Husbands Invited: Adultery. Hardened Heart. Need Insight, Please.

DiamondTears · Feb 22, 2013

So, here I am. I am trying my best not to type any cliches, because I find I have been needing to rebuke them ever since I found out.

First off, I knew he was being unfaithful because Believe it or not, The Holy Spirit was shining this truth on me BEFORE the actual physical act took place; however, without hard physical proof, what could I say? In hindsight it seems as if he wanted me to figure it out, all the while he was lying.

We were the kind of couple I thought this would NEVER happen to (sorry for the cliche- grr). I am constantly working on self-improvement, pour myself into Prayer and The Word, Observe the Sabbath, relationship and Marriage books, we were working on spending more quality time together, having more fun...

He didn't confess, I figured it out. This makes me feel he is regretful, but not repentant. He has not volunteered any information, I have had to ask the questions and even so, it's like pulling teeth. "Why do you want to know this?" he asks me. Feeling he is unrepentant makes it hard to "act-out" forgiveness (I say "act-out" because I understand that Forgiveness is a gift freely given). How can a person accept forgiveness if they have not sought it out? Then the world says that that is being a passive sucker.

Now, rather than self-reflecting, he is acting "hurt," throwing himself a pity-party, while I am bowled over feeling disemboweled and eviscerated, trying to gather, hold-in, disinfect and sew my own guts back in. He chose to break his vows, not only to me but to The Almighty, yet I am carrying this burden by myself, my husband taking no action to rectify this situation in my eyes. His heart is hardened. He says he is angry. I imagine angry at me for "making him do it" (not his words, but his implications)

He said he didn't love her. He said he is never going to see her again. He said he ended it. Yet from what I read, he is acting as if he is getting himself ready to do the unthinkable...

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink- well, my Husband is 3 stubborn horses. I do not believe in divorce; but I also don't believe in holding anyone in a headlock.

I am so confused. As a Believer, I feel that I should hold on through this flagellation and Hope for the Blessed Victory in The Almighty's Name. As a woman, I feel so stupid for staying, for crying and trying, for Hoping and Praying. I have seen the effects of cheating, and I fear I am just setting myself up for a miserable life.

We had just started talking about starting a Family. Now that dream seems so far away. Besides having The Almighty, I feel so alone in this. I would prefer not to be in this situation of course, but being, I desire for him to be repentant, to show remorse, compassion, to be forthcoming, to be open, to open communication himself, to be my support, to cry with me, to leave me alone while I process this and be there for me when I want to punch his lights out (little joke. Envisioning myself beating and kicking his nether regions helps clear the images of him with someone else).

To tell me that he loves me and convince me of it. To love his wife, who after his indiscretion, STILL loves and supports him (I haven't said "I love you," or kissed him since I found out- few hugs, here and there).

!SCREAM!- The flesh! The ugly, the profane, the carnal flesh. I would love to be pure Spirit.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for reading and Be Blessed. Insights, Thoughts and Prayers are well Appreciated.

DiamondTears · Feb 22, 2013

I should probably add:

Question: Not exactly "What should i do," rather, What might he be thinking/feeling, that I might minister to that need, even if it is in prayer? What might a strong Spiritual Believing wife to do in this situation?

He is clammed up and "depressed," and I am just watching the days go by in near silence. Sitting next to each other, 10,000 fathoms apart. Ignorant as it may seem, I am seeking to understand him, that I may rectify my part in the relationship, my flesh is telling me that now is the time to be selfish and think about me but my other half, foolish as he has been surely hurts and his pain is my pain on top of my own. It is nearly unbearable. Akin to a death, except lacking no closure.

My heart valves hurt (like, I actually feel my heart valves), my stomach hurts, my spinal cord hurts, my nerves hurt, everything is throbbing. This is hurting me all over, I haven't been able to eat, sleep. Even smiling hurts, though I do it anyway because I know I am Blessed in The Almighty.

VikkiKate89 · Feb 22, 2013

I really am at a loss as to what advice to give you, and I really am sorry you're going through this.

I can offer some insight though, having had to forgive the unthinkable a few times in my life, forgiveness is not for the person who wronged you. It never is. Forgiveness is for yourself. It doesn't matter if he's sorry or not, it's about you saying, "I'm not going to let what you did to me hurt me and rule my life anymore. I'm letting go of the hurt, I'm not dwelling on it anymore, and I'm moving on." Given however what you're trying to forgive, it'll probably take you a while to reach that point and the best thing is to not beat yourself up about it in the process. Just remember it doesn't mean you have to take him back or try to bring your relationship back to where it was. It simply means you're not going to let what he did take over your life.

DiamondTears · Feb 22, 2013

Thank you for your kindness VikkiKate. Having been through the same, in your situation, did he show you his remorse with support of you? Or did he isolate himself? If so how did you deal with it? How did you go about living everyday life with him?

I don't know what is going to happen and that's what grits my plane. I would rather we proceed forward, either way, not be stuck in this stalemate.

Thanks again.

