J
I like this thing:
... love is when we have had to seek God for direction when we were not
certain we were doing the right thing.
That is love. We chose love, if we find God's direction. I mean.
... love is when we have had to seek God for direction when we were not
certain we were doing the right thing.
That is love. We chose love, if we find God's direction. I mean.
Love Sargilana, you speak of is beautifully explained.
I never ask anyone to speak against their family member regarding how
they deal with Tough Love if one feels it a touchy situation. I admire the
fact our friend wants to tone down what his meaning of touch love is.
In fact Tough Love for my situation, was years of having to watch a loved
one ruin a beautiful life and bring heartache to many. I have no problem
sharing because I feel there are other mother and fathers who are going
through similar situation. I believe many have cried buckets of tears seeking
God on their loved ones behalf. Years and years of praying. Journals we
look back and read those prayers and see what good those prayers did.
I think there are those who feel they have to do something similar and not
sure what to do. Prayer is the only answer, yet even then we really have to
be in tune to God and plead for guidance for us, or protection for the one in
need.
I would never tell anyone to practice it. I could not live with myself if I told
someone else to put a child out and something would happen to them.
Each situation is different. But chastisement in this situation I speak of was
not the TOUGH LOVE I bring to the board. Chastisement was something
I tried when she lived at home under our roof until she graduated and
married. She belonged to someone else by that time.
I tried to raising her in the best Christian environment and guidance according
to the Word of God. She was a beautiful person, but simply could not see
anything as wrong. I am not sure where her mind was, but she continued
on doing more of the things she could not do at home. Marriage was the easy
way to cut the cord and live her own life, her way.
I know it is strange speaking of an adult child ( by this time was divorced w/
2 children) and call it Tough Love. But as the tender years of her children
whom she loved dearly, were being affected, she lost them to their father.
Where does tough love come in now, in this picture ? After 2 stents in
rehab, and trying so hard to work and make a new life for herself, she would
slip back into old habits. We helped her without enabling her. When she needed
a place to live, she worked in town and was able to rent, etc. If she needed a
security deposit, we helped. If she was going to lose her apt. due to back rent
unpaid, we helped. When her furniture was sold she had in storage, and she
needed necessities, furniture, etc., we helped. But, she was still slipping away
from us. I shared Christ with her and she knew Him. She knew her struggles
were demonic and would call for prayer. Many of her letters and cards I have
kept over the years are filled with love and gratitude. Still she never asked to
come home. She finally had hit rock bottom and was trying to get her life back
on track. She needed medical attention, we offered. She needed dental work
we were in the process of helping her get that started when everything came
to a halt the night she froze to death, from having been left in a vehicle .
This is what Tough Love did to me. Her story is not a pleasant one and I am
not exposing everything. She would not care though, because she was just
like me, she was an open book. Tough Love... was knowing she had a need
and taking whatever her need was and seeing the joy on her face when she
opened up a shopping bag and find things she was in need of with out having
to tell us.
Christmas. Oh, my.... Tough Love.... Hardest time ever. She had become so
grateful for everything she received. She was like a child opening a gift and
would be so happy that it would be something she wanted but never told anyone.
She was 45 yrs old. It took so many years for her to find out living a life your
flesh tells you to do was leading to destruction. It was then she was repentant.
She was ready to start anew.
I will say it taught me to love those who were in the same condition she found
herself in. I at one time would have ignored that person who could not live a
straight and Godly life. I learned to love those she loved. I believe it was love
that brought her and I back into the Mother and Daughter bonding, and we
had something in common. We loved with the love of the Lord.
I believe if she could come back and tell you what Tough Love meant to her,
it would be the answer God gave me. It meant she was totally dependent
upon Him. She saw Him work miracles when she needed something. She
had a hard time forgiving herself. But she knew God had forgiven her.
Now do you understand why Tough Love can't be one set pattern ? It works
differently because no two people are alike.
However, parents suffer more than anyone knows. Even when we are doing
what we believe God led us to do, it is by faith I believe He meant what He
showed me about her 'being dependent upon Him' and it was what He wanted
to draw her closer to Him before He took her from this earth.
Christmas is the most difficult time for us because it was the last time we saw
her ~
May all who have loved ones away from home, please keep them in prayer and
know God will do all He can possibly do to help them. It may not always be the
way we want but He never fails to hear....The prayer of the righteous avails much.
God bless all and know I am keeping many in prayer who at this very moment
walking the same path I did. Tough Love is Gods Love ~ That is when He does
His best work, because He is love.
God be with all who are hurting ~ May you and your loved ones be covered under
the wings of His protection. Amen ~