In defense of arranged marriages

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grace

grace

Senior Member
#21
Sep 8, 2006
1,064
11
0
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#21
I hear what your saying....the whole thing was very confusing to me too.

I thoguht about the whole cultural rights thing etc.....and could not have it make sense in my head because she was allowed to travel to the US....and study enginierring (or the the first year of it anyway...because that is what she wanted to do...structural enginerring)...but then be forced to marry this guy for whom she has no feelings, and does not know at all. Just odd!

She is the only person in my life I have ever come into contact with who has ever dealt with that sort of thing. I really wish I would have kept in touch with her some how. I was just not thinking ahead.

Also, he was not from her town...he was from (what I remember)..like 200 miles or so away.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#22
May 23, 2009
14,943
4,587
113
#22
Vinifera said:
I only defend God's arranged marriages. Isaac and Rebekah's marriage was a beautiful example. Another one was Hosea and Gomer's marriage. God knows what is best.
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I completely agree that God should, ideally, be the one to arrange marriages... though, some some cases (Gomer and Hosea), just because He chooses a spouse for us doesn't mean it's going to be a happy prance into the sunset--at all!! And, it seems in most cases, we humans don't actually let God do the arranging... We push ahead with our own wants and are "convinced" it's from God because of how much we want it.

Stuey said:
The rate of divorce in countries where arranged marriage is the standard is significantly lower than those in which it is not I believe.
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I think arranged marriage is like anything else--there is some good, and there is also a lot of bad. Countries with arranged marriages, from what I've read, DO have lower divorce rates.

BUT, it must also be noted that in many of these countries, women do not have rights--even if the "laws" supposedly support equality, they are not enforced--and if a husband or his family doesn't like his wife, he will literally set her on fire in kitchen and say it was a "cooking accident", and nothing is done. I've just read two articles about this in the past six months. It must also be noted that arranged marriages are often done through the eyes of parents factoring in material well-being or social status rather than what us Westerners consider to be "love."

However, as with anything, there are some success stories, I'm sure. I personally know a couple who are from another country and had an arranged marriage--although they are doing well today, they are honest in that it was not without a lot of rough patches.


 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#23
#23
My poor parents would not have even tried that. The day I got married, my mother hugged him, patted him on the back and said "Good luck, son". :)
 
T

thimsrebma

Guest
#24
#24
I think we need to remember free will. God gives us free will. And as christians we should not be okay with allowing parents to take that away from us. Surely as a child your parents tell you what to do but as an adult if you are forced into situations by your parent its not your choosing and there fore they, your christian parents, have taken away your free will that God gave you.

It is true that people with arranged marraiges have a lower divorce rate than other but they are also from cultures who either do not allow divorces or they may be ousted from the family if they ask for a divorce.

One of my co workers asked me why I wasn't married once, I jokingly replied "I don't know! I should have had an arranged marraige." He replied "Oh no no no no no. You definitely don't want to do that. Arranged marraiges are terrible." This is coming from a Somali man in his mid 50's. For those of you who don't know much about Somalia, it is an east African country which is nearly all Islamic and arranged marraiges are very common there. In fact most people have arranged marraiges.
 
Liamson

Liamson

Senior Member
#25
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
69
48
#25
Sometimes I feel like there should be a basket with names. I would put my name in and someone would decide for me who would be my wife.
 
T

Tatz

Guest
#26
#26
I do not support arranged marriages...unless the kind of arranged we are talking about here is...I like this dude and someone has to arrange how we hook up and get married. Thats the kind of 'arranged' am talking about. :D

It is good for the decision of marriage partner to be left to an individual.
 
S

SocialArtist

Guest
#27
#27
Arranged marriages would certainly take a great deal of searching/guessing out of the equation. No more people fighting for the same person. As a matter of fact the lack of structure has led to wrecklessness in our society. Look at all the young people packed into clubs.. sleeping with random people every weekend.

Imagine how different life would be if someone said.. this is your spouse.. this is your career.. this is your house.. in some aspect you'd wish for a more free life.. but if you've got a spouse, career and house.. 90% of your goals are complete.
 
T

Tatz

Guest
#28
#28
SocialArtist said:
Arranged marriages would certainly take a great deal of searching/guessing out of the equation. No more people fighting for the same person. As a matter of fact the lack of structure has led to wrecklessness in our society. Look at all the young people packed into clubs.. sleeping with random people every weekend.

Imagine how different life would be if someone said.. this is your spouse.. this is your career.. this is your house.. in some aspect you'd wish for a more free life.. but if you've got a spouse, career and house.. 90% of your goals are complete.
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By Reading that, i already feel suffocated. Imagine being stuck to a career that someone thought twas good for you, married to a chic who if you were given an opportunity to speak you would not have married her, imagine living in a city that you wouldnt have lived in but because someone had to make a decision for you, you have to.

God gave us a free will. He knew we needed it. Even in following Him, as awesome as He is, He had to leave it up to us to decide...now how about marrying someone who is a human being like you and you dont have afree will? Thi world would have been full of miserable humans.
 
K

kiwi_OT

Guest
#29
#29
I like to think of arranged marriage in this perspective

One day I hope to have children who Ive hopefully raised in the Lord the best way possible and who have expectations higher than their peers re relationships.
I want to be their parent not their 'best friend' but at the same time I would them ask them to trust me and respect the approval (or non approval) by my husband and myself. I want my children's prospective partners to openly be ok with the fact that I will ask their friends, family, mentor and church affiliates what their like without my son or daughter around. And if my son or daughter feel uncomfortable with confiding in me then I would hope they would confide in a godly older mentor.

