Adoption or Abortion

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

There is a young girl i know, i used to tutor her and She used to live with me. Her name is Portia, and i love this girl to death. She is 16 and just found out she's pregnant. Her life is a mess. She lives with her boyfriend in some random persons house. Her mom wants nothing to do with her, neither does her dad.

Portia can no more take care of herself than she can a little baby. She is going to have an abortion if she cant find someone to take the baby.She wont go through an adoption agency because she wants to know her child is gonna be well taken care of and not mistreated. Which is understandable. However the people she knows that could take the baby are just trashy, the worst kinda people really. So she is really leaning toward an abortion.

Here is the predicament. I cant stand around and just let her kill this baby because no one will take it, but then again there is a lot that goes into getting a baby and raising it. I'm not sure what to do here. I mean wouldnt God rather me take the baby and just trust him for everything else rather than her kill it.

what would you do???

 

[lightbliss]

So are you're thinking about adopting the baby?

The majority of adoption agencies aren't bad nor do they mistreat the babies. They also have "Open Adoptions" policies that are available, so she and the father can always have contact with the child.

Most have a screening process of the adoptive parents, usually consisting of, but not limited to : Background Check, Property & Area Check, Marriage & Divorce Records, Criminal Check, and Sex Offender Check, sometimes a family check as well.

But whatever happens, I doubt God would want you to sit back and let something bad happen, perhaps she's in your life for a reason, you know? You can provide her with resources.

Hope this helps. Anyway, I'll be praying for their situation and for you. God Bless

http://www.bethany.org/
http://www.opendooradoption.org/
http://www.americanadoptions.com/

 

[jangel]

A big NO for abortion! I know it's easy to say no coz I'm not in her shoe but here I am again saying... doing it is a grave sin! Her life is a mess really but she's the one who chose to be in that situation, she already made the first mistake doing that with her bf , now she's thinking of doing another mistake... killing the baby so don't let her do it! I know it's hard to raise a child especially in her case but she's not the only person in the world who's in that situation there are some even younger than her but were able to survive. It's very common reaction for parents to do that but parents will remain parents they can't bear just letting her go on her own ...well I hope... I'm just thinking positively or if not does she has no relatives? or... yea it might be you if your willing...

 

[jangel]

Uhh you said people she knows that could take the baby are trashy, well...if there' nothing left and she's all by herself...and you're there who understands and love her...you made your decision.

 

[Glowing]

There is no such thing as an accidental birth; A child is the Greatest blessing The Father gives you to entrust! Just as homsexuality is a highly contested sin, so is this one. All i can say is help her if you can; If the worst case scenario were to play out; You could be there for her later ,when she would probably need you even more than ever. This is why he placed the blindness on US, Sin in Ignorance is no Sin! Until you have heard the doubled-edged sword of HIS TRUTH,well quite frankly,you haven't been given anything to decide upon.I wish and pray all the best for You's! Love & Peace Forever in CHRIST!!!

 

[nanabean]

Hi NodMyHeadlikeYeah.......Bless you. A baby is at the very least, an eighteen year financial and guidance commitment, not to mention a lifetime concern and love commitment. To consider taking someone else's baby to raise when you weren't thinking on adoption prior to your friend being in this way and need....well...just... Bless you.


I think I read from some of your posts on here that you have a five year old?? How would he/she (and any others you may have) be affected....how would you introduce another's baby into your family?? Are you married?? (What does your spouse think of this??--would he support you in any decision you make??) Are you financially stable enough to raise another child?? I don't think you even have to answer ME....just ask yourself these kinds of questions and pray.....find in your heart what is right for you and your family.

Giving advice is not my specialty, as I find it hard to do without my own feelings/ideas/lifestyle coming into my words, (I don't feel what III would do, may be the right input into YOUR situation) But I would encourage you to be there for Portia as much as you can be. I feel abortion is very sad and wrong as well, and think that there has to be a better way. As some of the others on here have mentioned, there is legitimate adoptions agencies, as well as home shelters etc that she may be able to be in, for herself as well as for the coming baby. At 16, I would pray there are places set up to help your friend, and her baby......I will be praying mightily for her. I will also pray for her parents, that they will see a way clear to love her unconditionally enough to be there for her at some point in the future. Without knowing any of the conditions that lead to them not wanting anything to do with her, (and I don't need to know) I will just pray that restoration of a decent relationship between her and her parents can be reached. Teens "screw up"...heavens ADULTS "screw up"!!!......but the worst thing we can do is give up on them...please let Portia know I will pray....and I will not give up on her! and God certainly won't either!!!

 

[lil-rush]

I would try to get your friend to at least consider checking out an adoption agency. There are so many good families out there who would love to adopt a baby, and it's not like any family can just come in and adopt a baby. It's a very strict process. When we adopted my little brother as a baby, social workers came in and questioned my parents, and then questioned each of us kids individually. They checked around the house to see if it was acceptable, and they do background checks and such.

 

[seoulsearch]

Nod,

I sure wish I knew what to say in this situation. Bless you for working with troubled teens and bless you again for even considering the possibility of adopting this girl's baby. I can relate to you in a small way, as I dated a man several years ago who was an alcoholic to the extreme and at one point I had considered marrying him... so that I could divorce him (there was no way I could have survived a "normal" marriage to him) and adopt his kids myself. (Yes, I know this is messed-up thinking but at the time, it seemed like a viable option. The kids always knew they could rely on me as the one to see that they were fed, bathed, etc., and would come to me for anything they needed.)

