Hi everyone! This blog I am writing now I am actually basing off an article I read online that peaked my interest. I am sure that this is a problem EVERYONE has and that is a toxic family member and there might even be more than one. Even if its not a blood relative it could also be a close friend or someone you are or were involved with romantically. This article brought up a bunch of great points that I would like to share with you all and hopefully it might even help some of you to realize you are not the only ones dealing with this very painful problem.
1.) Pretending that their toxic behavior is OK is not OK.
The majority of the time you will find that family(or friends) behave the way they do to get their way. It is so much easier to give in to their demands than put up a fight. But as the article explains short-term ease equals long-term pain for you. Toxic people don't change if they are rewarded for not changing.
2.) They may not be bad people.
Just because their behavior is bad does not mean they are inherently bad people. The article explains that not all toxic family members are agonizing and uncaring on purpose. Some of them truly care about you they can have good intentions. Now what it will say next is what really opened my eyes. It said but they are toxic because their needs and approach towards life forces you to compromise yourself and your happiness. As hard as it is to distance yourself, you simply cannot ruin yourself on a daily basis for the sake of someone else. You have to make your well-being a priority.
3.) Forgiveness is key.
This seems like a no brainer and an obvious part of dealing with people who are toxic and hurt us. As Christians we get told probably a million times that we must forgive. I think a good bible verse on this is
Mark 11:25 and it reads: And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.
The article said hating someone because of their toxic behavior just brings more toxicity into your life. Hate-filled grudges are for those who insist they are owed something. Forgiveness, on the other hand, is for those who are strong enough and smart enough to move on.
4.) People can change.
This particular part had me a bit conflicted. I used to be one of those that thought people could never change. but of course that's not entirely true. I believe people who really are devoted to change and who come across conviction and begin to see the errors of their toxic behaviors have a chance of change. I believe Jesus changes us from the inside once we except Him because of course with God nothing is impossible. Here is some scripture I found helpful for this topic.
Ezekiel 36:26-27 and it reads: A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: And I will take away the stony heart of your flesh, and I will give you a heart of flesh.And I will put my spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes, and ye shall keep my judgments, and do them.
There is also 2 Corinthians 5:17 and it reads: Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
5.) Sometimes you have to walk away for good.
The article said: Finally, remember that this is your life. You may not be able to control all the things toxic family members do, but you can decide not to be reduced by them in the long run. You can decide not to let their actions and opinions continuously invade your heart and mind. Above all, you can decide whom to walk beside into tomorrow, and whom to leave behind today. In a perfect world we would always be able to fix our relationships with toxic family members, but as you know the world isn't perfect. Put in the effort and do what you can to keep things intact, but don't be afraid to let go and do what's right for YOU when you must.
Proverbs 4:14-17 and it reads: Do not enter the path of the wicked, and do not walk in the way of the evil. Avoid it; do not go on it; turn away from it and pass on. For they cannot sleep unless they have done wrong; they are robbed of sleep unless they have made someone stumble. For they eat the bread of wickedness and drink the wine of violence.
1 Corinthians 15:33 and it reads: Do not be deceived: “Evil company corrupts good habits.”
Psalm 1:1 and it reads: Blessed is the man who doesn't walk in the counsel of the wicked, nor stand in the way of sinners, nor sit in the seat of scoffers;
2 Peter 3:17 and it reads: You therefore, beloved, knowing this beforehand, take care that you are not carried away with the error of lawless people and lose your own stability.
I hope by me sharing this it will help anyone dealing with a toxic person, have a better understanding of the situation that they are in and help them deal with this problem with a clearer understanding and good judgement. God bless you all and I would love to here your experiences and insight on this topic and your thought on what the article had to say. Thank You
1.) Pretending that their toxic behavior is OK is not OK.
The majority of the time you will find that family(or friends) behave the way they do to get their way. It is so much easier to give in to their demands than put up a fight. But as the article explains short-term ease equals long-term pain for you. Toxic people don't change if they are rewarded for not changing.
- When I read the last part it makes a lot of sense and I think it is great input on dealing with a toxic person period.
2.) They may not be bad people.
Just because their behavior is bad does not mean they are inherently bad people. The article explains that not all toxic family members are agonizing and uncaring on purpose. Some of them truly care about you they can have good intentions. Now what it will say next is what really opened my eyes. It said but they are toxic because their needs and approach towards life forces you to compromise yourself and your happiness. As hard as it is to distance yourself, you simply cannot ruin yourself on a daily basis for the sake of someone else. You have to make your well-being a priority.
- How many of you tend to put your well-being on the line just to accommodate someone else?
3.) Forgiveness is key.
This seems like a no brainer and an obvious part of dealing with people who are toxic and hurt us. As Christians we get told probably a million times that we must forgive. I think a good bible verse on this is
Mark 11:25 and it reads: And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.
The article said hating someone because of their toxic behavior just brings more toxicity into your life. Hate-filled grudges are for those who insist they are owed something. Forgiveness, on the other hand, is for those who are strong enough and smart enough to move on.
- Easier said than done but necessary I think to have peace within you.
4.) People can change.
This particular part had me a bit conflicted. I used to be one of those that thought people could never change. but of course that's not entirely true. I believe people who really are devoted to change and who come across conviction and begin to see the errors of their toxic behaviors have a chance of change. I believe Jesus changes us from the inside once we except Him because of course with God nothing is impossible. Here is some scripture I found helpful for this topic.
Ezekiel 36:26-27 and it reads: A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: And I will take away the stony heart of your flesh, and I will give you a heart of flesh.And I will put my spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes, and ye shall keep my judgments, and do them.
There is also 2 Corinthians 5:17 and it reads: Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
- With this in mind pray for them and pray that they will see the error of their ways. Also I think the first point made in the article relates to this because as long as we continue to fight and not give in to their toxic behavior the greater chance they have on changing.
5.) Sometimes you have to walk away for good.
The article said: Finally, remember that this is your life. You may not be able to control all the things toxic family members do, but you can decide not to be reduced by them in the long run. You can decide not to let their actions and opinions continuously invade your heart and mind. Above all, you can decide whom to walk beside into tomorrow, and whom to leave behind today. In a perfect world we would always be able to fix our relationships with toxic family members, but as you know the world isn't perfect. Put in the effort and do what you can to keep things intact, but don't be afraid to let go and do what's right for YOU when you must.
- This is very difficult but I also believe it to be necessary if it comes to this point. When I read this I thought... could this be biblical as well? What does the bible say in general about being around people that aren't good for us?
Proverbs 4:14-17 and it reads: Do not enter the path of the wicked, and do not walk in the way of the evil. Avoid it; do not go on it; turn away from it and pass on. For they cannot sleep unless they have done wrong; they are robbed of sleep unless they have made someone stumble. For they eat the bread of wickedness and drink the wine of violence.
1 Corinthians 15:33 and it reads: Do not be deceived: “Evil company corrupts good habits.”
Psalm 1:1 and it reads: Blessed is the man who doesn't walk in the counsel of the wicked, nor stand in the way of sinners, nor sit in the seat of scoffers;
2 Peter 3:17 and it reads: You therefore, beloved, knowing this beforehand, take care that you are not carried away with the error of lawless people and lose your own stability.
I hope by me sharing this it will help anyone dealing with a toxic person, have a better understanding of the situation that they are in and help them deal with this problem with a clearer understanding and good judgement. God bless you all and I would love to here your experiences and insight on this topic and your thought on what the article had to say. Thank You