VikkiKate89 · Feb 22, 2013

I guess I should have worded that better. I have not been in your exact same situation, in that I've never had a husband cheat on me, however I had a boyfriend years ago that I caught cheating on me... the idiot sent an email that was supposed to go to her to me by mistake and pretty much unintentionally ratted himself out. We had been together for over a year and were saving ourselves for marriage, or at least I was, he on the other hand was having sex with some woman I never met and have no desire to (however it is important in times like this NOT to take it out on the other woman... they're not the one who made a commitment to you). It took a very long time to forgive him, and he's still to this day never really apologized. The most he did was own up to it (not that he had any other option at that point), and he isolated himself for a while. I know too many cheaters and I know them too well, and there's unfortunately a lot of truth to the saying, "once a cheater, always a cheater." There's an addicting thrill to the fear of getting caught and the scandal can be enticing to them too. It's why I never give them a second chance. I know there are some who do it once, learn from it, and never do it again, but I don't take that risk.

I do however forgive, and I did forgive my ex some time after I'd caught him. Like I said, he wasn't really apologetic, and he pretty much isolated himself. I decided right there that if he clearly didn't want me in his life then I wasn't going to force my way back in there. It just wasn't worth holding on to anymore, and it was time for a new page in my life. It was well over a year before we ever had an actual conversation again, and even then he never brought it up or offered an apology.

Honestly I don't have any advice for moving forward with a relationship that involves someone who was unfaithful. I know there are a lot of books out there on how to heal a relationship after infidelity, but I honestly haven't done it before so I won't pretend to know how to proceed. Hopefully someone on here can help you with that though lol. I do know a lot about forgiveness though, having had to forgive some really unforgivable things that sadly were worse than being cheated on. But I can tell you no matter what anyone does to you, there's almost no better peace than the day you finally let go of the pain and move on. And it'll make you a stronger woman as well.

DiamondTears · Feb 22, 2013

I do understand what you are saying, as I stated, it is clear that Forgiveness is given freely; however...

Allow me to use a simplistic example for the sake of illustration: Let's say that someone accidentally bumps into you, you drop and accidentally step on your own glasses and -cRacK- - right in half at the nose bridge. You broke your glasses (him in this example).

Now, the one who accidentally bumped into you offers solutions, asks that when you go to pick up a new pair you bring them with you so that they could pay, tells you they will work with you to reach a resolution (me in this example).

In spite of the fact that it was you (him) who stepped on your (his) own glasses, you become angry at the individual (me) who accidentally bumped into you, offered solutions, asks you to pick them up when you go get a new pair so that they could pay and tells you they will work with you to reach a resolution. It would be you (him) refusing forgiveness.

Now, if this were a friend or a boyfriend, the answer is very clear- get a new friend or boyfriend. This is my Husband. I should not forsake him, regardless of the situation. As his Wife I feel his pain, in spite of my own. We are both hurting and my human nature says he deserves to hurt for the pain he has brought into our lives, but The Holy Spirit is urging me towards him despite my pride and instinctual self-preservation.

I know some may say, wait it out (check), pray (check), patience (check). How to break through his self-inflicted guilt? How to be obedient to The Almighty's Word, without being a "doormat?" How to be a "submissive" wife, when I feel that being a "submissive" wife right now = being a permissive wife? That being soft and and loving= "it's fine, it's okay to do it again?" I mean, I am majorly peeved.

I don't know if you are Married- I Pray this upon no one and Pray Blessings for Protection for all Marriages in all situations.

The dynamics of cheating are very different within the context of a marriage. It hurts more than the pain of death. I used to think and say, "If that ever happened, I am out." For me, The Almighty is the one I made my vows to, I thought long and hard before uttering them and I meant every word when I did. This is quite the test.

Thank you VikkiKate.

AAAPlus · Feb 22, 2013

Diamondtears...I am so sorry. I am praying for you. It's inspiring to see how dedicated you are to our Lord and the bond of marriage that He instated. The overwhelming majority of married couples who break up have absolutely no regard for God's holy union, but you clearly do, and I believe that God will bless that. You're willing to fight to the bitter end for your marriage, keep at it! You would be justified in divorcing him, but you realize that forgiveness is the best way. God would be justified in condemning us all for our sin, but He chose a better way; forgiveness. You have that most important Godly quality in you, and I definitely believe that God will bless you for it.

Ugly · Feb 22, 2013

I'll offer my feelings, not so much saying what i think you should do, but relating how i feel. If i were in a relationship with someone that cheated, i would have a hard time staying in that marriage. And if that person tried to make it my fault for their actions, and put all the burden on me to carry, i would even more so have a problem staying. I would be giving serious consideration to divorce. If i did stay and it happened again, then i know i'd be gone. A single mistake like cheating can be forgivable, but to repeat it, well, i'm not God and i don't have an unending supply of grace, i'm a human with a breaking point.
And, of course, no matter what we want, we need to make sure God is not directing us in the opposite direction.

