L
Lecrae
Guest
WARNING: Full testimony shown below shares some mature content. Readers should be mature or 16+
There are 5 common themes in my testimony that God wanted me to learn, and he wants me to teach you guys.
1. Trials (most importantly your reaction to them) show if you're a genuine Christ follower. (Proverbs 24:16)
2. Trials, if you are a true Christ follower, always bring you closer to God. (James 1:2-3)
3. A true Christian's life revolves around God. (2 Peter 3:18)
4. Plan your life around God, not other people. (James 4:14-15)
5. Your salvation has nothing to do with how good you are. (Ephesians 2:8-9)
The testimony of God working in my life starts off pretty ordinary. I was born in a Christian home on October 8th of 1993. Because I was raised in the church, it is hard for me to say when I was truly saved. I learned about who God and Jesus were in Sunday school when I was a kid, but other than that I didn't care to learn. This was when I was around 8 years old. I shut my ears off to any teachings because I hated church. I would sometimes scream and beg to not go to church because I found it boring with all of those old people with white hair. My mentality didn't really change much once I got into middle school. I wouldn't scream at the thought of going to church, but my rebellious mindset changed forms. I ended up just not paying attention in church and was just messing around with my friends (one of my best friends was Austin...we'll get to him later).
Out of my rebellion and self love, I ended up getting addicted to three things. 1) Video games. 2) Pornography. 3) Masturbation. These three addictions took over my life, and the part that makes me feel really sad is that at the time I loved all of this and had no intentions of turning my life around. One time my parents caught me looking/drawing something I shouldn't have been, and in my mind I shouted "If I ever have kids, I will let them do all the things that I'm doing and more, because that's what good parents do!" Little did I know God was about to kick my butt for that statement and my addiction filled life.
In 7th grade, I was a really awkward kid (and I still can be today, but I've grown in my social skills dramatically). I didn't have many friends that I hung out with. But, my new neighbor started going to my school so he mentioned that we should hang out sometime. I took up the offer. One day when we had a snow day I walked over to his house to hang out. We played pool and watched some TV when we had a genius idea: Let's play basketball outside in the sheet-of-ice driveway! I must admit, it was pretty fun. About 15 minutes into our game, Brandon's rottweiler dog broke out of his cage and started running at me while barking and showing his teeth threateningly. The dog ended up blocking my way to the door so I only one way to run: the road. I ran to the road but the dog had already bit into my ankle and tripped me. The dog was about to go for my neck, but I stood up just in time for him to bite the top of my shoulder. This was my first near death experience.
After this my rebellion didn't get any better or worse. It just stayed the same and I just felt like I was stuck in life, not going anywhere. In 8th grade (without getting too graphic) I had something happen to me that required a doctor's visit. I thought to myself that my parents were going to find out for sure that I've been lustful to myself. This is when I started getting really depressed and anxious. At this point in my life I gave myself two options: If my parents find out my biggest secret, then I'm going to either end my life or run away and never come back. Because of my depression, I was leaning more on the first option. I didn't know how I was going to do it (since I didn't have any resources), so I ended up trying out the second option. My parents never found out my secret even though they probably had a suspicion of what I was doing in my life, but I was so depressed I still tried running away from home. I got outside and stayed around my property for a good two or three hours after the sun set. There was a little voice nagging me telling me to not go because I wouldn't be able to survive in this world on my own (especially as a middle schooler). I ended up going back inside and my dad asked me what I was doing. I told him I felt like nobody cared about me and then went up to bed. Later that night, as all good parents would, they grounded me because of my sinful actions.
From this point on, I started to lean on God a little. I didn't really read my Bible as much as what I should have, but I read a few verses here and there. I started getting interested in theological books such as Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis around my sophomore year of high school, and this is where my knowledge of God started to grow slightly. But just because I had knowledge of God didn't necessarily mean I had salvation.
Around my Junior year of high school, I was fed up with my three addictions because I think God was starting to convict me. I finally figured I should tackle each addiction one by one. I started with video games. I prayed to God saying, "God, even though I don't really want to say this right now, it needs to happen. Don't let me be addicted to video games anymore because I feel it isn't right and my life is going nowhere because of them." It took until my senior year, when God took all desire to play video games away from my life. Ever since then I haven't played a video game longer than 25 minutes, and I hardly play a video game a week (I usually don't play any a week to be honest).