My fiance and I like to think we arranged our marriage. But telling my mother I was inviting a grown man from overseas Id never met to New Zealand for 3 weeks wasn't an easy task. She wasn't overly happy with my method, nor liked the sound of him but I included her opinion and took it into consideration and those of my trusted family members and he came. He got interrogated by my entire family, my mother didn't come around til the last week. After he went back home we arranged when we were going to get engaged and what we were going to do in between seeing each other again. Our wedding is in 7 weeks and Im happy and excited but even more happy because my family is happy with our rather unorthodox 'arrangement', and that they respected my wish to take a risk. And my Canadian in laws now have a future daughter in law who speaks with a 'funny' accent lol.
 
S

SocialArtist

Guest
#30
#30
Tatz said:
By Reading that, i already feel suffocated. Imagine being stuck to a career that someone thought twas good for you, married to a chic who if you were given an opportunity to speak you would not have married her, imagine living in a city that you wouldnt have lived in but because someone had to make a decision for you, you have to.

God gave us a free will. He knew we needed it. Even in following Him, as awesome as He is, He had to leave it up to us to decide...now how about marrying someone who is a human being like you and you dont have afree will? Thi world would have been full of miserable humans.
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You look at it from the perspective of worst case scenario.. who said they wouldn't give you the spouse you wanted, the career you wanted or the house you wanted?
 
N

NukePooch

Guest
#31
#31
Liamson said:
Sometimes I feel like there should be a basket with names. I would put my name in and someone would decide for me who would be my wife.
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Now I'm going to draw for Liamson... ~pulls out ticket~
Okay...14823, ticket number 14823. Who has 14823? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? C'mon, someone HAS to have number 14823...what? She went home early? Oh, well... ~pulls another ticket~ Let's try number 14721. Who has 14721? Oh? Very funny, sir. You weren't allowed to have a ticket. (sigh) ~Pulls another ticket out of the basket~
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#32
May 23, 2009
14,943
4,587
113
#32
NukePooch said:
Now I'm going to draw for Liamson... ~pulls out ticket~
Okay...14823, ticket number 14823. Who has 14823? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? C'mon, someone HAS to have number 14823...what? She went home early? Oh, well... ~pulls another ticket~ Let's try number 14721. Who has 14721? Oh? Very funny, sir. You weren't allowed to have a ticket. (sigh) ~Pulls another ticket out of the basket~
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Unfortunately for Liamson...

What Nuke is REALLY pulling numbers for is the kissing booth charity raffle... at the International Senior's Convention.

Reason #14829 to never let Nuke arrange (or draw for) your social life...

On the bright side, at least this way, Liamson is hopefully bound to be set up with someone who has life experience, maturity, and may even be from another country...
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#33
May 23, 2009
14,943
4,587
113
#33
Liamson said:
Sometimes I feel like there should be a basket with names. I would put my name in and someone would decide for me who would be my wife.
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"Number 27... now serving number 27... Look, lady, did you want the roast beef or the turkey pastrami?"

OOPS!! Sorry. I got confused... this must the number for my turn at the deli counter... (Maybe I'll just get some Muenster cheese...) ;)
 
T

Tatz

Guest
#34
#34
SocialArtist said:
You look at it from the perspective of worst case scenario.. who said they wouldn't give you the spouse you wanted, the career you wanted or the house you wanted?
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LOL!!! Yeah! If thats the case, why not...but with reservations!!
 
C

CatWoman

Guest
#35
#35
Id rather be single than stuck with some one I did not like.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#36
#36
I hear ya, CatWoman. Better to want something you don't have, than have something you don't want ;)
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#37
#37
seoulsearch said:
"Number 27... now serving number 27... Look, lady, did you want the roast beef or the turkey pastrami?"

OOPS!! Sorry. I got confused... this must the number for my turn at the deli counter... (Maybe I'll just get some Muenster cheese...) ;)
Click to expand...
I'd take turkey pastrami over some folks any day :)

Would love to see the person Nuke would match Liamson with. That would be too funny!
 
Liamson

Liamson

Senior Member
#38
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
69
48
#38
Jullianna said:
I'd take turkey pastrami over some folks any day :)

Would love to see the person Nuke would match Liamson with. That would be too funny!
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Maybe Christianity could rent some Jewish Matchmakers. :)
 
P

Psalm2713

Guest
#39
#39
what are yall stressing about???..................... may I PLEASE have this splendid honor of finding matches for all of you???
 
P

Psalm2713

Guest
#40
#40
kiwi_OT said:
I like to think of arranged marriage in this perspective

One day I hope to have children who Ive hopefully raised in the Lord the best way possible and who have expectations higher than their peers re relationships.
I want to be their parent not their 'best friend' but at the same time I would them ask them to trust me and respect the approval (or non approval) by my husband and myself. I want my children's prospective partners to openly be ok with the fact that I will ask their friends, family, mentor and church affiliates what their like without my son or daughter around. And if my son or daughter feel uncomfortable with confiding in me then I would hope they would confide in a godly older mentor.

My fiance and I like to think we arranged our marriage. But telling my mother I was inviting a grown man from overseas Id never met to New Zealand for 3 weeks wasn't an easy task. She wasn't overly happy with my method, nor liked the sound of him but I included her opinion and took it into consideration and those of my trusted family members and he came. He got interrogated by my entire family, my mother didn't come around til the last week. After he went back home we arranged when we were going to get engaged and what we were going to do in between seeing each other again. Our wedding is in 7 weeks and Im happy and excited but even more happy because my family is happy with our rather unorthodox 'arrangement', and that they respected my wish to take a risk. And my Canadian in laws now have a future daughter in law who speaks with a 'funny' accent lol.
Click to expand...
Congratulations Kiwi... u are getting married!!!!
 
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