Thoughts on adoption

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Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#41
i dont understand the 'my child has to be a clone of me' kind of thinking.

No your child will always be a mixture if their parents but even if they look exaclty like you they'll have a mind of their own, plus parents will always be the people actively loved and cared for them , so I woulnt be afraid someone searching for their roots and scared they'd leave, they of course people would be curious about their heritage but this would go back even further right to Adam and Eve right? If you are christian your inheritance as it is is with Jesus.

Because we are born again, and hopefully that is what you want for any child. A spiritual inheritance.
 

Dude653

Senior Member
Mar 19, 2011
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#42
Thanks for sharing. This is a major (legitimate) fear for many and I believe this is why more people do not adopt.
It's perfectly natural that they would want to know their roots and it would be selfish to deny them that
 

MsMediator

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2022
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#43
It's perfectly natural that they would want to know their roots and it would be selfish to deny them that
Yes it is selfish but natural. Knowing roots is fine but a lot of adoptees bond with the biological parents and forget about the adoptive parents. That's one reason if I ever adopt I would want the child to be a true orphan as I also support reunification. However reunification after adoption causes complications.
 

Dude653

Senior Member
Mar 19, 2011
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#44
They would probably want to know why their birth mother gave them up.
I would imagine most of the time it's a mother who's in a bad situation and can't support a child so she would rather give it to someone who can rather than abort
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#45
fos-adopt would not be an option for you then

Its like children of divorced parents. The step parent doesnt replace the estranged parent - they can always return
 

hornetguy

Senior Member
Jan 18, 2016
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#47
I have often wondered what step parents do with children under 18. Do they adopt them? Are they allowed to?
Of course they are allowed to. Permission from the birth father/mother is required, legally, I'm pretty sure, although a court can rule to allow adoption without parental consent.
 

hornetguy

Senior Member
Jan 18, 2016
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#49
fos-adopt would not be an option for you then
What is "fos adoption" ??
They would probably want to know why their birth mother gave them up.
I would imagine most of the time it's a mother who's in a bad situation and can't support a child so she would rather give it to someone who can rather than abort
Yes, that is correct. And it is up to the adoptive parents to inform the child with age-appropriate information about how the birth parents loved them enough to give them up...

My older brother and I were adopted. I was about a year old, and he is almost two years older than me. This was in the mid to late '50's. Our biological mother, who had one other, older child, got abandoned/divorced. She placed us in a "children's home" because she could not care for us at the time. We were kept as foster children by my adoptive parents, who then asked to adopt us. She consented, and our biological father was found so that he could sign the agreement.
We were told early on that we were adopted, and that our mother loved us enough to want us to have a better life than she could provide for us. We were told we were very special, and very loved.
As we got older, our parents told us that if we ever wanted to try to find our bio parents, they would do everything they could to help us.
Neither of us saw or felt a need to do that. We have two siblings younger than us that were my parents bio kids. We never felt "different" from them, or "less" than them. We were all just family.
I have never felt anything but love and appreciation for our bio parents, especially our mother, for loving us that much.

Interestingly, in the past 15 years or so, we have been re-united with our older half-brother who our mother kept when we were placed in the home. There are also half-siblings she had, after she remarried. Our bio mother and father had both passed before we met any of them.

We have also found, and met our bio half-brother and sisters from our father's side.

Through all of this, when I talk about "mama and daddy" , it's my adoptive parents... that's who they are. Both of them are gone home now, but they were pioneers in the whole adoption arena.

Because of our adoption, they became active in helping found and operate a maternity home and adoption agency in west Texas. This was a life-long ministry of theirs, and hundreds of girls who were pregnant and not able to keep the child (for many various reasons) were helped, and their children placed into Christian homes. It was truly a God-blessed mission.
 

MsMediator

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2022
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#50
fos-adopt would not be an option for you then

Its like children of divorced parents. The step parent doesnt replace the estranged parent - they can always return
In that case I will probably not adopt unless I find a true orphan. Don't need to deal with child's bio side. I (and/or my future potential husband) would want to be the only parents.

I have a stepparent and yes he replaced my bio-dad who left for a mistress/new life at a young age. I can't imagine having two dads lol.
 

MsMediator

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2022
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#51
He was in love with the mistress before he married my mom.
 

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
Oct 23, 2018
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#53
?????? Who adopts a child for money?
Not those who adopt, as notmyown picked up on, in that case they pay for the child and must want the child very much.
I'm speaking of Foster Care where, as MsMediator pointed out, can be abused because they pay out a goodly amount of money to Foster Care caregivers. Hopefully there are many more sincere FC people than abusive ones. I've heard of some sad stories by ruthless people just wanting to rake in the money and scorn the children.
I'm all for adoption and FC just with FC, more in depth screening incl a background of their success as caregivers should be a standard. Glad for the chance to clarify that😊
 

hornetguy

Senior Member
Jan 18, 2016
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#54
Foster parents can abuse the system for money. I've seen this on Judge Judy.
Yes, that is true. Judge Judy wouldn't lie to us... :p
I think I just had a "light-bulb" moment... fos-adopt must mean foster to adoption... ? Is that correct? I've never heard that term before.

To me, the two are very separate things. Many people become foster parents.... some definitely do it for the money, others do it because they love kids.
Adoption is, or should be, a permanent thing, taking in a child to become your child for life.
 

hornetguy

Senior Member
Jan 18, 2016
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#55
they pay for the child
I know you know this, but paying for a child is illegal... what adoptive parents pay for involves a lot of legal fees, reimbursement for living costs of the mother, sometimes medical bills of the mother/child...
A lot of that depends on who is arranging the adoption. I highly recommend using a licensed, reputable adoption agency.... one that does extensive home studies, medical matching, etc...
 

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
Oct 23, 2018
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#56
I know you know this, but paying for a child is illegal... what adoptive parents pay for involves a lot of legal fees, reimbursement for living costs of the mother, sometimes medical bills of the mother/child...
A lot of that depends on who is arranging the adoption. I highly recommend using a licensed, reputable adoption agency.... one that does extensive home studies, medical matching, etc...
Yeah, that's what I meant, they are putting out money through the sources that be, to receive the child, not some cold dark alley meeting, lol.
 

Genipher

Well-known member
Jan 6, 2019
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#57
Yes, that is true. Judge Judy wouldn't lie to us... :p
I think I just had a "light-bulb" moment... fos-adopt must mean foster to adoption... ? Is that correct? I've never heard that term before.

To me, the two are very separate things. Many people become foster parents.... some definitely do it for the money, others do it because they love kids.
Adoption is, or should be, a permanent thing, taking in a child to become your child for life.
My best friend fostered a baby and ended up adopting the baby. Pretty common to adopt one's foster child.
 

hornetguy

Senior Member
Jan 18, 2016
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#58
My best friend fostered a baby and ended up adopting the baby. Pretty common to adopt one's foster child.
Yes... that is what happened with me and my brother, as I mentioned earlier.
However, there are people that ONLY foster kids, for many various reasons. I've known of at least two couples that saw fostering as their "mission", and over their lifetime parented 30 or more kids...
I also have neighbors that foster kids, and they have raised three, maybe four boys... the oldest is now in college, and the youngest is in middle school.
My brother and I were fostered for a short time by another couple, before my parents started fostering us. My parents decided to adopt us, the first couple did not... they were only "foster parents"... they were not looking to adopt... they were performing a service for kids that needed it.