Husbands Invited: Adultery. Hardened Heart. Need Insight, Please.

[DiamondTears]

I want to apologize for the long posts.

I would like to thank the creators of and mods on Christian Chat for this forum. It is such a Great Blessing. I see this site as a place of Ministry, Worship and Healing. Thank You for your hard work keeping it going.

I would like to thank everyone who has read through this thread and offered up Divinely Inspired replies. I am Truly Humbled by your love and concern, as we are taught to strengthen and also to admonish our Spiritual Family.

For those of you who are in this thread because you are going through a similar situation, whatever side of the situation you are on, I am sorry. I cry with you. It is Important to me that you know that even if you are not posting, I am Praying down strongholds in your situations. Praying that The Holy Spirit Purify and wipe the tears off your cheeks and mire off of your situations. That this serve, if nothing else, to Encourage your Spiritual growth, despite the pain you feel at this time. Know that you are the apple of The Almighty's eye and He Wants the very best for you:

"For The L-RD your G-d is a merciful G-d; He Will not abandon or destroy you or forget the Covenant with your forefathers, which He Confirmed to them by oath" (Deut 4:31).

With the pain comes redemption. We cannot pass the test without being tested. When we pass the test, we get the Victory and He Gets the Glory:

"This third I Will bring into the fire (the third that was left); I Will Refine them like silver and Test them like gold. They will call on My Name and I Will Answer them; I Will Say, 'They are My People,' and they will say, 'The L-RD is our G-d'" (Yes, He Is) (Zech 13:9).

He Wants to see what we're made of in every situation.

"See, I Have Refined you, though not as silver; I Have Tested you in the furnace of affliction" (Is 48:10).

Bless all and each and every one of you, even those of you just browsing.

 

[DiamondTears]

keep_on_smiling, Thank You for your Encouragement. You are Truly Blessed and a Blessing in your Mission to be Obedient to The Word, just as is stated in your Signature.

Thank You for your words and your Insight, as it has made me Conscious that others may be suffering as well and your words has given my situation immediate Purpose. If nothing else, even for those who are not in the same situation, perhaps this thread may contain information that they may be able to apply to their specific situations, Almighty Willing.

I understand what you mean when you say, "Do not give up on something the Lord is showing you." To be completely Honest, I am mentally prepared for anything. I am the type of person who Hopes for the Best but plans for the worse. I know the statistics. I am not ignorant of the fact that the odds are against us. Then I remember Joshua. The steady hold of his military strategy involving Spiritual weapons: Priests with shofars used to usher in Shabbat, circling Jericho to establish that boundary (Praying down strongholds) and Faith. So much Faith, in fact, that The Almighty heard Joshua and gave the sun and the moon the command to STOP- like, stop. Since it was The Almighty's Will that they conquer Jericho, they did- but they wouldn't have had they left early or curled up in a ball in the corner (that's how I feel) or given up. Blistered feet and all, they, with His strength, prevailed. I want to practice Faith that strong. If it not be His Will, at least I will know that it wasn't because I stopped marching. My Hope lies in Joshua 6:16:

"Shout! For the LORD has given you the city!"

This is Spiritual Warfare. The True doctrine of Spiritual Warfare is not taught (Eph 6), but it is of the utmost importance to a Believer. Some may read this statement as being "dramatic." Well, the enemy seeks to destroy unions and succeeds every single day, that's not only dramatic, it's a fact. "So they are no longer two, but one. What The Almighty hath joined together, let no man tear asunder" (Mat 19:6). The enemy of mankind has the other half of me in his grip, trying to grip me up as well. Me, being his other half, cannot surrender, not to the enemy ("Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up" [Galatians 6:9]). Even if the worse comes of this, I cannot Spiritually abandon my other half.

If The Almighty Himself wants us apart, well, seriously, May His Will Be Done, and it will be- whether I like it or not. I am at Peace with that. I have actually brought this in Prayer to Him.

Thank you so much for your Prayers. Prayers, like sweet incense, are offerings unto The Almighty and they are Pleasing to Him. I Praise Him for everyone's Prayers that you are all offering up on my behalf. I am Truly Humbled. Thank You. Know that I am offering up Prayers for you each as well.

Open to talking about the situation with me? It's off-on. I understand, albeit frustratingly. I can imagine the shame as a man to be so weak, the self-disgust he must feel (I imagine I would feel filthy physically and Spiritually), the defeat... It's on and off. For the past few days the sharing has been off. I've been pretty quiet. I am just letting The Almighty Work and Show me what He Wills.

 

[tdrew777]

Be encouraged. This is a verse that the Lord gave to me as I prayed about you:
Roman 16:19 For your obedience is come abroad unto all men. I am glad therefore on your behalf: but yet I would have you wise unto that which is good, and simple concerning evil. 20 And the God of peace shall bruise Satan under your feet shortly. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you. Amen.

A man who is caught in the downward cycle I spoke of is not testing you. He is fighting to preserve himself. He feels his manhood threatened by perceived disrespect. He feels he is not in control of his own family. He cuts off love in desperation. It is more like a baby who cries - he will not give his parents peace until his perceived need is met.

