Tough times in marriage

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Candy2

Guest
#1
#1
Hi, I have been married for almost two years but my husband and I are somewhat separated. We currently sleep in separate bedrooms, we still to an extent mingle with each other but it's because we have a 10 month old daughter together. He is a very friendly guy with more female friends but recently I found out that he has been sexually involed with one. Now I never had a fear of this with him before until now. I asked him about it and he totally denied it. I showed him proof which was messages they exchanged copied directly from online and he still denied it. Now is something psychologically wrong with him or am I crazy??? Is he just so ashamed to admit it???? To make things worse he left another of his chat accounts open on my computer so now I can see all the other comments he is making and sadly the amount of lies in these messages I don't even know who he is anymore. I stopped having sex with him for my safety but do I work on my marriage and try to save it or not. He's also saying if he ever leaves here he's taking our child I don't want that but I really just want him out my life for good. He is now telling me he wants his family and so on but could be a lie as well cuz he does it so easily. Seems like he's just stringing me along to get as much as he needs since he's not so financially in order and then he'll leave me hanging. I just hate this guy so much. He's pure evil.
 
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Risen

Guest
#2
#2
You need to get out and find somewhere peaceful for you to spend time with God and his word and seek His comfort and quidance. Cry out your heart to Him, I know He will definetly answer your prayers. Surround yourself with God fearing womens. I have been in your shoes and Jesus is the answer to our every need and He is our friend in deed.
Will be praying for you.
 
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Risen

Guest
#3
#3
My husband for 21 years left me and our six kids two years ago to be with his highschool sweet heart who also leave her husband for 28 years and 6 children and a few grandchildren. It is the way of the world. He has been fooling around with other ladies shortly after we got married. He has been doing it for the whole of our marriage life until one day our two older sons caught him in the act and chase him away from home. I went through a period of mourning for more than a year before I met Jesus. Now I am grateful that this incident did happen. I am much closer God and to my kids now and we have a wonderful life with Christ being our provider and the head of our family.

We are praying for my husband and his partner so that they do will one day meet Christ and also experience His love and provision for them. God delivered me from all the hurt, anger, frustration, feeling of being betrayed, etc etc etc. Now I see him as another lost brother who is in need of God's love and forgiveness and likewise his partner. Our youngest boy will be turning 3 in Sept and your second youngest is 8.

God can turn what the devil ment for evil in your life to your advantage. Genesis 50:20 or 20:50
 
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roxx23

Guest
#4
#4
hi. im sure you have seen who he really is, it looks like there is nothing to fix, just leave him and go find you happiness dont hold on to something broken.
 
L

Lucy68

Senior Member
#5
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#5
"Hate" is a strong word and it sounds like the situation is very serious.

You may want to see if he'll go to Christian counseling with you. And suggest a temporary separation while you both think about how to fix things. Separation doesn't mean divorce; it can be simply a cooling off time.

Try not to react in anger because this will just escalate things. If you feel like your safety is threatened, then please seek a safe place for you and your child.

I definitely think you should find a counselor. For one thing, a spouse withholding sex can be very detrimental to a marriage. But you say you fear for your safety.....a counselor should be able to help with this.

The main question is how committed you two are to saving your marriage?

You both have some serious issues to work out. Praying for the Holy Spirit to lead you and your husband into love and forgiveness...and for a desire to reconcile your differences :)
 
G

greatblue

Guest
#6
#6
Candy2 said:
He's also saying if he ever leaves here he's taking our child I don't want that but I really just want him out my life for good. He is now telling me he wants his family and so on but could be a lie as well cuz he does it so easily. Seems like he's just stringing me along to get as much as he needs since he's not so financially in order and then he'll leave me hanging. I just hate this guy so much. He's pure evil.
Click to expand...
Where do you and your husband stand with God, meaning your individual faiths? Are you a believer where he is not?