Lastly, these physical pains you're feeling, are likely depression. You may want to consider seeing a professional to help you with the emotions you're going through during this time. I discourage medication for depression based on circumstances. Besides seeing someone you can talk to and who may be able to guide and advise you on how to cope better, there are other things known to help with depression. 1) eat healthy. 2) exercise regularly 3) stay on a consistent sleep pattern.
I know it sounds 'cliche' but it works. I made this suggestion to a depressed friend once, he took all the advice and put it into practice. Saw him a few months later and he said he noticed a big difference in his depression, and he finally got up the motivation to try to join the Navy, something he kept talking about before, but never had the motivation to do.

tdrew777 · Feb 22, 2013

Your pain is shared with the us all in body of Christ - this is a truly terrible situation. Our God is greater. I am one of the faithful husbands you seemed to be calling out to in the thread title. I do not know you personally, except through this post, therefore, I must speak in general terms. Please share your pain with someone in the body of Christ that is capable of standing up together with you through this trial. No one here in Christianchat, except through miraculous inspiration of the Holy Spirit, can give you specific advice.

You already seem to know that his actions are not your fault. Do not tolerate adultery or physical abuse.

There is a cycle in marriages that can happen because woman need to be loved and men need to be respected. No one knows where it starts, but I'll start with the man because i am one. The man feels disrespect from his wife. He responds by withholding love. The woman feels unloved by her husband, so she withholds respect. And the cycle goes down and down. The cycle can be broken when the man, even though he feels disrespected, persists in showing love, or the woman, even though she feels unloved, persists in showing respect.

He may not show you love any time soon, are you prepared? Show respect. Do not tolerate adultery or physical abuse.

Sorry for being so general. It is what I know. What I have I share with you. The body of Christ loves you!

keep_on_smiling · Feb 23, 2013

Praying for you during this difficult time in your life. I have not experienced what you are going through. The way you want things to work and the way you are seeking the Lord to intervene is truly admirable.

I truly feel the Lord will bless you for following His will. ONLY you can know what the Lord's will is in this situation. Pray and seek Him. If you feel He is telling you to fight for this marriage, then continue to do so. Keep in prayer and continue to pray about forgiveness, that will be needed. I agree with VikkieKate, forgiveness is two sided, it's not only for your husband, but for you. When you are able to forgive him do that, even if he isn't seeking it out. You will feel much better once you can.

That being said, I can understand you don't believe in divorce, nor do I except for in your situation. If your husband isn't going to put forth the effort to make you feel better, to love you like before, or if you can't trust him, you are allowed to leave. I myself could not stay with someone that has done that to me, no matter how much I love them.

I pray that the Lord will direct you in the way that you are suppose go and give you a peace in that. Keep strong and again I admire you for your desire in this tough situation.

DiamondTears · Feb 24, 2013

Excuse my absence and delayed response. I observe Shabbat. Allow me to say: I just found out last Friday, it has only been a week. As the sun set, darkening the sky, ushering in Shabbat, I felt something I have not felt before- obligated. Don't get me wrong: I love, celebrate and cherish every Sabbath; but broken, exhausted and weak, I cannot imagine: how I will be observing Sabbath this week?

Since last Friday I have been sleeping 2 hours every other day, have zero appetite and haven't been able to keep anything down- tired of thinking. I tell myself, "It is a day of rest, if nothing else, you will rest." A few hours after sunset, with the little strength I had left, I pick up the Scripture. All week I have been reading Scripture online, but there is something about sitting down with it physically, giving it your undivided attention, holding it in your hands...

Gateway to peace and transcendence. As I immersed myself in The Word, I was raptured- seriously. *What a Blessing*. That feeling of obligated dread was our Spiritual enemy trying to keep me from Fellowshipping with our Almighty Creator. The enemy has already done enough damage. Whenever I don't feel well to do an in-depth study, I study Proverbs, Psalms, Isaiah... These are rich and multilayered, yet simple enough to garner great wisdom from surface reading- in other words, easy on the brain. I post the following verses below, in case there are others requiring Comfort through similar, or any other, difficult situations.

Proverbs 15:
"The sacrifice of the wicked is an abomination unto The L-RD: But the Prayer of the upright Is His Delight."
"A merry heart make a cheerful countenance: But by sorrow of the heart the Spirit is broken."
"The thoughts of the wicked are an abomination to The L-RD: But the words of the pure are pleasant words."
"The heart of the righteous studieth (His Word) to answer..."

Proverbs 16:
"Commit thy works unto The L-rd, and thy thoughts shall be established."
"By Mercy and Truth iniquity is purged: and by the fear of The L-rd men depart from evil."
"Better it is to be of humble Spirit with the lowly, than to divide the spoil with the proud."
"He that handles a matter wisely shall find good: and whoso Trust in The L-RD, Happy is he."
"The wise in heart shall be called prudent: and the sweetness of the lips increases learning."
"Pleasant words are as a honeycomb, Sweet to the Soul and Health to the bones."

DiamondTears · Feb 24, 2013

AAAPlus, Thank You for your Prayers. To me they are worth more than gold (Prov 16:16). Thank You for your words of Encouragement:

“The preparations of the heart in man, and the answer of the tongue, is from The L-rd (Prov 16:1).”

