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cinder is right. there are plenty of women who have a desire for healthy relationships, and couldn't give a whit about the world's view of romance and all that "you complete me" baloney. in fact, you can have have an emotional side, and yet, still have a more accurate picture of what romance and love should look like.
further, there are plenty of guys who have very warped, inaccurate views of romance and love, because i've met a few of them.
aok, i don't think 99.9 percent is a terribly accurate number, especially depending upon the age.
in my experience women are no more all [insert quality/characteristic] anymore than all men are [insert quality/characteristic].
further, there are plenty of guys who have very warped, inaccurate views of romance and love, because i've met a few of them.
aok, i don't think 99.9 percent is a terribly accurate number, especially depending upon the age.
in my experience women are no more all [insert quality/characteristic] anymore than all men are [insert quality/characteristic].
Sorry I can't help you sweetie! I'm a love poet,..I'm not afraid to love anyone! Lol... 
God bless you though!
God bless you though!
Oh!
"further, there are plenty of guys who have very warped, inaccurate views of romance and love, because i've met a few of them.
aok, i don't think 99.9 percent is a terribly accurate number, especially depending upon the age."
There is no way to know that in numbers, except the "general rules" we privately said we know and, of course, it´s always arbitrary to our subjetivism...
PS
Except by the age?
"further, there are plenty of guys who have very warped, inaccurate views of romance and love, because i've met a few of them.
aok, i don't think 99.9 percent is a terribly accurate number, especially depending upon the age."
There is no way to know that in numbers, except the "general rules" we privately said we know and, of course, it´s always arbitrary to our subjetivism...
PS
Except by the age?
I don't know if NFD33 mentioned he actually opened up about his feelings towards this woman... unless I missed that part? I don't know, so generally answer it is:
Anyways, before I was saved, I was in situations where I was afraid to love those I loved. I had a very destructive lifestyle through my teens and early twenties, and with all the hurt and rejection I was carrying and operating from, I had learnt to burn many bridges to healthy relationships and kept on with the destructive cycle.
Then I got saved, I went and stumbled for 6 months and got in to some not so great relationships, but when I had finally decided to get serious with God, I put aside the idea of dating for a year and half. I realised I needed healing and I needed to know what it means to live completely for Christ and it was a long, long, heart wrenching journey.
My advice is if someone seems to be too afraid to love, don't initiate and don't try to save them. You can give encouragement where you can and lead them to godly female influences that have the heart to engage them with love and speak gently into their lives. But if you feel the urge to play God and be the one to save, then don't... just don't go there. It is important to respect people's space.
If someone is hurting and operating out of fear of rejection, or fear of what ever, then lead them to the One who can bear their burdens and carry them day by day.
That's all I can say.
Anyways, before I was saved, I was in situations where I was afraid to love those I loved. I had a very destructive lifestyle through my teens and early twenties, and with all the hurt and rejection I was carrying and operating from, I had learnt to burn many bridges to healthy relationships and kept on with the destructive cycle.
Then I got saved, I went and stumbled for 6 months and got in to some not so great relationships, but when I had finally decided to get serious with God, I put aside the idea of dating for a year and half. I realised I needed healing and I needed to know what it means to live completely for Christ and it was a long, long, heart wrenching journey.
My advice is if someone seems to be too afraid to love, don't initiate and don't try to save them. You can give encouragement where you can and lead them to godly female influences that have the heart to engage them with love and speak gently into their lives. But if you feel the urge to play God and be the one to save, then don't... just don't go there. It is important to respect people's space.
If someone is hurting and operating out of fear of rejection, or fear of what ever, then lead them to the One who can bear their burdens and carry them day by day.
That's all I can say.
Probably because she knows that the first thing a person enters a conversation with is usually not what they want to really talk about.
