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F
I never said i was going to divorce her, but i am afraid that a marriage with out no intimacy will not last. I would have to ask the ones on here condemning me for being honest. if your spouse took up a bad habit like smoking, drinking,going to the bars or whatever it is that you didn't like, would you be happy about it? And what would you do if asked theme to stop and they refused.
I
freedom, i see your frustration. no i would not like smoking etc.this is what i would do research then explain the health affect, high blood pressure etc then tell her all the people that be affected by an early death. no sex is common in females after a certain age get over it. good woman are hard to find and your married make the best of it, change your appreciation. there are plenty of guy out their that don't have a wife.
A
Honest? Okay, but you're going to hate it.
Smoking? Sure. I've never known him when he didn't smoke.
Drinking? He is an alcoholic. He stopped drinking on his own accord about 5-10 years into the marriage. (He stopped doing drugs two months before our first date too.)
Going to bars? Of course. That's usually when he got drunk. He expected me to put him down when he got home, but I knew who he was before I married him, so why would I put him down for who he is?
Whatever? Okay, so let's say the whatever is his weight, since you have this blind spot about weight. 100 pounds overweight.
AND, holy cow! He also has CFS and many other health issues, so he seriously can't do a lot of work around the house. (He really does make fantastic dinners though.) Kind of hard to lose weight when you make sedentary people seem like athletes.
Intimacy? Um, yeah. Assuming that means what you think it means, both of us are disabled, so we've been trying to figure out how to get around that for the last 10 years. We want, but can't do. (That 100 pounds isn't stopping you either. I know from experience on that too.)
This is the man I married. He's still the man I married. I have to look hard to notice he's a bit heavier, (and that gray hair takes me by surprise, when did we get older? lol), and he used to be into going to the gym. (He used to be body-building shape before I knew him. I'm not sure I would have liked him in that shape, because I'm not into that kind of body.) I love him. I am as attracted to him as I was when we were first married. We are intimate, just not like you mean. For us it's not a euphemism. We share everything.
I don't ask him to stop anything, nor do I ask him to start anything. (Again, not a euphemism.) He's a grown man and has been for longer than I've known him. I will encourage him to do what he wants, discourage him from doing too much, (because, honestly, he hates having CFS, so he sometimes decides he doesn't, which makes it worse), and accept him for who he is at any given point in our marriage. Oh, and we've been married for close to 35 years.
So, guess what. You can't use that excuse either. Double-dog dares just don't cut it.
That advice I gave you earlier -- go to the Bible and find out what God says about it? I learned that from him. He was also married before, and had to decide when enough was enough. He didn't believe in divorce, but she gave him every reason possible to force the issue. So, he prayed about it and actually searched the Bible for his answer. I wouldn't have married him, if I wasn't as certain as he was that God released him from that marriage.
He seeks God. You seek your own desires and the opinions of others. That's more likely to end the marriage than 100 pounds.
Smoking? Sure. I've never known him when he didn't smoke.
Drinking? He is an alcoholic. He stopped drinking on his own accord about 5-10 years into the marriage. (He stopped doing drugs two months before our first date too.)
Going to bars? Of course. That's usually when he got drunk. He expected me to put him down when he got home, but I knew who he was before I married him, so why would I put him down for who he is?
Whatever? Okay, so let's say the whatever is his weight, since you have this blind spot about weight. 100 pounds overweight.
AND, holy cow! He also has CFS and many other health issues, so he seriously can't do a lot of work around the house. (He really does make fantastic dinners though.) Kind of hard to lose weight when you make sedentary people seem like athletes.
Intimacy? Um, yeah. Assuming that means what you think it means, both of us are disabled, so we've been trying to figure out how to get around that for the last 10 years. We want, but can't do. (That 100 pounds isn't stopping you either. I know from experience on that too.)
This is the man I married. He's still the man I married. I have to look hard to notice he's a bit heavier, (and that gray hair takes me by surprise, when did we get older? lol), and he used to be into going to the gym. (He used to be body-building shape before I knew him. I'm not sure I would have liked him in that shape, because I'm not into that kind of body.) I love him. I am as attracted to him as I was when we were first married. We are intimate, just not like you mean. For us it's not a euphemism. We share everything.
I don't ask him to stop anything, nor do I ask him to start anything. (Again, not a euphemism.) He's a grown man and has been for longer than I've known him. I will encourage him to do what he wants, discourage him from doing too much, (because, honestly, he hates having CFS, so he sometimes decides he doesn't, which makes it worse), and accept him for who he is at any given point in our marriage. Oh, and we've been married for close to 35 years.
