God ended my marriage?

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phil-uk

Guest
#1
#1
Me and my wife have been extremely unhappy together for several years. I've recently converted to christianity from being an atheist, my wife is still an atheist. We have a little boy together who is 8. I prayed to God recently that our marriage would end and that I wouldn't be threatened by my wife to have regular access to my son. (Which she did a few years ago and we never ended up separating at the time mainly because I wouldn't go because of the threats). Today however my wife has announced she wants us to separate and she has said if our son wants to see me everyday he can if he wants. She said she wants a very amicable split. And will not hurt our son in the process. I'm obviously petrified about whats going to happen now, despite this, but I can't really deny its what I wanted. I'm sick of living the way we have it's been hell on earth. I've already sacrificed the last 8 years of my own happiness.Just so you know I do love my wife but not in the way I should. I havnt pushed her away either I've been affectionate with her even when I didn't want to just to keep her thinking everything's great. Do you think God has answered my prayer? I'm sure I'll get some abuse for wishing for praying for this but until you've lived it, its easy to dictate to someone. God bless you all
 
notuptome

notuptome

Senior Member
#2
May 17, 2013
15,050
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#2
I don't know that it's prudent to blame God for your decisions. May as well be honest with yourself as God already knows all about your motives.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 
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phil-uk

Guest
#3
#3
notuptome said:
I don't know that it's prudent to blame God for your decisions. May as well be honest with yourself as God already knows all about your motives.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
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I'm not blaming God, I prayed to God for this.
 
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Nancyer

Guest
#4
#4
Sounds to me like God has absolutely answered your prayers with a great big resounding YES! I would get it in writing about seeing your son, just to be safe, but it sounds like God understands the difficulties. Sometimes we have to take it on faith that a prayer has been answered. Usually we just don't see it because it is so obscure or not the way we would have wanted but this sounds like He came right out and said Ok, you got it, prayer granted. Be ever so grateful and you can still help your son to see the truth. Hopefully, if you show him through love and graciousness and forgiveness he'll see Jesus reflected in you.

God's further blessings to you, my friend. I will pray for you all that this is all part of God's master plan and he WILL work this out for good!
 
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phil-uk

Guest
#5
#5
Thanks Nancyer, I think God has answered my prayer too. I should apologise about my title of this thread it sounds misleading. God bless
 
Misty77

Misty77

Senior Member
#6
Aug 30, 2013
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I would definitely say, "yes!" Although I could not see it at the time, the Lord freed me from my marriage, too. If the unbeliever wishes to leave, then we are not to restrain them. My son and I are healthier for it.
 
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NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#7
#7
It says God hates divorce, why would he then answer a prayer you prayed FOR a divorce... that makes no sense. She wanted to seperate before so this sounds purely coincidental.

You married her and neither one of you were saved. You became a christian she is not. How is that any grounds for divorce??

Your miserable and you want out plain and simple.
 
Misty77

Misty77

Senior Member
#8
Aug 30, 2013
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#8
I apologize for NodMyHead's ungracious and frankly naive response. Yes, God hates divorce. But he also says to not restrain the unbeliever in marriage if they wish to go. (I Cor. 7:15) Those who have been in difficult marriages understand that you pray for it to be healed or ended because you just don't see how you can take any more. He did the right thing in staying and praying. (Unless there was abuse, then get out asap!) Unfortunately, you will still find people who feel justified in condemning divorcees. I just hope they receive more grace than they have shown.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#9
#9
Sorry, i agree with Nod. There is a difference between 'God ending your marriage' and you being in a bad marriage that the other person decides to end it. This path was obviously in motion before you were a Christian. To put it on God makes no sense. But it's also true, the bible says if you are married to an unbeliever who wants a divorce, let them leave. I just can't see putting on God what He says He is against. And that has nothing to do with 'condemning divorcees'. Its just biblical.
 
4enlightment

4enlightment

Banned
#10
May 15, 2013
4,307
27
0
#10
phil-uk said:
Me and my wife have been extremely unhappy together for several years. I've recently converted to christianity from being an atheist, my wife is still an atheist. We have a little boy together who is 8. I prayed to God recently that our marriage would end and that I wouldn't be threatened by my wife to have regular access to my son. (Which she did a few years ago and we never ended up separating at the time mainly because I wouldn't go because of the threats). Today however my wife has announced she wants us to separate and she has said if our son wants to see me everyday he can if he wants. She said she wants a very amicable split. And will not hurt our son in the process. I'm obviously petrified about whats going to happen now, despite this, but I can't really deny its what I wanted. I'm sick of living the way we have it's been hell on earth. I've already sacrificed the last 8 years of my own happiness.Just so you know I do love my wife but not in the way I should. I haven't pushed her away either I've been affectionate with her even when I didn't want to just to keep her thinking everything's great. Do you think God has answered my prayer? I'm sure I'll get some abuse for wishing for praying for this but until you've lived it, its easy to dictate to someone. God bless you all
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I'd thought that you wanted the divorce because she wasn't a Christian. You cannot be a double-minded person and walk with God. If you doesn't want to go through the pain that's coming, throw away your pride and reconcile with her. Be careful what you ask for, it should come from the heart, not from your lips.