I will admit that while at times it has been a challenge to reconcile my mind with my Spirit, Spirit is stronger. I find myself mentally preparing for anything; but Faith is Hope in that which is not yet seen. From one child of The Almighty to another, a Great Work has come from Him, through you to me. People tend to diminish the power of Prayer, but Prayer is Faith in Action. I have seen this. Thank You for sharing your Faith and Standing in Prayer with me. Thank You.

I will be keeping you and your Family in my Prayers. May you be Greatly Blessed.

Tommy4Christ · Feb 24, 2013

DiamondTears said:

I will keep you in my prayers, this man needs to truly repent, and there is no way he is a cleansed and santified follower of Christ, his god is satan, until he repents and comes clean of what he did, I dont know either of you but, if the truth was preached about biblical repentance and heart putity then this situation would be much different.

A Call to Repentance
Joel,2-12 “Now, therefore,” says the LORD,
“Turn to Me with all your heart,
With fasting, with weeping, and with mourning.”
13 So rend your heart, and not your garments;
Return to the LORD your God,
For He is gracious and merciful,
Slow to anger, and of great kindness;
And He relents from doing harm.
14 Who knows if He will turn and relent,
And leave a blessing behind Him—
Here is more strong proof what the lord requires of His creation to be reconciled to Himself, it’s very simple but made so complicated by the heaps and heaps of pastors and ministries who have the nerve to say mankind does NOT have to repent to be saved.
They come with a simple plan that was concocted by many reformed preachers and bible scholars, making the way to the cross more of a simple confession you are a sinner, then accepting the great substitution Jesus miraculously made for them, but they fail to give any proof that the word of God let alone the King of Kings taught this non sense!
Many will fight with all they have to preserve their man made doctrines including original sin, which then gives them many excuses to ignore the powerful verse above as well as many more strong warnings to repent, turn, come broken in heart before the mercy seat, and hope and pray God will grant pardon!
Now if this was being preached in the church system today, and well understood by the saved in sin defenders, then the mess Christianity is in today would not be so, instead, the word of God would become real, and powerful, converting the lost soul, once in love with sin, rebellion and the world, now cleansed and purged of all filthiness, and wickedness, ready to receive the implanted word of God!
But today these verses are totally ignored, and replaced with a sin message, undermined by many, many, reformed errors, where simple repentance is lost in a sea of original sin, imputation, substitution, OSAS etc, producing a church that was called poor, blind and naked by Jesus Himself!
2 Corinthians 6;17 The.refore
“Come out from among them
And be separate, says the Lord.
Do not touch what is unclean,
And I will receive you.”[d]
18 “I will be a Father to you,
And you shall be My sons and daughters,
Says the LORD Almighty.”[e]
Act 26:20 But to those first in Damascus, and Jerusalem, and to all the country of Judea, and to the nations, I made known the command to repent and to turn to God, doing works worthy of repentance.
Tommy 1-23-13
PS. We must come to Jesus on His terms, not mans, I know many are taught the opposite today, they either were indoctrinated into these teachings at an early age, and refuse to even search the scriptures, search what the early church taught, or dig deep to see just how far off the mark many liberal translations of the Bible are.
When the reformation came about, around the year 1500, many denominations were formed that took these errors and built on them, leading to what we have today! Many will profess anything different from what their beloved denominations teach is heresy, and a lie, especially those who cling to Calvinism, or any form of it.
This I understand, and accept, as God predicted this would happen, when the few remnant come with the truth. But it’s a bitter pill to swallow, when you see so many sincere people, young and old, so angry and upset when the truth is presented to them, and they attack the messenger.
To me this shows just how far off the mark they are in their minds, they love the lie, refuse to hear anything else except the born sinner, Jesus sub plan, made so famous by the likes of Billy Graham, Ed Young, and many more mega preachers, selling a gospel that is totally backwards from what the early church and Christ taught.
Are we full of pride and arrogant to say these things? Are we evil, uncaring, and full of hate when we confront the wall of deception accepted as truth today?
I guess I can also say this about the many who cling to the saved IN sin message, repeat after me crowd, who has every excuse why they can sin with impunity, then just confess, and then continue as a vile sinner in heart, where purity and separation is a pipe dream never to be accomplished in this life, even though the whole council of God is against them.
Dig deep as commanded, have some confidence in the Lord to lead you into truth, not some ministry or church pastor you support, who clings to these errors for whatever reason.
The gospel according to godliness is a TO DO gospel, which can only be received and understood in its form and context when the sinner wakes up and does this:
James 1-21-22.
21 So get rid of all uncleanness(repent) and the rampant outgrowth of wickedness, and in a humble (gentle, modest) spirit receive and welcome the Word which implanted and rooted [in your hearts] contains the power to save your souls.
22 But be doers of the Word [obey the message], and not merely listeners to it, betraying yourselves [into deception by reasoning contrary to the Truth].!
1, You repent first and foremost, see 2 Corinthians 7-10-11.
2, Then if the repentance is real, and from the heart, godly sorrow as described in 2 Corinthians, you then can receive the implanted word of God, and understand it as written by God.
3, Now you become a passionate doer of the word, obeying God from your heart, cleansed and purified, broken and willing to learn and grow more, and more in His great truth.

