marriage in trouble and losing hope

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farmgirl

Guest
#1
#1
I am a wife with one daughter, Jesus entered into my life 8 years ago, I love god and see the wonderful miracles he has worked, I am having trouble right now with my faith. In December my husband told me he didn't know if he loved me and the reason we got married in the first place was because I wanted it so badly. We had our daughter out of wedlock. Both have been married before. At that time he told me all of this he had been spending a lot of time with a friend. A woman he
wouldn't come home until the next morning. Later in January he told me he had feelings for this person but things never wenot past that. at that time I lost hope and faith. I started a texting relationship with someone I figured if he was doing it, but it got out of hand and I sent inappropriate texts
to to this person. Husband found out and we ended up going to counselling. He is still having this relationship with this other person and it has been going on for years, he is nice and respectful to her, but with me he was always angry and disrespectful cruel even. I told him all I wanted was to be shown love and respect like he does for this other person he texts and still goes over there alot. She is out of work so he had her help out on our farm. I am trying to not dislike her and pray for god to bless her, but I am jealous of the time and energy he is spending there and not with his own family. We went to a counselor and after that it was good for a week then I had to leave for business and when I got back it was all like it was before. With the angry words and cut downs. I know I hurt him, but at the same time I was hurting...it doesn't make it right what I did, I am just praying and asking go to lead him in The right path of forgiveness and so he sees what could be a wonderful relationship. I have been going to counseling. One of the things is that he is never home always runNing the farm or working fixing things for people, we never talk and now it seems he doesn't want me to help out with the farm like I use tof do.
 
R

RememberTheSabbathDay

Banned
#2
Nov 30, 2013
682
10
0
#2
farmgirl said:
I am a wife with one daughter, Jesus entered into my life 8 years ago, I love god and see the wonderful miracles he has worked, I am having trouble right now with my faith. In December my husband told me he didn't know if he loved me and the reason we got married in the first place was because I wanted it so badly. We had our daughter out of wedlock. Both have been married before. At that time he told me all of this he had been spending a lot of time with a friend. A woman he
wouldn't come home until the next morning. Later in January he told me he had feelings for this person but things never wenot past that. at that time I lost hope and faith. I started a texting relationship with someone I figured if he was doing it, but it got out of hand and I sent inappropriate texts
to to this person. Husband found out and we ended up going to counselling. He is still having this relationship with this other person and it has been going on for years, he is nice and respectful to her, but with me he was always angry and disrespectful cruel even. I told him all I wanted was to be shown love and respect like he does for this other person he texts and still goes over there alot. She is out of work so he had her help out on our farm. I am trying to not dislike her and pray for god to bless her, but I am jealous of the time and energy he is spending there and not with his own family. We went to a counselor and after that it was good for a week then I had to leave for business and when I got back it was all like it was before. With the angry words and cut downs. I know I hurt him, but at the same time I was hurting...it doesn't make it right what I did, I am just praying and asking go to lead him in The right path of forgiveness and so he sees what could be a wonderful relationship. I have been going to counseling. One of the things is that he is never home always runNing the farm or working fixing things for people, we never talk and now it seems he doesn't want me to help out with the farm like I use tof do.
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My dear sister,


I am truly sorry for what you are experiencing in your marriage right now and I have been in your shoes. I had to face the fact that God was not responsible for what was going on in my relationship with my husband. I chose. I didn't wait on the Lord to give me a husband of His choosing that would help me in my walk with God.

Your husband has admitted that you wanted to marry more than he did because of the child you had together. Children don't equal love with a man or a woman.

The Isrealites married into the pagan nations which God had warned them not to do which brought them much misery because of disobedience. When God's people came back to Him they had to put away the wives, children, and husbands of the pagan nations they had married; similar to Abraham and Hagar who God never told Abraham to have relations with but that Abraham listened to his wife over waiting for the promise of God to come to fruition.

Your lack of faith has nothing to do with God but with your own choices...we all have to understand when God says wait..wait is what He really means.

It does not mean that God can't take the mistakes we make and make something beautiful out of it..but there are hard lessons that we can avoid if we would just surrender our lives over to Him but seeking Him first and all of His righteousness and the things He knows that we need, He promised they will be added unto us... It about what He knows we need that will polish our characters for the earth made new...it may not mean a husband or a wife because He knows if having one will hinder His purpose.

Also we must take into account how people are raised and their beliefs prior to aligning ourselves with them be it friendship or courtship and marriage...These relationships have a generational fallout for Satan or a building up for the kingdom of God.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#3
Mar 13, 2014
41,325
16,307
113
69
Tennessee
#3
I believe that the basic problem is loneliness as your husband is not home very much and uses his available time to fix the things for other people. He has no business seeing this other woman and letting her work on the farm knowing that this upsets you greatly. My sense is that he is lonely too but not so much when he is with her.

This must stop before it is too late. What really needs to happen is that he wants to spend his time with you and the daughter when the work is done for the day.

This is a very dysfunctional marriage. I will say a prayer for reconciliation for you and your husband.

Welcome to CC.
 
C

Cloud9

Banned
#4
Apr 24, 2015
220
2
0
#4
If I were in your shoes it is time to say sayonara to that man, farm girl.

For one, respect is a necessary component in a relationship. It is not negotiable. You are owed it and if you are not getting it you don't have a relationship.

Second, that man can give you a disease. If he's running around with some woman there is no guarantee that she isn't running around with multiple partners.

Your husband is supposed to be loving, respecting and protecting you and he isn't...It sounds like he is a user.

He probably doesn't want to pay the financial consequences but he won't quit with the woman.

If he'd done it once and asked for forgiveness then I could see you forgiving him but he hasn't.

He has acted with flagrant sinfulness.

I wouldn't feel a bit of guilt cutting him loose. The man is a cad.
 
Last edited:
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#5
Jan 24, 2011
11,783
2,948
113
#5
I am not sure why the counselor did not tell him to stop seeing and texting this other woman. Was the counselor a Christian? Is your husband a Christian?

You have sinned against your husband and repented, and you want him to do the same. But it sounds like he is stuck in his old, and abusive rut.

It also sounds like you have a lot on your plate, with the farm, and he is not helping out. Can you sell the farm, and take some stress off of both of you?

Are you reading your Bible and praying faithfully? Walking with God is what you need right now. You cannot change your husband, only yourself. I just pray it is not too late for your marriage.
 
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