What to tell friends?

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Chellz

Guest
#1
#1
Hi Everyone,

I need some advice please. I was wondering if it is okay to talk with friends about a guy you like who you have just met and are not dating? My friends are always asking me if I have met anyone? Actually, every time we hang out they ask me. Sometimes I would like to keep this information to myself. How to I avoid answering this question without coming across as rude or like I'm trying to hide something? Help :confused:
 
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thimsrebma

Guest
#2
#2
I think that depends on the situation. Are these friends Christian? If so, are they likely to give sound Christian advice? I talked to some friends once about someon I had a crush on and then later I wished I hadn't. One gave me horrible advice and I took it and felt like a moron afterward. I also hated being question about that sae guy over and ovr agian, as if they were all hoping that something was going to come out of it. I felt like, theres no way to get over it if everyone keeps bringing it up.

So if you think there is wise counsel there then go for it, but if not don't say anything until after you have your first date.
 
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Chellz

Guest
#3
#3
Thank you, Thimsrebma :.)!!
 
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Chellz

Guest
#4
#4
Yes, Thimresba, these are Christian friends. We all attend seminary. I just feel that when I discuss a guy that I could be interested in, but there is nothing official going on, that I could be hurting the possibility of getting to know him better. Almost like "jinxing" it. Does that make sense.
 
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thimsrebma

Guest
#5
#5
Chellz said:
Yes, Thimresba, these are Christian friends. We all attend seminary. I just feel that when I discuss a guy that I could be interested in, but there is nothing official going on, that I could be hurting the possibility of getting to know him better. Almost like "jinxing" it. Does that make sense.
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I totally get it. I don't think you can jinx it. lol. But I do think it is more of a mental thing. Sometimes when we get something in our brains we run with it and don't look back. And many times make it completely impractical. We may start thinking up futures for this person in our lives but when that doesnt happen we think we jinxed it. But in reality what we thought would happen were just thoughts that would have never happened anyway because they were not God approved.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#6
Aug 2, 2009
24,581
4,269
113
#6
Remember this sentence and repeat it as often as necessary:

"You guys need to stop asking me that."

or

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't keep asking me that."
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#7
#7
Jinxing falls under superstition and has no biblical backing in theory or concept. To worry about jinxing you may as well believe you'll have 7 years of bad luck if you break a mirror, or bad luck if a black cat crosses your path, or if you walk under a ladder. Maybe you should carry a rabbits foot or four leaf clover with you for good luck.

As far as your friends, you aren't obligated to tell them anything. Its not their right to know the details of your life, it's a choice you make to open yourself up to them and share. So if you don't want to, don't. Next time they ask it's simple as this.... 'No'. You don't have to say another word about it. No explanations, just say No!

Or how about this.. just tell them 'hey i'd rather not be asked that question so frequently. I appreciate your interest but its something i'd rather not discuss.' And if they are your real friends, they won't be offended, instead they'll respect your wishes. And if they think you are rude, well, that shows you the type of person they really are and perhaps this is not someone you need to be around. I've had friends tell me they don't want to discuss certain aspects of their life. Doesn't bother me. Why should it? Its not my life, it's their life.
 
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Chellz

Guest
#8
#8
thimsrebma said:
I totally get it. I don't think you can jinx it. lol. But I do think it is more of a mental thing. Sometimes when we get something in our brains we run with it and don't look back. And many times make it completely impractical. We may start thinking up futures for this person in our lives but when that doesnt happen we think we jinxed it. But in reality what we thought would happen were just thoughts that would have never happened anyway because they were not God approved.
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Thanks for your advice, Thimsreba. Maybe I would have like more to come out of my crush. But more so than that I kinda just wanted to enjoy having a crush on a nice guy by myself. It was like my special secret. It felt special because he is such a nice guy. He really stands out in that respect. And he has so much class. He's a very special person. And he had intitially approached me first :) It was just a nice experience to meet somebody so nice :) I felt that that balloon was popped the minute my friends started asking me if I had met anyone and I felt pressured to respond, which ultimately I ended up doing :(
 
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Chellz

Guest
#9
#9
Ugly said:
Jinxing falls under superstition and has no biblical backing in theory or concept. To worry about jinxing you may as well believe you'll have 7 years of bad luck if you break a mirror, or bad luck if a black cat crosses your path, or if you walk under a ladder. Maybe you should carry a rabbits foot or four leaf clover with you for good luck.

As far as your friends, you aren't obligated to tell them anything. Its not their right to know the details of your life, it's a choice you make to open yourself up to them and share. So if you don't want to, don't. Next time they ask it's simple as this.... 'No'. You don't have to say another word about it. No explanations, just say No!

Or how about this.. just tell them 'hey i'd rather not be asked that question so frequently. I appreciate your interest but its something i'd rather not discuss.' And if they are your real friends, they won't be offended, instead they'll respect your wishes. And if they think you are rude, well, that shows you the type of person they really are and perhaps this is not someone you need to be around. I've had friends tell me they don't want to discuss certain aspects of their life. Doesn't bother me. Why should it? Its not my life, it's their life.
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Thank you so much for this advice, Ugly :) It sure will help. Afterall, I never ask them if they have met anyone...
 
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Chellz

Guest
#10
#10
zeroturbulence said:
Remember this sentence and repeat it as often as necessary:

"You guys need to stop asking me that."

or

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't keep asking me that."[/QUOTE
Click to expand...
 
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Chellz

Guest
#11
#11
Chellz said:
zeroturbulence said:
Remember this sentence and repeat it as often as necessary:

"You guys need to stop asking me that."

or

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't keep asking me that."[/QUOTE
Click to expand...
Thank you for this advice Zeroturbulence it will definetly be helpful. Afterall I never ask my friends if they have met anyone...
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L

Liz01

Guest
#14
#14
I think that you have the right to keep this information for yourself, its not mandatory for you to tell to your friends something that you dont want, i agree with zero in telling them to stop asking you that or maybe you can change the conversation, and you dont need to give them more explanations
 
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PammyPie147

Guest
#15
#15
I can absolutely relate to this! I like to keep things to myself in the beginning, just to see how things work out. But I think it can be beneficial to talk with Christian friends about what is going on. As long as these conversations help you guard your heart, and not the opposite, then I think it is a great idea. Always take things slow and make choices prayerfully when it comes to dating or who you open your heart to :)
 
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Chellz

Guest
#16
#16
Liz01 said:
I think that you have the right to keep this information for yourself, its not mandatory for you to tell to your friends something that you dont want, i agree with zero in telling them to stop asking you that or maybe you can change the conversation, and you dont need to give them more explanations
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Thank you ver much, Liz :) This is wonderful advice.
 
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Chellz

Guest
#17
#17
PammyPie147 said:
I can absolutely relate to this! I like to keep things to myself in the beginning, just to see how things work out. But I think it can be beneficial to talk with Christian friends about what is going on. As long as these conversations help you guard your heart, and not the opposite, then I think it is a great idea. Always take things slow and make choices prayerfully when it comes to dating or who you open your heart to :)
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This is also how I like to approach any potential relationship :) We definetly think alike in this respect. Thank you for your advice PammyPie, it is definetly helpful :.)!! God bless :D
 
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