BTW, here's some good reading for you. Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am? Insights into Personal Growth: John Powell: 9780883473238: Amazon.com: Books (You can buy it for .01)
BTW, here's some good reading for you. Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am? Insights into Personal Growth: John Powell: 9780883473238: Amazon.com: Books (You can buy it for .01)
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Here is is how other ppl talked:
Date a Woman Who is Afraid to Love. | elephant journal
7 Reasons Most People are Afraid of Love - PsychAlive
When You’re in Love With Someone Scared of Love
Signs of Emotional Distance in a Relationship
I am afraid to love again - Woman - Psychology - Motherforlife.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/maybe-its-just-me/201004/what-does-it-mean-be-afraid-love
Date a Woman Who is Afraid to Love. | elephant journal
7 Reasons Most People are Afraid of Love - PsychAlive
When You’re in Love With Someone Scared of Love
Signs of Emotional Distance in a Relationship
I am afraid to love again - Woman - Psychology - Motherforlife.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/maybe-its-just-me/201004/what-does-it-mean-be-afraid-love
Hmm!
Would a person invest time in something leading to nowhere?
As a "general rule" everybody likes to be loved (which is selfish, in itself) and to love, when he/she is a giver (willing to receive mutually).
Not too many ppl would feel encouraging "interacting" with a cold wall (or a cold mirror)
The Woman in the Mirror (poem) by Monique M McDowell on AuthorsDen
Would a person invest time in something leading to nowhere?
As a "general rule" everybody likes to be loved (which is selfish, in itself) and to love, when he/she is a giver (willing to receive mutually).
Not too many ppl would feel encouraging "interacting" with a cold wall (or a cold mirror)
The Woman in the Mirror (poem) by Monique M McDowell on AuthorsDen
A
I never said they don't. What I said was that [most] women spend a fair amount of their lives focused on love and romance. You've certainly been no exception here at CC in the single's room.
It's an observable and statistically provable fact that the vast majority of women display an interest in love and romance. Sprawling world-wide industries are built up around it.
For example, the Romance Writers of America estimated annual total sales of romance novels in 2013 at $1.08 billion (source: BookStats) with a reader demographic that was 84% female (source: Nielsen Books & Consumer Tracker). It's now about $1.4 billion and growing.
The top ten most popular were: (1) friends to lovers; (2) soul mate/fate; (3) second chance at love; (4) secret romance; (5) first love; (6) strong hero/heroine; (7) reunited lovers; (8) love triangle; (9) sexy billionaire/millionaire; (10) sassy heroine.
That's just the American romance trope industry... one industry among many all primarily dedicated to the female thirst for love and romance.
Why do you feel so threatened when the fact is stated? Never mind, don't answer that. I really don't want to read five paragraphs of angry gypsygirl nonsense about a fact that offends and angers her for some unknown reason.
It's better to just embrace your God-created desire for love and romance instead of fighting it and everyone who dares to point it out.
You don't see me fighting mine. Lolol, oink.
It's an observable and statistically provable fact that the vast majority of women display an interest in love and romance. Sprawling world-wide industries are built up around it.
For example, the Romance Writers of America estimated annual total sales of romance novels in 2013 at $1.08 billion (source: BookStats) with a reader demographic that was 84% female (source: Nielsen Books & Consumer Tracker). It's now about $1.4 billion and growing.
The top ten most popular were: (1) friends to lovers; (2) soul mate/fate; (3) second chance at love; (4) secret romance; (5) first love; (6) strong hero/heroine; (7) reunited lovers; (8) love triangle; (9) sexy billionaire/millionaire; (10) sassy heroine.
That's just the American romance trope industry... one industry among many all primarily dedicated to the female thirst for love and romance.
Why do you feel so threatened when the fact is stated? Never mind, don't answer that. I really don't want to read five paragraphs of angry gypsygirl nonsense about a fact that offends and angers her for some unknown reason.
It's better to just embrace your God-created desire for love and romance instead of fighting it and everyone who dares to point it out.
