Things are NOT good between my husband and I. I think the two of us even getting married was a mistake and I've been trying to get him to see God ever since we've gotten married. I'm getting beaten down with emotional abuse everyday. I cry EVERY single day and I'm all alone in this tiny hotel room in a state that I know almost nobody.. I never call him names back or even fight back but being passive is starting to wear thin. I've told God I'm putting all my trust in Him but I want to go home.. I don't know if I can do it anymore. I don't think God would want me to be in such an abusive situation.. There is even more to it but I don't want to get into it on here. He doesn't deserve to be with me. I know Jesus forgave me for my sins but I continue to try to be good for Him because I love him and try and live for my relationship with Him.. But I don't even think my husband is trying. Would God forgive me if I left him.. I don't know how much more I can take without breaking down really bad..
Well first of all, I know that you feel very alone (well, actually, I can't imagine) but remember God is with you and your sisters and brothers in Christ here in cyberspace are here for you! We're glad you came to us.
Secondly, do not put up with emotional abuse. I know we're told to turn the other cheek, but don't think that means you should stay in an abusive marriage. You need to get out before he wears you out to the point where you feel like you can't get out or you don't feel like you deserve to get out. It worries me further that you say you don't know anyone where you live. Abuse and isolation go togther. One makes the other possible.
Third, I'm no expert in marriage but I do know that seperation is sometimes very necessary! Especially when it concerns abuse!! If you want to know whether or not God will forgive you if you get a divorce, worry about that later! Get a seperation now! You do not deserve to be treated like this! God does not want you to be in an abusive situation! I suggest you go back towards where ever it is that you're from. I know things are really tough in the United States right now, and I don't know your circumstances and so I don't want to sound like I'm being simplistic. I know it may not be as simple as just walking out the door. Can you get help from your family? If not are there any trusted Chrsitians in your home state that could help you with the practicle side of things?
Forth, your husband very well may not be trying. That must be pretty frustrating. But if he's not trying I'm afraid there's nothing you can do about that except pray. My mom's best friend dragged her husband to marital therapy and marital retreat for years before he asked her for a divorce. Not long after the divorce she met someone new and they eventually got married. I asked my mom's friend's son (who's now a pastor) how reconciles his mom's divorce with Jesus' teaching on divorce. He said (well, he spared me the part about putting what Jesus said in historical context, because apparently the Jews were divorcing their wives for burning their dinner or something) that we need to look at that in the light that our God is a God of
second chances! Did you make a mistake in marrying your husband? I don't know. Can your marriage be fixed? I don't know that either. But what I do know is that God loves you and He's willing to offer you second chances when you make a mistake. And more imporatantly, you can worry about all that when you're out this of this abusive situation!!
