Toxic environment.

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goth4god

Guest
#1
#1
I've been living at home most of my life. I had a bit of a break when I lived at a Christian camp for a while, but now I'm back at home.
It has been ok, but recently, for some reason, my mom seems to be against me in every single way she can! It seems to be her mission to keep everyone from helping me! Like not letting me use the car to learn to drive and not letting my dad help me fix up my car so I can drive it.
I've been very happy and content in God lately, but my mom's negative and jerky (cuz I can't say the word I'm thinking) attitude toward me have been crushing me and it takes all I have not to crumble and go back to being depressed.

Please don't tell me to check myself and see if I'm causing the problem, because I am and I constantly try to keep my attitude in check around her so I don't set her off and she chews me out again.

My mother says she is a Christian, but she honestly doesn't show it besides spouting bible verses at me to suite her own needs.
Every time I don't do exactly what she says when she says she tells me I should look for a new place to live.
I honestly would if I had the money!
She tells me to clean the house to show my appreciation for living here, but she barely cleans anything herself and it is mostly her mess.
She treats my very mean as well.
It's all wearing down on me and taking my joy away.
I also have a younger brother (17) who has to deal with this.

I could use prayer for my mom, and also for me.
I would love to move out as soon as I can, but I don't have a job. So if God wants me to move out, please pray He provides what I need to get out of here soon. Or that something happens and I can live here without it having a negative affect on me.

Thank you so much.
 
W

wwjd_kilden

Guest
#2
#2
Praying .
 
damombomb

damombomb

Senior Member
#3
Feb 27, 2011
3,801
68
48
#3
Father thank you for blessing my sister and opening your doors for her, thank you for filling her mom with joy, peace and restoration, renew her mom Lord , take this deprsesion from her and negativeness and turn it around, in Jesus name amen
 
pickles

pickles

Senior Member
#4
Apr 20, 2009
14,479
182
63
#4
Praying for both you and your mom in Jesus.

Goth4God, Im not saying your mom is right in any way, but sometimes moms just feel tired and used up.
I felt this way when my son moved back home, even though I was so greatful to Jesus for freeing him from the bad relationship he was in.
I was just tired, and had to constantly look to Jesus for streangth, it was just that the needs of another person made me feel overwhelmed.
Sometimes its not about who is right, but simply loving in Jesus.
I know moms should be the ones to do this, but part of growing up is realising moms are not perfect, and get tired.
Try and do something special for your mom , you will know what she needs if you ask Jesus for the love to help you. :)

My son cleaned and kept the bathrooms for me, to me it was like recieving gold. :):):)

I hope all works out soon for you both in Jesus. :)

Huge hugs and Godbless
pickles
 
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loveme1

Senior Member
#5
Oct 30, 2011
8,083
190
63
#5
Forgive your mom and be an example for her.

If she wants you to clean the house then clean it, do something for her even if she makes a mess every day... You will show her kindness and patience, dazzle your joy and light at her without saying a word.


Peace and Blessing in the name of Yahvah God and Yahshua the Messiah always and forever.
 
shemaiah

shemaiah

Senior Member
#6
Jan 28, 2011
2,233
30
48
29
#6
I will pray for you. God bless
 
S

shekaniah

Guest
#7
#7
Pickles might be right, you said you just got home from Christian camp...You were full of renewed life, love and energy!
And if she is mentally tired...it might have been hard to be around all that Sonshine! You blinded her and she might have gotten
a little jealous. We all are still human. Sing worship songs as you clean the house! God's Love will turn things around.
Kill her flesh with God's Lovingkindness through worship and praise! See if you can motivate your brother to help clean house too!
You both are young...she might be going through menopause, It causes mental and physical burn-out.
I will be praying for you all! In the Love of Jesus, Amen!
 
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goth4god

Guest
#8
#8
thank you all for the prayer and advice.

sadly, even when I try to do something nice for my mom, there is always one little thing that isn't right that she complains about.
I didn't recently return from working at the camp, it has been a good few years.
i trey to help my mo, but nothing seems good enough.
maybe if she was nicer to me , i'd be morinlned thp her out.
 
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goth4god

Guest
#9
#9
respect goes both ways, but my mom acts like she deserves it and she doesn't have to give me any.
 
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jkalyna

Guest
#10
#10
:D:D:D I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SAYING ABOUT THE TOXIC ENVIORMENT OR ATOMOSPHER, I JUST WROTE A INSPIRATION ABOUT THIS IN THE GARDEN OF EDEN. THE CURTAIN OF THE DRAMA ISN'T GOING TO CLOSE WITH YOUR MOM PLAYING HERE, YOU KNOW THE LORD, YOU NEED TO BE STONGER TO OVERCOME THIS, AND NOT TO GIVE YOUR SELF OVER TO FEELINGS LIKE BEING A LOSER. THERE IS A PROMISE THAT GOES WITH THIS. HONOR YOUR FATHER AND YOUR MOTHER, AND IT WILL BE WELL WITH YOU. WHO IS MY FATHER SOME ASK, THEY DON'T HAVE ONE. BEING BORN AGAIN, THERE IS THE HEAVENLY FATHER, IF WE DO NOT HONOR HIS WORD, WE ARE IN REBELLION AGAINST THE COMMANDMENT. :)
 
pickles

pickles

Senior Member
#11
Apr 20, 2009
14,479
182
63
#11
goth4god said:
respect goes both ways, but my mom acts like she deserves it and she doesn't have to give me any.
Click to expand...
Goth4God, Im not going to tell you what to do here, simply because having one's mom make you feel like you are never enough for them is trully difficult and at times heartbreaking.
We moms are spposed to always want and love our children unconditionally. :)
I hope this is how my kids see me loving them.
But , one of the greatest gifts we can come to know in Jesus is His perfect love.
This perfect love is not about the other deserving, or being right, or doing right.
Its about loving when there is nothing asked in return, for some one that in no way deserves to be loved.
Simply because, this is what God Our Father does for us in Jesus Christ is Lord come in the flesh.
Loving another in Jesus's love, is one of the most perfect loves we can learn in Jesus, the best part is, that Jesus will give all needed to love as He loves you. :)

