Why won't he man up?

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Vanna

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I have been dating a man for 10 years who does not want to get married. He says he loves me and I mean the world to him. He even says that our relationship is blessed by God and that he is committed to me. I know that God is a convenant God and only recognizes that. For years I could feel God pulling at my heart strings telling me that this is not His will for me. I am a Christian woman and want to live a life that is pleasing to God. I have prayed and asked God to first show this man who He is and for him to be committed to God. I am having trouble letting go.
 
From a man point of view...Why should he "Man Up"? He has you right where he wants you. 10 years?
If I were the guy I would be using you because you haven't seriously "Womaned Up for God"
God can't and won't bless a relationship until someone "Gods Up"
 
If God told you it's not His will, then it's time to cut it off. If you've been dating for ten years and he still doesn't want to get married, that should be a big red flag. I understand it being hard to end a relationship after 10 years, but where's the fruit in an uncommitted relationship after so long? It will definitely be hard emotionally, but by this point if there's no ring, and no prospect of one, why hold on?
 
Sounds like he is stringing you along.
The wrong person in your life, will keep the right one out of your life.
Let it go and Let God!
 
I think you should just let go of him. I'll give you two real-life scenarios.

1. There's this beautiful woman that I know, since I was 4 years old. She was in love with this man. He kept promising to marry her. Years passed by. Her younger sister got married, and then her youngest sister got married. And, she still remained single, committed to this man, who kept promising to marry her, but who kept telling her it wasn't the right time. I'm not sure if she's still with him. But, I do know that she's in her 40s now and she's still single. She started dating this man when she was in her 20s.

2. My uncle was in love with this woman and dated her for 14 years. She just wouldn't get married to him "yet" because she wasn't ready. Friends and relatives kept telling him he needs to get over her, and find another woman. Especially since this woman was "separated" from her husband for the past 15 years, and was just dragging my uncle along with her. So, before I knew what was happening, I was a bridesmaid at his wedding to another woman. Honestly, I think he just rushed into this one, without even getting to know her well. And, right now, their marriage isn't a good one. Hopefully it will work alright.

My point is, that if a person genuinely loves you, he will want to be yours for the rest of his life, and will want to be married immediately. Why does he have an aversion to marriage? Is he scared of it? If he cannot understand that marriage to the right person can be one of the most beautiful things on earth, then he's not worth your time and love. It's hard I know. And heck, I'm just a 22 year old writing all this. But, Vanna, you deserve to be a wife. And nothing less than that.
 
Some of us do not understand or realize what marriage means from a biblical understanding. And I can't truly say that I have a clear understanding to say that you should just leave him and say that it's not God's will for you guys to be together.

Hearts in this situation needs to change. And that is quite clear. And we also know who does the changing of hearts. God is not here to break up relationships but to bring relationships closer to him! If your relationship is not bringing forth fruit then I suggest you asked God these questions and let him bring you to the answers that you seek. God will ultimately show you his will in this relationship. Rather it be of his will or not.

From my experience any relationship that I've had that was not of his will, God ended it. No matter if I wanted to stay in that relationship or not. And not to say that anyone who responded to this post is wrong, but our Lord knows more about this relationship than anyone of us. He knows the hearts of both these two people.

So again I would suggest bring your questions to the Lord and he will ultimately bring the counseling in which you need. And not to say that you have not already done that, but sometimes extreme situations would call for extreme actions. Look at Jonah to name one.
 
zeroturbulence said:
What is the reason he gives for not wanting to get married?
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As this brother asked, what is his reason? Do you have a clear understanding to why he wont get married or just his excuses? Because we know, our Lord was not happy with excuses. Moses tried it! And our Lord was not to happy with it and gave Moses answers to every excuse he tired to make. And if you do not have a clear understanding of why he wont get married, then what in the world are you doing in this relationship in the first place, would be my question to you?
 
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Vanna said:
I have been dating a man for 10 years who does not want to get married. He says he loves me and I mean the world to him. He even says that our relationship is blessed by God and that he is committed to me. I know that God is a convenant God and only recognizes that. For years I could feel God pulling at my heart strings telling me that this is not His will for me. I am a Christian woman and want to live a life that is pleasing to God. I have prayed and asked God to first show this man who He is and for him to be committed to God. I am having trouble letting go.
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I don't think that Christians should have a "girlfriend" or "boyfriend" just for fun or whatever. Many university students nowadays do that, with absolutely no intention to marry the person. It just doesn't make sense, and I don't think it's God's will, and I don't think it's biblical, to act like you own someone and let them own you, temporarily, like a husband and wife, when you know good and well that you'll never marry the person.