You don't see me fighting mine. Lolol, oink.
were you under the impression that i was angry? i'm sorry to disappoint. honestly, i just think you're rife with a few too many female-driven sterotypes. however, unlike you, i was respectful enough to read your posts and answer them politely by sharing my opinion, instead of being unnecessarily dismissive.
no, i object to the fact that you proclaim something that is quite misleading and present it as fact. it's further misleading when you employ techniques that are best described as "lying with statistics" to support a false premise. i think most of us know that women are largely the ones who purchase and read romance novels. that's not a revelation.
throwing out data regarding mystery romance novel demographics in this discussion is only slightly more relevant to showing statistical data of gender for those who utilize female public restrooms.
yes, there is a large population of women who support all things related to the "romance" industry, including romance novels, and the like. this is true. however, i object to your initial supposition that all women (or 99.9 percent) were preoccupied with love and romance, and that this is primarily what we (as women) discuss when we gather together, etc.
i don't have to be angry to feel this is worthy of pointing out. however, you do your brothers a disservice to pedal your skewed opinions about women as facts.
i have never read a romance novel, and i don't watch soap operas, and seldom watch rom-coms or other tv/movies geared to the female demographic. and when i gather with women, romance and love are seldom the topic at hand. i would wager that many other women would fit this description.
does this mean that i don't care about love and romance? of course not. but it doesn't pre-occupy the majority of my life or conversations. i'm quite confident that i'm not the only woman who would resemble this.
further, i'm not sure you're terribly qualified to identify my nature, even if yours is blatantly on display. : )
no, i object to the fact that you proclaim something that is quite misleading and present it as fact. it's further misleading when you employ techniques that are best described as "lying with statistics" to support a false premise. i think most of us know that women are largely the ones who purchase and read romance novels. that's not a revelation.
throwing out data regarding mystery romance novel demographics in this discussion is only slightly more relevant to showing statistical data of gender for those who utilize female public restrooms.
yes, there is a large population of women who support all things related to the "romance" industry, including romance novels, and the like. this is true. however, i object to your initial supposition that all women (or 99.9 percent) were preoccupied with love and romance, and that this is primarily what we (as women) discuss when we gather together, etc.
i don't have to be angry to feel this is worthy of pointing out. however, you do your brothers a disservice to pedal your skewed opinions about women as facts.
i have never read a romance novel, and i don't watch soap operas, and seldom watch rom-coms or other tv/movies geared to the female demographic. and when i gather with women, romance and love are seldom the topic at hand. i would wager that many other women would fit this description.
does this mean that i don't care about love and romance? of course not. but it doesn't pre-occupy the majority of my life or conversations. i'm quite confident that i'm not the only woman who would resemble this.
further, i'm not sure you're terribly qualified to identify my nature, even if yours is blatantly on display. : )
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Honestly I think for everyone it's a little scary. You are letting yourself be super vulnerable and allow aperson to have the option of hurting you after/during. I am scared of loving people, or rather sometimes it is very hard for me to get past barriers that I put up without meaning to.
Honestly the same thing goes with people that I don't love in a romantic way, but in a friendship way. Church people, family. Yes I care about them, but can I really go up to them and say "I love you?" Not always.
Honestly the same thing goes with people that I don't love in a romantic way, but in a friendship way. Church people, family. Yes I care about them, but can I really go up to them and say "I love you?" Not always.
N
Wow...this conversation went all over the place since last night. Yes, I was in a foul mood last night and yes I probably unfairly ranted.
In skimming over comments...particular to my situation...someone asked about her parent's relationship--no her parents didn't have a good relationship. She is an only child (kinda...get to that in a second). Her mom walked out on her and her dad at a young age. Her dad has never remarried. I say kinda an only child because she has had no contact with her mom but has been told she has siblings (but has never met them of course). On Mother's Day (her least favorite day of the year) was when she told me she wasn't ready for the relationship she thought she was. No idea if that was a coincidence or that day had anything to do with it.
She is also divorced (like me). Her marriage was short lived several years ago with someone who didn't treat her very well at all. She also had one other long term relationship that was the same. She constantly told me that I treated her better than anyone had before. Told me I was a whole new world for her. We talked a lot about how we felt God put us together. Look up the lyrics to Tracy Byrd's Keeper of the Stars..we both said that song perfectly described us. She said it was "our song."
I'll go a step further in describing the situation and open up about myself. Haven't done that yet. I mention above that I'm recently divorced. I worked at a fire department (shift work every 3rd day) prior to my job I have now. My wife was having an affair to which she used my shift work days as a time to be with her lover (possibly more than one, but I have proof of the one). This was something I discovered literally 2 days before starting my new job. Lots of change in a weekend for someone who doesn't like change at all...new job after 10+ years and ending a 4.5 year marriage due to the affair (that I suspected for awhile but was never able to prove).
