Spirit of Discernment about husband and male best friend.

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mamac

Guest
#1
#1
My heart is devastated. I have been asking God for prayer and guidance. Praying for God to reveal to me what my heart is telling me. I believe that God has always given me a spirit of discernment and He has never steared me wrong. My husband and I just bought a home, we have a two year old son and a 2 month old daughter. In the more recent months my husband and his male best friend of 6 years have been communicating more and have had quite unusual behavior. But this last week has been my spirit in a very broken place. My husband recently had gotten an inflamed prostate, which is bacterial. It can only be contracted by e-coli. Two night prior his male friend came to visit and they snuck out of the house in the middle of the night. He hides phone calls between the two of them and deletes the messages they get back and forth. The straw that broke the camels back was the voicemail I heard on my husbands phone from his male best friend. His exact words to my husband were that he is sad he missed his call and that he was so excited when he saw his name pop up on his phone, and that my husband should call him back right away once he gets his message. My husband is denying everything, but we have been together for 12 years and I know him well enough to tell when he is telling the truth or not. He also makes comments about how good looking his friend is and how big his feet and hands are.... Please tell me I am not reading into things. I have confronted my husband and have prayed feverishly over my marriage asking God for guidance. Any advice or prayers on what I should do? I have told my husband that we cannot invite people into our marriage whos intentions are to break us up.... and he claims he didnt even notice his friends behavior. I also confronted him that their body-language around one another sets off red flags for me. Any advice will help. My heart is broken.
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#2
Jan 24, 2011
11,782
2,947
113
#2
Do you have a pastor you can talk to this about? Or go to marriage counseling with your husband? Will your husband go? Are you willing to accept him back if he repented of this sin?

He is committing adultery, because he is married to you. It doesn't matter if it is with a man or a woman. You need to have a serious talk with him. And in the meantime, you might need to get tested for STD's, and certainly he does.

Praying for God to comfort you and walk beside you through this terrible trial.
 
damombomb

damombomb

Senior Member
#3
Feb 27, 2011
3,801
68
48
#3
It seems your discernment could be right from what you have said. Praying he will tell the truth in Jesus name.
 
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mamac

Guest
#4
#4
I do, I am heavily involved in church, by my husband acts very stand offish and won't connect to the church like I have. I will reach out to my pastor. I will get tested. Thank you the prayers. I will seek counsel from my pastor.
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#5
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
338
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#5

Well, your either imagining things or your right about your husband being bi-sexual. I'm not so sure that a pastor is an expert on such matters, and if your husband is denying everything, what's a pastor going to do? I'd try to get some definitive proof instead of speculating. Your perception may be right, but its hard to confront a problem if someone refuses to admit that it even exist. Is his 'friend' married or have a girlfriend? Surely someone would know if he's gay? If your husband is cheating, my advise would be an immediate separation or divorce. And if he contracted an std, it would be wise to get your own health checked.. jmo
 
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mamac

Guest
#6
#6
Dan58 said:

Well, your either imagining things or your right about your husband being bi-sexual. I'm not so sure that a pastor is an expert on such matters, and if your husband is denying everything, what's a pastor going to do? I'd try to get some definitive proof instead of speculating. Your perception may be right, but its hard to confront a problem if someone refuses to admit that it even exist. Is his 'friend' married or have a girlfriend? Surely someone would know if he's gay? If your husband is cheating, my advise would be an immediate separation or divorce. And if he contracted an std, it would be wise to get your own health checked.. jmo
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His friend is a serial dater. He shows up to our house alone and comes to all of our family parties and holidays. I have invited him to church on numerous occasions, but he refuses to come. He and my husband will leave when he comes to visit and then my husband will have long drawn out stories as to why they were out so long. THey also sit unusually close to eachother and show more physical contact to one another then most men. when they are around and always make weird comments like people mistaking them for a couple when they are out in public together.
 
