Am I technically never allowed to be married or happy according to God?

smithbr8 · Jan 2, 2013

I only ask because I recently got engaged, but I will never be pure for my husband seeing as how I was raped as a kid. This means I should marry my attacker once he pays my father enough money, but I'm engaged to another man. This terrifies me.... I know it shouldn't, but it does... Should I call off the wedding and find my attacker to marry him so God might accept at least a small part of me? Or because I'm already living everyday in sin by not being a virgin does that overcloud the fact that I'd be unfaithful to my "should be husband"?

I know God hates me already, I just don't want to do any more to upset him, any ideas?

PatientSpirit · Jan 2, 2013

smithbr8 said:

Read Exodus 16 with the understanding that if Jesus was the true bread of heaven, then the manna that israel ate were the men like moses who were moved by the Holy Spirit. The days are symbolic for 1000 years. So what the people ate (of those holy men), what was left over (laws from the previous day/1000 years that no longer applied to those of the next day) ALWAYS bred worms and stank.

Take the law you're talking about. The day that this law was written, it benefited Israel in that even out of what we see as horrible, God enacted to keep the bloodline pure to bring in Christ according to the flesh. This law is atleast 4 days /4000 years old! It is manna that is left over from a previous day as this law no longer applies to us. Christ came! Only eating of His bread is everlasting life. Not of the previous days bread which only breeds worms and stank!

piper27 · Jan 2, 2013

Your post makes my heart ache!
First of all, you were a victim, and a very horrible thing was done to you. This was not your fault!
The laws you cite are old testiment laws, at the time of Jesus' death, ALL law was fullfilled, and we are under the new covenant. You were
never under the old covenant. Do you have a pastor that you could receive godly counsel from??
I am unable to say it enough, God loves his precious little girl, and thats you!
please watch this youtube video until you believe that THIS is how your father thinks about you
Father's Love Letter - Video Original - YouTube

If I didn't attach the link right , its called 'the father's love letter'
I think there are now several on line, doesn't matter which one, its beautiful.
And so are you.
You are blessed!

Jilly81 · Jan 2, 2013

Sis, God absolutely adores you, please don't throw yourself away

. John 3:17 is a verse that I like to quote along with the one before it; it's a very comforting one to say the least.

BarlyGurl · Jan 2, 2013

Smith... Jesus Loves you... have you accepted Christ as your savior and been born again?? YOU must be born again for in CHrist there is no condemnation. Could you please articulate to us how you are saved? That would help us, better help you.

Jilly81 · Jan 2, 2013

Aw, miss Smith

! After I posted that, I read your profile page, and I was so sad to see that you think that you can't be saved! I'd mentioned these verses in the last post, but here they are, just in case you don't want to see how much you're loved; now it's here in black and white:
John 3:16-17
New American Standard Bible (NASB)
16 “For God so loved the world, that He gave His [a]only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him.

You're most certainly a "whoever", ma'am; a princess adored by her Father

.

weakness · Jan 2, 2013

First of all i'm sorry and can only imagine what pain and trauma this exsperiene must have caused.

smithbr8 said:

First of all i'm sorry for what I can only imagine was a horrific experience. I'm reminded the scripture that says "old things are passed away and all thing have become new" and that there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus .I don't know all the circumstances ,but you seem to bear allot of guilt and condemnation from this experience. I remember the scripture where the hypocrytical pharisees brought a woman caught in adulty,although this was not true of your case even this woman who willingly committed adultery was not condemned by Jesus but was shown love and forgiveness and how much more this would be true for you who without choice was taken in this horrible act.Just my opinion but the guilt and condemnation you feel is not from our lord and would wish you the best in marriage in Christ if you choose. God bless you. /

Evenios · Jan 2, 2013

are you kidding me? there are a lot of married couples in the bible jesus parents were married. you gotta be crazy to think that your not allowed to be married.

Evenios · Jan 2, 2013

rape doesnt count. that wasnt your fault. anyone else who has a heart would tell you that. if you did a sin that you chose to do thats diffrent

you didnt chose to be raped that means it wasnt your fautl

dru · Jan 2, 2013

i feel VERY sorry for you and i cant imagine what that must have felt for you

(it wasn't your fault)
i know you obviously dont want to marry that monster,i see it as a cry for help,God is your Father,your dad, and dads are usually closer to their daughters, so do you think that God would really want you to do that? His laws included? I don't think so. its a woman that saw Jesus first after He resurrected, a woman that washed His feet with her hair a woman that bore the pain of giving birth to Him,its women that stood their ground and stayed at the cross while Jesus died while his male disciples ran (only John stayed)- don't you think their is a special bond in all that? Jesus never even talked down to women (i am not saying that God is unfair toward men) one cant deny that women are special in God's eyes.
take away-God really really really really loves YOU.