So, guess what. You can't use that excuse either. Double-dog dares just don't cut it.
That advice I gave you earlier -- go to the Bible and find out what God says about it? I learned that from him. He was also married before, and had to decide when enough was enough. He didn't believe in divorce, but she gave him every reason possible to force the issue. So, he prayed about it and actually searched the Bible for his answer. I wouldn't have married him, if I wasn't as certain as he was that God released him from that marriage.
He seeks God. You seek your own desires and the opinions of others. That's more likely to end the marriage than 100 pounds.
Can you be 'intoxicated' without attraction?
Proverbs 5
[SUP]15 [/SUP]Drink water from your own cistern,
flowing water from your own well.
[SUP]16 [/SUP]Should your springs be scattered abroad,
streams of water in the streets?
[SUP]17 [/SUP]Let them be for yourself alone,
and not for strangers with you.
[SUP]18 [/SUP]Let your fountain be blessed,
and rejoice in the wife of your youth,
[SUP]19 [/SUP] a lovely deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight;
be intoxicated[SUP][d][/SUP] always in her love.
ESV
Proverbs 5
[SUP]15 [/SUP]Drink water from your own cistern,
flowing water from your own well.
[SUP]16 [/SUP]Should your springs be scattered abroad,
streams of water in the streets?
[SUP]17 [/SUP]Let them be for yourself alone,
and not for strangers with you.
[SUP]18 [/SUP]Let your fountain be blessed,
and rejoice in the wife of your youth,
[SUP]19 [/SUP] a lovely deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight;
be intoxicated[SUP][d][/SUP] always in her love.
ESV
To the OP, that's a tough one. My advice would be to keep pursuing your wife sexually and don't defraud her in that department. I agree with the recommendation to exercise with her. You could also talk about the health issues and how important it is to eat healthy. Working with her, consider what kind of food you eat. Cut out processed foods, stuff like hot pockets, Little Debbie's snack cakes, and ice cream from your diets for a while and work out right along side her (walking, jogging, hiking) at a level she can take several times a week.
I'm only on page two, but I thought I might have a useful suggestion. Please bear with, and I'm not trying to be inappropriate, but this may help.
I know that men tend to be more visual, and women more responsive in other ways, but... let's talk about how to help your need for visual stimulation that may increase your attraction to your wife.
You have been married for a number of years, and I am sure that you know your wife rather well and how she responds... so focus on that. For the sake of public decency, I will mention how brushing your thumb across her palm in a tender way, watching for her eyes, her breathing to respond. Or... touching the back of her neck... or... the myriad of other places that you may see a response from her. Watching her be affected by YOU is rather arousing, isn't it? So, perhaps the whole of her physique isn't doing it for the moment, but find ways to create physical intimacy between the two of you. Focus on the power your masculine touch has on her (and her feminine touch has on you).
Perhaps she's not all that turned on by you either. Perhaps she doesn't say so because she knows how much that would hurt, but you can fall in love with a person who doesn't visually appeal to you because of who they are, their heart, how tenderly and lovingly they treat you. You can create physical intimacy.
And perhaps, just maybe.... forgive me... but perhaps there may be something physically hindering your response. Have you recently been to a medical check up? Perhaps there is something physiologically not in perfect health that may hinder. If that hasn't been something you've had checked out, do.
I'm not trying to lay this all on your shoulders, but in the end? All you can change is you. I hate to additionally over-spiritualze my post by suggesting that you pray that God rekindle the physical for you two.... but WHY NOT? You both are married to each other and the physical/sexual health of a relationship is one of the benefits and rewards of marriage.
I pray that the two of you find joy in each other. Proverbs 5:18 19 - May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer-- may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.
(I think 'fountain' here is a euphamism)
God bless you both in your continuing marriage. It may take you a bit of time, but you both will get there.
I know that men tend to be more visual, and women more responsive in other ways, but... let's talk about how to help your need for visual stimulation that may increase your attraction to your wife.
You have been married for a number of years, and I am sure that you know your wife rather well and how she responds... so focus on that. For the sake of public decency, I will mention how brushing your thumb across her palm in a tender way, watching for her eyes, her breathing to respond. Or... touching the back of her neck... or... the myriad of other places that you may see a response from her. Watching her be affected by YOU is rather arousing, isn't it? So, perhaps the whole of her physique isn't doing it for the moment, but find ways to create physical intimacy between the two of you. Focus on the power your masculine touch has on her (and her feminine touch has on you).