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shotgunner

Guest
#7
#7
mamac said:
His friend is a serial dater. He shows up to our house alone and comes to all of our family parties and holidays. I have invited him to church on numerous occasions, but he refuses to come. He and my husband will leave when he comes to visit and then my husband will have long drawn out stories as to why they were out so long. THey also sit unusually close to eachother and show more physical contact to one another then most men. when they are around and always make weird comments like people mistaking them for a couple when they are out in public together.
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I'm just going to speak to you like I would if you were my daughter. I know God restores marriages and can heal people and change their hearts. I'm going to also speak to the natural side of this situation.

First get checked for STD's. Second hire a detective to catch your husband or get him to confess. What you are describing is not the behavior of straight men. You and your children are still young enough to start over should you need to divorce. I'm not for divorce but I would be more against you living in a lie for 20 more years. Just do whatever necessary to find out the truth.

You have my prayers and my best wishes. I'm glad you were able to come here and talk about this with someone.
 
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BarlyGurl

Guest
#8
#8
Dear mamac,

Your post is heartbreaking and your pain... hurts my heart... I am very saddened by this situation you are in. I would encourage you to Go to your church leaders if you are confident they are mature Godly men.... tell them PLAINLY that you believe thru prayer and actual evidence that your husband is a practicing sodomite and that you would like their PROTECTION and support as you pursue a legal separation from him beginning NOW.

If you have any other questions or concerns you are welcome to PM me.
 
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BarlyGurl

Guest
#9
#9
>>>> Second hire a detective to catch your husband or get him to confess. What you are describing is not the behavior of straight men. You and your children are still young enough to start over should you need to divorce. I'm not for divorce but I would be more against you living in a lie for 20 more years. Just do whatever necessary to find out the truth.<<<<

Shotgun... usually you give very good advice and I agree. With this part I DO NOT. The OP does not need to HIRE a detective to CATCH he husband doing what the Holy Spirit has revealed to her along with the "physical" evidence already mentioned. Some one very close to me has been in the EXACT circumstances and will tell the OP... believe God... he is trying to tell you what you should know.... DO NOT GO HUNTING FOR CAUGHT IN THE ACT PROOF... because you can NEVER get that imagery out of your head and it will DAMAGE her ability to reconcile the marriage union if that is the direction she is willing to go at this point. God has a WAY of showing us what we need to know (even if it is ugly) without POLLUTING us by it. Respectfully
 
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shotgunner

Guest
#10
#10
BarlyGurl said:
>>>> Second hire a detective to catch your husband or get him to confess. What you are describing is not the behavior of straight men. You and your children are still young enough to start over should you need to divorce. I'm not for divorce but I would be more against you living in a lie for 20 more years. Just do whatever necessary to find out the truth.<<<<

Shotgun... usually you give very good advice and I agree. With this part I DO NOT. The OP does not need to HIRE a detective to CATCH he husband doing what the Holy Spirit has revealed to her along with the "physical" evidence already mentioned. Some one very close to me has been in the EXACT circumstances and will tell the OP... believe God... he is trying to tell you what you should know.... DO NOT GO HUNTING FOR CAUGHT IN THE ACT PROOF... because you can NEVER get that imagery out of your head and it will DAMAGE her ability to reconcile the marriage union if that is the direction she is willing to go at this point. God has a WAY of showing us what we need to know (even if it is ugly) without POLLUTING us by it. Respectfully
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In the way you present this I agree with you about not needing proof. I will disagree though about what proof will do for the OP. She has 2 small children. She may need proof if this winds up in a divorce. It may even help her with custody and keeping her small children from being exposed to joint custody in the home of a promiscuous homosexual. I say may because of the culture we live in today. In the very least concrete proof will help her financially in a divorce. I understand about the images, but even though the truth can be painful, I still think it is better to know it completely.


As I said, God can heal this relationship but God will not change a person who doesn't want to be changed. If the OP's husband really is bi and has been lying and hiding this relationship, it doesn't indicate that he wants to change. In this case the lying is as bad as adultery because it speaks to his desire to continue if that lifestyle.

