Why has God made me this way?! :/

[Chewbacca1995]

Over the past few years, I've been on a rocky but worthwhile Christian walk as I've strived to be more like Christ in everything I do. I've gotten my anger issues under control, I haven't cussed pretty much since I was born again over the summer of 2010, I've decided to never take harmful drugs and to wait until marriage to lose my virginity, I treat girls with respect and dignity now (while I used to be the typical teenage guy who only thought of girls as "eye candy"/"pieces of meat"), and I've tried to have a better attitude on life and toward those around me. However, so many things keep making me wonder about what am I doing, or what is my purpose.

As my jr prom approaches, I've realized just how bad I have it with girls. It seems that God has created me with so many things going against me.

1. I'm extremely short (5'3"-5'4")
2. I've got poor social skills (mainly due to SA aka social anxiety)
3. I'm scrawny (and because of my height, I can't really gain weight without looking like a mini Ahnuld lol)
4. I'm a deep thinker (girls don't really appreciate that - regardless of their faith)
5. Below-average looks (I honestly don't think I've ever had a girl geuninely be attracted to me)
6. People's perception of me (my faith makes people think I've always been a good-natured guy which is NOT THE CASE! - I've come a long way since then)
7. My lack of self-confidence due to all of the above

And God made me with all of these features, and my question is- Why? Why would He set me up to fail with girls, and possibly in life? Short guys are treated as less than men by girls, and they get ZERO respect from pretty much everyone. I get treated like a weakling or a little kid all of the time (when most tall guys aren't that tough at all!). Add in my lack of charisma and my less-than-stellar appearance... I have no chance with a girl the way I am.

Can someone give me valid reasons why God making me small, socially awkward, quiet, and mediocre-looking can help society or further His plan? (Like 3-5 good reasons)

I just am frustrated that God knows the way women work, yet He put me at a disadvantage with them, and has seemingly stacked the odds against me. I want to find hope, and maybe change my situation, because I don't think I can be like Apostle Paul where I don't even pay attention to the opposite sex. Please, I'm simply looking for guidance in a tough situation.

If you can help, it would be much appreciated

 

[djness]

Most of the women I have met in the last few years would like a guy with a good personality who isn't going to chase after other women. Pretty much love them and don't chase other women seems to be the thing they look for. Oh and that good personality. Redundancy check!


Also take a look at this guy....

Nick Vujicic - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia This guy was born without arms or legs , he has a successful ministry for God and married a model. Not that women are to be sought after for their looks or that God will give you an empty woman with a beautiful outside, since you are a ''deep thinker'' I am sure you are aware of this. Also he is shorter then you. Oh and she pushes both him and their baby around in a stroller.

When you look past your shortcomings and realize you aren't owed anything you will get the breakthrough you are looking for. Some girl will see it and like you.

 

[Chewbacca1995]

Wow... I never really thought of it like that. This man has no arms and legs, and yet he's found happiness and favor from God. Makes me feel kinda selfish... I'd like to think I could get that someday, even though I'm not a patient person haha. Still, there are some things about me that are off-putting to girls. I try to be positive about life , and I realize I'm not owed anything, but I've been through a lot over the last few years. I'd like to see God's hand in my life become somewhat apparent.

Besides... is there a girl who could, or even would seriously look past my social anxiety, and awkward demeanor?

 

[rachelsedge]

Chewbacca1995, I can understand where you're coming from. I can think of a list of things that a guy is going to have to look past before he is with me/attracted to me and I think "There isn't anyone out there who would do that." But there are, as hard as it is to believe sometimes, especially when society tells us we must look a certain way and act a certain way to be accepted and wanted by the opposite sex. Not so.

For example, numbers 4 and 6 on your list are ones I relate to (yes, I'm a girl and a deep thinker, and I know many who are and appreciate others who are, as well!) and I have a "good girl" image but I have baggage. But if those are the things that deter someone from wanting to be with me, then I probably wouldn't want to be with them anyway.

I don't know how old you are, you mention it's your junior prom, but you're at an age where everyone is focused on looks, on "Who's with who?" and there's this standard of what you're "supposed" to be. Don't embrace that. Embrace God's standards.

Edited to add: I'm not saying there's not room to grow. We all have things we need to work on. But I think our focus, even in that, should be "I want to improve so I can further God's kingdom" and not "I want to improve so I can finally land a girl/get a guy."

 

[JimJimmers]

Chewbacca, I'd like to add that I'm 6' 1", and never went to prom with anyone. The Lord kept me where He wanted me, and it was more than enough.