Psalm 119:113 I hate double-minded people, but I love your law.

James 1:8Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

James 4:8Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.

Leviticus 26:19I will break down your stubborn pride and make the sky above you like iron and the ground beneath you like bronze.

Proverbs 11:2When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.

1 Corinthians 7:14For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

1 Corinthians 7:11But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
 
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NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#11
#11
Misty77 said:
I apologize for NodMyHead's ungracious and frankly naive response. Yes, God hates divorce. But he also says to not restrain the unbeliever in marriage if they wish to go. (I Cor. 7:15) Those who have been in difficult marriages understand that you pray for it to be healed or ended because you just don't see how you can take any more. He did the right thing in staying and praying. (Unless there was abuse, then get out asap!) Unfortunately, you will still find people who feel justified in condemning divorcees. I just hope they receive more grace than they have shown.
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Saint Misty, i've been in a bad marriage. Can't say i recall praying that because i wasn't happy that God would end my marriage. Some people just have more gumption than others. Check yourself before you wreck yourself lady ;)
 
Misty77

Misty77

Senior Member
#12
Aug 30, 2013
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#12
I prayed for years for God to heal and restore my marriage. At the time, I couldn't see how abusive it was. Then suddenly, after 10 years together, my controlling, possessive husband wanted to leave. I never would have left him, but I probably would have taken my own life had I lived with such a toxic man much longer. I firmly believe that God freed me by changing X's heart, the same way he hardened Pharaoh's heart which kept the Israelites in slavery for even longer. Does God love slavery? I don't believe so. He just used it for a higher purpose. The God who controls the hearts of kings (Proverbs 21:1) can also direct the hearts of spouses. Does God love divorce? No, but sometimes he uses it for a higher purpose.
 
4enlightment

4enlightment

Banned
#13
May 15, 2013
4,307
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#13
I had read it wrong; You didn't wanted to be in that situation, so just wait. At the meantime, just focus on your child, don't focus on the divorce.
 
Misty77

Misty77

Senior Member
#14
Aug 30, 2013
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#14
Great theological discussions have a free exchange of opposing ideas. They are intriguing and force each side to carefully consider why they believe what they believe. But ad hominem attacks move the conversation from the intellect to the emotional and should have no place in respectful discussion.
 
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BeanieD

Guest
#15
#15
I don't think he was blaming God at all. I am just out of a situation of the same sort. Even though God is not happy with divorce, there are circumstances where He knows it is the best thin for both. Especially when one has decided on a life with Christ and the other not.
 
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BeanieD

Guest
#16
#16
I prayed for most of my marriage that God would heal us and our relationship. My husband is the one who wanted out and I stayed s long as I could. I was being verbally attacked by his family and the stress was so bad, my hands and feet were breaking out is bloody blisters. As soon as I got out of there, my hands and feet healed and I haven't had that problem since. He said he was Christian before we were married, but his actions were not.
 
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Ritzy4U

Guest
#17
#17
I have read all the responses to this question. Pardon me if I say so, but I thought we are to encourage not condemn. The Holy Spirit is the one who convicts us if we are not living according to the Word. I do agree that while divorce has become as common in the church as outside it, if a divorce occurs we should not be too quick to judge the person. If a marriage is abusive I don't believe God expects us to be a doormat. Somehow, this is not the case here. If the believer stays with an unbeliever then the believer sanctifies the unbelieving spouse. Who knows if by so doing can bring their spouse to Christ. If however, the unbelieving spouse wants to leave the believer then by all means they should be allowed to. What I don't believe is that we should ostracize someone who has tried to live with their spouse in an understanding way.
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#18
Jan 24, 2011
11,782
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#18
I do not believe that it is right to pray to God for a divorce. That is like praying to God to be in an adulterous affair. If you need to leave and she wants you to, that is one thing. I am not going to judge. But it sounds to me like you are using God for an excuse to leave the marriage. That he answered a prayer that he would never listen to.

I am not trying to attack here. Sometimes marriages do not work out. I lived in a bad marriage for many years. I prayed for God to heal it, and for my husband to be kind and his depression to lift (that was causing most of our problems)

Well, the depression did not lift, I still pray for my husband for that. But I learned to listen to him, to stop complaining, and demanding and wishing he was a different man. He started being kind, and it is like we just met and married. Fun and loving. (By the way, that was over 20 years of praying plus another 5 years of him being overcontrolling. But 8 years of things getting better and better!)