I also want to say I appreciate the way you disagree, and I am fine if we just decide to disagree on this one. My best to you.
 
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BarlyGurl

Guest
#11
#11
shotgunner said:
I also want to say I appreciate the way you disagree, and I am fine if we just decide to disagree on this one. My best to you.
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Thank you. I would never assert that I KNOW everything or have ABSOLUTE counsel on any issue... and I do truly appreciate that you bring a different perspective from a man or father's view and DO consider your perspective quite valuable.:)
 
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pwrnJC

Banned
#12
Dec 1, 2014
1,430
27
0
#12
I totally trust a Christian woman's intuition. You do not have to invest money to hire a private detective. This is not a made for TV scenario. It is very evident that the simple observations of your husband and his 'friend' are correct. You are only seeking the truth...and when the TRUTH is finally revealed...only the Holy Spirit will be able to get you through this. HE has broken not only the trust of your marriage vows, but is actually, by the world's standards, engaging in accepted behavior, though not abiding by GOD's 'take' on it. The media hosts tons of acceptance of extra marital affairs, rendezvous', even with the same sex. Wouldn't it be different if the extra attention he's giving to this dude was lavished on you? lol
This situation needs to be settled quickly...children are involved and your hubby's sick choices and actions only delay the fact that he is not taking his marriage vows seriously enough to stop jeopardizing them by meeting and getting excited over this 'new' person that has popped into his life. Since he has not stopped nor plans to do anything about your suspicions, it only means that he had made his choice...and it does NOT line up with GOD's word nor his promises to you made on your wedding day. He needs therapy and guidance...and you are seeking GOD's intervention and seeking advice from CHRISTIAN brothers and sisters. In short, you have to ask yourself...IF (and only IF) your husband confesses and seeks a real change, where his spiritual walk and CHRISTIANITY takes first place, and he stops this immediately...will you accept him back into your arms? The answer is obvious if hubby makes no change....he has broken the marriage contract, so why pretend and try carry on with a convuluted marriage?
 
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kaylagrl

Guest
#13
#13
mamac said:
My heart is devastated. I have been asking God for prayer and guidance. Praying for God to reveal to me what my heart is telling me. I believe that God has always given me a spirit of discernment and He has never steared me wrong. My husband and I just bought a home, we have a two year old son and a 2 month old daughter. In the more recent months my husband and his male best friend of 6 years have been communicating more and have had quite unusual behavior. But this last week has been my spirit in a very broken place. My husband recently had gotten an inflamed prostate, which is bacterial. It can only be contracted by e-coli. Two night prior his male friend came to visit and they snuck out of the house in the middle of the night. He hides phone calls between the two of them and deletes the messages they get back and forth. The straw that broke the camels back was the voicemail I heard on my husbands phone from his male best friend. His exact words to my husband were that he is sad he missed his call and that he was so excited when he saw his name pop up on his phone, and that my husband should call him back right away once he gets his message. My husband is denying everything, but we have been together for 12 years and I know him well enough to tell when he is telling the truth or not. He also makes comments about how good looking his friend is and how big his feet and hands are.... Please tell me I am not reading into things. I have confronted my husband and have prayed feverishly over my marriage asking God for guidance. Any advice or prayers on what I should do? I have told my husband that we cannot invite people into our marriage whos intentions are to break us up.... and he claims he didnt even notice his friends behavior. I also confronted him that their body-language around one another sets off red flags for me. Any advice will help. My heart is broken.
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You need to trust your discernment in this situation.I believe you are right in what you believe. What I would do I would not advise you to do.lol Because I would go to the friend alone and let him know I knew exactly what was going on and he better never call or set a foot in my home again or he'd lose it! But thats me. I think divorce is where you are headed unfortunately.You cant have a relationship with a habitual liar that refuses to change. Id see if your pastor knows of a good counselor,either way you'll need help through this and a good Christian counselor would do that. Sorry that you are in such a difficult situation. Keep close to your church and your pastor and they will pray you through.
 
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