The imagery of the relationship between Christ and His church being reflected in marriage (Eph 5) depends on leadership from the man. He goes first; the wife responds to his sacrifice in submission. He does not sacrifice because of her submission. Christ rescued the church not when she believed, but when she was in disbelief.

Rom 5:8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

The imagery of Eph 5 makes no sense to me apart from the man leading the family from the sacrifice of his life. Maybe that is because I am a man, but that is the way I see it. How could the church submit herself to a savior that failed to die for her? The imagery does not work, in my mind, unless the man, like Christ, takes the first step.

I John 3:1 Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not. 2 Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is.

 

[red_love]

Hey, look I can ONLY say what it feels like as the husband, I have committed adultery on my wife many times, before we got married and during. I could not tell you as to why but the urge that having more was probably the only reason or better looking face, I don't know why. I felt trapped in my own sin. I knew she knew, I knew I was sinning but I couldn't break it. Early last year things got really bad with me. I was drinking and calling up woman, I knew. I got to the point where I left my wife and moved inter state. Long story short, I was committing adultery like a man who has won the lotto. I was so bad into it I rang my wife from where I was for a divorce cause I met a woman who I actually fell in 'love' with. It's all a lie. There's no excuse for adultery at all. I felt so justified in my actions that I look back and feel sick. My wife cried that night, tears of pain whilst I was on the other state drinking my 'happiness' to rest. I can tell you God wasn't happy. He made me come back to my wife beyond my own will. In my heart at the time, I didn't want to be with my wife after my 2 months of foolishness. I was a man after my own heart and sins. I am so lucky the Lord revealed to me my ways before it was too late, oh wait it was. BUT the Lord always has a plan. My wife would keep praying and loving me when I was with here even though I was still committing adultery. I was lost to sin. ANYWAY...
2013 I have been saved by his grace and love my wife more than I ever thought I could. It's an amazing testimony to what he has done in our life. Please DON'T give up. The Lord will protect you and he hears your cries.

ps- I understand what hes going through. It's one of the devils easiest tricks. Lust in action is wrong. Keep praying.
Bless you.

 

[Mayco]

As a man who screwed up many things in my marriage, I cried reading your letter.
While together, I didn't cheat, but was completely indifferent to everything
Then on separation, I finally cheated after one year of living alone and apart.
I was so arrogant, that I thought my own strength would keep me strong.
The key words were "my own" strength. I was an idiot.
(You see how I try to justify or lessen the act by throwing in "after one year apart"?
There is no excuse he can make. A coward avoids any responsibility.
A man faces his stupidity, accepts what did and repents of it.
There is no excuse he could ever give you.
If he is a man, he will never but blame on you. He chose it.
Your letter makes me reflect on the hurt I caused my ex-wife.
That was five years ago.
I had no clue how much hurt I brought her.
Only a coward would ever tell you, "Well, he hurts too."
I am sure he does, but rightly so.

"When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed.Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

This verse in James tells the world that we made those dumb choices way back.
My only advice would be to take some time to get the anger out.
Cry and talk to God for help. He is right next to you.
It's not easy.
The only way anything could be renewed would be by his actions and openness.
He cannot ever defend what he did. He needs to come clean, to God and to you.
If not, he will live that secret lie again.
I do believe it can be repaired. I wish I would have taken my own advice.
God bless you for the strength to share the hurt.
Mike

 

[danschance]

I am a husband and my wife has cheated on me. So I do know how it feels and how the pain never seems to end.

A Christian marriage is not between husband and wife. It is between husband, wife and God, a three fold cord that is not easily broken. Since your husband has cheated your focus should be on how God views this and what God's will is for you.

1) You primary service to God when anyone sins against us is to forgive them. Your husbands infidelity is a painful sin against you, even so, you must do your duty as a Christian and forgive him. You may have to keep on forgiving him daily or hourly as the pain is still fresh.

2) You can pray that God exposes every sin your husband is doing. This is a powerful prayer and frequently takes about 2 weeks to work.

3) A husband is a spiritual covering over a wife. He has God given obligations to perform. He is to love his wife like Christ loves the Church. Since it is obvious that he has or is lacking in his duties as a husband, you can pray that God corrects him. It is not your job to nag, beg, plead, reason, etc. with him to do the right thing. Give that to God and ask God to correct him.

4) Be the dutiful wife. I understand this might be extremely difficult to do. No doubt you are angry, hurt and betrayed. Still, you need to do what you can to be a good wife, not because your husband deserves it but it is a way to please God and fulfill your promise to God that you made when you got married. Trying to punish him or not let him off the hook may feel good but it will only push him away.

5) Most importantly, you need to hear the voice of God. You mentioned that the Holy SPirit revealed info to you and I assume you hear the voice of God. This is very important as right now you need to hear direction from God on your marriage. God holds up marriage in very high esteem. Pray and ask God to tell you what it is that he wants you to do. If you can't hear from God, find a Christian friend who does and ask for help. We all need to hear from God for ourselves. A friend who does hear God might be able to minister to you and get you to the point where you can hear God speak to you. It can be done, pursue it!