Can't accept my girlfriend's past
- Thread starter Paulie
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You cannot accept her past. It's a big problem for you.
You want her to apologize to you for what she had done before she knew you.
My question is: Would her apology make it easier for you to accept the fact she had a sex before she met you?
If you really love her, then I think that you should try a less of accusing and more of prayers. God can help you to get through it. But you will have to be honest. You will have to give up of your unforgivness for her. You will have to try to look at her, like you want God to look at you after you sinned.
But that is only my opinion.
You want her to apologize to you for what she had done before she knew you.
My question is: Would her apology make it easier for you to accept the fact she had a sex before she met you?
If you really love her, then I think that you should try a less of accusing and more of prayers. God can help you to get through it. But you will have to be honest. You will have to give up of your unforgivness for her. You will have to try to look at her, like you want God to look at you after you sinned.
But that is only my opinion.
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So he doesn't "have to" be honest with her, or himself? He doesn't "have to" look at her as Jesus looks at a sinner? He doesn't "have to" take a look at himself and realize that his sins are just as bad as hers? Seriously??
HE DOES have to do all those things. Though forgiving her won't change the fact that she's had premarital sex, and for whatever reason, that one sin is burned into his mind and can't get rid of it..
HE DOES have to do all those things. Though forgiving her won't change the fact that she's had premarital sex, and for whatever reason, that one sin is burned into his mind and can't get rid of it..
She doesn't owe him forgiveness for what she did prior to knowing him. This is grudge holding and un-Christian.
It appears you think him a good Christian for his grudge holding, hypocrisy and unforgiving spirit.
Now she is a believer all of a sudden? When did this take place? As far as I can tell, they live together, unmarried, and she isn't a believer. The reasoning therefore isn't wrong.
He shouldn't be struggling with someones sin committed prior to knowing him. She owes him nothing, and doesn't need to be forgiven by him. He needs to man up and get over himself.
It appears you think him a good Christian for his grudge holding, hypocrisy and unforgiving spirit.
Now she is a believer all of a sudden? When did this take place? As far as I can tell, they live together, unmarried, and she isn't a believer. The reasoning therefore isn't wrong.
He shouldn't be struggling with someones sin committed prior to knowing him. She owes him nothing, and doesn't need to be forgiven by him. He needs to man up and get over himself.
I meant my post differently.
"She is" did not mean she is a Christian, but that she is a bad Christian (I did not know she is not a Christian at all, if so, he actually cannot be with her, biblically).
"It appears you think him a good Christian for his grudge holding, hypocrisy and unforgiving spirit."
- I just do not see anything implying he is a bad Christian. Sexual sins desire much more than just forgiveness. Between such a tight union as a relationship, they desire a profound change of mind, not saying "it was ok because I loved him" etc.
"He shouldn't be struggling with someones sin committed prior to knowing him."
- depends on him. Everybody is different, one can struggle with sexual sins of a partner, another one can struggle with lies of a partner, another one can struggle with debts of a partner etc
- sexual sins are the most profound ones, regarding relationship, because they are the most deep and the most intimate ones
"She is" did not mean she is a Christian, but that she is a bad Christian (I did not know she is not a Christian at all, if so, he actually cannot be with her, biblically).
"It appears you think him a good Christian for his grudge holding, hypocrisy and unforgiving spirit."
- I just do not see anything implying he is a bad Christian. Sexual sins desire much more than just forgiveness. Between such a tight union as a relationship, they desire a profound change of mind, not saying "it was ok because I loved him" etc.
"He shouldn't be struggling with someones sin committed prior to knowing him."
- depends on him. Everybody is different, one can struggle with sexual sins of a partner, another one can struggle with lies of a partner, another one can struggle with debts of a partner etc
- sexual sins are the most profound ones, regarding relationship, because they are the most deep and the most intimate ones
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Well, then you're talking past me. Christian, bad Christian, good Christian? She's not a believer, you were ignorant to this and are trying to justify yourself and what you said still.
Then you and I have a different opinion on what a good Christian is: He lives with an unbeliever, holds grudges, both against biblical mandate, but you cannot say he's not a good Christian, or, that this lifestyle isn't being a bad Christian. I suppose ones standards need to be Biblical.
She doesn't owe him asking for forgiveness, she has sinned before God and unto God, not him. Psalm 51:4.
I'll put it this way, such a lifestyle would receive church disciplinary measures by any conscientious and biblical church. I would then consider this a bad Christian example because plainly it is. I wouldn't lower that standard to philosophical arguments.
Then you and I have a different opinion on what a good Christian is: He lives with an unbeliever, holds grudges, both against biblical mandate, but you cannot say he's not a good Christian, or, that this lifestyle isn't being a bad Christian. I suppose ones standards need to be Biblical.
She doesn't owe him asking for forgiveness, she has sinned before God and unto God, not him. Psalm 51:4.
I'll put it this way, such a lifestyle would receive church disciplinary measures by any conscientious and biblical church. I would then consider this a bad Christian example because plainly it is. I wouldn't lower that standard to philosophical arguments.
Being not interested in sex doesn't mean you're not capable of loving someone. Nor does it mean you should not marry. We're not animals who's only reason to be here on Earth is reproduction.
And, most importantly, if she's okay with not having sex, and leading that kind of life, what is really the problem in such marriage? Getting married only to fulfill your lustful desires isn't very "Christ-like" either.
I'm not attacking you, don't worry, I'm just making my point clear.
And, most importantly, if she's okay with not having sex, and leading that kind of life, what is really the problem in such marriage? Getting married only to fulfill your lustful desires isn't very "Christ-like" either.
I'm not attacking you, don't worry, I'm just making my point clear.
You can't leave her?
Does she have you chained in a dungeon?
Is she financially supporting you?
Have you gotten her pregnant?
I stand by my original post.
You're too immature for any of this.
What kind of man goes on the internet and talks about stuff like this?
I hope for the sake of all involved that you haven't impregnated her.
Does she have you chained in a dungeon?
Is she financially supporting you?
Have you gotten her pregnant?
I stand by my original post.
You're too immature for any of this.
What kind of man goes on the internet and talks about stuff like this?
I hope for the sake of all involved that you haven't impregnated her.
The problem in a nutshell, is that she is not a Christian, and you are. The bible says not to be with an unbeliever. Married or unmarried, you're going to always have a problem with her sexual past. And that is going to grow into strong resentment on both your parts. On your part, because it disturbs you to your core that she had premarital sex, and on her part, she'll resent you because you can't move past her sexual escapade..
Please, read this:
Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.
But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
...
Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches.
Each person should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.
...
Brothers and sisters, each person, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.
Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.
...
I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided.
If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing.
So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does better.
1 Cor 7
=====
If you are ok and do not burn with a passion, its really better to stay single as you are. Its more wise and more Christ-like.
Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.
But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
...
Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches.
Each person should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.
...
Brothers and sisters, each person, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.
Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.
...
I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided.
If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing.
So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does better.
1 Cor 7
=====
If you are ok and do not burn with a passion, its really better to stay single as you are. Its more wise and more Christ-like.
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