Stephen63 · Jan 2, 2013

smithbr8 said:

I only ask because I recently got engaged, but I will never be pure for my husband seeing as how I was raped as a kid. This means I should marry my attacker once he pays my father enough money, but I'm engaged to another man. This terrifies me.... I know it shouldn't, but it does... Should I call off the wedding and find my attacker to marry him so God might accept at least a small part of me? Or because I'm already living everyday in sin by not being a virgin does that overcloud the fact that I'd be unfaithful to my "should be husband"?

I know God hates me already, I just don't want to do any more to upset him, any ideas?

What?!? If you're not a christian, why are you worried about what the OT law says? Makes absolutely no sense at all.

starfield · Jan 2, 2013

smithbr8 said:

I know that after such traumatic event it's easy to lose faith in God and feel abandoned, but please remember that God loves you very much. He has not abandoned you and I believe He has great plans for your future but you need to deepen your relationship with Him. His word says that "all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose". Job's life was more catastrophic than yours, yet he loved and trusted God and thus his ending was greater than his beginning. So you need to surrender your life to God and trust Him. Also, just try to move on with your life and be the best woman you can be for that future hubby.

I suggest you seek God's perfect will when it comes to marriage; when you are walking with Him He will reveal His will to you. He knows that man that will treat you like a queen and love you for who you are, so seek His will. In addition, make sure the man is aware of your past; you want to sort these types of things out before making such life-long commitment.

Take comfort in this passage: Jeremiah 29:11-13
11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
12 Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you.
13 And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.

AgapeSpiritEyes · Jan 2, 2013

smithbr8 said:

I do not regret to tell you that the Blood of Jesus Christ is evidence that His All powerfull Love has been made available to you, past sins against you and sins you committed have the Power and love by His blood to be;wash away, forgiven and forgotten along with fear, pain and guilt memories that impede your experiencing His all powerful Love.Allowing your perspective of God to be change for the Good along with Faith, asking and opening your heart and soul is what is required.
God bless you to experience His all powerful love to bless you in true happiness and joy that can not be taken from you by anyone.

feedm3 · Jan 2, 2013

smithbr8 said:

Where are you getting the idea you must marry someone who has raped, or let alone just had sex?

There are no NT passages that say this. Those who are victims in a rape case are not commanded to marry the person, nor are those who are willingly having sex unmarried commanded to marry each other.

Those who are doing this are sinning. When they (if they) ever repent and come to Christ they do not have go back and marry the first person they had sex with.

PopClick · Jan 2, 2013

Smith, even in the Old Testament laws, a raped girl was not held accountable for what was done to her:

25 "But if in the field the man finds the girl who is engaged, and the man forces her and lies with her, then only the man who lies with her shall die.
26 But you shall do nothing to the girl; there is no sin in the girl worthy of death, for just as a man rises against his neighbor and murders him, so is this case.
27 When he found her in the field, the engaged girl cried out, but there was no one to save her."

"But", you might say, "I've done other things that were wrong." Well, so have I. Every single person on these forums, in your church, in the whole world, is a sinner. There's not a single one of us who deserves God's grace. But He gives it to us anyway. He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from ALL unrighteousness. So it's not by our own power of being good that we go to heaven, but Jesus being perfect and allowing whoever wants to come to Him... to come to Him. He won't cast you away. Jesus had only kind words for the woman at the well, and the woman who was caught in adultery. He saved the second woman from being stoned to death. There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus... for though your (and my) sins were as scarlet, they have been made white as the snow.

Jon4TheCross · Jan 2, 2013

smithbr8 said:

You do not know how valuable you are. I am convinced that it is beyond our comprehension, and how can we be extremely valuable? The answer is simple. We have motivated free will. Evil has their reward, and it's only temporary. We are all victims of the reward of evil, which is partly to watch us suffer. Some may think that rich people don't suffer, but they do in a their own way, as we all do. The point is this. God knows the real you, which is pure, undefiled, and you're not male or female, but a spirit, and you'll have a new body. You're less than an hour old (if you're under 83.333 years).