But there's another big question I would ask before saying all this, and it may seem inappropriate, and I'm sorry to put you on the spot, but I really think this needs to be asked:

ARE YOU AND HIM LIVING IN SEXUAL SIN?

To be honest, it's hard to believe that you're not, in a ten-year relationship. And why would a man go on in such a commitment indefinitely, without marriage -- unless you're already giving him the benefit of marriage: sexual fulfillment.

In which case, if you are, then that's the much bigger question to ask yourself. I don't think anyone can or should have assurance of salvation if they're going on for years and years in sexual sin.

But I'm sorry I'm not accusing you. I just think that's the first question that should be asked back to you. Please pardon me if I'm totally wrong, and if this guy is somehow magically content with an indefinite platonic relationship. (It's just hard to believe, but I guess it's possible -- if he's a eunuch or homosexual or something!)
 
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biggiestomp said:
Some of us do not understand or realize what marriage means from a biblical understanding. And I can't truly say that I have a clear understanding to say that you should just leave him and say that it's not God's will for you guys to be together.

Hearts in this situation needs to change. And that is quite clear. And we also know who does the changing of hearts. God is not here to break up relationships but to bring relationships closer to him! If your relationship is not bringing forth fruit then I suggest you asked God these questions and let him bring you to the answers that you seek. God will ultimately show you his will in this relationship. Rather it be of his will or not.

From my experience any relationship that I've had that was not of his will, God ended it. No matter if I wanted to stay in that relationship or not. And not to say that anyone who responded to this post is wrong, but our Lord knows more about this relationship than anyone of us. He knows the hearts of both these two people.

So again I would suggest bring your questions to the Lord and he will ultimately bring the counseling in which you need. And not to say that you have not already done that, but sometimes extreme situations would call for extreme actions. Look at Jonah to name one.
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I know that may sound like a contradiction when I said, God is not about breaking up relationships but to bring them closer to him. And then I mention, any relationship that I've had that was not of his will. God ended. There is no contradictions God knew more than I knew where that relationship was going. And as much as I've tried to justify in my heart in order to keep the relationship, God knew strongly that that relationship was not of him.
 
!0 Years???? Well 9+ years ago you made the mistake to invest yourself into an exclusive relationship with a man who made no request or promise to marry... as in " I want to be my wife, would you please do me the honor of marrying me?" He has NEVER had any reason to pursue or win you as you gave yourself over a very long time ago. 10 years of your invested years does not obligate him to marry you... as kefa said ... YOU woman up. I feel bad for you... this is going to be painful... But you reallly should be focusing on your relationship with God... walk away from the USER ASAP.
 
If you're in a physical relationship with him, he probably has no desire to marry you because he's already getting all the benefits of marriage. It doesn't sound like he knows about God's will or blessing at all. And you feel a check in your heart, so you know the relationship is not God's will. I say leave this guy. God wants better for you! Then you can say to this guy, "If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it!!!" Hahaha
 
I'll also add that BarlyGirl has never given bad advice, and I've rarely seen RoboOp actually post on here so I wouldn't ignore him either.
 
This topic really reels me in I once dated a man two years we saw each others at our worse for a while still doesn't beat ten years the point here is if a man doesn't wanna get married after ten years maybe its time too let go or he might continue on to twenty years together with no commitment real. He may be commitmed too you in relationship wise but if he loves you why would he want too move on in life with you there comes a point where u realy just have to sit down and talk too god and really get to the point of this. Don't wait till he makes a decision you talk too god and you make the decision sometimes if you apart a while then if that opens his eyes means he really might be the one. IF not it might not be on gods will for you two just telling you form my heart here is what I believe.
 
Also, a warning. If you do decide to leave him and explain why and he suddenly decides he wants to get married, don't fall for it. He did not 'suddenly see the light', but is rather trying to manipulate and control you. If he didn't care enough to do it over the years, that won't change because you dump him. He will just be making a desperate attempt to keep you in his life. His marriage to you will not be genuine in his heart, but rather an attempt to pacify you into staying. Or he may just lie about wanting to marry to keep you around longer.
 
Vanna said:
I have been dating a man for 10 years who does not want to get married. He says he loves me and I mean the world to him. He even says that our relationship is blessed by God and that he is committed to me. I know that God is a convenant God and only recognizes that. For years I could feel God pulling at my heart strings telling me that this is not His will for me. I am a Christian woman and want to live a life that is pleasing to God. I have prayed and asked God to first show this man who He is and for him to be committed to God. I am having trouble letting go.
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You say the man doesn't want to marry. Marriage is not for everyone and it sure sounds like he means it if it has been ten years. Perhaps it would be best to take him at his word and move on, especially since you say that "For years I could feel God pulling at my heart strings telling me that this is not His will for me."
 
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