WHAT DOES HEADSHIP REALLY MEAN ??

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blessed419

Guest
#1
#1
Hey all, I've noticed a lot has been made about the role of women and what is expected of them but I feel there is so little about what it truly means to be the head of household when it comes to guys. I believe the poor state of the family life and marriages is due to a lack in knowing what headship/leadership means in the family setting. So many men (largely christian) believe it's a position of master/ servant,boss/ employee, or higher/lower. So my question is mainly to the Guy but Ladies please feel free to put in your 2 cents, What does headship mean to you? Does it mean only you are the bread winner and the wife stays home? Does it mean you have the only and finally say in family issues? What's your take?
 
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Vidy

Guest
#2
#2
Hmmm... I'm only 17 and am NOT in that situation yet, but Imma tell you what I think I'll be like when I'm the "head of the house."

I will PROBABLY be the one with the better job. If not, then w/e, but that has little to do with it. The leader is just that- a leader. He is there to guide, and to protect. If he is honestly concerned over something his wife is doing, or planning on doing, then he, as the leader, should address the issue. As far as power within the home goes, I believe that the man should have the final say. This doesn't mean he should just do whatever he wants to do- He should honestly talk to his wife about it, and be willing to make sacrifices on occasion, and make the choice he believes is best for THEM, not for HIM.

In most cases, a woman will not have any trouble following a man in leadership if the man is a good leader ~_o He will be respected, not just because he is a man, but because he has EARNED that respect, and shown he is worthy of it through his actions and past judgment.

A man should NEVER be abusive and totalitarian. He shouldn't treat his wife life a slave, with the attitude of "You're here to serve me." She is there to COMPLEMENT him (not in a verbal way). They should be able to work together relatively smoothly- as ONE. She should rarely feel forced to do things, though she should feel obligated to put in her share of the effort in the relationship.
 
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blessed419

Guest
#3
#3
Vidy said:
In most cases, a woman will not have any trouble following a man in leadership if the man is a good leader ~_o He will be respected, not just because he is a man, but because he has EARNED that respect, and shown he is worthy of it through his actions and past judgment.

A man should NEVER be abusive and totalitarian. He shouldn't treat his wife life a slave, with the attitude of "You're here to serve me." She is there to COMPLEMENT him (not in a verbal way). They should be able to work together relatively smoothly- as ONE.
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Wow you're only 17? Great response, your future wife will really be blessed :)
 
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jimmydiggs

Guest
#4
#4
My parents have always taken a secular approach to this, and now and then they say this to me.

"Your spouse is your best friend. You have to be able to and to want to talk to them. You will live with them the rest of your life. Don't go for the 'hot blonde', while sex can be cool at first, she may not stick around, and in the end, life has very little to do with sex appeal."

My parents are both 46. Both born in the month of March, 10 days apart from each other. They have been married for 20+ years. I do not know the exact number.


I know that they are right.
 
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Matthew

Guest
#5
#5
blessed419 said:
What does headship mean to you? Does it mean only you are the bread winner and the wife stays home? Does it mean you have the only and finally say in family issues? What's your take?
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I'd say it's the opposite of those two things :) being head to me basically means I would be my families strength and thier example, any issue arises in daily life they can look to me to know how to deal with it, if that confidence is lacking then something is wrong.

The head doesn't have to be the only breadwinner as a wife has every right to a working life depending on the situation with children, but even then there are ways to make it possible, as for family decisions, any good husband in my opinion would speak with his family to try and reach concensus as a man's family is his finest resource and to disregard their collective opinion would be extremely foolish.
But if no concensus could be reached the husband and father takes the final decision and his family trust him to do right even if they disagree, their trust in him is more important than agreeing with him.

I think first a foremost a family is a unit which functions best when every voice is heard and every person respected, but ultimately everyone knows whose boss. ;)

That's my view on it. :)
 
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blessed419

Guest
#6
#6
Matthew said:

any good husband in my opinion would speak with his family to try and reach concensus as a man's family is his finest resource and to disregard their collective opinion would be extremely foolish.

I think first a foremost a family is a unit which functions best when every voice is heard and every person respected, but ultimately everyone knows whose boss. ;)
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I like this view, it's unique to me because most people that I have spoken with have left out the part about the family being a "Unit" in favor of the 1 leads all without input view.
 
DinoDillinger

DinoDillinger

Senior Member
#7
Jul 28, 2009
839
19
18
#7
jimmydiggs said:
My parents have always taken a secular approach to this, and now and then they say this to me.

"Your spouse is your best friend. You have to be able to and to want to talk to them. You will live with them the rest of your life. Don't go for the 'hot blonde', while sex can be cool at first, she may not stick around, and in the end, life has very little to do with sex appeal."

My parents are both 46. Both born in the month of March, 10 days apart from each other. They have been married for 20+ years. I do not know the exact number.


I know that they are right.
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How do you know they are right?
 
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NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#8
#8
jimmydiggs said:
My parents have always taken a secular approach to this, and now and then they say this to me.