DiamondTears · Feb 24, 2013

Ugly, Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Yes, I do understand the concept that at times The Almighty may be directing us in and opposite direction, for The Holy Spirit is gentle but can also be a force to reckon with (Remember Jeremiah). This is why I stay steady in Prayer without ceasing, listening for the gentle urging of The Holy Spirit, rather than the pride of my own Ego. My anti-guide right now is my human nature, the basest part of us which is ruled by all manifestations of the ego and rejects The Holy Spirit's Humility (not being a sucker, but Humility). These are all exposed to weakness, all potentially influenced by our Spiritual enemy. Ego is the snake in the garden of our minds who seeks to drown out the Voice of the Holy Spirit. Tempting us through fear, pride and self-preservation.

My human nature REALLY wants to pack, not giving a chance for repetition (ego self-preservation). The Holy Spirit whispers, "Living in Faith is putting ALL of your trust in The Almighty and not in your own strength: For all of your strength is born not of you but from on High." Needless to say, without offense to The Almighty, this is very frustrating and annoying; nevertheless, His Will Be done and not my own, whatever it may be:

"Put not your trust in princes, in a son of man, in whom there is no salvation... Blessed is he whose help is the G-d of Jacob, whose hope is in The L-RD his G-d, the Maker of heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them- The L-RD, who Keeps Truth and Remains Faithful forever (Ps 146:3, 5-6)."

Thank you so much for your Health suggestions. As a child of The Almighty, you have Blessed me. I practice fitness and nutrition as our bodies are His Temple and so I am generally in good Health and Almighty Willing will remain so; nevertheless, I will definitely take what you have shared and try to put it into practice. This just hit like a freight train and I am still finding my wits about me. My biggest challenge is appetite- I have completely lost my appetite. I am very Grateful for your suggestions. You are in my Prayers. Thank you.

rachelsedge · Feb 24, 2013

DiamondTears, I truly look up to your strength and perseverance in our Lord. It's refreshing to see someone fighting for their marriage in the way that you are. I have never dated (so am not married or ever experienced anything like it) so I'm afraid I have no advice to give, but please know that you are in my prayers. I pray for your husband's heart as well as your own. Our hope is in the Rock, the one thing that we can stand on without doubt. He will never abandon us even when circumstances around us leave us feeling like we have to reach up to touch rock bottom. I, like others have mentioned, truly believe God will bless your tender heart for being receptive to Him even through all of this.

DiamondTears · Feb 24, 2013

tdrew, Blessed are you who Cherish your Wife as The Almighty Cherishes you- as the Apple of His Eye. Blessed is she that she is Cherished by her husband above all others, after The Almighty. May The Almighty fortify the hedges of your- and all- Marriage(s) kept in Covenant With Him. May we all seek to understand the Mystery that is Marriage, as it mirrors on earth the Relationship He Wants with each of us Spiritually.

Thank you for your kind words. I understand that I must and do seek to make my own decisions. As I have stated in my posts, I seek not advice per se, although if someone would like to contribute advice, I will accept their opinion and not turn away. A Wise person seeks out and takes all angles into account, not just those which are in their favour. Really what I seek are male and/or female opinions, voices, experiences, thoughts, insight onto feelings of individuals who have been in either my position or his- both sides.

Yes, I am familiar with this theory, as wives are called to respect their husbands and husbands are called to love their wives. This is my understanding: The man is called to love his wife as Yeshua loved(s) the church. This means that despite any real, imagined or perceived disrespect, he is to love his wife as Yeshua loved the church(s). As He Turned the other cheek as He was struck. As He Prayed for those who harmed him.

I do not deny that I am not perfect by any means; but we are not to repay evil for evil, which is to say I have given him respect in spite of himself, even at times when he did not "deserve" to be respected. If for no other reason than my own self-respect, I respect my husband and everyone I encounter, no matter who or what the situation. Especially in the face of disrespect, for this is an obvious test, perhaps the easiest to fail (consider children and their parents). There is no excuse for disrespect- no matter who or what the situation. There is always a constructive way to deal with situations. Tit-for-tat does not get anyone anywhere- it is the Ouroboros, resolving nothing revolving around itself. We are to exact Discipline and self-discipline at that, not punishment:

"Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the L-rd. On the contrary: 'If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.' Do not be overcome by evil letting it conquer you, but overcome evil with good." Rom 12:19-21

The cycle exists, but is not applicable in every case. Also, it is not justifiable. It implies that the wife, should acquiesce to her husband in spite of his behaviour. As she is the "weaker vessel," he is called to love his wife, purely as Yeshua loved(s) the church. This means that even in cases where disrespect exists and is prevelant, husbands are to Pray, "Forgive them Father for they know not what they do." To minister to their wives and make them pure without blemish by washing them with The Word.

tdrew777 said:

If I may, a question about this: In your opinion, if this happens, would this be a (sick) test of some type? A way for him to exert some show of power over some part of his life, in a situation where he has given his Almighty-given power over to the enemy (a pride/shame issue)? I would see it as the incorrect exacting of Spiritual Authority and misplacement of self-loathing on us both, rather than correctly identifying and targeting a common spiritual enemy. In a war, you shoot at everything that moves, even more true when one is overcome by fear. It's called "friendly-fire."