Perhaps she's not all that turned on by you either. Perhaps she doesn't say so because she knows how much that would hurt, but you can fall in love with a person who doesn't visually appeal to you because of who they are, their heart, how tenderly and lovingly they treat you. You can create physical intimacy.
And perhaps, just maybe.... forgive me... but perhaps there may be something physically hindering your response. Have you recently been to a medical check up? Perhaps there is something physiologically not in perfect health that may hinder. If that hasn't been something you've had checked out, do.
I'm not trying to lay this all on your shoulders, but in the end? All you can change is you. I hate to additionally over-spiritualze my post by suggesting that you pray that God rekindle the physical for you two.... but WHY NOT? You both are married to each other and the physical/sexual health of a relationship is one of the benefits and rewards of marriage.
I pray that the two of you find joy in each other. Proverbs 5:18 19 - May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer-- may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.
(I think 'fountain' here is a euphamism)
God bless you both in your continuing marriage. It may take you a bit of time, but you both will get there.
K
I can answer this one. My husband is a smoker.Not only am I a non smoker but none of my family smokes,so Ive never been around smokers. We fell in love and he said he would try to quit smoking. I warned my family not to say anything about it to him. We married and he still wasnt able to quit. All I have ever said to him is "I love you and I want us to grow old together" Otherwise I never complain,never mention it.He avoids smoking around me whenever possible but its not always possible. We dated several years and have been married six months. The other day he told me he use to smoke 2pks a day and now he is down to half a pack. I never once bugged him about it,or even mentioned it.I wanted him to quit for himself,not for me. Im not perfect and Im sure there are things he could complain about me. Love your wife,be her support,she's not stupid. Your wife knows whether you want her to lose weight for her health or for your pleasure,you dont have to tell her she already knows.You are being selfish that is why shes not motivated to change.What if she'd been though a car accident? People go to war and come back disfigured. How would you handle that? Shallow love is no love at all. JMO.
You said you never said that you was going to divorce her, but then you say with out intimacy it will not last, So when you say your not attracted to your wife any-more and their is no intimacy , then what ?
One day the intimacy is going to be gone and all marriages, And we have the companionship and love for one another , plus the memories that we build over a life time,
Is she happy with her self and her looks I really have no words for you , cause we all change over time.. My spouse happiness means more to me then anything . The inner beauty last a life time and we can make it grow or we can wilt it and make it feel worthless. Are you making her feel wanted. Oh since no one else has said it I will INTIMACY burns calories.
One day the intimacy is going to be gone and all marriages, And we have the companionship and love for one another , plus the memories that we build over a life time,
Is she happy with her self and her looks I really have no words for you , cause we all change over time.. My spouse happiness means more to me then anything . The inner beauty last a life time and we can make it grow or we can wilt it and make it feel worthless. Are you making her feel wanted. Oh since no one else has said it I will INTIMACY burns calories.
You have no idea if you have no experience in this area.
When I look heavenward and give God thanks for my wife I do not rejoice for the physical love but for something much richer and much more durable. The love that I have for her in Christ. My Savior loves me with all my blemishes am I not to love my wife despite her blemishes?
How many marriages have fallen in ruin because of physical beauty? How many men and women fall to temptation because of physical attraction? We are not to confuse lust with love any more than we confuse salvation with fire insurance.
I hope you see the true beauty in Proverbs 5 and not earthly sensual beauty.
For the cause of Christ
Roger
When I look heavenward and give God thanks for my wife I do not rejoice for the physical love but for something much richer and much more durable. The love that I have for her in Christ. My Savior loves me with all my blemishes am I not to love my wife despite her blemishes?
How many marriages have fallen in ruin because of physical beauty? How many men and women fall to temptation because of physical attraction? We are not to confuse lust with love any more than we confuse salvation with fire insurance.
I hope you see the true beauty in Proverbs 5 and not earthly sensual beauty.
For the cause of Christ
Roger
C
the ones that are condemning you are wrong. Your not wrong for how you feel. I still believe you love ur wife ur just concerned. They are right you should pray about it but to be honest pray can only go so far. God wants you (and ur wife because ur one) to do some lifting also so ignore the people that says "just pray" because as i said things takes prayer and work for it to be completely work. I posted on here before please review what i said because i know how she feels. U can send me a message if needed. Have a blessed day.
