Another Hopeless Infatuation

[shawntc]

Grab a snack peoples, I have a story to tell.

There's a young woman I know who is only a couple years younger than me. Her and I are great friends. And for the longest time I have wanted to date her. I used to have a pretty big crush on her, now it's only a small crush. She's just... wow. More or less everything I'd want in a woman. Highly intelligent - I wouldn't doubt if she has a genius level IQ, compassionate, endearing, devoutly Christian, and has a passion for life. I really like how she's always trying to better herself. She has amazing artistic ability that she is always improving. She even dabbles in some web development!

I really don't think I've ever clicked with someone quite like I have with her. If I have ever met someone who I would call my soulmate, it's probably her. We frequently have deep conversations about our faith and life in general and as a rule of thumb we make a point to ask each other how our day was.

Seems like I've found a good mate, right? Nope, got some obstacles, if not outright deal breakers. And this is what makes things difficult for me. First off, I can tell she's got a lot of hurt that hasn't been addressed. She's very shy and introverted, more so than I. She was the quiet, weird kid in school who was bullied terribly. Her parents had a nasty divorce. I feel like she's bottling things up more than addressing them. Second of all, I believe her father to be a false prophet. He once made a prophesy about me that was of a personal matter but not only was it wrong it was inappropriate, and I still hold disdain toward him. Third, physically speaking she's not very attractive, although I find her better looking IRL than in photos.

This is one of those parts of life that really suck. Something wonderful so close to me... yet I cannot grab it.

 

[Jullianna]

Why can't you?

The love of a good person can go a long way toward healing the pain bullying can cause
If things are bottled up, maybe she'd feel safe in expressing them to you
Maybe she feels the same way about her dad
Sounds like she really could use a friend...

You are both very young. There's no hurry you know. Just be her friend and see how it goes. If she is as amazing to you as you say, you may find yourself wondering "what if" 5 years from now.

She may not be beautiful to the world, but she's clearly beautiful to you

 

[rainacorn]

Well if she's a couple years younger than a 20 year old, it's not so surprising that she doesn't know how to work through problems yet, especially the kind that you mentioned.

I agree with Julliana here...be her friend. Don't worry about any romantic aspect of it and just be close to her. See what happens.

 

[shawntc]

Maybe she feels the same way about her dad

Actually, she and her siblings hold their father in very high esteem. He's had a history of trouble with churches and they don't want to attend a church he's not welcomed. I, on the other hand, do not like so much as his presence.

Well if she's a couple years younger than a 20 year old, it's not so surprising that she doesn't know how to work through problems yet, especially the kind that you mentioned.

I agree with Julliana here...be her friend. Don't worry about any romantic aspect of it and just be close to her. See what happens.

By a couple years I mean almost exactly 2 years. I do intend on staying friends with her. It'll be interesting to see how things turn out.

 

[Stallone]

Seems like I've found a good mate, right? Nope, got some obstacles, if not outright deal breakers. And this is what makes things difficult for me. First off, I can tell she's got a lot of hurt that hasn't been addressed. She's very shy and introverted, more so than I. She was the quiet, weird kid in school who was bullied terribly. Her parents had a nasty divorce. I feel like she's bottling things up more than addressing them. Second of all, I believe her father to be a false prophet. He once made a prophesy about me that was of a personal matter but not only was it wrong it was inappropriate, and I still hold disdain toward him. Third, physically speaking she's not very attractive, although I find her better looking IRL than in photos.

This is one of those parts of life that really suck. Something wonderful so close to me... yet I cannot grab it.

I don't feel any of these things are a big deal or a deal breaker. When a Father gives his daughter's hand in marriage over, you are responsible for her now. My mom was catholic, my Dad was christian and my mother committed to my dad's understanding.

Hurt? Hurt can be overcome unless this girl is a crazy eyed killah. Shy and introverted isn't necessarily BAD.. just as long as she opens up to you over time, not over every little thing but she has a communicative relationship with you. A lot of people's parents have gotten divorced, her mother probably left him because he is a false prophet lmao. This divorce is probably why she's hurt.

At the end of this YOU don't find her attractive? I think you may like her out of obligation; she's available.. but are looking to list reasons of things being wrong with her. In other words; you're really not interested.. she's just around and available. If you wanted to get serious, you would.

 

[shawntc]

At the end of this YOU don't find her attractive? I think you may like her out of obligation; she's available.. but are looking to list reasons of things being wrong with her. In other words; you're really not interested.. she's just around and available. If you wanted to get serious, you would.

They divorced because their mother was not a pleasant woman. I don't want to be associated with a man who is a false prophet.

As far as finding her attractive, I've noticed she is much more pretty looking in real life than in pictures. I guess there's details about, say, her face that aren't well captured in photography.

As for liking out of obligation... that doesn't even make sense. At least not to me anyway.

 

[adekruif]

Grab a snack peoples, I have a story to tell.

