Sometimes we can never totally resolve these conflicts. I think I started fighting with my mother about age 3. Not childishly, but seriously debating bedtimes, because she wasn't sensitive to the fact that I needed little sleep, and all she wanted was to get rid of me at 7 pm. I have a sleep disorder to this day because of it.
I learned to put my kids to bed when they were tired, and different times for different ages.
My mom has a completely and totally different personality than me. She wants to hide things, not talk about them, and hope it will go away. I am brash and outgoing. It has taken me a long time to learn how to set boundaries.
It sounds like that might be part of your and your mom's problems. You need to just ignore her and not feed into her nonsense. And separate, like you have about the women's group. And certainly don't be so sensitive. And recognize she may never change. You can only change yourself.
Your identity is in Christ, so find some verses that are important to you, and recite them when she pulls these fits of putting you down.
My father died when I was 57. He was very sick for 5 months, in hospital. I visited him every day, led him to the Lord. I read him Bible books, sang to him, played him Christian music and prayed with him. In the end, we completely reconciled. I don't know if that will ever happen with my mother.
But I do phone her, and care for her. When I lived in the same city as her, I made up excuses to visit her, because her anxiety and OCD was so bad, she didn't want anyone in her house. I even got a doctor on her side of town, so I could see her each time I visited my doctor.
I prayed for my family, especially my parents since the day I got saved. My mom did make a commitment to Christ, but I have not see the incredible change in her, that my father went though in such a short time. But I am not the judge, and as she is a private person, I will trust God to make her commitment solid.
As for my daughter, I made different mistakes with her than my mom made with me. But one thinkgI did not do wrong was making everything "all about me." We talk every day, sometimes more than once. She has driven a 7 hour round trip 3 times already since I moved 6 months ago to see me. She does get bossy with me, but I love her anyway, and I am not afraid to call her on it.
I wonder if you might benefit from some therapy? Or read the Boundaries book by Cloud and Townsend. Then you can learn to love your mom, but distance yourself from her nasty behaviour towards you.