So...needless to say I wasn't looking for anyone nor did i feel I could trust anyone. When I first saw this girl (who technically is a coworker in a different dept that falls under the same umbrella) she took my breath away. I was still too hurt to even think about pursuing anything with her or anyone else at that time. But, some time went by before we finally officially met. When we met, we talked for hours. It was actually Valentine's Day. We both talked about what a nice way to spend valentines, even though we were working. The next 3 months were amazing we talked all the time, went out several times, and had so much in common. She is the most amazing woman I've ever met (despite theast few weeks). I have never seen anyone more beautiful (she wears no makeup---I love that!). Her smile is what grabbed my attention the first day I saw her. Being with her was magic. Then...without warning...shit hit the fan. She got distant for a week and then ended it. No real explanation besides not thinking she was ready for the relationship she thought she was and having a lot going on that she needed to focus on. I noted in another thread that during the last month of our courtship she had gotten a promotion that she started in what was already a high demand and high stress job. All of that was intensified with the promotion. I also noted that we work for a very political agency in which you have to be extremely careful regardless. But she is management now, where I'm still a probie!
Anyway, it's just hard to wrap my head around everything being so wonderful a few weeks ago with no signs of any trouble to now nothing happening at all. We talked about so much stuff and connected on such a great level. And then it vanished in almost an instant. It hurts for many reasons but one thing is because of all I had been through, I was scared to let someone have my heart again, but I did with her. She was always very guarded of her heart and said I was making good progress on fully having her heart, then in an instant all was gone. I had actually forgotten she had said that until just now as I was writing this. Perhaps I answered my own question. She was very guarded of her heart....hmmmm (sorry, that statement has just hit me, can't believe i haven't thought about us having that conversation before i just wrote it.)
Anyway, I've probably opened up too much. But there it is. No games anymore on my part trying to fix things quickly. This at least is probably good therapy for me. Thanks to every one and sorry to any I've offended.
In skimming over comments...particular to my situation...someone asked about her parent's relationship--no her parents didn't have a good relationship. She is an only child (kinda...get to that in a second). Her mom walked out on her and her dad at a young age. Her dad has never remarried. I say kinda an only child because she has had no contact with her mom but has been told she has siblings (but has never met them of course). On Mother's Day (her least favorite day of the year) was when she told me she wasn't ready for the relationship she thought she was. No idea if that was a coincidence or that day had anything to do with it.
She is also divorced (like me). Her marriage was short lived several years ago with someone who didn't treat her very well at all. She also had one other long term relationship that was the same. She constantly told me that I treated her better than anyone had before. Told me I was a whole new world for her. We talked a lot about how we felt God put us together. Look up the lyrics to Tracy Byrd's Keeper of the Stars..we both said that song perfectly described us. She said it was "our song."
I'll go a step further in describing the situation and open up about myself. Haven't done that yet. I mention above that I'm recently divorced. I worked at a fire department (shift work every 3rd day) prior to my job I have now. My wife was having an affair to which she used my shift work days as a time to be with her lover (possibly more than one, but I have proof of the one). This was something I discovered literally 2 days before starting my new job. Lots of change in a weekend for someone who doesn't like change at all...new job after 10+ years and ending a 4.5 year marriage due to the affair (that I suspected for awhile but was never able to prove).
So...needless to say I wasn't looking for anyone nor did i feel I could trust anyone. When I first saw this girl (who technically is a coworker in a different dept that falls under the same umbrella) she took my breath away. I was still too hurt to even think about pursuing anything with her or anyone else at that time. But, some time went by before we finally officially met. When we met, we talked for hours. It was actually Valentine's Day. We both talked about what a nice way to spend valentines, even though we were working. The next 3 months were amazing we talked all the time, went out several times, and had so much in common. She is the most amazing woman I've ever met (despite theast few weeks). I have never seen anyone more beautiful (she wears no makeup---I love that!). Her smile is what grabbed my attention the first day I saw her. Being with her was magic. Then...without warning...shit hit the fan. She got distant for a week and then ended it. No real explanation besides not thinking she was ready for the relationship she thought she was and having a lot going on that she needed to focus on. I noted in another thread that during the last month of our courtship she had gotten a promotion that she started in what was already a high demand and high stress job. All of that was intensified with the promotion. I also noted that we work for a very political agency in which you have to be extremely careful regardless. But she is management now, where I'm still a probie!
