M
Ok, this isn't easy for me to write, but as I was thinking tonight, I realized that I needed to say a few things. Things that maybe we've all heard a million times - but I know that they are things that I personally heard a million times without really hearing them...and I let myself fall into a place that I can not get out of...
No matter how much you love a guy, or how much they say they love you - do not play around with the physical side. I'm not trying to be a mother, or tell you something you've heard a billion times. I'm just dealing with the after effects of having "played with fire". The emotional effects...they are never ending. I am still a virgin, but I don't see myself that way. I have dated only 2 boys. We'll call them Jamie and Alex. Jamie was the first boy I dated. That was when I was 17 (almost 18). He and I had been friends for 3 years and it seemed perfect. He broke up with me suddenly tho about 5 months later. He and I had had a very healthy relationship where physical issues are concerned. He'd never even kissed me. We stuck to hugs and holding hands, it was sweet and it was innocent. And I loved him for that. Later on that year I started dating Alex...and that was a whole differnt ball game. Alex was much more "hands on" shall we say. I was completely lost...I know I should have said no, but I made the classic mistake of being scared he'd leave if I didn't give him what he wanted..... We only dated a little while, and then I finally ended it because I couldn't stand myself. Then, Jaimie came back into my life and I was thrilled. We got back to gether...and dated for almost 9 months... We weren't as innocent this time, but I made excuses - saying that I truly loved him and that it was alright. Though I never really believed myself. We planned to get married... He said he would never leave me and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.... And so I did things with him that I swore I would never do until I was married....
And in the end, he did leave.
For a long time, I didn't regret the way I had been with him, because I knew without a doubt that I loved him. But I was using love as an excuse. We both were....
Now, I'm faced with knowing that I bought into another classic mistake. Instead of being the way i should have been...I allowed myself to lower my standards. And yes, I did love him, and he loved me - but that excuses NOTHING. God designs that part of a relationship for marriage...because it attaches you emotionally to that person...
And now I'm tied to someone hundreds of miles away that I have no future with...
And that is so unbelievably heartbreaking...
So girls (and guys) please, please...take it from someone who has really messed up -- no matter how much you love them, or how much they love you -- love eachother enough to wait. If it's meant to be, it will work out in God's time... Or you'll end up suffering the way I am. I'm not saying this for pity or compassion. I messed up - i sinned and I am now faced with concequences that will last... Please, don't let any part of you go until you find someone who has vowed before God and your family that he will never leave you. Wait until marriage...Don't play around, because the end result is not fun...
it tears you up.
No matter how much you love a guy, or how much they say they love you - do not play around with the physical side. I'm not trying to be a mother, or tell you something you've heard a billion times. I'm just dealing with the after effects of having "played with fire". The emotional effects...they are never ending. I am still a virgin, but I don't see myself that way. I have dated only 2 boys. We'll call them Jamie and Alex. Jamie was the first boy I dated. That was when I was 17 (almost 18). He and I had been friends for 3 years and it seemed perfect. He broke up with me suddenly tho about 5 months later. He and I had had a very healthy relationship where physical issues are concerned. He'd never even kissed me. We stuck to hugs and holding hands, it was sweet and it was innocent. And I loved him for that. Later on that year I started dating Alex...and that was a whole differnt ball game. Alex was much more "hands on" shall we say. I was completely lost...I know I should have said no, but I made the classic mistake of being scared he'd leave if I didn't give him what he wanted..... We only dated a little while, and then I finally ended it because I couldn't stand myself. Then, Jaimie came back into my life and I was thrilled. We got back to gether...and dated for almost 9 months... We weren't as innocent this time, but I made excuses - saying that I truly loved him and that it was alright. Though I never really believed myself. We planned to get married... He said he would never leave me and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.... And so I did things with him that I swore I would never do until I was married....
And in the end, he did leave.
For a long time, I didn't regret the way I had been with him, because I knew without a doubt that I loved him. But I was using love as an excuse. We both were....
Now, I'm faced with knowing that I bought into another classic mistake. Instead of being the way i should have been...I allowed myself to lower my standards. And yes, I did love him, and he loved me - but that excuses NOTHING. God designs that part of a relationship for marriage...because it attaches you emotionally to that person...
And now I'm tied to someone hundreds of miles away that I have no future with...
And that is so unbelievably heartbreaking...
So girls (and guys) please, please...take it from someone who has really messed up -- no matter how much you love them, or how much they love you -- love eachother enough to wait. If it's meant to be, it will work out in God's time... Or you'll end up suffering the way I am. I'm not saying this for pity or compassion. I messed up - i sinned and I am now faced with concequences that will last... Please, don't let any part of you go until you find someone who has vowed before God and your family that he will never leave you. Wait until marriage...Don't play around, because the end result is not fun...
it tears you up.