Thank you tdrew, I really appreciate the concern for my safety. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me and Thank you for your part in the Body of Christ and for your encouragement. I will be Praying for you and your family.

DiamondTears · Feb 24, 2013

Oh, keep_on_smiling, your sn is so appropriate. Thank You for your Prayers. Prayer is the most Powerful ammunition humans have to come against negative spiritual influence:

"For where two or three come together in My Name, there Am I With them" (Mat 18:20).

I Pray Blessings all over that you and nobody else ever be subject to such a painful situation. I Pray protection over all of His Faithful servants. Thank You for reaching out to a hurting Spirit. Despite distance, we are all one as His children.

I understand what you mean about Praying for forgiveness, for us both which VikkieKate touched on. The definition of sin is "falling short of the mark," and surely, we both and all have certainly fallen short of the mark. I Pray for forgiveness of both of our sins, and for the strength and capacity to cast my pride out and forgive him and myself. As a point of fact, I have forgiven him Spiritually. I struggle with the acting out of this forgiveness, as I fear it would be interpreted as permissive weakness; but I do understand that this is a pride and a Faith issue. To put it in worldly turns, if it's going to happen (again), there is nothing I can do to stop it. Some people may throw the whole thing away to protect themselves (their pride) from being subject to this possibility. The True enactment of Faith is to "Let go and let The Almighty" do His Work in others. Like all sin, adultery is merely a symptom of a Spiritual condition: whether it be fear, pride, self-delusion or inadequacy. It is the manifestation of a flaw in the human condition. We all suffer from this affliction, the human condition, the difference being in how it is manifest through us.

Thank You for your insight on leaving. I Respect how you feel and again, I Pray that you or no one ever encounter such a situation. Plato said "Know thyself" and this has certainly been an exercise in just that for me. I always thought I knew what I would do in this situation, but "Trust in the L-RD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and He Will Make your paths straight" (Prov 3:5-6). I am realizing that despite my own understanding, the righteous thing to do is to in all my ways acknowledge him, and He Will Make my path straight. This means putting my own hurt (pride) away. Humility, like love, is an action and this is definitely growing my Humility.

I find myself being corrected right now in what I thought I would do and I do accept this correction, for "whoever loves discipline loves Knowledge, but he who hates correction is a fool," because "all a man's ways seem right to him, but the LORD weighs the heart" (Prov 12:1-2). I meant my vows as a Covenant not only with my husband, but with The Almighty Himself. This situation is the real scale test of the weighing of my heart.

Thank You for your Prayers for direction and Peace keep_on_smiling. Thank you for encouraging my strength which definitely comes not from me but from on high. You are in my Prayers.

PS: Your Signature reflects the Great Blessing that you are all extending to me. Thank You so much. Wow. Thank you.

keep_on_smiling · Feb 24, 2013

I am continuously amazed at reading your posts DiamondTears, you are truly a blessed woman. Continue to seek the Lord. It just amazes me how you are completely giving this over to the Lord. It truly shouldn't, but it does. Just know that you are a huge witness for many others. I pray that one day I will be as strong in my faith as you are to set aside my fleshly emotions in tough circumstances.

For the Lord is showing you great and mighty things and whether you know it or not you are teaching many others through it. Do not give up on something the Lord is showing you, it truly looks as though you are feeling to stay with him and I pray the Lord blesses this mightily. I pray that the enemy will no longer come against you or your husband. I pray that the Lord will make you both stronger than ever and that your husband will be able to express himself to you.

Forgiveness is a process, I pray that it will work it's way into your life and your husbands. I pray that he will not only seek the Lord's forgiveness, but yours as well.

Thank you for your prayers, that is truly sweet of you.

Keep leaning on Him for strength. Keep in prayer and certainly keep reading His word. I hope you are able to talk with your husband about these things. Is he open to talking about the situation with you?

DiamondTears · Feb 24, 2013

Tommy4Christ, Thank You so much for keeping me in your Prayers. I 100% completely agree with you about the Truth being whitewashed and shepherds leading the flock off of the cliff, for which they will be held accountable, like each member of the flock, since our personal relationship with The Almighty and Our Saviour is our responsibility. Some people lack understanding to do the work, but for these The Holy Spirit will teach- if they ask, seek, knock and study to show themselves to be approved, it will be given, they will find, it will be opened to them (Luke 11:9, 2 Timothy 2:15, ).

I understand what you mean about True repentance and Thank You for the verses, Truly, Thank You. I must Pray if The Almighty Sees fit to Reveal this onto him, or if I should present it and how. With a gentle Spirit, of course, but how...

I agree, the church has done a great disservice to the flock, feeding them a sawdust mixture of "feel-good" coddling in response to the backlash to fire-and-brimstone preaching as a result of the Age of Reason and the mainstreaming of Darwinism. Science has taken The Almighty and morality out of the equation, replacing it with neuropsychiatry and psychobiology. This is very frustrating to us:

"'In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams" (Acts 2:17).