Anyway, again, Im not saying you have to do this for your mom, but maby just seeing how God's love in Jesus works, may be the gift given, in seeing this set before you.
I know Im still learning this myself. :)

I will continue to keep you and your mom in my prayers in Jesus.
Because, just the unwelcome atmosphere you are in, I know it has to hurt alot.
Huge hugs Goth4God, you are always wonderful in my eyes, and I know perfect in God Our Father's eyes. :)

God bless
pickles
 
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loveme1

Senior Member
#12
Oct 30, 2011
8,083
190
63
#12
goth4god said:
thank you all for the prayer and advice.

sadly, even when I try to do something nice for my mom, there is always one little thing that isn't right that she complains about.
I didn't recently return from working at the camp, it has been a good few years.
i trey to help my mo, but nothing seems good enough.
maybe if she was nicer to me , i'd be morinlned thp her out.
Click to expand...

Yes, it easier for us to give advice, when we do not walk your path.

I would not say do something that I have not or will not also do if called to.

I will not go in to detail, but I say that I certainly know what it is like, when someone always moves the goal posts.... and doing 100 things right, to make one mistake and the 100 forgotten and that 1 thing is the worst thing, even though it was a mistake :)

You pray for the strength to continue to forgive and be kind...

Each day forgive her and start fresh, you never know the new day may be when she is dazzled by your kindness.

Peace and Blessings in the name of Yahvah God and Yahshua the Messiah.
 
B

bobo

Guest
#13
#13
I too have a 20 year old ( daughter) who i seem to argue with all the time and i thank you for your message as it has opend my eyes to how i treat her i do sound like how your mum is with you. Can i tell you why i get on at my daughter then maybe you will see where your mum is comming from. I know my daughter is comming to the age when she wants to fly the nest i honestly think i argue with her to harden myself up for the inevitable. your mum loves you she is just preparing for your leave its very stressfull for us mums because if we had our own way we would have a big house with lots of money and could keep you at home for ever she is just self protecting herself by distancing herself from you. i will pray for you both please pray for me and my daughter too she is moving out sat i havent said anything and i think she thinks im happy but im devistated god bless hunny xxx
 
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goth4god

Guest
#14
#14
I'll be praying for you and your daughter Bobo!
 
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Ariel82

Guest
#15
#15
sometimes the best way to break through is instead of getting angry, hugging your mom and telling her you love her and doing the things like cleaning the house before she asks and expecting nothing back.

Think about all the times she cleaned the house and cleaned your diapers and gave you baths, etc and never got a thank you out of it. Because its expected, right?

love goes beyond thank yous and superficial rewards for your actions. you don't do things because you love someone to get a thank you or even to have it acknowledged as something YOU have done, but because it needs doing and you love the other person enough to do it.

I think Bobo might be on to something. people act strangely under stress. you can tell if others love you in spite of your strange, unjust behaviors.

I'm not sure if that makes any sense, but I have learned that God expects MORE from His children. the world expects everything to be fair. you do this, they say thank you and do it back for you.

However Jesus tells us you will do kind things for others and they will spit on you and hit you. Do you respond in kind or do you turn the other cheek?

Its not a lesson we can learn from the world. Only God teaches us this and He has ways of teaching that we may not always like. God bless and keep you, even if you environment is toxic, remember that God places living water in your heart that flows forth and gives life to those around you trough the words you speak and the things you do, may you always be a light unto the world shining and pointing to Our Heavenly Father.
 
P

psychomom

Guest
#16
#16
I'm really so sorry, honey. :(

I've seen both sides of this issue now, and have new compassion for my mother now that I have grown kiddos.
It's SAD because sometimes I feel like I don't know them, And in many ways, they don't know me, either.
They know "Mom" but they don't really know Ellie. They probably won't, but they have one mom and lots of friends--God has good plans for life. :)

And that's okay...the way it's meant to be, I think. But I notice especially with my daughters a tension as they get older.
They have their own ideas of how they would keep a home...how they'd cook, decorate, etc. And obviously I can't live up to their ideal, and also I just do things differently than they will, which is also right and normal.
As a young lady, I had NO idea what it would be like to be a mom at all, let alone an "old" mom...lol.

Pickles and Shekaniah are totally right--moms get tired, and menopause is tough! (I remember the comedian Phyllis Diller saying, "Old age ain't for sissies!") So true!
I think I'm just trying to say it's a hard time for you both. But it reminds me of this:
For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison. 1 Cor. 4:17

I'm so grateful you posted this, because it's a good reminder to me to be patient with my girls. And to pray about talking to them about some of this stuff.
It reminds me to be thankful for my children. So I am thankful for y-o-u. ♥

I'll be praying. Keep us posted?
♥ ~ellie
 
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