Better Online Communication

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J

Jullianna

Guest
#1
#1
I was thinking this morning about online interaction….

We are confused/disturbed sometimes about how we are treated by the opposite gender, but I find myself wondering if there are things we could do better to keep from giving someone the wrong idea or needlessly offending someone. Maybe the guys could give the ladies some pointers and the ladies could help the guys as well, since that’s sort of the point of this forum. :) While we know it’s impossible to get it right every time and will never be able to please everyone, I do think it’s important to spare someone’s feelings whenever possible, don’t you?

I usually have a message in my inbox indicating that I am not a fan of PMs, and, I normally won’t initiate a PM with men OR women (I’m hit on by women offline and online, even in christian chatrooms :rolleyes:). If a stranger PMs me, I normally won’t answer, unless it’s clearly a spiritual matter or prayer request. If a male friend PMs me, I will keep it polite, but not encourage them in a flirty way. If I’m flirty with someone in PM, I’m definitely interested, but I will not aggressively pursue a relationship with a guy unless he first clearly lets me know that’s what he has in mind.

To be honest, I pretty much do the same offline.

I often have concerns that, in an attempt not to hurt someone’s feelings, I may talk with them more than I should if I don’t want them to misunderstand my interest. How do you handle this? More directly? I’m usually not very direct unless I feel that a guy is being too aggressive, demanding or downright rude. Even then, I will usually just stop talking rather than say something unkind.

Is there something else I could be doing? Are some of these things offensive in some way?

What are your “guidelines”?

Help us! :D
 
Ritter

Ritter

Banned
#2
Jul 25, 2005
2,417
34
0
#2
1. I do not speak with people from Pakistan. They ask for money. Without fail.

2. I respond to most stranger PM's because the main chat room wreaks havoc on my ADD. Easier to concentrate on people in small bubbles.

3. I'm careful with age. If a person under 18 is clearly asking for help, I'll see what I can do. Most often they get a friendly denial.

4. I've never been hit on by a man online. Offline is another matter entirely. Funny story. PM me if you want to hear it!

5. I have different methods of handling online flirtation.

A. Containment: if the girl is nice and says "you're cute" or "i heard you're funny." I'll take it as a compliment, but apply the kid gloves. They won't get anything more than my friendship though.

B. Rollback: if the ovation is clearly sexual, there is no chance of acceptance. I don't respond.

6. As a general rule, I've never been interested in online relationships. LDRs are hard even if you know the person firsthand.

Ohhh Jullianna, you should never have made the mistake of saying that you respond to male friends in the PM box. I will now harass you!
 
C

CrazyTumbler

Guest
#3
#3
I'm an extremely friendly person, both offline and online. I can talk, and talk....and talk some more. Sometimes that can be read into as being flirtatious or that I'm interested. I'm very outgoing, so when I'm online I try to tone it back some. I interact with both men and women online, as friends. I agree with Ritter, and am neither interested in online relationships or long distance relationships. I just like to meet new people and make friends.

I don't usually respond to random private messages, but I do respond from people I see throughout the forums generally speaking.

Nothing you mentioned really seemed offensive in any way. In the past, especially when the PM box is overwhelmed with strangers messages and random gibberish, I have created my own brand of generic response. Something I can copy and paste, I am a nice person and sometimes feel guilty for just ignoring people even if just online. It runs along nice and polite lines.

I would suggest just work on being more direct, and setting guidelines from the beginning. :] You can never be too careful with internet folk.
 
T

taybug15

Guest
#4
#4
I get quite frustrated with PM's online.

Most of the time they are from guys, which I understand. I don't appreciate when they are from guy 30 and older that definitely don't want just 'friendship'. I tend to ignore them anymore nowadays, unless I talk to them normally in main chat.

Girls, I just had a girl hit on me for the first time today and it was, interesting. I never expected that because in real life, that has never happened to me.

I am almost to the point where I am about to take my picture off of my profile because that's all I hear about, people never want to get to know me and develop a friendship.

I don't think online relationships are for me, and I don't try to pursue them. I just think that the internet sometimes makes people think that they can say things that they normally wouldn't say in real life.

