being good enough' rather than by faith in Jesu

I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law Christ died for nothing Gal2:21
I f you want me to stop for a while I woill, or I can go on to explain how Paul sees our victory
 
Dec 19, 2009
2,723
7
0
#12
I f you want me to stop for a while I woill, or I can go on to explain how Paul sees our victory
I am going through this very quickly with you. It is difficult for you to grasp all that is involved after what has happened to you. If you want the document I have written send me an email address, but I am happy to keep going. I am sorry if I am not explaining it very well. You need to read Romans and Galatians. They are the two books to read for this
 
Dec 19, 2009
2,723
7
0
#13
I am going through this very quickly with you. It is difficult for you to grasp all that is involved after what has happened to you. If you want the document I have written send me an email address, but I am happy to keep going. I am sorry if I am not explaining it very well. You need to read Romans and Galatians. They are the two books to read for this
If while we seek to be justified in Christ it becomes evidentb thatwe ourselves are sinners, does this mean that Christ promotes sin? Absolutely not! If I rebuild what I destroyed I prove that I am a lawbreaker. Gal2:17&18

When we become Christians we are convicted of our sin, by God's good laws. So it is easy to understand Paul saying it will become evident that we are sinners. But why woulkd he say does Christ promote sin?
The answer is because we must live by faith. Faith in Jesus is our only righteousness as long as we live.
For in the Gospel a righteousness from God has been revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last just as it is written the righteous will live by faith. Rom1:17
You have to realise that is your only righteousness in God's eyes, faith in Jesus to take away your sins. Faith that he died on the cross, and bore all your sins, everyone, for as long as you live.
So back to does Christ promote sin?
You see to Paul when we become Christians we do not focus on the sin, but rather trust in Jesus that we are saved, and trust in him to deliver us from our sin through the power of the Holy Spirit. That is living as God wants you to. You cannot rid yourself of your own sin. So, trust in Jesus and praise him you are saved. Your sin can only condemn you if you judge youire Christianity by being good enough , rather than faith in Jesus.
What is the rsult of living by faith in Jesus?
Well what happens if you take somethings power away? Surely it weakens it drastically.
The powert of sin is the law1Cor15:56
If you live by faith in Jesus and not by being good enough(the law) sin has to lose its power in your life. Its power source has been removed. That is why Jesus died.
Paul qualified this by sayng. If I rebuild what I destroyed I prove that I am a law breaker. In other words if you try and rid yourself of your sin in order to be a Christian you will fail. By trying to obey the good laws of God to be acceptable to God, you will simply show yourself to break those laws The victory is faith in Jesus
 

Pheonix

Senior Member
Jan 17, 2007
578
7
18
#14
Hey all,

Well how to start this, well guys I need help for real, well i have two great problems that are Related to each other that I must confess.
One is that unfortunaly I am suffering from addiction to pornography, I tried to use every tool I could but now I do not know what to do( Try blocker but my instict and my knowledge of computer just outakes the blockers)

My Second problem Iis that I am suffering fromchronicle depression because of the guilt that cames after satisfing the sin. This is driving me mad to the point that it seems that I have a double face which one is my soul crying for not sin and the other to follow the insticts.

Please Pray for me and help if possible, i do not know what to do.

att.

Damascus12

Perhaps someone has already mentioned this to you, but I have a book I suggest you read.

It's called "Every man's battle" by stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker.

Perhaps it can help you the same as it helped me.
 
Dec 19, 2009
2,723
7
0
#15
If while we seek to be justified in Christ it becomes evidentb thatwe ourselves are sinners, does this mean that Christ promotes sin? Absolutely not! If I rebuild what I destroyed I prove that I am a lawbreaker. Gal2:17&18

