Here's my ultimatum people. Listen up: Nice Guys and Nice Girls will not hurt you. They are better for your health. Give them a chance to shine...
No. Just ... No. And here's why: I require niceness from distant relatives and acquaintances with whom I interact at least once a month. I require niceness in addition to several other positive qualities from someone with whom I am going to have a committed romantic relationship. Sure, the guy I'm drooling over might be a bit more snarky or sardonic than the average nice guy, but he's also witty, charming, funny, and ambitious.
David Wong summed up my views on the "nice guy syndrome" much better than I could, so I'm just going to let him take the floor:
#4. What You Produce Does Not Have to Make Money, But It Does Have to Benefit People
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Let's try a non-money example so you don't get hung up on that. The demographic that Cracked writes for is heavy on 20-something males. So on our message boards and in my many inboxes I read several dozen stories a year from miserable, lonely guys who insist that women won't come near them despite the fact that they are just the nicest guys in the world. I can explain what is wrong with this mindset, but it would probably be better if I let Alec Baldwin explain it: [video not included]
In this case, Baldwin is playing the part of the attractive women in your life. They won't put it as bluntly as he does -- society has trained us not to be this honest with people -- but the equation is the same. "Nice guy? Who gives a ****? If you want to work here,
close."
So, what do you bring to the table? Because the Zooey Deschanel lookalike in the bookstore that you've been daydreaming about moisturizes her face for an hour every night and feels guilty when she eats anything other than salad for lunch. She's going to be a surgeon in 10 years. What do you do?
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"Well, I'm wicked at capture the flag."
"What, so you're saying that I can't get girls like that unless I have a nice job and make lots of money?"
No, your brain jumps to that conclusion so you have an excuse to write off everyone who rejects you by thinking that they're just being shallow and selfish. I'm asking
what do you offer? Are you smart? Funny? Interesting? Talented? Ambitious? Creative? OK, now
what do you do to demonstrate those attributes to the world? Don't say that you're a nice guy -- that's the bare minimum. Pretty girls have guys being nice to them 36 times a day. The patient is bleeding in the street.
Do you know how to operate or not?
"Well, I'm not sexist or racist or greedy or shallow or abusive! Not like those other jerks!"
I'm sorry, I know that this is hard to hear, but if all you can do is list a bunch of faults you don't have, then back away from the patient. There's a witty, handsome guy with a promising career ready to step in and operate.
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"Wait, I said I wouldn't hit you!"
Does that break your heart? OK, so now what? Are you going to mope about it, or are you going to learn how to do surgery? It's up to you, but don't complain about how girls fall for jerks; they fall for those jerks because those jerks
have other things they can offer. "But I'm a great listener!" Are you? Because you're willing to sit quietly in exchange for the chance to be in the proximity of a pretty girl (and spend every second imagining how soft her skin must be)? Well guess what, there's another guy in her life who also knows how to do that, and he can play the guitar. Saying that you're a nice guy is like a restaurant whose only selling point is that the food doesn't make you sick. You're like a new movie whose title is
This Movie Is in English, and its tagline is "The actors are clearly visible."
I think this is why you can be a "nice guy" and still feel terrible about yourself.