My Junior year was complete and life was starting to look up. Little did I know that my life was about to flip upside down my senior year. On September 27, 2011 (which was a month right after I posted my testimony on this website the first time) my best friend that I talked about earlier (Austin) got in a tragic car accident and died. I couldn't believe it. We're too young to die. How could God let this happen? This was when I started reading the book of James and read about trials and how they come into our lives to help us develop perseverance, so we lack nothing. I couldn't believe that this happened. It's almost been 2 years since his accident and I still miss him, but as Romans 8:28 spells out to us, God works for the good of us, not to harm us. I started to lean on God a little more after this trial. This is when I asked God to take care of another one of my addictions: Pornography. It took less than a month and I was clean. I still fell from time to time, but I was in no means addicted any more.
After my senior year, life started to look up more than it ever had. On July 15th, 2012 I got my first girlfriend. She was a Christian, was pretty, and seemed level headed. During the time I dated her, I learned more about life than I ever had when I was in high school. I learned how to love, how to be a leader, how to teach, how to study God's word, how to pray out loud, how to serve better, how to be humble, how to control my emotions, and how to be a better man of God. For the first 5 or 6 months I dated her I didn't struggle with my urge to lust or masturbate at all. I was pretty confident so I told God, "Father, I've been clean for a while so I'm feeling pretty confident. I make a vow to you to that I will never masturbate again." Just to point this out, making vows (especially to God) is a really dumb thing to do because as humans we always fail. And in saying that, I broke my vow and God humbled my heart by taking my girlfriend away. Things were going so smooth, but God hardened my girlfriend's heart towards me (even though she had no idea of my problem or my vow I broke to God) and she dumped me after 8 months. This was God's way of saying, "Will, you made a vow and you broke it so now I'm going to humble your heart. You just abandoned me by your sin, so I am going to show you how it feels to be abandoned by someone you love very much. I loved you and you abandoned me. You love your girlfriend and now she is going to abandon you." God taught me a lot through my first break up, but this is the closest I've ever been to God because of it. I read my Bible every morning and learn so much from it. I have constant communication with God now because I love him so much for humbling my heart. I don't necessarily know when I became a Christian, but I can tell you with confidence that I know that I'm a Christian now and will be living with God for eternity.
There are 5 common themes in my testimony that God wanted me to learn, and he wants me to teach you guys.
1. Trials (most importantly your reaction to them) show if you're a genuine Christ follower. (Proverbs 24:16)
2. Trials, if you are a true Christ follower, always bring you closer to God. (James 1:2-3)
3. A true Christian's life revolves around God. (2 Peter 3:18)
4. Plan your life around God, not other people. (James 4:14-15)
5. Your salvation has nothing to do with how good you are. (Ephesians 2:8-9)
The testimony of God working in my life starts off pretty ordinary. I was born in a Christian home on October 8th of 1993. Because I was raised in the church, it is hard for me to say when I was truly saved. I learned about who God and Jesus were in Sunday school when I was a kid, but other than that I didn't care to learn. This was when I was around 8 years old. I shut my ears off to any teachings because I hated church. I would sometimes scream and beg to not go to church because I found it boring with all of those old people with white hair. My mentality didn't really change much once I got into middle school. I wouldn't scream at the thought of going to church, but my rebellious mindset changed forms. I ended up just not paying attention in church and was just messing around with my friends (one of my best friends was Austin...we'll get to him later).
Out of my rebellion and self love, I ended up getting addicted to three things. 1) Video games. 2) Pornography. 3) Masturbation. These three addictions took over my life, and the part that makes me feel really sad is that at the time I loved all of this and had no intentions of turning my life around. One time my parents caught me looking/drawing something I shouldn't have been, and in my mind I shouted "If I ever have kids, I will let them do all the things that I'm doing and more, because that's what good parents do!" Little did I know God was about to kick my butt for that statement and my addiction filled life.
In 7th grade, I was a really awkward kid (and I still can be today, but I've grown in my social skills dramatically). I didn't have many friends that I hung out with. But, my new neighbor started going to my school so he mentioned that we should hang out sometime. I took up the offer. One day when we had a snow day I walked over to his house to hang out. We played pool and watched some TV when we had a genius idea: Let's play basketball outside in the sheet-of-ice driveway! I must admit, it was pretty fun. About 15 minutes into our game, Brandon's rottweiler dog broke out of his cage and started running at me while barking and showing his teeth threateningly. The dog ended up blocking my way to the door so I only one way to run: the road. I ran to the road but the dog had already bit into my ankle and tripped me. The dog was about to go for my neck, but I stood up just in time for him to bite the top of my shoulder. This was my first near death experience.