Those whose hearts are closed are unwilling to reflect upon themselves. Self-reflection is an act of freewill which shines light in the darkest corners of our beings. It is uncomfortable to see ourselves in the states in which we have allowed the enemy to sit in the seat of our soul, relinquishing our Almighty-Given authority by allowing it to control our impulses, our thoughts, our actions. It is difficult, even for Believers who understand the Spiritual Realm, to come to terms with the fact that yes, we too, even we, can allow ourselves to be possessed (i don't necessarily "agree" with this word, but it is the widely understood vernacular). It is for this reason why we must never cease prayer, never cease seeking Him in His Word, never cease rebuking- never get comfortable in our Spirituality. Never let our guard down for we must protect that which is most precious to The Almighty- Our Souls.

I love what you said about "...receiv(ing) the implanted word of G-d" as it reflects that there is a kind of Spiritual surgery we must undergo in which we must dissect ourselves, cutting out the blackened parts and "implant" His Word that it may dwell within us. And yet, that is only a Spiritual low-jack system that does not necessarily ensure that the car will not be stolen (backsliding), only ensuring that the car has a higher chance of being located and reclaimed (consider the Prodigal son).

I agree when you say "you see so many sincere people, young and old, so angry and upset when the truth is presented to them, and they attack the messenger." This is a mechanism triggered by the enemy, a self-destruct trigger, if you will. Like Job, as the enemy fights for our souls, "some people are like seed along the path, where the word is sown. As soon as they hear it, Satan comes and takes away the word that was sown in them" (Mark 4:15). It really is True, for as much as I immerse myself in Study, it has happened to me, even with Scripture I have read over and over again.

You said "they love the lie" and "refuse to hear." I am sure you see what is at work here. It is written:

"For the secret power of lawlessness is already at work (even then); but the one who now holds it back will continue to do so till he is taken out of the way. And then the lawless one will be revealed, whom Yeshua will overthrow with the breath of his mouth and destroy by the splendor of his coming. The coming of the lawless one will be in accordance with the work of Satan displayed in all kinds of counterfeit miracles, signs and wonders (the advent of scientific discovery), and in every sort of evil that deceives those who are perishing (including technology).

"They perish because they refused to love the truth ("Love the L-rd your G-d with all your heart and with all your soul
and with all your strength and with all your mind" [Luke 10:27] ) and so be saved. For this reason G-d sends them a powerful delusion so that they will believe the lie and so that all will be condemned who have not believed the truth but have delighted in wickedness" (2 Thess 7-12).

These people are the Israelites who made the exodus out of Egypt, but were still mentally in Egypt- Spiritual Babylonians because of their mental cravings (addiction). Much like we see today with the exaltation of "holi"days over the Holy High days we are commanded by The Almighty Himself to honour. Today science would prescribe cognitive behavioural therapy for these "bad habits," while many Believers simply dismiss this as "imperfection," replying:

"He Knows I am not perfect, only He Is perfect, that's why He Sent His Son" (now that is true blasphemy) and
"It is blasphemous to try to be perfect,"

when clearly we are called to do just that:

" 'I will be a Father to you, and you will be My sons and daughters, Says The L-rd Almighty.' Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God" (2 Corinthians 6:18-7:1).

It is blasphemous not to perfect ourselves, being He Has Adopted us and Accepted us, Wanting to be our Father. Many people show more respect to a courtroom judge than to The Almighty, doing their best to be "perfect" in the eyes of the law so as not to be convicted or punished, but to the Ultimate Judge Who Loves us as children, we are not interested or even willing to perfect ourselves to present ourselves as Holy sacrifices unto Him.

Don't even get me started on Billy Graham and the mega-churches (Thank You for the laugh. I really needed that).

"Dig deep as commanded, have some confidence in the Lord to lead you into truth." I Thank You for this encouragement. In many ways I am anxious, I want resolution but I am on His Time, not earth time and that is a good thing, as "Father Knows best" and I am absolutely positive there is a plan behind this that will work for His Glory, despite the outcome of the situation. Like many of you, I have been through a lot in my life and I have personally witnessed first hand how He Uses situations to craft and mold our clay-selves into the people we were Created and Born to be. I have no doubt that this situation is not an exception.

Thank you for sharing the Sword of Truth Tommy4Christ. You carry a very Powerful Gift- Knowledge and The Word. I am Blessed that you have chosen to use it to minister to me regarding this situation. I Pray continued strength that you may keep the Holy Sword sharp, as there is a hungry, insatiable lion out there:

"Be self-controlled and alert. Your (our) enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour" (1 Pet 5:8).

Continue to keep the Sword of Truth sharp:

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers and principalities of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints (Eph 6:10-18).

Thank you again Tommy4Christ for your words and your Prayers. You will be in my Prayers.

DiamondTears · Feb 24, 2013

rachelsedge, *Thank You* for your kindness and your thoughts. I Appreciate your words, your sentiment, your gentle Spirit. If I may, I would like to share something that may or may not be helpful or pertinent to you, from my personal experience.

