Compassion, perhaps I need more

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Newme

Guest
#1
#1
Hi all, have a question regarding compassion.

I'm feeling a little irate today. After being alone for a little bit I feel better, but I could use some advice on my situation.

I'm feeling as though I'm bending over backwards for everyone, and getting nothing in return.

Both me and my husband have family staying with us for an undetermined period of time. Both of us work all day, and the family members don't do anything. I come home on multiple occasions to a messy house, and dishes piled up in the sink. At night, when I'm going to her, they stay up late and make noise.

To add to this, the family members are sick, and have passed it on to my husband. Now he's sick (and needy) on top of them being sick. I am feeling frustrated, because I've had bad sleep since they have arrived, I do all the cleaning, and I'm just feeling worn out and not appreciated.

I feel like I need to show more compassion instead of anger, but I'm feeling so worn out and fed up.

What can I do?
 
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intercessorginger

Guest
#2
#2
Rules, Boundaries, Limitations.
When you have forgiven them and are not angry, sit down and have a conversation about those three things. You will all be a lot happier!
 
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Ugly

Guest
#3
#3
Yes, this is your house and you have every right to expect them to do their part. Even a guest who stays for a day or two should be expected to not leave messes. Even more so for people being allowed to live their for a time. Explaining to them that one of the requirements of being allowed to stay there is to clean up after themselves and any other rules you feel would help you.
This is the problem with many modern Christians. They think 'loving' means never speaking up, never setting boundaries, but it's actually the opposite. By not speaking up and setting boundaries you become frustrated and eventually blow up. Seems to me that is much worse, not only for your physical, mental and spiritual health, but also for the relationship, than laying out rules.
 
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Nancyer

Guest
#4
#4
The above advice is right on. You need to talk to them, sit down and have a good talk, but after you've forgiven them and do not be angry when you do this. Ask God for wisdom on what to say and how to say it. Your husband should speak up as well, if these are his family members. I've lived with family members before and it isn't easy, although one would think it should be. Boundaries and limitations are a must, everyone pitching in, helping out, sharing the load. Sounds pretty obvious, but to some it just isn't.

Prayers for you, my dear, that God blesses you with wisdom, strength, forgiveness and peace in your home!

 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#5
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#5
You're letting resentment build and that is going to make you sick in body and soul.

It is definitely NOT unreasonable to expect people who are living with you to share in the management of the household....they should be helping. When everyone pitches in the load is lighter and the harmony in the house will be so much better.

First, go to God and get your anger under control. Think of it this way-you have allowed this situation to develop. People will naturally be lazy if they can get away with it. It's in our fallen nature. But now, with God's help, you're ready to get this situation under control.

Then, when you are calm and rational, sit them down and give them a talking to. Give them a talk that will honor God's purposes. Paul talks about those not working , not eating. The Bible supports responsible living, so you're not being selfish. Yes, the Bible talks about 'pouring ourselves out as a sacrifice' but we need to be wise with what this really means. It doesn't mean to pour ourselves out in a wasted way but as a means of helping to build His kingdom. This takes discernment and the leading of the Spirit.

Letting people be lazy and even enabling them to remain irresponsible is NOT helping them to grow in the Lord. But leading them into independence and self-responsibility along with growing closer to Christ, is a win-win situation for everyone.

Take control of your household in a God-honoring way. He will honor you as you honor Him.

Praying for you....guidance, wisdom, and calmness as you approach this problem.
 
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