There's a young woman I know who is only a couple years younger than me. Her and I are great friends. And for the longest time I have wanted to date her. I used to have a pretty big crush on her, now it's only a small crush. She's just... wow. More or less everything I'd want in a woman. Highly intelligent - I wouldn't doubt if she has a genius level IQ, compassionate, endearing, devoutly Christian, and has a passion for life. I really like how she's always trying to better herself. She has amazing artistic ability that she is always improving. She even dabbles in some web development!

I really don't think I've ever clicked with someone quite like I have with her. If I have ever met someone who I would call my soulmate, it's probably her. We frequently have deep conversations about our faith and life in general and as a rule of thumb we make a point to ask each other how our day was.

Seems like I've found a good mate, right? Nope, got some obstacles, if not outright deal breakers. And this is what makes things difficult for me. First off, I can tell she's got a lot of hurt that hasn't been addressed. She's very shy and introverted, more so than I. She was the quiet, weird kid in school who was bullied terribly. Her parents had a nasty divorce. I feel like she's bottling things up more than addressing them. Second of all, I believe her father to be a false prophet. He once made a prophesy about me that was of a personal matter but not only was it wrong it was inappropriate, and I still hold disdain toward him. Third, physically speaking she's not very attractive, although I find her better looking IRL than in photos.

This is one of those parts of life that really suck. Something wonderful so close to me... yet I cannot grab it.

This girl sounds like me. I was extremely introverted and shy and had lots of hurt to deal with. I didn't rust anyone enough to talk with them about my hurt, so I never dealt with it. It sounds to me like she may be in a similar spot....she doesn't trust anyone enough to talk about it. If you stay friends with her she may open up, or another friend or somebody may come along she trusts ...you never know, God can use anyone.

 

[Rickee]

This girl sounds like me. I was extremely introverted and shy and had lots of hurt to deal with. I didn't rust anyone enough to talk with them about my hurt, so I never dealt with it. It sounds to me like she may be in a similar spot....she doesn't trust anyone enough to talk about it. If you stay friends with her she may open up, or another friend or somebody may come along she trusts ...you never know, God can use anyone.

Sounds to me, her Dad is the real problem here. Being not as attractive is no big deal, most people are not Hollywood Star quality anyway. I agree just stay close and not jump into a situation you will later regret. If you Guys decide you want each other, then The Matter of her Dad has to be understood from you to her. She may have negative feelings for him as well. Just remember....Blood is Thicker then Water. Be careful how you approach this with her, if you want the Romance to Click.
Pray about this most assuredly....Let The Lord move in his way. Don' t ever let Lust rule your heart and mind.

 

[Stallone]

They divorced because their mother was not a pleasant woman. I don't want to be associated with a man who is a false prophet.

As far as finding her attractive, I've noticed she is much more pretty looking in real life than in pictures. I guess there's details about, say, her face that aren't well captured in photography.

As for liking out of obligation... that doesn't even make sense. At least not to me anyway.

You're right, it wouldn't make sense to you.

 

[LadySpeedStick]

I didn't really read that whole thing but. You sound sweet. She sounds sweet. I want you two to work out. Make it work out.

 

[shawntc]

I didn't really read that whole thing but. You sound sweet. She sounds sweet. I want you two to work out. Make it work out.

I sure wouldn't mind if it worked out.

Although of course I must wonder, what other little things do I not know about her that will come into the equation? It's entirely possible that as her and I continue to learn more about each other I may realize that you know, perhaps her and I aren't as well suited for each other as I imagine.

 

[shawntc]

Sounds to me, her Dad is the real problem here.

Basically.

 

[Ariel82]

most dad's or brothers don't think any guy is good enough for their daughter or sister... its their job to screen out the guys who are not serious or not strong enough to protect their loved ones. at least that is how my brothers explained it to me.

important thing is how does she feel about you and will she be able to get her dad to approve of the guy she falls in love with?

You're not dating the dad.

 

[GreenNnice]

Grab a snack peoples, I have a story to tell.

There's a young woman I know who is only a couple years younger than me. Her and I are great friends. And for the longest time I have wanted to date her. I used to have a pretty big crush on her, now it's only a small crush. She's just... wow. More or less everything I'd want in a woman. Highly intelligent - I wouldn't doubt if she has a genius level IQ, compassionate, endearing, devoutly Christian, and has a passion for life. I really like how she's always trying to better herself. She has amazing artistic ability that she is always improving. She even dabbles in some web development!

I really don't think I've ever clicked with someone quite like I have with her. If I have ever met someone who I would call my soulmate, it's probably her. We frequently have deep conversations about our faith and life in general and as a rule of thumb we make a point to ask each other how our day was.