When we become Christians we are convicted of our sin, by God's good laws. So it is easy to understand Paul saying it will become evident that we are sinners. But why woulkd he say does Christ promote sin?
The answer is because we must live by faith. Faith in Jesus is our only righteousness as long as we live.
For in the Gospel a righteousness from God has been revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last just as it is written the righteous will live by faith. Rom1:17
You have to realise that is your only righteousness in God's eyes, faith in Jesus to take away your sins. Faith that he died on the cross, and bore all your sins, everyone, for as long as you live.
So back to does Christ promote sin?
You see to Paul when we become Christians we do not focus on the sin, but rather trust in Jesus that we are saved, and trust in him to deliver us from our sin through the power of the Holy Spirit. That is living as God wants you to. You cannot rid yourself of your own sin. So, trust in Jesus and praise him you are saved. Your sin can only condemn you if you judge youire Christianity by being good enough , rather than faith in Jesus.
What is the rsult of living by faith in Jesus?
Well what happens if you take somethings power away? Surely it weakens it drastically.
The powert of sin is the law1Cor15:56
If you live by faith in Jesus and not by being good enough(the law) sin has to lose its power in your life. Its power source has been removed. That is why Jesus died.
Paul qualified this by sayng. If I rebuild what I destroyed I prove that I am a law breaker. In other words if you try and rid yourself of your sin in order to be a Christian you will fail. By trying to obey the good laws of God to be acceptable to God, you will simply show yourself to break those laws The victory is faith in Jesus
You will not use freedom from law to deliberately willfully do what you want if you love Jesus this would be impossible. I am going to put some scripture reference up for you to look at in your Bible. Paul continuously says. We are not under law, if we follow after the Holy Spirit. And if you haven't been baptised in the Holy Spirt, believe me you can be.

The law can only maske you concous of your sin. Rom3:20 But you do need to read Romans and Galatians. Here are the verses.

Rom1:17, Rom3:20-26 Rom3:28, Rom3:31 Rom4:3, Rom4:6, Rom4:15, Rom4:23, Rom5:6, Rom5:13, Rom6:14-16, Rom7:5-11, Rom8:28-30, Rom9:30-32, Rom10:3-6, Rom10:8-101, Rom10:17, Gal2:15-21, Gal3 the whole chapter. and the rest of Galatians. Keep reading Romans and Galatians.
 
Dec 19, 2009
2,723
7
0
#16
You will not use freedom from law to deliberately willfully do what you want if you love Jesus this would be impossible. I am going to put some scripture reference up for you to look at in your Bible. Paul continuously says. We are not under law, if we follow after the Holy Spirit. And if you haven't been baptised in the Holy Spirt, believe me you can be.

The law can only maske you concous of your sin. Rom3:20 But you do need to read Romans and Galatians. Here are the verses.

Rom1:17, Rom3:20-26 Rom3:28, Rom3:31 Rom4:3, Rom4:6, Rom4:15, Rom4:23, Rom5:6, Rom5:13, Rom6:14-16, Rom7:5-11, Rom8:28-30, Rom9:30-32, Rom10:3-6, Rom10:8-101, Rom10:17, Gal2:15-21, Gal3 the whole chapter. and the rest of Galatians. Keep reading Romans and Galatians.
You haven't said anything for a while, I hope you haqve kind of understood what I have very briefly tried to explain. It is so difficult to go over it all quickly. You need to pray that God will show you the truth of the salvation that is yours in Jesus. You will never be free by condemning yourself for your sin. Satan just loves that. But if you live by faith in Jesus, he will not like that because you will see results.
Do we then nullify the law by this faith? Not at all! Rather we uphold the law. Rom3:31

It is all about coming humbly before Jesus and repenting of our sin and asking him to change us, and he will do it. You have faith already, or you couldn't be a Christian. It is not about what you can do to be with God, rather it is what God can do in you through Jesus and The Holy Spirit. And if you have not been yet you certainly can be baptised in the Spirit. It does not depend on you being 'good enough' to receive it. Gal3:3
What pleases God is you trusting in his son, not condemniung yourself for feeling you are inworthy and not good enough for him. None of us will or can ever be good enough.
The Bibler says we cannot earn our way to Heaven, we cannot be good enough for Heaven, we cannot get there by good works or by obeying Gods laws.
For it is by GRACE y7ou have been saved, through faith-and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no-one can boast. Eph2:8&9

Grace is God's love for you. You could not come to God unless he called you to Him, and gave you the faith to bvelieve in Jesus. He will always love you, wouldn't your natural parent? And God loves you far more than they ever could. All he asks is that you trust in His Son, and follow after the Holy Spirit in your life. All of that guilt can go, if you will let it, because the thing that condemned you and gave you your guilt(ther law) has been removed. Providing you look tro Jesus and want to follow him.
Christ is the end of the law. Rom10:4
God will deliver you if you trust in Jesus and keep trustring him. And you can CERTAINLY be baptised in the Holy Spirit. The Spirt is with you now. You couldn't be a Christian otherwuise, and you wouldn't feel remorse for your sin unless the Holy Spirit was convicting you of it.
Don't ever turn aside from the grace of God. If your church will not accept this, change to one that will. Check up on everything I have written in your Bible.
Never believe anyone(including a mninster) without checking in the Bible if what he is saying is correct. Be free. Jesus paid the price for your freedom.
Paul said he was the worst of sinners and a blasphemer, but look how God changed him.
It isn't how bad we are, but whether we will come in the truth of why Jesus died.
 