Seeing as he had no job, drank nearly two pints every single day (leaving the bottles everywhere), could not even pick them up from daycare (I would get calls from daycare that went something like this: "We need you to come pick up L and A because their father called and said he'd had a few drinks and can't get them," and would pass out into a coma every night.) In my naive mind, I didn't think it would be very hard for me to win a court case against him (the mother had passed away before we met, but he had been an alcoholic long before that ever happened.)

All I can say is... I know your heart is in the best of places. And I surely would not want to see this girl make the wrong choice. But at the same time... if you adopt her baby... there will be other people who cross your life in the same situation... It sounds like you will probably continue your work mentoring others... and there will be other babies in terrible situations as well. As much as we'd like to, we can't adopt or save everyone, and seeing as you're an excellent mother to your own children, it makes me sad to see you feeling so much stress over a situation you couldn't control.

This is also coming from the heart of someone who is adopted. I wish every child in a bad situation could be adopted into as great of a family as mine has been... but I pray you also won't take on too much and therefore, risk your own health as well.

I know this is cliche, but you'll be in my thoughts and prayers, for sure. *Hugs.*

 

[jimmydiggs]

You don't have to take the child in yourself, but you should definitely exhaust any and all alternatives to aborting the child. My opinion anyway, no facts to back my statement up.

 

[pickles]

There are so many wonderful and loving people that would love her child and let her be in her childs life.
She can decide on everything she wants for her baby.
Try and help her see the many options she has.
My prayers are with you and her in this.
God bless, pickles

 

[Jennifleur]

This is a rough place to be. Like you, in spite of the difficulties, I would rather raise the baby myself than her get an abortion. There is such a thing as an open adoption, where she would meet the family who would adopt her child, and she would still be involved in her baby's life and have a special place there. Just another suggestion to throw out there. But I agree with others above - abortion is no solution, and will only cause her life to become even more of a wreck when the reality of what she has done hits her.

 

[Matthew]

It does seem that an open adoption is the best choice even if it were you who adopts the child, it's understandable she mistrusts some agencies as that is almost like entrusting your child to strangers whose motivation is completely unknown.

But if adoption is what happens it's crucial some sort of authority is involved to ensure it is legally done so that the child has stability later in life, situations where kids are rasied by families or friends and never legally adopted often get extremely complicated when birth parents wish to come back into the childs life and legal battles and other issues ensue to determine custody and the child is caught in the middle.

It may be the last thing she wants to consider but if she is open to any kind of adoption that will allow the child to live with a family she needs to be encouraged to do so in a way that will give long term assurances about the stability of the situation as that is what children need the most.

 

[Christiangirl82]

The thing she will have to deal with her whole life , and maybe it will not bug her right now but, she will being killing a child. Its not going to make her "unpregnant" its just going to make her the mother of a dead child.
I think you should help her, if you can i mean, if you take the child, of course God will help you. Maybe she is in your life so she can still have that "mother figure".
You never know God does some amazing things

God Bless
And
Good Luck!

 

[Crypto]

There is a young girl i know, i used to tutor her and She used to live with me. Her name is Portia, and i love this girl to death. She is 16 and just found out she's pregnant. Her life is a mess. She lives with her boyfriend in some random persons house. Her mom wants nothing to do with her, neither does her dad.

Portia can no more take care of herself than she can a little baby. She is going to have an abortion if she cant find someone to take the baby.She wont go through an adoption agency because she wants to know her child is gonna be well taken care of and not mistreated. Which is understandable. However the people she knows that could take the baby are just trashy, the worst kinda people really. So she is really leaning toward an abortion.

Here is the predicament. I cant stand around and just let her kill this baby because no one will take it, but then again there is a lot that goes into getting a baby and raising it. I'm not sure what to do here. I mean wouldnt God rather me take the baby and just trust him for everything else rather than her kill it.

what would you do???

Hard call. I think I would take her to a pregnancy place and let them talk to her about the stupidity of abortion. I've heard of alot of girls who have had their minds changed my ultrasound.

 

[panda_girl]

If you feel led to take on this child you should... sometimes God wants us to do things that seem crazy to us, but He alwasy works around our human limitations like income and whatnot. Just don't let her go with abortion, who knows... maybe a baby that was aborted forty years ago would've found a cure for cancer or something by now... and you can always do research on adoption agencies, see how well the kids they've placed have done in their new homes and what not...

God bless! My prayers are with you

 

[broken]

Encourage her to give it up. If you are feeling led to adopt it yourself, then do so. If she does abort it, be there for her. She will cause herself a wound she may never heal from and will need love. I'm not validating that choice, Just saying that the reality is she may abort it and she'll need someone to love her like Jesus would. Its a shame its legal for her to do this, but the hard reality is that she can get one if she chooses.

 

[phil36]

Well, everyone has given you advice. but, at the end of the day God will guide you. If your friend does not wan to go to an adoption agency and she feels her only choice is abortion then the decision can only lye between you and God.

I can only tell you what I would do.. I would adopt the Baby.. personally I wouldn't worry about the cost for I know God would bless the situation.. do we decide between practicality's or life.. I would save the child if I could. and before anyone says anything I know what it is like having kids.

But life is more important than it hurting your pension fund. anyhow NodMyHeadLikeYeah, that probably does not help you. what about asking in church if anyone is willing to adopt? or if you did ask if the church would support you in doing so?

another side of the coin I suppose is.. didn't Joseph more or less adopt Jesus?

Just my opinions

Your friend and yourself are in my prayers Nod.

GB

Phil

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

Thank you everyone for your advice, Im praying very hard about this decision and i know god will guide me in what to do. You guys are the best

 

[phil36]

I feel for you at this time.. it is a huge burden.. let us know what happens.. I will definately keep this in my prayers.

GB

Phil

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

I will for sure phil, thanks a lot!