My advice, for what it is worth, is that you need to see a counselor and possibly your pastor (if you are a believer). The bottom line is always getting to the truth and exposing all the lies that hide in the darkness. Healing begins when the light shines on everything...

Know that with God, nothing is impossible. Bless ya
 
S

shekaniah

Guest
#7
#7
I don't think it is hate you feel...
It is hurt and anger.
You have not been married very long,
So he must have felt something was missing from the relationship.

I know from experience that there is two sides to each point of view.
Men need a lot of approval, praise and physical contact to feel supported.
If another woman started giving him positive feed back, he would be drawn to her.
After you had your baby, he might have felt left out.
I know this is a lame excuse, but it happens alot.

If you want to win him back...
make sure when he is around you...that you smile and focus on the things you like about him.
It will show up in your attitude toward him.
Look for things to thank him for...even if it is just taking out the garbage.

I will be praying for you and your family.
God bless you and keep you all,
Love in Christ, Shekaniah

A wise woman builds her home up with a gentle and quiet spirit.

1 Peter 3:4
Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.
 
Mediate

Mediate

Banned
#8
Dec 14, 2009
1,400
2
0
#8
You know what. People get to an age, and I see it in my own parents, where they just don't give a s**t about each other any more. that;s you right??

Arguing gives them stimulus. fighting gives them stimulus. Their boring, soul-numbing routines get so, well, boring and soul-numbing that they spite and resent each other. because any emotional feeling is better than the nothingness that really exists for them. Yea, theres nothing there right?

He cheats on you because there's something he gets elsewhere that you don't give him. It's as simple as that. that's the cold truth. You aren't enough right?

nobody is able to be faithful in that respect. So leave, yea??

What's the statistic. 55% of marriages end in divorce and something like 90% of women who were asked, admitted to having a fling (even if it was non sexual) with another man.

Yea. People want sex, not love.

You find someone who wants love, you mail me their best friends phone number.

The truth is he'll get to sixty and realise his meaningless flings cost him something far more valuable. But then he's too late, cause by that stage you've already married a rich man that lets you do what you want and your ex-so has got haemorrhoids so big he can't sit down right.

you can try to reconcile your relationship, but to be honest, he's lost interest in you and you're only going to cause yourself stress and face turmoil. Just do what everyone else does and give up. That's the best policy, right?

COME ON!! WAKE UP!!

Sit down with your partner, remember why you fell for him in the first place. Get a sitter, remind him why he fell for you. Wear heels. Dress up. Make him wait. join a gym. Go for a run. Kick him out for two weeks.

Get a sense of that hot independent woman you were before baby came along and show him what he's missing.

Tell him if he ever does it again, he's gone.You deserve the same respect as he does. Fulfill your duty and make him promise to fulfil his.

In times like this, there's no room for submissive woman. Woman who demands a real husband needs to come out and make this work!

There's two people in a relationship. You can't turn round and say you have been perfect partners. seems you were drifting apart before he went and did his thing.

Well you need to want to fight for it.
 