 

[Chewbacca1995]

Chewbacca1995, I can understand where you're coming from. I can think of a list of things that a guy is going to have to look past before he is with me/attracted to me and I think "There isn't anyone out there who would do that." But there are, as hard as it is to believe sometimes, especially when society tells us we must look a certain way and act a certain way to be accepted and wanted by the opposite sex. Not so.

For example, numbers 4 and 6 on your list are ones I relate to (yes, I'm a girl and a deep thinker, and I know many who are and appreciate others who are, as well!) and I have a "good girl" image but I have baggage. But if those are the things that deter someone from wanting to be with me, then I probably wouldn't want to be with them anyway.

I don't know how old you are, you mention it's your junior prom, but you're at an age where everyone is focused on looks, on "Who's with who?" and there's this standard of what you're "supposed" to be. Don't embrace that. Embrace God's standards.

Edited to add: I'm not saying there's not room to grow. We all have things we need to work on. But I think our focus, even in that, should be "I want to improve so I can further God's kingdom" and not "I want to improve so I can finally land a girl/get a guy."

Thanks rachelsedge! You make a lot of sense (especially with "embracing God's standards"! ) BTW, I'm about 17 years old - a teenager and I have been taking the opportunity to embrace God's standards over the last few years. I treat girls with respect (holding the door, etc), and I've tried to show the fruits of the spirit when I interact with people, but mostly with girls. Yet, they seem to not appreciate me or even want to give me the time of day - even devout "on fire for Jesus" ones. No matter what I do, it seems most, if not all girls won't even let me have a chance. For example, if I were to go up to a girl I find attractive, she would probably laugh and just dismiss me saying she doesn't want to go, or that she'd rather go with her friends.

I just find it kinda disheartening that girls will "settle" for me in a decade when they're finished with all the outgoing guys. I don't want to be 25 or 30 years old and be completely oblivious to the way romantic relationships work. And I don't know how girls would feel about a completely innocent, never been kissed, never been on a date boyfriend lol

And Jimjimmers, I pray about being satisfied with what I've got regularly, but my youth just gets to me sometimes! haha

 

[Buff_Old_Guy]

Over the past few years, I've been on a rocky but worthwhile Christian walk as I've strived to be more like Christ in everything I do. I've gotten my anger issues under control, I haven't cussed pretty much since I was born again over the summer of 2010, I've decided to never take harmful drugs and to wait until marriage to lose my virginity, I treat girls with respect and dignity now (while I used to be the typical teenage guy who only thought of girls as "eye candy"/"pieces of meat"), and I've tried to have a better attitude on life and toward those around me. However, so many things keep making me wonder about what am I doing, or what is my purpose.

As my jr prom approaches, I've realized just how bad I have it with girls. It seems that God has created me with so many things going against me.

1. I'm extremely short (5'3"-5'4")
2. I've got poor social skills (mainly due to SA aka social anxiety)
3. I'm scrawny (and because of my height, I can't really gain weight without looking like a mini Ahnuld lol)
4. I'm a deep thinker (girls don't really appreciate that - regardless of their faith)
5. Below-average looks (I honestly don't think I've ever had a girl geuninely be attracted to me)
6. People's perception of me (my faith makes people think I've always been a good-natured guy which is NOT THE CASE! - I've come a long way since then)
7. My lack of self-confidence due to all of the above

And God made me with all of these features, and my question is- Why? Why would He set me up to fail with girls, and possibly in life? Short guys are treated as less than men by girls, and they get ZERO respect from pretty much everyone. I get treated like a weakling or a little kid all of the time (when most tall guys aren't that tough at all!). Add in my lack of charisma and my less-than-stellar appearance... I have no chance with a girl the way I am.

Can someone give me valid reasons why God making me small, socially awkward, quiet, and mediocre-looking can help society or further His plan? (Like 3-5 good reasons)

I just am frustrated that God knows the way women work, yet He put me at a disadvantage with them, and has seemingly stacked the odds against me. I want to find hope, and maybe change my situation, because I don't think I can be like Apostle Paul where I don't even pay attention to the opposite sex. Please, I'm simply looking for guidance in a tough situation.

If you can help, it would be much appreciated

I looked at your picture. I'm no homosexual but you look alright man.

I don't know how old you are but no worries, if your still in high school, you still have time to find a lady. All you have to do is literally just talk to girls. Eventually, one of em will like you... it's not as tough as you think. Just make sure you talk/look for Christian girls.

1. No matter what height you are... there are probably girls that are shorter than you... usually by average girls are shorter than men so don't worry too much about it. And trust me, I've known short guys that have charisma and have my respect. Them being short doesn't matter. Appearances, in reality, don't matter.

