Waiting

[KHux]

This is one of my favorite poems I've written. Let me give you a little background to it. I wrote this after my first visit to a church the Lord had lead me to. It wasn't long after I had been saved and I didn't realize fully what had taken place that day till years later after going over this poem again. I had sooo many walls built up around me I was still trying to understand how God had broken through the fortress I had built let alone anyone else.. I had been isolated for years by depression, abuse, addictions. I desperately wanted fellowship with good people who wouldn't judge me, and I had found it at that church. I stayed after the service seemed everyone else was as well. I found my self standing in a corner of the lobby watching people share and talk, other new people introducing themselves. I was frozen. I so desperately wanted to introduce myself and meet these good people and silently prayed God would send someone over to me. He said no. What I understand now that I didn't then He knew I needed to open up and tear down these walls that kept me from being. I needed to do this. If he had sent someone over that day I may have trailed around like a shy puppy dog waiting for a chance to run away, but those walls wouldn't have come down, I wouldn't have opened up. Finally I began praying a different prayer. Help me to overcome. Boy did he ever. by the end of that day i was talking to everyone, joined a small group and found myself in afternoon classes with some wonderful Ladies.

In a corner I stand,
watching people converse.
They seem so content.
There are no strangers here.

From across the room,
I hear my name.
I comb through the room.
I find no origin.

I observe friends shaking hands,
I hear their laughter,
I see their smiles.
I feel their content.

I am not in hiding,
I am standing here.
I have nothing to say.
I have everything to say.

Yet I am here,
standing in a corner.
Waiting.
Doesn't anyone see me?

I want to talk too.
I want to laugh.
I want to smile.
Doesn't anyone hear me?

Am I different?
Should I even be here?
Should I leave?
Is there room enough for me too?

I catch an eye.
A smile is sent my way.
Won't they come over?
I am waiting.

I have so much to share,
how will they ever know?
If I don't leave this corner,
how will I ever know?

In the middle of the room I stand,
conversing with so many.
I hear my name,
I can't help but laugh and smile.

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