I have been living with a man for 6 months. When I moved in I had to move away from my job. He begged and pleaded, so I did, since he promised to take care of me until I found a new job. That didn't take more than 2 weeks. I found a good position. But, when I moved in he asked me to take any money I had left and put it into our new bank account. He said if he was going to be paying my bills, he wanted the rest of my money. I obliged. However, he was spending a lot of money. I saw that the surplus of what I made ...was non existent. No more retirement contribution etc. he said he stopped contributing to his...so he expected the same.
I also have a child from a previous marriage and one day I told him I wanted to give money toward his sports fees. He went nuts. He said we are on a very tight budget and it didn't fit. He even said once...."if you are so up your ex's arse, why don't you go back to him and you and I can just fu*k and I'll be the fun guy." I immediately began crying and said that was mean. He said I like to play the victim and I'm a manipulative game player. So, instead of asking things like that again -- I began taking small amounts of money from my check and putting it back into my solo account and giving money to my child at times like this.
Now, 6 months later, we are about to get married and he went through my purse and found check stubs for this type of thing. He's now demanding to see all my accounts, including my fidelity for the past YEAR. He says that I'm untrustworthy and he can't marry me until he sees this.
The problem is I have about 5k saved for taxes (he spent my tax money and says he will replenish when the tax bill is due). If I show him these accounts, I think he's going to try and take the money. Personally, I'd like to give to my child savings account or something. I know once we are married that becomes both of our money.
Is it fair for him to demand this of me? I have lied to him about the account and the balance because I didn't want him taking any more of my money. Honestly, I have considered leaving him and I wanted to have some money available in case I needed to get my own place fast.
The other issue is my family won't be attending this wedding, because they don't approve. This has been very hard on me. I have cried and he has said it's further proof that I am unstable and not ready for marriage. I said so now you don't want to marry me? He says he does but he thinks "I AM" the one with problems and I need to think deeply about what I really want. He says that he's not going to change and I am often "impossible" to live with.
I know the pattern all too well....