John 7:24

Stop judging by mere appearances, but instead judge correctly."

1 Samuel 16:7

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

2. Social skills can be developed and even then girls can still fall for you... I've had poor social skills and girls have fallen for me. Again, all you have to do is talk.

3. Looks don't matter and if a girl cares about your looks that much, she isn't worth it. Also, some girls like the skinny guy look.

4. Some ladies dig the deep thinkers I'm a deep thinker too and smart girls will dig you man so no this is no biggy.

5. I purposely try to look less appealing... and even then girls still like me. And like I said before... I think you look alright. And again, if a girl is focused on the way you looks a lot. You don't want that girl.

6. Perception... opinions... here is what Paul said...
[h=3]1 Corinthians 4:3[/h]
[SUP]3 [/SUP]But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by a human court. In fact, I do not even judge myself.

7. Confidence comes and goes... you don't have to have confidence all the time. Society says ALWAYS be confident. I think they're silly. Confidence just happens and it's not a "quality" to be sought after but it's something that comes and goes. Look to God and just be nice to people and you'll be confident when you should be... and there will be times when it's okay not to feel confident as-well.

You'll be okay. Feel free to ask questions or pm me ok?

 

[rachelsedge]

I just find it kinda disheartening that girls will "settle" for me in a decade when they're finished with all the outgoing guys. I don't want to be 25 or 30 years old and be completely oblivious to the way romantic relationships work. And I don't know how girls would feel about a completely innocent, never been kissed, never been on a date boyfriend lol

I'm 22 and have never been on a date, never been kissed, never even been asked. It does worry me sometime that when/if I do have a boyfriend, I'll be completely oblivious and not know what I'm doing and he'll be frustrated with me. But I know many people think that never having dated before is precious. And when you think about it, that's okay. You won't have any previous baggage or anything from previous relationships to bring into the new one. It used to be disheartening to me, but now I look at it as being something I'm okay with. The right girl will be able to see past that, or may even have experienced that herself!

 

[gospelofchrist]

Hey Chewbacca1995, I'm 17 - never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl, never went on a date. About 2 years ago I had the same thoughts you had - Do girls think I'm attractive, Is it because I'm over smart, It could be because I'm a little sarcastic. But now I know that God will send the "right girl(virtuous woman-Proverbs31)" someday, In His time. If we keep our mind focused on Him and to further His kingdom, He will send someone. Lastly, don't think of yourself as mediocre- God created you in His image. If I told you to scale yourself 1 to 10, what would you give yourself -- an 8, maybe lower. If you asked me the same question I would a 10, because even though I'm not perfect in "other people's eyes", with all my failures, my mistakes, my imperfections; I am Beautiful and Loved in God's eyes. It doesn't matter what people think, All that matter is what God thinks. That's the reason we are on Earth now, is to do the work of God not man. I hope this helped - GODBLESS (brother in Christ)

 

[NateDaGrimes]

and i thought i was small (5,6 at age of 15)

well anyway there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, if it's gods will for you then he will send one.

 

[Duckies]

Have faith in God brother, he knows your heart
God Bless !!

 

[maxwel]

Lots of good insights here, but let me just add one more thing.

High School isn't real life.
High School is just weird and stupid.
Everyone is immature, everyone is insecure, everyone is just ignorant.

Regardless of how things go right now,
you won't be in High School forever.
: )

I've never had trouble meeting girls,
except in High School...
where I was the dweeb of the universe.
: )

 

[creationist74]

Hello Chewbacca1995,

I would cuddle you, if I could, but I live in Germany. You are God's creature; He did not do a mistake. For God you are worthy and you are born again. Halleluja! I will quote Psalm 139, 14-16

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

I also have problems with our society, as I am an autistic person, not so severe like Rain Man, but I encounter problems every day.

 

[Chewbacca1995]

Lots of good insights here, but let me just add one more thing.

High School isn't real life.
High School is just weird and stupid.
Everyone is immature, everyone is insecure, everyone is just ignorant.

Regardless of how things go right now,
you won't be in High School forever.
: )

I've never had trouble meeting girls,
except in High School...
where I was the dweeb of the universe.
: )

Yeah I've learned this over the last three yrs lol. I visited a college for a weekend and the ppl there are a lot cooler and accepting than in HS.

And I understand how it feels to be a universal dweeb but I probably will never be smooth with ladies... I'm a little too anxious to be super confident around girls haha

Still I'm looking forward to what college and real life and the blessings God has in store for me!