I think that today I have had the first revelation regarding this trial as to what I am supposed to learn while going through this long, dark valley. When the mantle of favor was lifted from my workplace, oh so long ago, I couldn't understand why. I thought it was because God wanted me to learn to rely on Him fully, and not on man. Well, trust me, that lesson has been learned. But the favor has not returned.
This morning, as I prepared to face my day, I pleaded with God again to help me. I begged Him to return me to the favor I once had at work. I asked Jesus for my life to be anointed and for me to have peace and joy and to be changed into His likeness...and all the while, I knew that I was to blame for a great deal of the stresses in my life. I can't ask God to help me when it is my fault, so my pride decrees, yet isn't that what we do as sinners when we repent? Help me, Lord, for the sins I have committed have warped my soul beyond my ability to stand it any longer! Isn't that the plea of the unsaved at the time of repentance?
Well, I think that one of the things I must learn through this trial is that they cannot take my Christianity from me, my salvation from me, all that Christ has invested in me cannot be taken from me. They cannot make me turn from Him in despair and choose the darkness of depression, doubt, anger, irritation and fear. They cannot make me bow to the idols of this world, but I can choose to do so of my own accord.
As I sat at my desk, I wanted to be rebellious and evil, due to the oppression I've received here at work lately, and I clearly heard Holy Spirit say, "They cannot take your Christianity away from you." He used that word specifically because I had considered earlier how much they would regret treating me this way if I chose to no longer be Christian in my response to them. That is not to say that I have been Christ-like in my responses thus far, but I have at least tried to reign in the anger and rebellion that is inherently mine. What would then happen if I no longer tried? How they would regret it then!
So, Holy Spirit had to show me that it is here, in these moments, that choosing to remain in Christ and be meek during these attacks of the enemy is pivotal. It is too easy to let go of goodness and embrace the darkness of sin and compromise.
At this time in my life, I am at a place where the tether holding me to this town and this job and all that exists is markedly thin. As I have been unable and, let's face it, unwilling to find a new church home and I have been feeling greatly oppressed in a few realms of this life and I don't really have friends to consider, leaving NM behind in order to go elsewhere is definitely a consideration that I dare not examine too closely. When things get this way, it's harder and harder to find reasons to stay.
I stay because I don't feel that God has a new life for me out there somewhere, but here, in NM, where He has planted me. I just need to hold tight to my sword and shield, keep my armor strong, and stand my ground. Otherwise, this battle will leave me scarred and wounded, and I am through with those kinds of outcomes.
This morning, as I prepared to face my day, I pleaded with God again to help me. I begged Him to return me to the favor I once had at work. I asked Jesus for my life to be anointed and for me to have peace and joy and to be changed into His likeness...and all the while, I knew that I was to blame for a great deal of the stresses in my life. I can't ask God to help me when it is my fault, so my pride decrees, yet isn't that what we do as sinners when we repent? Help me, Lord, for the sins I have committed have warped my soul beyond my ability to stand it any longer! Isn't that the plea of the unsaved at the time of repentance?
Well, I think that one of the things I must learn through this trial is that they cannot take my Christianity from me, my salvation from me, all that Christ has invested in me cannot be taken from me. They cannot make me turn from Him in despair and choose the darkness of depression, doubt, anger, irritation and fear. They cannot make me bow to the idols of this world, but I can choose to do so of my own accord.
As I sat at my desk, I wanted to be rebellious and evil, due to the oppression I've received here at work lately, and I clearly heard Holy Spirit say, "They cannot take your Christianity away from you." He used that word specifically because I had considered earlier how much they would regret treating me this way if I chose to no longer be Christian in my response to them. That is not to say that I have been Christ-like in my responses thus far, but I have at least tried to reign in the anger and rebellion that is inherently mine. What would then happen if I no longer tried? How they would regret it then!
So, Holy Spirit had to show me that it is here, in these moments, that choosing to remain in Christ and be meek during these attacks of the enemy is pivotal. It is too easy to let go of goodness and embrace the darkness of sin and compromise.
At this time in my life, I am at a place where the tether holding me to this town and this job and all that exists is markedly thin. As I have been unable and, let's face it, unwilling to find a new church home and I have been feeling greatly oppressed in a few realms of this life and I don't really have friends to consider, leaving NM behind in order to go elsewhere is definitely a consideration that I dare not examine too closely. When things get this way, it's harder and harder to find reasons to stay.
I stay because I don't feel that God has a new life for me out there somewhere, but here, in NM, where He has planted me. I just need to hold tight to my sword and shield, keep my armor strong, and stand my ground. Otherwise, this battle will leave me scarred and wounded, and I am through with those kinds of outcomes.