"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" (2 Corinthians 6:14).

From the church's perspective, if you are all there in the church, then of course it stands to reason that you are all Believers, right? However, please, if I may, everyone is on their own Spiritual Path. The Almighty has a Plan for everyone's life. And every single person is on a different "point" on this Spiritual path. Two people may be at the same point and for whatever reason, the one may advance before the other. Two people may "catch up" to one another only to find that one of them, or even both become stagnant- apathetic. This is particularly (Spiritually) dangerous, especially since Spiritually speaking, the man/husband is expected to be the Spiritual Leader of the household; hence the following verse regarding conduct in the Temple/church:

"If they (women/wives) want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; *for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church" (1 Corinthians 14:35)."

*Before I go on, I should point out that that second apparently "distasteful" controversial part of the verse should be understood not to be misogynous, instead, meaning that once women begin to ask questions, it may throw the teachings/sermons off course, due to the social nature of women to carry out conversations. Men normally do not even ask for directions, so they are not addressed in that capacity.

The first part of the verse puts the Social and Spiritual responsibility of Spiritual growth of the man/husband, which is logical, as men are biologically designed to be the household disciplinarian (testosterone, oh, the irony). This is in regards to children. Of course, women may be disciplinarians, but being nurturers by nature, natural gender roles dictate it is difficult for children to associate "sweet caring mommy who kisses my boo boo" with being a disciplinarian. This is evident by rising crime rates in correlation to single-mother households (not always, but most of the times. This has been statistically proven). Where there is not a man of moral integrity and values, the tendencies of children who grow up without a moral compass and discipline are negative. Children don't straighten up until daddy gets home because they fear the disciplinarian.

Discipline is associated with learning. I Believe this is a reflection The Almighty set up for us humans to understand our relationship with Him ("...on earth as it is in heaven" [Mat 6:10- Yeshua's Prayer]). "The fear of The L-RD is the beginning of Wisdom; all who follow His Precepts have good understanding..." (Psalm 111:10).

"And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: 'My son, do not make light of The L-rd's discipline, and do not lose heart when He Rebukes you, because The L-rd Disciplines those He Loves, and He Punishes everyone He Accepts as a son" (Heb 12: 5-6).

Like our Almighty Father, a human father disciplines his children out of love, caring and concern. Just as The Almighty does, because it does not Please Him to simply Wash His Hands of us, Handing us over to the adversary; but He Gives us freewill to choose to disobey Him. Another reason I Believe He Set it up this way is to give the man an added sense of moral responsibility and accountability in society but more importantly, as a husband over his wife. I don't mean "over" like some kind of tyrant, but "over" as in a Protector of the family he begins- starting with his wife, a breastplate over his wife and children, who he is to love as Christ loved(s) the church. "He who knows the laws are less apt to break them," kind of thing.

I say this because every woman should be very aware and careful- men as well, but women have more to lose- not that we are "weak," but we Created as the "weaker vessels." In my case, we are both Believers on different points of the Spiritual path- obviously to me now, very different points. In my case, I Prayed for a very long time, I had him "vetted" through my family of Believers, church, Prayed together, waited years before actually being married (we had a loong engagement, lol). I wanted to be sure. I Prayed so much...

Make sure you both Believe with the same Intensity. When one's heart is purely set towards The Almighty, that is the entire relationship right there and you can be sure that the Accountability factor will not be one of one-another being accountable to each other (which is weak and borders on insecurity), but of each of you being accountable to The Almighty, who knows the desires, the secrets, the shadows and strengths of our hearts. Everything else will fall into place because of a mutual desire to be obedient to Him.

"Being yoked equally" is a deeper concept than both people "Believing." It is Believing and being active at the same intensity, with the same desire, the same Spiritual maturity and the same heart to Please and be obedient to The Almighty. That is a True reflection of a man loving his wife/girlfriend "as christ loved(s) the church."

rachelsedge said:

Beautifully put, just as everything else you have said. That is exactly how I feel, like I am "reach(ing) up to touch rock bottom"- then I Remember Him and give Thanks with Gratitude, knowing that Our Saviour endured much, much worse. Even so, this does is no fun and really bites.

Thank You so very much for your Prayers rachelsedge. You will be in my Prayers, especially your relationships, platonic, familial and every other from now and for the rest of your life. You are so kind for writing me your heart's message for me. You have been a Blessing to a hurting heart.

Thank You.

Husbands Invited: Adultery. Hardened Heart. Need Insight, Please.

DiamondTears

Guest

DiamondTears

Guest

VikkiKate89

Banned

DiamondTears

Guest

VikkiKate89

Banned

DiamondTears

Guest

AAAPlus

Senior Member

Ugly

Guest

tdrew777

Guest

keep_on_smiling

Guest

DiamondTears

Guest

DiamondTears

Guest

Tommy4Christ

Banned

DiamondTears

Guest

rachelsedge

Senior Member

DiamondTears

Guest

DiamondTears

Guest

keep_on_smiling

Guest

DiamondTears

Guest

DiamondTears

Guest