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5

50Heather50

Guest
#9
#9
Hello. God says the ONLY reason we have to get divorced is ADULTERY. You have EVERY right to leave. No man is worth that much pain unless it is God, Jesus Christ, or the Holy Spirit. You sound like a wonderful inspiring beautiful person. You DO NOT deserve this. Whatever you do, DO NOT allow your faith to grow weak. Be strong, and listen to what GOD wants. No matter what the situation was, he had NO right to go and cheat on you. How can you trust him? My boyfriend recently cheated on me. He didn't have sex with anyone, but only offered and lusted many times so in the eyes of God, he was committing adultery. My boyfriend is an important server of God. I could not understand why HE would do such a thing. But the devil has a strong hold on some people and it literally takes THE BIBLE to cure it. Your husbands strong hold with the devil is sexual immortality. What I did in my situation is let God use me as a teacher, to teach him that nothing good lies behind lusting,adultery, or any thing to do with sexual immortality. I taught him by reading the bible. God showed me several bible verses in the HOLY BIBLE to have my boyfriend read. I would try this with your husband. I would also seak counselling. (that is if you want to try and save your marriage). This is a very strong sermon you should have him read>>> The Lust of the Eyes This explains thouroughly why lusting is wrong and condems adulterist. Remember--OUR WEAPONS OF OUR WAR FAIR ARE NOT CARNAL..... As a testimony from myself, I must say.... this is a FACT. Use them. Open your bible, pray, depenod on god....Trust God with all your heart and lead not into your own understanding. Be blessed sweetie. Pray and it will get better. This is my prayer for you "Dear God, I pray that this lady I am writing finds peace in her heart, body, and soul. I pray for her restoration. Jesus has riches of healing powers and I pray he uses them to cure this womans mental and physical pain. Lord I pray you hold her stong and remind her you are walking right beside her for your son had to die for these same exact sins. In jesus name I pray.-Amen

PRAY!!
 
M

Moe

Guest
#10
#10
Candy2 said:
Hi, I have been married for almost two years but my husband and I are somewhat separated. We currently sleep in separate bedrooms, we still to an extent mingle with each other but it's because we have a 10 month old daughter together. He is a very friendly guy with more female friends but recently I found out that he has been sexually involed with one. Now I never had a fear of this with him before until now. I asked him about it and he totally denied it. I showed him proof which was messages they exchanged copied directly from online and he still denied it. Now is something psychologically wrong with him or am I crazy??? Is he just so ashamed to admit it???? To make things worse he left another of his chat accounts open on my computer so now I can see all the other comments he is making and sadly the amount of lies in these messages I don't even know who he is anymore. I stopped having sex with him for my safety but do I work on my marriage and try to save it or not. He's also saying if he ever leaves here he's taking our child I don't want that but I really just want him out my life for good. He is now telling me he wants his family and so on but could be a lie as well cuz he does it so easily. Seems like he's just stringing me along to get as much as he needs since he's not so financially in order and then he'll leave me hanging. I just hate this guy so much. He's pure evil.
Click to expand...
My first question for you is are you going to church and secondly have you talked with your pastor? You need to start working on your problem from within your circle of friends, family and church. If you don't get any help that works, then start reaching a little farther out. If you really are looking for help, please get back with me....I'll be praying for you in the mean time,,,,Cheers
 
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psychomom

Guest
#11
#11
Praying for you, dear child.
~ellie
 
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pzsl3j

Guest
#12
#12
I am really sorry this has happened to you. I am having all kinds of issues in my marriage right now, but thankfully unfaithfulness is not one of them. My first wife was unfaithful and I forgave her twice before I finally had to end the marriage.

What you have to look at is this - pray and ask the Lord for guidence, examine yourself and see what part you had in the breakdown of your marriage. Most of the time marriages do not break down because of only one person, however sometimes it is mostly one person.

So you have to ask yourself - did you show proper respect and praise to your husband? Did you put your child before your husband? Did you stop offering your body to your husband? How physical were your with him?

Now if you can honestly answer you did respect and honor your husband, and freely offered yourself emotionally and physically to him and he turned you down in favor of running after other women - then he is just whoring around and you every right to leave him.

If however you were constantly running him down as a man or not paying much attention to his emotional and physical needs then you need to examine if maybe your marriage could be saved. Yes none of this justifies his sinful behavior- but you had sinful behavior as well(if you did the things I mention). If you did not meet his needs as wife you need to apologize and he need to apolgize to you for his awful behavior and maybe you could save your marriage.
 
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MRSDS

Guest
#13
#13
The Lord's peace be with you. Lord I pray for Candy2 and her husband. Lord , I know that you love them dearly. And that you want "love" to surround their life and home. Lord, I asked that you remove all obstacles, bondages and send your Holy Spirit to lift the hurt. Lord show them the way. Blessings.
 
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