Anyway, it's just hard to wrap my head around everything being so wonderful a few weeks ago with no signs of any trouble to now nothing happening at all. We talked about so much stuff and connected on such a great level. And then it vanished in almost an instant. It hurts for many reasons but one thing is because of all I had been through, I was scared to let someone have my heart again, but I did with her. She was always very guarded of her heart and said I was making good progress on fully having her heart, then in an instant all was gone. I had actually forgotten she had said that until just now as I was writing this. Perhaps I answered my own question. She was very guarded of her heart....hmmmm (sorry, that statement has just hit me, can't believe i haven't thought about us having that conversation before i just wrote it.)
Anyway, I've probably opened up too much. But there it is. No games anymore on my part trying to fix things quickly. This at least is probably good therapy for me. Thanks to every one and sorry to any I've offended.
thanks for trusting us with more explanation, because it does help to have more shade and color. i'm so sorry that you've been hurt by her withdrawal, especially after getting to know her and feeling so smitten. that is really difficult.
there could be so many reasons why she's pulling back, including a number of them that have nothing to do with you. it's really impossible to say.
if you can, i'd recommend just being her friendly to her from whatever distance (if you can). if you two had a "spark" or connection then, you'll probably always be able to resume it. but i wouldn't plan on it, either.
also, one more thing. since you're newly divorced, have you spent any time working on your own healing? i've read in several places that relationships that form shortly after marriages/relationships end don't have a very good success rate. there might be some real value in taking some time to do an autopsy of your relationship and whatever value that might come from processing and growing from that. just a suggestion. : )
also, we have a large community that is made up of singles, divorcees and widow/ers. we discuss lots of topics that are especially relevant to life after divorce (not to mention all manner of topics related to singles), and you might find some value in those as well.
i hope this might help. and welcome to cc. : )
there could be so many reasons why she's pulling back, including a number of them that have nothing to do with you. it's really impossible to say.
if you can, i'd recommend just being her friendly to her from whatever distance (if you can). if you two had a "spark" or connection then, you'll probably always be able to resume it. but i wouldn't plan on it, either.
also, one more thing. since you're newly divorced, have you spent any time working on your own healing? i've read in several places that relationships that form shortly after marriages/relationships end don't have a very good success rate. there might be some real value in taking some time to do an autopsy of your relationship and whatever value that might come from processing and growing from that. just a suggestion. : )
also, we have a large community that is made up of singles, divorcees and widow/ers. we discuss lots of topics that are especially relevant to life after divorce (not to mention all manner of topics related to singles), and you might find some value in those as well.
i hope this might help. and welcome to cc. : )
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N
Thank you for the response gypsygirl. I know she has a ton going on in her life, both past and present. She seemed to handle it all pretty well with me in the mix. I always thought I was helping to make things better for her (that was my goal anyway) but I can definitely see where the added stress of a relationship, even if it isn't necessarily bad stress, can be just enough to push you over the edge of you are already at your limit. I've been looking for quick answers...because one of my biggest flaws is not being patient. I know this. Though I'm not sure how to become more patient other than just praying about it. There are so many areas in the Bible that speak of patience. I am also a part of an organization (not work) that puts a premium of waiting a time of patience. I know that hearing and seeing so much about patience means it's an incredibly important virtue. It's just one I struggle a lot with unfortunately.
I also like what you say about taking time after divorce. It's definitely needed. Even though I wasn't looking for this girl when I met her, I thought I was ok. She helped make a lot of things better for me by her caring nature. But there are times I was admittedly not as healed as I thought I was.
I also like what you say about taking time after divorce. It's definitely needed. Even though I wasn't looking for this girl when I met her, I thought I was ok. She helped make a lot of things better for me by her caring nature. But there are times I was admittedly not as healed as I thought I was.