This is the best I can do to help you understand how valuable you are to God:

We're so valuable to God in our real final state of existence, that He put on holy flesh and died for us. But when we suffer, so does He, and so we continue to suffer, and so does He. That means that He not only died for us and took all that pain and suffering for us, but He chose to continue to suffer for our sakes, because we're that valuable. If we're that valuable that God would go to such extremes in order for us to be what He wants us to be, then what extremes should we be involved in for the sake of God? We might have a chance to understand our worth, but how could we being so small ever really understand the worth of God. I'm ready to die in order to have more of God if that's the extreme I must go to, and it is, because I am dead, and my life is hid in Christ. It's hard to comprehend, but I think the answer is found in part by reading the following verses:

Luk 7:40 And Jesus answering said unto him, Simon, I have somewhat to say unto thee. And he saith, Master, say on.
Luk 7:41 There was a certain creditor which had two debtors: the one owed five hundred pence, and the other fifty.
Luk 7:42 And when they had nothing to pay, he frankly forgave them both. Tell me therefore, which of them will love him most?
Luk 7:43 Simon answered and said, I suppose that he, to whom he forgave most. And he said unto him, Thou hast rightly judged.
Luk 7:44 And he turned to the woman, and said unto Simon, Seest thou this woman? I entered into thine house, thou gavest me no water for my feet: but she hath washed my feet with tears, and wiped them with the hairs of her head.
Luk 7:45 Thou gavest me no kiss: but this woman since the time I came in hath not ceased to kiss my feet.
Luk 7:46 My head with oil thou didst not anoint: but this woman hath anointed my feet with ointment.
Luk 7:47 Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little.
Luk 7:48 And he said unto her, Thy sins are forgiven.

I hope that helped, and know this: God/The Word of God/Jesus died for you, and so would I, because you're that valuable. This is another reason why I won't kill anyone, because I would rather die than them.

The real you is pure, undefiled, and the enemy can't touch you.

Heb 13:4 Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
Heb 13:5 Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.
Heb 13:6 So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.

The real you is from heaven, not from this earth.

Colours · Jan 2, 2013

smithbr8 said:

First of all ... rape is a crime against you. Your attacker committed an atrocity. You're not in an arranged marriage to him, and you haven't been promised. He hurt you. Physically took advantage of you. Ate of a bad tree. You have no bond to him.

Marriage is about a commitment of two people toward each other.

And secondly, I live in sin every single day. But it's not that God hates me. And it's not that I'm worthless. I just think and desire and do things that aren't really beneficial in the bigger picture.

I'm supposed to be patient, kind, considerate, compassionate, slow to anger, forgiving, gentle, meek. Those kind of things take a lot of practice but they're beneficial to my life and more importantly, to those around me.

You've done nothing wrong. Marry the man you are engaged to marry and find happiness in loving one another. Give freely and allow yourself to breathe!

God doesn't hate you. The world makes you see God in a position that was never true to begin with.

Be careful of the lens through which you read. There is a lot of symbolism and idiom within the old testament.

Jordache · Jan 2, 2013

Smith,
Virginity, the kind that God recognizes, cannot forcibly taken from you. Virginity is not a piece of skin. It's not blood or no blood. It's something God instills, and while you could give it away, no man can take it. Why do I know this? Because I've been there.
No, you should not marry your attacker. You can definately be pure for your husband. You are not a lost cause. Your body was marred horrifically, but your spirit is pure and innocent. If this weren't the case I should have married my father, and that is wrong on so many levels.
Something done to you is not your sin. You must learn to place the blame where it belongs. You didn't cause it, ask for it, encourage it, or desire it. Shame will convince you that you were the one in the wrong, that you deserved it, that you asked for it just by being born. But it's just not true.

smithbr8 · Jan 2, 2013

Colours said:

First of all ... rape is a crime against you. Your attacker committed an atrocity. You're not in an arranged marriage to him, and you haven't been promised. He hurt you. Physically took advantage of you. Ate of a bad tree. You have no bond to him.

Marriage is about a commitment of two people toward each other.

And secondly, I live in sin every single day. But it's not that God hates me. And it's not that I'm worthless. I just think and desire and do things that aren't really beneficial in the bigger picture.

I'm supposed to be patient, kind, considerate, compassionate, slow to anger, forgiving, gentle, meek. Those kind of things take a lot of practice but they're beneficial to my life and more importantly, to those around me.

You've done nothing wrong. Marry the man you are engaged to marry and find happiness in loving one another. Give freely and allow yourself to breathe!

God doesn't hate you. The world makes you see God in a position that was never true to begin with.

Be careful of the lens through which you read. There is a lot of symbolism and idiom within the old testament.

But why can you interpret it as symbolism? Isn't the Word of God His law? According to His law, I have to marry my attacker because my life and my purity is only worth so much money..... I hate that part, but if I'm to become Christian, I have to follow all the parts of it, don't I?

Repentionofignorance · Jan 2, 2013

I don't remember that law, but if it is there, it was part of the old testament. If your christian, you follow the new testament. Virginity is not your worth. How faithful you are to God and believing in Jesus Christ are the things that matter

Am I technically never allowed to be married or happy according to God?

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