"Your spouse is your best friend. You have to be able to and to want to talk to them. You will live with them the rest of your life. Don't go for the 'hot blonde', while sex can be cool at first, she may not stick around, and in the end, life has very little to do with sex appeal."

My parents are both 46. Both born in the month of March, 10 days apart from each other. They have been married for 20+ years. I do not know the exact number.


I know that they are right.
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I agree, and this is what my parents have always told me to, well that and make sure you marry a doctor so you'll be rich and wont have to work
 
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Mal316

Guest
#9
#9
I have the final say but not the only say on issues. I take into account my wife's views. My child, being all of six months, is not old enough to voice her opinion yet. I'm sure she will when she's older. :) Still, while under my roof, she's under my, and her mother's, authority.

Being head of the household, it's my duty to love and protect my family. I have a responsibility to provide for their needs and keep them safe. I will not preclude my wife from working outside the home, should she so desire. (It's not like I could tell her, "woman, I command you not to work", anyway). But I like the fact that she doesn't have to. She's wanted to be a stay at home mom since she was a teenager.

I also have a responsibility to walk in God's ways, to lead by example. If I expect honor, I should act honorably. If I want my wife and child to trust me, I ought to be trustworthy. Actions ought to conform with words. Otherwise it's "do as I say, not as I do."

Be well, y'all.
 
MahogonySnail

MahogonySnail

Banned
#10
Jan 8, 2009
7,576
23
0
#10
This is how a male pigeon attracts females:




Now we've established who is the boss in the relationship.
 
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Matthew

Guest
#11
#11
blessed419 said:
I like this view, it's unique to me because most people that I have spoken with have left out the part about the family being a "Unit" in favor of the 1 leads all without input view.
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I do think too many men believe the instruction to be leaders is pointing them in an authoritarian direction and that they should not even allow themselves to be questioned, personally I think that is a deeply misguided approach and one that actually breeds dissention and pulls families apart.

I believe many problems within families stem from a lack of two-way dialogue between husbands and wives and parents and children, it seems to have degraded into a situation where orders are given, promptly ignored and then arguments are had, and so much of that trouble could be avoided by the leader of the family actually leading by mature behaviour, and that would translate into talking with the family and agreeing on a course of action rather than taking a unilateral decision and expecting total obedience.

The head of any group, large or small, will lose control completely the moment he makes it clear he does not value the input of those he leads, there is no shortage of evidence to that fact and it is not weakness to open up to the suggestions of others, even our children, it is in fact the most effective form of leadership.:)
 
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blessed419

Guest
#12
#12
Mal316 said:
I also have a responsibility to walk in God's ways, to lead by example. If I expect honor, I should act honorably. If I want my wife and child to trust me, I ought to be trustworthy. Actions ought to conform with words. Otherwise it's "do as I say, not as I do." /QUOTE]

Another great fact that I think is left out of most discussions but is so important for many people to realize when it comes to leading a family or even leadership in general. Thanks for this point!
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blessed419

Guest
#13
#13
Matthew said:
I do think too many men believe the instruction to be leaders is pointing them in an authoritarian direction and that they should not even allow themselves to be questioned, personally I think that is a deeply misguided approach and one that actually breeds dissention and pulls families apart.
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I completely agree. This is why I believe churches need to have a class that teaches this very point to give men a better understanding of leadership so that when they become head of a household, they will see the family as a unit to help and guide him not just an object to be ruled over.
 
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Wootie

Guest
#14
#14
My husband became ONE FLESH when we were married by God. This totally changed my/our outlook on decisions made about everything. I know that God has connected our spirits/minds to the point that we want the same thing in life & if it something that I/He feel a little differently about then we ask God to make the decision.... That usually takes care of it one way or the other lol lol..... To many marriages take advantage of the "HEAD OF THE HOUSEHOLD" wanting to be boss, when in actuality they should only have one head-GOD.........
 
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Vidy

Guest
#15
#15
Wootie said:
My husband became ONE FLESH when we were married by God. This totally changed my/our outlook on decisions made about everything. I know that God has connected our spirits/minds to the point that we want the same thing in life & if it something that I/He feel a little differently about then we ask God to make the decision.... That usually takes care of it one way or the other lol lol..... To many marriages take advantage of the "HEAD OF THE HOUSEHOLD" wanting to be boss, when in actuality they should only have one head-GOD.........
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Not quite true. YES, God is over everything, but the man is still head over the woman. It's like saying, "We have a president. Only he should make decisions, and the generals under him have no power over me!" That doesn't work =P

But, as you've stated, "Head of the Household" has been taken advantage of, and used inappropriately. A man is supposed to "rule over" the woman in a similar manner than Christ rules over the man- With love and consideration ~_o
 
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blessed419

Guest
#16
#16
Wootie said:
To many marriages take advantage of the "HEAD OF THE HOUSEHOLD" wanting to be boss, when in actuality they should only have one head-GOD.........
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Agreed, very well put!
 
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