This post was all over the place, sorry if it didn't make sense
 
N

NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#5
#5
Good topic Jullianna

I get hit on by a lot of women in here, but whilst i am flattered i am not a lesbian nor do i intend to become one any time in the near future. However there are always extenuating circumstances so one must never say never. (i joke :D......... sort of)

If a guy PM's me, he has about two minutes to say something funny or really interesting. I have no tolerance for talking about the weather or other really mundane things.

If a teenage girl messages me which always seems to be the case, i will talk to her until 1 of two things happens. 1. She starts complaining she's fat. 2. She starts talking to me about sex.
I dont have the patience to stroke someone's ego. Ohhhh noooo your not faaaat!!! When really she could be huge. I dont like lying, so i wont say something i dont mean to someone i dont know. Plus if her circumference is 9 and a half feet around who am i to enable her bad eating habits with lies like your perfect just the way you are!

The minute someone asks me for a picture or asks me details about how i look....... we no talkey anymore! What the crap does it matter how i look... This is the internet people. who cares! Usually if a guy starts asking me how tall i am how much i weigh blah blah blah the conversation is over at that point. I'm not sure how that information will be of any help to him at all. I could be 5'11 120 pounds with the face of a rotweiler.

I wish more of the guys on here were better than they are. I usually get a lot that message me with nasty jokes and comments about my appearance.
 
Ritter

Ritter

Banned
#6
Jul 25, 2005
2,417
34
0
#6
NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:
If a teenage girl messages me which always seems to be the case, i will talk to her until 1 of two things happens. 1. She starts complaining she's fat. 2. She starts talking to me about sex.
Click to expand...
Gahh, teenagers. I love them but the conversation ALWAYS drifts toward two questions.

1. Is it okay to masturbate?

2. How far can I go with my girlfriend?

To which I always answer:

1. No.

2. Don't do anything you think you will regret later on.

Nine times out of ten I think they are all looking for some soft answer.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#7
#7
taybug, I totally agree about not wanting to post a pic very often. I hate when trying to talk about a topic, the way you look becomes the topic. :(

For me, getting to know people without being distracted by looks is part of the coolness of chat.

and great post, Nod! :):)
 
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1

1still_waters

Guest
#8
#8
Hmm no safe guards here. I tend to just get to know people, and sometimes it seems like gals stumble in to liking me by accident. So I guess the only safeguard would be not to talk to gals. lol *shrugs*
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#9
#9
LOL! Being so incredibly adorable can be quite the burden, huh? ;)
 
N

niceguyJ

Senior Member
#10
Feb 5, 2011
520
25
28
#10
I mostly just keep it to the main chat. I can't keep up with PMs and the main chat that well. I can't even keep up with main always unless someone uses my name or one of my "bling" words so I know they are speaking specifically to me.

I am a generally friendly person, and don't tend to hold back compliments where I think they are deserved either. It doesn't mean I'm "in love" with you if I compliment you. It just means I genuinely see something good to point out.
I try to be upfront with people about who I am and who I am not and what I'm looking for and what I'm not. I put a little section in my profile a while back addressing this stuff. That seems to have helped some....Well, when someone actually takes the time to read it.

I've also learned I can't control how someone takes what I say. If anyone is ever confused by anything I say or do, they are more than welcome to just straight up ask me about it. If they don't, that's out of my hands.
I don't have much tolerance for silly drama.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#11
Aug 2, 2009
24,580
4,269
113
#11
NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:
If a guy PM's me, he has about two minutes to say something funny or really interesting. I have no tolerance for talking about the weather or other really mundane things...
Click to expand...
LOL I totally failed on that point with u in chat the other night. I honestly was trying to think of something interesting to say or ask you the whole time, but I couldn't think of anything... even after you came back. Now u know that I'm really a complete and utter bore hehe. At least I didn't talk about the weather. ;)

And yea, it pretty much happens to me all the time. o_0
 
Oncefallen

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
#12
Jan 15, 2011
6,031
3,265
113
#12
Jullianna said:
I often have concerns that, in an attempt not to hurt someone’s feelings, I may talk with them more than I should if I don’t want them to misunderstand my interest. How do you handle this? More directly? I’m usually not very direct unless I feel that a guy is being too aggressive, demanding or downright rude. Even then, I will usually just stop talking rather than say something unkind.
Click to expand...
Sooooo, now I understand why Jullianna always logs out when I PM her. :D
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#13
#13
There are a number of locations i won't take PMs from in chat. That takes away about 3/4 of all my PM's. With the remaining 1/4 its up to my mood. Sometimes i just can't handle fussing with someone i don't know, who will probably leave it in my lap to move the conversation along, despite their initiating it. I refuse. If i don't know you and you PM me, you better be ready to be the one to keep the conversation going until it starts to move on its own. Otherwise i'll just stop talking. Can't say how many times i get this...
Them -hi
Me - hello
Them - How are you?
Me - I'm alright.. how are you?
Them - I'm good, how are you?
Me - *dead silence, end of PM

I've tried to make a few things clear in my PM box that i won't tolerate. Its helped. Especially with women from one country in particular.
 
LightningClap0002

LightningClap0002

Senior Member
#14
Feb 10, 2008
3,371
16
38
#14
Ugly said:
There are a number of locations i won't take PMs from in chat. That takes away about 3/4 of all my PM's. With the remaining 1/4 its up to my mood. Sometimes i just can't handle fussing with someone i don't know, who will probably leave it in my lap to move the conversation along, despite their initiating it. I refuse. If i don't know you and you PM me, you better be ready to be the one to keep the conversation going until it starts to move on its own. Otherwise i'll just stop talking. Can't say how many times i get this...
Them -hi
Me - hello
Them - How are you?
Me - I'm alright.. how are you?
Them - I'm good, how are you?
Me - *dead silence, end of PM

I've tried to make a few things clear in my PM box that i won't tolerate. Its helped. Especially with women from one country in particular.
Click to expand...
./agree...
 
C

Catlynn

Guest
#15
#15
Am I in a different chat room than everyone else? No one ever talks to me about this kinda stuff or hits on me at all. Maybe it's because I ignore every pm from anyone who refuses to talk in the main room. Yeah, that must be it. People randomly clicking on my name and then deciding to strike up a silly conversation about the aforementioned weather, just don't really strike my fancy at all. Hmm....maybe I should put something about that in my pm box. :p

I am so guilty of being too nice sometimes and not wanting to hurt someone's feelings so I end up giving the wrong impression and then have to back track a bit. I usually catch it before it's gone too far but I'm working on being more direct. It's hard because I'm generally (I think and hope anyway) nice to everyone and sometimes even that is taken the wrong way. How do you go about being nice without coming across as flirtatious or interested?
 
LightningClap0002

LightningClap0002

Senior Member
#16
Feb 10, 2008
3,371
16
38
#16
Catlynn said:
Am I in a different chat room than everyone else? No one ever talks to me about this kinda stuff or hits on me at all. Maybe it's because I ignore every pm from anyone who refuses to talk in the main room. Yeah, that must be it. People randomly clicking on my name and then deciding to strike up a silly conversation about the aforementioned weather, just don't really strike my fancy at all. Hmm....maybe I should put something about that in my pm box. :p

I am so guilty of being too nice sometimes and not wanting to hurt someone's feelings so I end up giving the wrong impression and then have to back track a bit. I usually catch it before it's gone too far but I'm working on being more direct. It's hard because I'm generally (I think and hope anyway) nice to everyone and sometimes even that is taken the wrong way. How do you go about being nice without coming across as flirtatious or interested?
Click to expand...
You mean you're not in love with me? :'(

Hope I can get the deposit back on that church.
 
Oncefallen

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
#17
Jan 15, 2011
6,031
3,265
113
#17
Catlynn said:
How do you go about being nice without coming across as flirtatious or interested?
Click to expand...
Depending on who you're talking to it may be impossible. There are plenty of people out there who seem to think that if someone will give them the time of day in a chat room that person must be in love with them.
 
Oncefallen

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
#18
Jan 15, 2011
6,031
3,265
113
#18
**thinks Lightning's post would have been better after mine
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#19
Aug 2, 2009
24,580
4,269
113
#19
Catlynn said:
How do you go about being nice without coming across as flirtatious or interested?
Click to expand...
By putting a pic like this in your avatar and profile...



That should pretty much stop all flirting in its tracks :p
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#20
#20
So, guys, do you have any suggestions for the ladies? Ladies, any for the guys?
 
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