After this my rebellion didn't get any better or worse. It just stayed the same and I just felt like I was stuck in life, not going anywhere. In 8th grade (without getting too graphic) I had something happen to me that required a doctor's visit. I thought to myself that my parents were going to find out for sure that I've been lustful to myself. This is when I started getting really depressed and anxious. At this point in my life I gave myself two options: If my parents find out my biggest secret, then I'm going to either end my life or run away and never come back. Because of my depression, I was leaning more on the first option. I didn't know how I was going to do it (since I didn't have any resources), so I ended up trying out the second option. My parents never found out my secret even though they probably had a suspicion of what I was doing in my life, but I was so depressed I still tried running away from home. I got outside and stayed around my property for a good two or three hours after the sun set. There was a little voice nagging me telling me to not go because I wouldn't be able to survive in this world on my own (especially as a middle schooler). I ended up going back inside and my dad asked me what I was doing. I told him I felt like nobody cared about me and then went up to bed. Later that night, as all good parents would, they grounded me because of my sinful actions.
From this point on, I started to lean on God a little. I didn't really read my Bible as much as what I should have, but I read a few verses here and there. I started getting interested in theological books such as Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis around my sophomore year of high school, and this is where my knowledge of God started to grow slightly. But just because I had knowledge of God didn't necessarily mean I had salvation.
Around my Junior year of high school, I was fed up with my three addictions because I think God was starting to convict me. I finally figured I should tackle each addiction one by one. I started with video games. I prayed to God saying, "God, even though I don't really want to say this right now, it needs to happen. Don't let me be addicted to video games anymore because I feel it isn't right and my life is going nowhere because of them." It took until my senior year, when God took all desire to play video games away from my life. Ever since then I haven't played a video game longer than 25 minutes, and I hardly play a video game a week (I usually don't play any a week to be honest).
My Junior year was complete and life was starting to look up. Little did I know that my life was about to flip upside down my senior year. On September 27, 2011 (which was a month right after I posted my testimony on this website the first time) my best friend that I talked about earlier (Austin) got in a tragic car accident and died. I couldn't believe it. We're too young to die. How could God let this happen? This was when I started reading the book of James and read about trials and how they come into our lives to help us develop perseverance, so we lack nothing. I couldn't believe that this happened. It's almost been 2 years since his accident and I still miss him, but as Romans 8:28 spells out to us, God works for the good of us, not to harm us. I started to lean on God a little more after this trial. This is when I asked God to take care of another one of my addictions: Pornography. It took less than a month and I was clean. I still fell from time to time, but I was in no means addicted any more.
After my senior year, life started to look up more than it ever had. On July 15th, 2012 I got my first girlfriend. She was a Christian, was pretty, and seemed level headed. During the time I dated her, I learned more about life than I ever had when I was in high school. I learned how to love, how to be a leader, how to teach, how to study God's word, how to pray out loud, how to serve better, how to be humble, how to control my emotions, and how to be a better man of God. For the first 5 or 6 months I dated her I didn't struggle with my urge to lust or masturbate at all. I was pretty confident so I told God, "Father, I've been clean for a while so I'm feeling pretty confident. I make a vow to you to that I will never masturbate again." Just to point this out, making vows (especially to God) is a really dumb thing to do because as humans we always fail. And in saying that, I broke my vow and God humbled my heart by taking my girlfriend away. Things were going so smooth, but God hardened my girlfriend's heart towards me (even though she had no idea of my problem or my vow I broke to God) and she dumped me after 8 months. This was God's way of saying, "Will, you made a vow and you broke it so now I'm going to humble your heart. You just abandoned me by your sin, so I am going to show you how it feels to be abandoned by someone you love very much. I loved you and you abandoned me. You love your girlfriend and now she is going to abandon you." God taught me a lot through my first break up, but this is the closest I've ever been to God because of it. I read my Bible every morning and learn so much from it. I have constant communication with God now because I love him so much for humbling my heart. I don't necessarily know when I became a Christian, but I can tell you with confidence that I know that I'm a Christian now and will be living with God for eternity.