Seems like I've found a good mate, right? Nope, got some obstacles, if not outright deal breakers. And this is what makes things difficult for me. First off, I can tell she's got a lot of hurt that hasn't been addressed. She's very shy and introverted, more so than I. She was the quiet, weird kid in school who was bullied terribly. Her parents had a nasty divorce. I feel like she's bottling things up more than addressing them. Second of all, I believe her father to be a false prophet. He once made a prophesy about me that was of a personal matter but not only was it wrong it was inappropriate, and I still hold disdain toward him. Third, physically speaking she's not very attractive, although I find her better looking IRL than in photos.

This is one of those parts of life that really suck. Something wonderful so close to me... yet I cannot grab it.

Go forth with God, shawnteecee, if you really like this girl. Sure sounds like you do, sounds like you, perhaps, might be a little hung up on looks, which are, to a point, important, attraction must be there. But look far past that surface,level obviuosness to the deepness surrounding one's personality and heart, for 'looks' where off quickly . But 'heart' and 'personality' is not fleeting in the least bit. But, yeah, Christ bro, step out on faith and go, pray before everything, 'course, and, at all.times reallly, I talk to God whenever I think to do which is often during any given day.

Don't worry, if it's not right and you are living for Him then God will definitely intervene. Listen and you will know to hear, be a strong faith guy, KNOWING you will respect this young lady's self throughout the relationship and treat her like Jesus would do.

Good enough, God blessed your finding of love, now,.show God you can do it like He wants and following His commandments and galatians 5 ways not to produce fruits and then ways you produce fruit, like, if we are talking relationship with opposite sex that's sensual, then self-control.is a MUST to keep.yourself, Christ bro, from falling away from Him.

 

[shawntc]

most dad's or brothers don't think any guy is good enough for their daughter or sister... its their job to screen out the guys who are not serious or not strong enough to protect their loved ones. at least that is how my brothers explained it to me.

important thing is how does she feel about you and will she be able to get her dad to approve of the guy she falls in love with?

You're not dating the dad.

Granted, but we all need to understand that her father is a false prophet. Surely someone here understands the severity. I don't think it would be wise for me to associate with such a person and by dating his daughter, that would be a form of association.

 

[OFM]

at ur age just bee very excellent spiritual friends only is what i see is very alot much most spiritually best....bee blessed allways amen......

 

[Russell1990]

Have you told her how you feel?

 

[keep_on_smiling]

Does she believe what her father teaches? If not, don't worry about her father. If you feel she is the one for you, it shouldn't matter what her parents believe or do. Perhaps you would be the one to bring truth into the family. Keep in mind by dating her, it is not necessarily associating with her father. Though I think it's good to be wise if you are ever around him and be careful what you listen to.

Pray for the Lord's direction and if she's the one, great! If she isn't and you still have hesitations, just be her friend.

It takes a lot for people to open up when they are hurting, even when they are really close to the other person. Sometimes sharing how you are feeling is admitting that there is a problem and that's really hard. Give her time and try not to hold that against her.

She sounds like a truly beautiful person! It sounds like you believe that as well. I guess you need to decide if her being "not very attractive" is actually a problem.

Hope it all works out! God bless!

 

[shawntc]

Have you told her how you feel?

Nossir. But I honestly would be surprised if she didn't have so much an inkling of an idea.

Does she believe what her father teaches? If not, don't worry about her father. If you feel she is the one for you, it shouldn't matter what her parents believe or do. Perhaps you would be the one to bring truth into the family. Keep in mind by dating her, it is not necessarily associating with her father. Though I think it's good to be wise if you are ever around him and be careful what you listen to.

Pray for the Lord's direction and if she's the one, great! If she isn't and you still have hesitations, just be her friend.

It takes a lot for people to open up when they are hurting, even when they are really close to the other person. Sometimes sharing how you are feeling is admitting that there is a problem and that's really hard. Give her time and try not to hold that against her.

She sounds like a truly beautiful person! It sounds like you believe that as well. I guess you need to decide if her being "not very attractive" is actually a problem.

Hope it all works out! God bless!

She believes what her father said. My own pastor advised me to be careful around him, too. I keep the peace with him but don't really want much input from him in my life for obvious reasons.

 

[GreenNnice]

Nossir. But I honestly would be surprised if she didn't have so much an inkling of an idea.



She believes what her father said. My own pastor advised me to be careful around him, too. I keep the peace with him but don't really want much input from him in my life for obvious reasons.

OK, IF this ^ is true and she believes in ways father does and not of true Christian faith of Christ dying on cross and His grace and OUR FAITH is what saves us then 'belief,' is something that should be highly considered, as, if Lutheran vs AOG or ?? , yeah, work it out but if she has unitarian or other false universalist salvation beliefs, shawnteecee, then God just might have wanted you to have a disvussion or two with her father to try and reach His wayward way.
The Lord leads.
My whole point to my first post is pray to God and MOVE, let Him do things for you. He likes it when we step out in faith for our lives, He can (and will) bless us greatly when we have that faith of a mustard seed.: