How Do You Determine If Someone Is "Christian Enough" For You?
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well, to clarify, i think it's unrealistic to think that someone is going to have the same level of committment to the same things that you do. we are all at different places in life, dealing with different obstacles, with varying levels of time and the like.
i assume there are activities and things a guy might be involved in that i am not. or that he may have a deeper commitment to something i don't feel. the question is, am i prepared to share a life with someone who is this way (as opposed to expecting him to drop that for my benefit). to me, that's a part of how one's life can be enhanced through differences that exist from the beginning.
but you still have to be on the same planet. : )
i assume there are activities and things a guy might be involved in that i am not. or that he may have a deeper commitment to something i don't feel. the question is, am i prepared to share a life with someone who is this way (as opposed to expecting him to drop that for my benefit). to me, that's a part of how one's life can be enhanced through differences that exist from the beginning.
but you still have to be on the same planet. : )
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I
Even the word "Evenly Yoked" that means having the same faith, beliefs, spirituality; still these things will be at different levels. People are not identical to each other. Being "Evenly" yoked, is on a broader scale, as in I cannot be Christian and marry a muslim for instance.
And same thing in life away from spirituality, people should be equal on a broader scale, a very high scale. But they will never be identical. Mind you, there are things that you two has to be the Same about them, n' things that you two would compliment each other in them, n' things that you two could actually be opposite to each other in them. THESE things are different from one person to the other, that's why I didn't give examples to what these things could be.
And same thing in life away from spirituality, people should be equal on a broader scale, a very high scale. But they will never be identical. Mind you, there are things that you two has to be the Same about them, n' things that you two would compliment each other in them, n' things that you two could actually be opposite to each other in them. THESE things are different from one person to the other, that's why I didn't give examples to what these things could be.
Yeah I would. I've done quite well in my faith all these years without a christian partner...seems like I could continue with that track records. Besides why subject myself to possibly being alone for the next 40ish years just because she is indifferent to religion? She can sleep in on sunday mornings, thats fine by me.
I know it's not the ideal...but at some point if she was meeting like 75-90% of other things I looked for in a spouse...
I know it's not the ideal...but at some point if she was meeting like 75-90% of other things I looked for in a spouse...
How christian she is has little to no bearing on my decision to marry or not marry a woman. I know that God can and does help each of us grow. In the end, no matter how good she appears to be, a few years down the road something may happen and she ends up hating God. The opposite is also true; maybe one day she wakes up and is on fire for God. I have little to no control over that, so I have no reason to worry about it.
I have seen how much God has changed me, how much I have grown and changed. How much I have learned, and I know that it will never stop.
In the end, my decision about a bride will be entirely based on God's leading. He does know, and can control, those things mentioned above. In the end, no matter what my spouse is or isn't, does or doesn't do, if God leads me to marry her, I will love her and stay with her until we are physically separated. My desires and preferences are just that, personal; not something I would weigh heavily on any decision so crucial to the rest of life.
I would hope to find a woman that was christian enough to challenge me, but also christian enough to accept a challenge. One who seeks God's will with all of her heart. Such a woman may not exist, but I know God is working on plenty, and one day I will join her path and we will walk it together, even if not always side-by-side.
I have seen how much God has changed me, how much I have grown and changed. How much I have learned, and I know that it will never stop.
In the end, my decision about a bride will be entirely based on God's leading. He does know, and can control, those things mentioned above. In the end, no matter what my spouse is or isn't, does or doesn't do, if God leads me to marry her, I will love her and stay with her until we are physically separated. My desires and preferences are just that, personal; not something I would weigh heavily on any decision so crucial to the rest of life.
I would hope to find a woman that was christian enough to challenge me, but also christian enough to accept a challenge. One who seeks God's will with all of her heart. Such a woman may not exist, but I know God is working on plenty, and one day I will join her path and we will walk it together, even if not always side-by-side.
J
While I don't believe any true believer is more Christian than any other true believer, I do think it's important to be equally yoked in spiritual maturity. It would be disastrous for me to try and build a life with a new believer. I will look to him to be the spiritual leader of the home, so he will need to be someone who is serious about his walk with Christ, has an active prayer life, has a deep understanding of scripture, knows/understands his spiritual gifts/callings, and realizes that we are servants of God, not vice versa.
It's one thing to be alone without a Christian wife, but it's entirely different to be in love with someone, and "joined" to someone who is not a Christian. The reason God commanded his people not to intermarry with unbelievers was because he knew that once you've given your heart to someone, you will surely make changes for them that will damage your own faith. If your faith is strong, then there will be much trouble in your marriage. If your faith is weak, then it will be compromised altogether.
You shall not intermarry with them, giving your daughters to their sons or taking their daughters for your sons, for they would turn away your sons from following me, to serve other gods. Deut 7:3
What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? 2 Cor 6:15
Just something to think about.
You shall not intermarry with them, giving your daughters to their sons or taking their daughters for your sons, for they would turn away your sons from following me, to serve other gods. Deut 7:3
What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? 2 Cor 6:15
Just something to think about.
I do have to pop in and say that I personally know of at least three couples in my own life who met while they were young (teens or early 20's) and the woman was a Christian while the man was not.
In each case, the man was not a Christian at all and had no Christian background or upbringing, but agreed to start going to church with the woman each week and eventually became a member and leader in the church. As far as I know, all the couples are still married (one couple in their 50's, another in their late 60's), and each raised Christian children and grandchildren. The third couple is younger, around my age, and the young woman's father was a pastor (but his daughter married someone who was an unbeliever when she met him.)
I certainly have nothing but respect for the wisdom of requiring Godly leadership/foundation in someone as a potential spouse, and I am definitely NOT encouraging "missionary dating" (dating an unbeliever with the thought that you'll be able to "convert" them.)
However, I do have to say that after seeing this work out better for some than many of the Christians I know, I can't completely write it off as a possibility that God may work through, either.
I agree, it would be challenging. But so are the many unhappy, extremely difficult "Christian with a Christian" marriages we see all around us as well (just take a glance at the threads in the Family Forum.)
In each case, the man was not a Christian at all and had no Christian background or upbringing, but agreed to start going to church with the woman each week and eventually became a member and leader in the church. As far as I know, all the couples are still married (one couple in their 50's, another in their late 60's), and each raised Christian children and grandchildren. The third couple is younger, around my age, and the young woman's father was a pastor (but his daughter married someone who was an unbeliever when she met him.)
I certainly have nothing but respect for the wisdom of requiring Godly leadership/foundation in someone as a potential spouse, and I am definitely NOT encouraging "missionary dating" (dating an unbeliever with the thought that you'll be able to "convert" them.)
However, I do have to say that after seeing this work out better for some than many of the Christians I know, I can't completely write it off as a possibility that God may work through, either.
I agree, it would be challenging. But so are the many unhappy, extremely difficult "Christian with a Christian" marriages we see all around us as well (just take a glance at the threads in the Family Forum.)
Yeah Im with Seoul..its clear equally yoked marriages arent working either. And my area...christian women are here for college and then for family-raising. Where all the 24-36 year old ones are? I'll never know, my church is full of the college age ones and a handful of moms. So nothing really in my range. Though there are plenty of guys 24-33 single in this church. But yes, when non-churchgoing people are youre only option...
Not to mention I do live in the Bible belt. Most people you meet at least probably grew up going to church and have a base knowledge, atheism isnt prevalent here either. At worst its people just stopped going at some point.
Not to mention I do live in the Bible belt. Most people you meet at least probably grew up going to church and have a base knowledge, atheism isnt prevalent here either. At worst its people just stopped going at some point.
K
This
And this
I also love being involved in ministry when possible. Well, most of the times actually, if I'm honest. But I believe fellowship, accountability ,and corporate worship are necessary for growth, so I wouldn't be with someone who didn't have the least interest to invest time and energy, and even material resources for the edification of the Church and personal spiritual growth.
I believe it's also wise to discuss our views on Christian liberties, and make sure we are actually talking about liberties and not straight up rebellion disguised as ''liberty''.
And this
There are many who profess Christ with their mouths, and there are some who profess Him with their lives. It is my hope to be (and to marry) someone who falls in the latter category. Expressing Christ in our everyday lives looks different for everyone because God has given us different strengths and gifts, but we are all still one Body.
The signs I look for in a potential Christian mate aren't quite as specific as the ones in the poll. The things people do can sometimes be out of religious habit or culture. Someone can go to church every single day but have a heart that is still devoted to the world.
Its hard to describe, but when I meet someone who has a thriving relationship with Christ, I can just tell, because I see Christ in them.
The signs I look for in a potential Christian mate aren't quite as specific as the ones in the poll. The things people do can sometimes be out of religious habit or culture. Someone can go to church every single day but have a heart that is still devoted to the world.
Its hard to describe, but when I meet someone who has a thriving relationship with Christ, I can just tell, because I see Christ in them.
I believe it's also wise to discuss our views on Christian liberties, and make sure we are actually talking about liberties and not straight up rebellion disguised as ''liberty''.
I
As many here know,I was married to an unbeliever for 9 years. Even though she was a good woman,we had nothing spiritually in common,which was sort of a bummer. She didn't mind me talking about God,Jesus,or the bible..or even talking about my times in Chrsitian bands,my old church etc...she said much of it sounded interesting & she respected my faith in something,but she just never "got it" and didn't think it was for her. I always pushed away any sadness I had concerning that...and when push came to shove,her commitment to me wasn't any more than just words...there was no spiritual connection,there was no foundation of anything other than 2 people who had some worldly views in common and liked so of the same thing's in life...found one another attractive and funny.
There was always...ALWAYS something missing. That missing thing was God. No amount of my well wishing or sharing about thing's God ever did for me,meant nothing...in one ear & out the other.
I would never try to stop someone from following their heart concerning whom they want to spend their life with,but I would certainly share my opinion on all of it if asked.
There was always...ALWAYS something missing. That missing thing was God. No amount of my well wishing or sharing about thing's God ever did for me,meant nothing...in one ear & out the other.
I would never try to stop someone from following their heart concerning whom they want to spend their life with,but I would certainly share my opinion on all of it if asked.
Hey Countess,
Welcome to CC. I've seen your posts around the forum and I know you've brought up the point about Christians being judgmental many, many times. I was just wondering, what have other Christians judged you for? What was it in your own life that they condemned? I would like to know what it is Christians have done to hurt you so much, if I may ask? Specifics would be really nice and help us get to know you a lot better than generalities.
Hang out with us here and you'll find out that you aren't alone. Even we as Christians go through the same thing. Any human being, Christian or not, goes through times of judging or being judged. We all pray to be better and to not hold it against others, but we are all works in progress. It's also obvious that you are very knowledgeable of the Bible--I'm sure you're probably aware that while Jesus told us not to judge things in others that should be reserved for God alone to judge, He also advocated discernment and acted/spoke against those who were going against the will and teaching of God (for example, the Pharisees, whom He called whitewashed tombs and the blind who were leading the blind, and the moneychangers at the temple, whom He called thieves and said were turning the Lord's House into a den of robbers.)
There is a different between unjustly judging and using discernment.
We must also keep in mind that Christians are like any other group of people. There are going to be mistakes and failures. I myself was raised a Christian all my life but have often wanted to walk away because of what you describe. I don't like unjust judgments. And I'm even less fond of people trying to shove their beliefs at me, even though I'm a Christian as well.
But, like any group, we have variations, separations, and passionate disagreements. I kind of see it as, a vegetarian may be tempted by a nice, juicy steak and give in. Some won't bat an eye. Some will see it as a slip-up and tell them to get back up and carry on. Others (such as the vegetarians who advocate animal rights) will see it as an unforgivable act against their cause and will tell them they're not even worthy of identifying themselves as vegetarian. Which one is right?
One thing that always runs true though is that we all decide what we want to believe in, or not. I agree with you that if the beliefs are not crossing legal or moral lines, we should not unfairly judge, cut each other down, or try to force our beliefs on each other.
Hang out with us and you'll find we're a lot like other people. Tell us your story. We all believe what we do for a reason and because of experience.
Many of us would love to hear yours and be willing to share.
I would say God Bless but seeing as you might be offended by that... I'll simply say, Take care, Be well, and We hope you'll find a place here.
Welcome to CC
. I've seen your posts around the forum and I know you've brought up the point about Christians being judgmental many, many times. I was just wondering, what have other Christians judged you for? What was it in your own life that they condemned? I would like to know what it is Christians have done to hurt you so much, if I may ask? Specifics would be really nice and help us get to know you a lot better than generalities. Hang out with us here and you'll find out that you aren't alone. Even we as Christians go through the same thing. Any human being, Christian or not, goes through times of judging or being judged. We all pray to be better and to not hold it against others, but we are all works in progress. It's also obvious that you are very knowledgeable of the Bible--I'm sure you're probably aware that while Jesus told us not to judge things in others that should be reserved for God alone to judge, He also advocated discernment and acted/spoke against those who were going against the will and teaching of God (for example, the Pharisees, whom He called whitewashed tombs and the blind who were leading the blind, and the moneychangers at the temple, whom He called thieves and said were turning the Lord's House into a den of robbers.)
There is a different between unjustly judging and using discernment.
We must also keep in mind that Christians are like any other group of people. There are going to be mistakes and failures. I myself was raised a Christian all my life but have often wanted to walk away because of what you describe. I don't like unjust judgments. And I'm even less fond of people trying to shove their beliefs at me, even though I'm a Christian as well.
But, like any group, we have variations, separations, and passionate disagreements. I kind of see it as, a vegetarian may be tempted by a nice, juicy steak and give in. Some won't bat an eye. Some will see it as a slip-up and tell them to get back up and carry on. Others (such as the vegetarians who advocate animal rights) will see it as an unforgivable act against their cause and will tell them they're not even worthy of identifying themselves as vegetarian. Which one is right?
One thing that always runs true though is that we all decide what we want to believe in, or not. I agree with you that if the beliefs are not crossing legal or moral lines, we should not unfairly judge, cut each other down, or try to force our beliefs on each other.
Hang out with us and you'll find we're a lot like other people. Tell us your story. We all believe what we do for a reason and because of experience.
Many of us would love to hear yours and be willing to share.
I would say God Bless but seeing as you might be offended by that... I'll simply say, Take care, Be well, and We hope you'll find a place here.