I think a prayer to save a marriage will always be answered. I do not think God answered your prayers. But your wife simply got tired of living with your misery. Did you ever pray for the marriage to be saved and mean it?

Anyway, I'll get off this thread before someone accuses me of not understanding what the OP is going through. I think 20 years of physical abuse makes me quite qualified to make a comment on this thread. Especially since God and prayer ended it and totally made it better. I just pray that one day, we will find a way to have my husband be truly happy in this life. If not, I am there for him till the next one, when God will make him completely new!
 
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presidente

Senior Member
#19
May 29, 2013
9,091
1,755
113
#19
phil-uk said:
Me and my wife have been extremely unhappy together for several years. I've recently converted to christianity from being an atheist, my wife is still an atheist. We have a little boy together who is 8. I prayed to God recently that our marriage would end and that I wouldn't be threatened by my wife to have regular access to my son. (Which she did a few years ago and we never ended up separating at the time mainly because I wouldn't go because of the threats). Today however my wife has announced she wants us to separate and she has said if our son wants to see me everyday he can if he wants. She said she wants a very amicable split. And will not hurt our son in the process. I'm obviously petrified about whats going to happen now, despite this, but I can't really deny its what I wanted. I'm sick of living the way we have it's been hell on earth. I've already sacrificed the last 8 years of my own happiness.Just so you know I do love my wife but not in the way I should. I havnt pushed her away either I've been affectionate with her even when I didn't want to just to keep her thinking everything's great. Do you think God has answered my prayer? I'm sure I'll get some abuse for wishing for praying for this but until you've lived it, its easy to dictate to someone. God bless you all
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There is a verse that says of Israel, he granted them their request but sent leanness to their soul. One time, Israel cried out for meat in an ungrateful, complaining manner. God sent quail, but it came out of their noses. Maybe they got sick off of it or someting.

I'm not saying this happened to you, or that you have leanness in your soul because of your prayer. May point is sometimes if you keep after God for something that is not the best, maybe He might answer the prayer, but it isn't the best. There is also the kind of self-fulfilling prophecy type thing going on where you want something bad enough, you could make it happen. If you try to be affectionate, your wife might pick up on the lack of feeling and reciprocate.

I don't know what you went through with your wife, though. I know some marriages can be really tough. The ideal situation would be for your wife to repent and believe in Jesus, and then totally embrace the Christian concept of marriage, and empowered by the Spirit, become a loving, submissive, respectful woman who exhibits the quality of a meek and quiet spirit. It's possible to reconcile after a divorce, too.
 
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GreenNnice

Guest
#20
#20
phil-uk said:
Me and my wife have been extremely unhappy together for several years. I've recently converted to christianity from being an atheist, my wife is still an atheist. We have a little boy together who is 8. I prayed to God recently that our marriage would end and that I wouldn't be threatened by my wife to have regular access to my son. (Which she did a few years ago and we never ended up separating at the time mainly because I wouldn't go because of the threats). Today however my wife has announced she wants us to separate and she has said if our son wants to see me everyday he can if he wants. She said she wants a very amicable split. And will not hurt our son in the process. I'm obviously petrified about whats going to happen now, despite this, but I can't really deny its what I wanted. I'm sick of living the way we have it's been hell on earth. I've already sacrificed the last 8 years of my own happiness.Just so you know I do love my wife but not in the way I should. I havnt pushed her away either I've been affectionate with her even when I didn't want to just to keep her thinking everything's great. Do you think God has answered my prayer? I'm sure I'll get some abuse for wishing for praying for this but until you've lived it, its easy to dictate to someone. God bless you all
Click to expand...
What happened to change you to Jesus and not your wife,philly ?

That said, it seems your wife's faith is having an effect on things. There is Scripture that does say that an unbelieving spouse is saved by the believing husband.
I would pray for your wife, that she can see Jesus through you doing things in your life. And, if God does want you to split, you used the word 'amicably,' that is good, make sure that your wife sees that you are just following Jesus and that her leaving is her decision, it is not yours, and, you want her to find the joy of Jesus and will pray that for her for all the days of her life left, subconsciously and consciously, for finding Him for you has made your life so different, so free, so wanting to love others, first, and, giving to yourself last. The Lord leads you now, and, 'Honey, I am sorry of this decison of yours, I love you, but not with that kind of love you think of, only, but of Love that God put in me when I chose Him.

Saying these words can have an effect on her if you pray they can and then pray always in prayers, 'Thy will be done, Lord, not mine, but thy be done.' :)
 
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