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I thought I'd share my testimony. It's kind of lengthy so I don't blame you if you don't read it all. I just feel like everything in this is important to share. If anyone is struggling with something similar and need someone to talk to, hit me up.
Before I start I want to share 3 verses from the bible that got me through everything you're about to read.
Hebrews 13:5 and 6
5. Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said "I will never leave you nor forsake you."
6. So that we may boldly say; "The LORD is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?"
Revelations 21:4
And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away...
I grew up in a half Christian home. I say half because it was my mother who took us to church, and my dad rarely went, if ever. As far back as I can remember, I watched him beat my mom and sometimes my brother and I. They separated right after I was born and my dad met another woman and got her pregnant. They gave the parental rights up to the babies maternal grandparents. I have a younger sister, something I've always wanted, somewhere but I doubt I'll ever get to meet her. She is a year and a month younger than me. My parents got back together and when I was 3 my brother was born. After his birth they divorced. My mom had to work two jobs to support us and my older half-sister. My sister stayed at her dad's house while my brother and I stayed with my mom's sister.
While we were there, I was molested by my cousin. This is something I never told my mom because I knew it would break her heart and she has been through enough already. When I was 7 my mom had prayed asking God to allow my dad to take her back and she would never leave him again. He did and we moved to Kentucky. They still fought and he still abused her, but he didn't lay a finger on us anymore. While the abuse wasn't physical it was constantly emotional. I was told I wasn't good enough, pretty, skinny, smart enough. Any grade I made should have been higher, even if it was an A. At the age of 7 I was saved but I struggled with what it meant. I didn't understand how the God of the universe could love me if my own father couldn't.
My older sister came to Kentucky to live with us. She is 7 years older than me and at the time she was into drugs and sex. When I was 12, she ran away. This made my mom have a nervous breakdown and she was in the hospital for 5 days. Those were the longest 5 days of my life. I had to stay at home with my dad with nobody to protect me. Instead I was taking care of my brother. It was my worst nightmare. In those 5 days I had more responsibility placed on me than ever before. I missed my mom so incredibly much and realized how vital she was to the family.
The church we were at then was very small and didn't help me grow at all after being saved. I was supposed to teach myself but at 7 years old I didn't know what to do. At the age of 14, we moved to a different church where I started to learn what it means to be a Christian. At the age of 16 I rededicated my life and truly sought after God. Once I went to college I began to learn even more. I learned that there is more than 1 way to serve God, and I shouldn't judge people who do it differently than me. I learned that I didn't need religion, what I needed was a relationship with Christ. I also learned that I needed to forgive my dad. I was holding grudges against him for every bad thing in my life.
One night I sat in the grass crying with 2 of my friends because I didn't know how to forgive him but I wanted to so badly. I wanted to love my dad like any other person but I just couldn't. I was lead to the realization that I had to give everything to God and stop dwelling on the past. It was done, and I should let it stay that way. Eventually, slowly, I began to forgive my dad. I still struggle at times but it so much easier now than it was.
Through all of this, God has blessed me so much. He gave me a passion for battered women, because I know what it's like for them. He gave me a passion for children because I know how fragile they are. He gave me amazing friends to help teach me important lessons. He gave me an amazing husband who realizes I have scars and handles me with care. He has given me the desire to work in homes for battered women. I'm thankful for every minute of my life, even the hard parts. The hard parts make me stronger in Christ. When I'm at my weakest, He's at His strongest. The hard parts make me appreciate the good ones more. Yes I make mistakes, but I learn from them. Besides the verses at the beginning I try to live by these two quotes from my youth pastor.
"Don't allow the past to paralyze you."
"When Satan reminds you of your past, remind him of his future."
Before I start I want to share 3 verses from the bible that got me through everything you're about to read.
Hebrews 13:5 and 6
5. Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said "I will never leave you nor forsake you."
6. So that we may boldly say; "The LORD is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?"
Revelations 21:4
And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away...
I grew up in a half Christian home. I say half because it was my mother who took us to church, and my dad rarely went, if ever. As far back as I can remember, I watched him beat my mom and sometimes my brother and I. They separated right after I was born and my dad met another woman and got her pregnant. They gave the parental rights up to the babies maternal grandparents. I have a younger sister, something I've always wanted, somewhere but I doubt I'll ever get to meet her. She is a year and a month younger than me. My parents got back together and when I was 3 my brother was born. After his birth they divorced. My mom had to work two jobs to support us and my older half-sister. My sister stayed at her dad's house while my brother and I stayed with my mom's sister.
While we were there, I was molested by my cousin. This is something I never told my mom because I knew it would break her heart and she has been through enough already. When I was 7 my mom had prayed asking God to allow my dad to take her back and she would never leave him again. He did and we moved to Kentucky. They still fought and he still abused her, but he didn't lay a finger on us anymore. While the abuse wasn't physical it was constantly emotional. I was told I wasn't good enough, pretty, skinny, smart enough. Any grade I made should have been higher, even if it was an A. At the age of 7 I was saved but I struggled with what it meant. I didn't understand how the God of the universe could love me if my own father couldn't.
My older sister came to Kentucky to live with us. She is 7 years older than me and at the time she was into drugs and sex. When I was 12, she ran away. This made my mom have a nervous breakdown and she was in the hospital for 5 days. Those were the longest 5 days of my life. I had to stay at home with my dad with nobody to protect me. Instead I was taking care of my brother. It was my worst nightmare. In those 5 days I had more responsibility placed on me than ever before. I missed my mom so incredibly much and realized how vital she was to the family.
The church we were at then was very small and didn't help me grow at all after being saved. I was supposed to teach myself but at 7 years old I didn't know what to do. At the age of 14, we moved to a different church where I started to learn what it means to be a Christian. At the age of 16 I rededicated my life and truly sought after God. Once I went to college I began to learn even more. I learned that there is more than 1 way to serve God, and I shouldn't judge people who do it differently than me. I learned that I didn't need religion, what I needed was a relationship with Christ. I also learned that I needed to forgive my dad. I was holding grudges against him for every bad thing in my life.
One night I sat in the grass crying with 2 of my friends because I didn't know how to forgive him but I wanted to so badly. I wanted to love my dad like any other person but I just couldn't. I was lead to the realization that I had to give everything to God and stop dwelling on the past. It was done, and I should let it stay that way. Eventually, slowly, I began to forgive my dad. I still struggle at times but it so much easier now than it was.
Through all of this, God has blessed me so much. He gave me a passion for battered women, because I know what it's like for them. He gave me a passion for children because I know how fragile they are. He gave me amazing friends to help teach me important lessons. He gave me an amazing husband who realizes I have scars and handles me with care. He has given me the desire to work in homes for battered women. I'm thankful for every minute of my life, even the hard parts. The hard parts make me stronger in Christ. When I'm at my weakest, He's at His strongest. The hard parts make me appreciate the good ones more. Yes I make mistakes, but I learn from them. Besides the verses at the beginning I try to live by these two quotes from my youth pastor.
"Don't allow the past to paralyze you."
"When Satan reminds you of your past, remind him of his future."
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