Update on I rededicated my life to God.

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Baroness

Guest
#1
#1
I haven't posted on this thread in quite awhile. For those of you who didn't read my previous post; I rededicated my life to God in 2011 and was living with a man I am not married too and things changed when I came back to God. The situation here is that he sleeps on the sofa and has for years and there has been no sex for over two years now. I applied for disability because of my back so I could get out of here. I can't stay with family or friends so it is really hard to still be here even thought we are just like roommates. The judge refused to give me disability and not only that, he said I lied about my pain. He said other things just as demeaning and I was very upset when I finally got his decision and letter. I didn't understand why God didn't allow me to get it and I questioned him on it because I thought he wanted me out of here. However; God and I have been growing closer and I still read my bible and pray every day even though my future looks bleak. I finally told the man I live with, Gabby, who won't marry me that I was going to leave him because I can't live with a man I am not married to. He said I would never leave him and its horrible around here. Not all the time but he just sits out there and watches tv and complains about paying bills. He stopped drinking months ago and he still sleeps on the sofa I was very disappointed by the hearing but I have to trust God anyway. What is he doing? I know it isn't his will I stay here with a man I am not married to but I have no choice, my circumstances have not changed so my attorney is filing for an appeal but in the meantime I have tried to find a job but I haven't been able to. Sometimes I get so depressed but I have to hang onto my faith in God. I am very nice to Gabby and I cook and clean this place but spend most of my time either cooking or in my room. He doesn't think I will ever leave him and i've told him 3 times that I am going to, that I must do what God wants me to do. I feel so helpless and my mother is not moving into a house any time soon so I am trapped here. At first I just hated being here but now I have to get the victory over this. I can't think what God wants of me other than to trust him when things look bleak and depressing. I've had my days, trust me but I am trying to be positive.

My doctor did give me a pill that helps my back pain in the day time and he healed my arm which hurt more than anything when I reaching out for something or behind me, the pain is gone but I had disc and joint disease and osteoarthritis. I would like you all to pray for me even though I noticed no one responded to my last post. I only hope I still have friends on this thread.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#2
Aug 2, 2009
24,589
4,271
113
#2
I will pray for you. So sorry you are having to go through this. I can't believe the judge did that to you. How rotten of him. I have thought about applying for disability myself because I have bad knees and pinched nerves but those things didn't stop me from working before so I'd rather find work. Anyway, enough about me. I will pray for you and your situation. God bless.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#3
#3
Will definitely be praying for strength, healing, wisdom and guidance. I will also be praying for the man who lives with you, that God will save his soul and show him the right thing to do in this relationship.
 
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Wolfheart

Guest
#4
#4
I recently had to suffer through some tough situations in my life, but knowing that God has a plan and even if you're miserable at the moment, it will end. The dawn will always come after the storm. There is a reason for everything.
Times will be hard and you will want to cry out and question "Why?" But without having lived through the experiences you are, you would not be as strong as you are now and become stronger as you surely will, my friend.

Hold your head high and look to the clear skies that come after the storm, instead of focusing on the dark clouds.
You will make it through.
 
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Baroness

Guest
#5
#5
Wolfheart said:
I recently had to suffer through some tough situations in my life, but knowing that God has a plan and even if you're miserable at the moment, it will end. The dawn will always come after the storm. There is a reason for everything.
Times will be hard and you will want to cry out and question "Why?" But without having lived through the experiences you are, you would not be as strong as you are now and become stronger as you surely will, my friend.

Hold your head high and look to the clear skies that come after the storm, instead of focusing on the dark clouds.
You will make it through.
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Thank you all so much, your words of understanding and encouragement help me greatly and Wolfheart thank you for reminding me about it is darkest before the dawn, as a young christian many years ago I would tell myself that and I had forgotten and you are right about these things making me stronger, if I hadn't gone through them I wouldn't be where I am today with my relationship with God and with others. I do know that he was a plan but it bugs me not to know what it is because I always like to have something to look forward to and now I just don't know what direction to go in so I stayed put until God shows me the way. There have been those who said just get out, go stay with friends or family or a homeless shelter but I don't think God would want me to do that. I can't stay more than 2 months with my best friend who lives near me but I can always go over there for the night and I do that once a month and my family lives in the desert but its a small place and i'd have to sleep on the sofa and it isn't comfortable with my back but I do go there twice a year and stay for a couple of weeks, both my mother and brother are christians and very supportive.

When I didn't get the disability I was shocked and so was my attorney, it seemed the answer to everything, a way to leave and be near my family but for whatever reason it didn't happen that way and I never blamed God but just didn't understand cause I thought I was leaving soon. It is no real hardship to be here most of the time but every day I am reminded that this man said he wanted to marry me and its clear he had no intention of doing that and also stopped any kind of physical contact with no explanation and that one was harder to accept or to even understand. However; now it isn't my intention of sleeping with a man outside of marriage and because of the devastation I felt I turned to God finally after walking away and doing my own thing for awhile and now I have a better relationship with him that I had earlier in my life but I would like to say that even though I was doing things out of God's will I always knew he was there and I did some very bad things, nothing criminal or anything but now that seems so long ago.

I love God and I trust him and even though its hard to see his will for me I will just do the best I can. This man and I are like roommates and its hard for me to live here with a man I used to love and are now just friends with him but I was given no choice and because of this I have put God first in my life. Sometimes I still feel so angry when I think about it and I force myself to stop thinking about the past and just concentrate on God and read my bible and pray. I am a strong woman so I will make it though but it is difficult just the same. Thank you all for your words of encouragement.
 
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