Dec 19, 2009
2,723
7
0
#17
You haven't said anything for a while, I hope you haqve kind of understood what I have very briefly tried to explain. It is so difficult to go over it all quickly. You need to pray that God will show you the truth of the salvation that is yours in Jesus. You will never be free by condemning yourself for your sin. Satan just loves that. But if you live by faith in Jesus, he will not like that because you will see results.
Do we then nullify the law by this faith? Not at all! Rather we uphold the law. Rom3:31

It is all about coming humbly before Jesus and repenting of our sin and asking him to change us, and he will do it. You have faith already, or you couldn't be a Christian. It is not about what you can do to be with God, rather it is what God can do in you through Jesus and The Holy Spirit. And if you have not been yet you certainly can be baptised in the Spirit. It does not depend on you being 'good enough' to receive it. Gal3:3
What pleases God is you trusting in his son, not condemniung yourself for feeling you are inworthy and not good enough for him. None of us will or can ever be good enough.
The Bibler says we cannot earn our way to Heaven, we cannot be good enough for Heaven, we cannot get there by good works or by obeying Gods laws.
For it is by GRACE y7ou have been saved, through faith-and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no-one can boast. Eph2:8&9

Grace is God's love for you. You could not come to God unless he called you to Him, and gave you the faith to bvelieve in Jesus. He will always love you, wouldn't your natural parent? And God loves you far more than they ever could. All he asks is that you trust in His Son, and follow after the Holy Spirit in your life. All of that guilt can go, if you will let it, because the thing that condemned you and gave you your guilt(ther law) has been removed. Providing you look tro Jesus and want to follow him.
Christ is the end of the law. Rom10:4
God will deliver you if you trust in Jesus and keep trustring him. And you can CERTAINLY be baptised in the Holy Spirit. The Spirt is with you now. You couldn't be a Christian otherwuise, and you wouldn't feel remorse for your sin unless the Holy Spirit was convicting you of it.
Don't ever turn aside from the grace of God. If your church will not accept this, change to one that will. Check up on everything I have written in your Bible.
Never believe anyone(including a mninster) without checking in the Bible if what he is saying is correct. Be free. Jesus paid the price for your freedom.
Paul said he was the worst of sinners and a blasphemer, but look how God changed him.
It isn't how bad we are, but whether we will come in the truth of why Jesus died.
I have to go now, it is late in England. I hope this has been of some help. God Bless, you will be in my prayers. Feel free to contact me if you ever would like to. I have a document by Charles Spurgeon. He explains better than I how jesus helps us to be free of our sin. If you would like to view it just send me a message.
 
G

greatkraw

Guest
#18
didnt we discuss this in another thread

put a bible mp3 or video on while you surf
 
F

FirePanther

Guest
#19
Hey all,

Well how to start this, well guys I need help for real, well i have two great problems that are Related to each other that I must confess.
One is that unfortunaly I am suffering from addiction to pornography, I tried to use every tool I could but now I do not know what to do( Try blocker but my instict and my knowledge of computer just outakes the blockers)

My Second problem Iis that I am suffering fromchronicle depression because of the guilt that cames after satisfing the sin. This is driving me mad to the point that it seems that I have a double face which one is my soul crying for not sin and the other to follow the insticts.

Please Pray for me and help if possible, i do not know what to do.

att.

Damascus12
Dear Damascus there's hope for you :)
Don't worry your is a very common problem but as much as it's common many people won it with God :)
It's right and written in the scriptures that it's right to repent, but when guilt became too much it doesn't come from my God but from satan. Because when you repent and ask forgivness to God he has immediately forgiven you, but satan wants you to suffer and to become sad and depressed. He also wants to block you from praying God because he knows that if you feel guilty you won't pray peacefully.
But I want you to read and confess this Bible's verse:
Romans 8:1 : Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus

Since you repented from your sin God has forgiven you! And since you are forgiven THERE'S NO CONDEMNATION for you! Now the Bible also says:

Galatians 5:16 : I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.

Now as livingbygrace rightly said you shouldn't put your focus in what you shouldn't do but put your focus on spending time with God and praying and don't feel guilty, pray freely because feeling guilty will make your prayer stop. Follow also livingbygrace's advices, you have the victory in Christ! He paid your price on the cross, reicognize that you can't win that sin with your strenght, surrender to God and ask him to set you free. A big hug from italy my brother